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 The year is 2008. The Beijing Summer Olympics U21 tournament is on the way, and a new crop of talented Belge football players arrive on the stage. Vertonghen, Vermaelen, Kompany and Fellaini are among the many Belges that would end up making long and historical careers in several top leagues and also not so top leagues. What follows is a series of unfortunate events including a failed 2012 EURO qualification under the auspices of G€org€$ L€€k€n$ and underwhelming WC 2014 and EURO 2016 performances through the incompetent mangament of Marc 'Das Daft Shite' Wilmots.  A very thorough search by the Belgian FA for a new manager got them to Louis Van Gaal, when he however refused the job in order to recover from being a post-Ferguson manager at United, the FA settled for Bobby Martin, who had already had experience with underachieving at Everton and at winning a cup with dross at Wigan. At first, it looked good, as the golden generation, then led by such great footballers as pre-Chelsea Romelu Lukaku and Eddie Hazard before he got fat would end up winning the world cup of 2018 if you ignore the goal Samuel Umititi made in the semifinal against France. Since then, the Belges haven't won a match against a top top team (or even just a top team). Nevertheless, the boom-bust cycle of being a Red Devil means we are going to win the world cup no matter what will happen, and it would just be fitting if the most horrible world cup since 1978 was won by a bunch of FIFA posterboys who would rather get mad about the money they're getting from portrait rights than labour troubles in Qatar. These are the 26 people on the plane, here they are Goalies https://twitter.com/nikorstc/status/1225944386414039040 Thibaut Courtois (30, Real Madrid) Child of a volleyball family, Thibaut Courtois is very big and has very long arms and is the only reason anyone even gives Blegum a sliver of a chance to not crash out of the group stages. Nicknamed 'the wall' and 'the tarantula', he's the Belge with the most trophies in the squad. He won the Belgian league title at 18, won the league with every team he has played at (Genk, the Chels and both Madrid teams that aren't Rayo) and has won both major European trophies and is a Club World Cup champion. Also once cucked Kevin De Bruyne.  Simon Mignolet (34, Club Brugge) na na na na na na na na nanana Simon Mignolet, Mignolet, Siiiimon Mignolet. The reason why The Club are currently on a three title-win streak and how Club fumbled their way into the round of 16 of this year's Champions League. Witnessed Liverpool lose a CL final (the one with Karius) and win one from the bench because Jurgen Klopp hates the Belges. Has a polisci degree and thereforth is often brought forward as 'the smart foorballer' at times he says things like 'it's actually based when we don't have to pay taxes, lmao'  Koen Casteels (left, 30, Wolfsburg) Technically better than Courtois, but sadly he's made of that stuntman glass from Hollywood that breaks if you tap it a bit. Only one German supercup under his belt. """"Defense""""  'Mega' Toby Alderweireld (33, Antwerp) The person with the most knowledge of the terrain in Qatar, as he  Zeno Debast (19, Anderlecht) The traditional white rabbit out of the hat ever since Marc Wilmots had the brilliant idea to bring a smiling Divock Origi to Brazil in 2014. He's not really good, there's better defenders even in Belgium and I don't want him on the plane. I DON'T!!!  Leander Dendoncker (27, Aston Villa) Son of a pig farmer and former Belgian champion, not much has happened since he left Blegum to go play football in England.  Wout Faes (24, Leicester City) Wout Faes is one of the first people in this selection to be selected from the New Golden Generation (tm) that ended 3rd in the 2015 U17 World Cup. Do not look up who else was in that squad, they're all doing just fine.  Arthur Theate (22, Stade Rennais) Good lad who means well with a pineapple for hair. Used to be dross, but now he's ok, which is enough for us. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPk-wmqP5ec Jan Vertonghen (35, Anderlecht) Most capped of the Belges on the plane and most capped Belge in general, Jan Vertonghen's broken bones are the unofficial captain of the Red Devils of Blegum. Used to be good but hasn't won a trophy in over 10 years. Sad! Currently crying in a corner because he left Lisbon for the worst team in Brussels No you can't be a forward anymore we haven't had a good wingback since Peter Van Der Heyden  Yannick Ferreira Carrasco (29, Atletico Madrid) One of three Belgian internationals to have never played in Belgium. One of the pioneers of European players to  Timothy Castagne (26, Leicester City) Made his international debut at Euro 2020 where he promptly got his head bashed in by a Russian. Won the FA cup in England and that's it!  Thorgan Hazard (29, Borussia Dortmund) Zulte Waregem club legend Thorgan Hazard, younger and fitter of the Super Hazard Bros, is currently just chilling in the sinking ship that's called Borussia Dortmund. He won the cup with them back when they were good, whey  Thomas Meunier (31, Borussia Dortmund) Former car mechanic and postman Thomas Meunier thought about quitting football before Club Brugge turned him from a striker into a wingback. Won every possible trophy in Blegum and France and the German cup. Lateral passing  Kevin De Bruyne (31, Manchester City) 3rd best player of the world according to the very fair and balanced people over at FIFA, is currently cruising though the Premier League https://twitter.com/daveydegrande/status/1552556318623469569 Amadou Onana (21, Everton) The second of three Belge internationals to have never played in Belgium, but hey, there's still time. Relatively new to the scene so I don't know him but he seemed really good when he made his debut. Maybe we can finally give some rest to Witshahahahah sorry I couldn't finish that with a straight face  Youri Tielemans (25, Leicester City) Scorer of worldies and only worldies. Won the Belgian league twice and then had a fishy transfer to Monaco. Currently scoring worldies in England. Youngest Belge to play in the CL  Hans Vanaken (30, Club Brugge) We all agreee, Hans Vanaken is magic. Double Belgian Golden Shoe winner, 5 time Belge champion, refused several top top Clubs and West Ham to stay at The Club. Only recently got into the Belge team but he's been pretty solid everytime he played  Axel Witsel (33, Atletico Madrid) One of the dudes who's actually got gas money from his years playing at Zenit. The number 6 of the Belges for eternity or until he dies. Won trophies in every country he's played in except China Oops! No Goals!  Michy Batsuhayi (29, Fenerbahçe) Fashion icon and formerly perpetual Chelsea loanee Batsman went viral once for failing to score in an empty goal in 2014 and he had a big lol epic fail moment bahaha when he kicked the ball against his own head. Won his trophie from the bench being hench.  Charles De Ketelaere (21, Milan) Bruges wonderboy and local top top player Charles De Ketelaere won everything in Blegum and his currently looking mad all the time on the Milan bench while 10 other players flap about on the pitch. Some say he's a striker, some say he's a winger, some say he's a number 10. He's one of our owwwwn  Jeremy Doku (20, Stade Rennais) Fast as gently caress boy who doesn't afraid of anything except getting injured which he does sometimes. Played 10 good games for Anderlecht and then was sold for all of the money  Eden Hazard (31, Real Madrid) Big otaku and burger fan Eden Hazard has come off the bench because he saved all his super jutsu energy to be a red devil or whatever I've never watched Naruto. Used to be good at Lille and Chelsea and then Zinedine Zidane looked at him funny and now he's just fat. Official captain of the Belge team. Third of three internationals to have never played in Belgium  Romelu Lukaku (29, Internazionale) Topscorer of the Belge national team and resident bourgeois woke sjw. Used to make all of the goals and then he got all bulky which ruined him and then he went to England like three times and he's been fucky wucky ever since. Once lost an EL final by scoring an own goal and missing a penalty  Dries Mertens (35, Galatasaray) Cannot roast the tiniest man in Belgium too much or I will both be killed by the Napolean mafia and also Erdogan. Good boy who means well but also led to the tv career of his wife which is unforgivable. Stronzi  Loïs Openda (22, Lens) Was deemed too poo poo by Club Brugge to actually play in Blegum and then started scoring all the goals in Holland and France, where teams are all infamously good at defending!!!  A living Ken doll (27, Brighton and Hove Albion) Leandro Trossard has the honor of being the only Belge that won the Belgian trophy the last time the champion wasn't called Club Brugge. That's it! In case of a broken player, call these people  Bryan Heynen (25, Racing Genk) Good lad but made of glass, like everyone in Belgium. It's in our bones, we don't drink milk because it's a thing the Dutch do  Alexis Saelemaekers (23, Milan) Somehow someone who won the Serie A isn't guaranteed a spot on the plane!!! Put him in instead of Debast Bobbert you pussy!!!  Dodi Lukebakio (25, Hertha Berlin) He scores all the goals, he scores alll the goaaaaals. Why isn't he on the plane? Get rid of Eden These players were called up but were deemed cringe and injured by the footie gods  Jason De The Belges will play these three games and only these three games Wednesday 23 November - Belgium-Canada (20:00) Sunday 27 November - Belgium-Morocco (14:00) Thursday 1 December - Croatia-Belgium (16:00) (All times CET because gently caress you) They will be dressing up as Guy Fieri in the home games and the Dutch in the away games   If the belges become world champion I will actually post my balls!!! https://twitter.com/nocontextfooty/status/1596884772437233665 belgend fucked around with this message at 19:07 on Nov 27, 2022 |
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Nov 12, 2022 21:01
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Blegum
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Nov 12, 2022 21:19
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the sex ghost posted:Blegum been sayin this
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Nov 12, 2022 21:22
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Saelemaekers hasn’t played in a month or more because he’s been hurt, so I can’t blame the team for not picking him. Of course the same goes for Lukaku sooooooooo
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Nov 12, 2022 21:38
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Gigi Galli posted:Saelemaekers hasn’t played in a month or more because he’s been hurt, so I can’t blame the team for not picking him. Of course the same goes for Lukaku sooooooooo we put chadli on the plane last year and he was pretty much wheelchair bound at that time
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Nov 12, 2022 21:44
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Finally a good OP, OP. Please do not post your balls. How is it Big Rom is younger than Hazard and most of the squad, ftm?
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Nov 13, 2022 00:48
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Wow, I had no idea they were all that old already.
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Nov 13, 2022 07:22
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Mr. Mambold posted:Finally a good OP, OP. Please do not post your balls. How is it Big Rom is younger than Hazard and most of the squad, ftm? Romelu has been doing pro footie since he was 16 op
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Nov 13, 2022 08:04
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Great OP. Trossard should lead the loving line given the form he’s in. Unfortunately it’s gonna be one of the other failsons.
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Nov 13, 2022 09:12
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oldest squad at the cup lol
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Nov 14, 2022 01:56
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As Leicester is a quarter Belge by volume these days I will be rooting for them this World Cup
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Nov 14, 2022 11:26
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the sex ghost posted:Blegum
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Nov 14, 2022 11:56
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good op, op. Lots of memories of the gloden generation to lol at
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Nov 14, 2022 16:13
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can't wait to post "holy crap Loïs" when he scores 69420 goals in the Qatar FIFA World Cup 2022 brought to you by mcdonalds
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Nov 14, 2022 16:31
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If you are interested in seeing the Red Devils in action, they will be doing a friendly v Egypt in Kuwait at 4PM CET (that's in about 4 and a half hours). Belge press are expecting this starting XI:  Casteels is ill, Trossard has a knock, Vertonghen is revalidating (and Denayer is on the plane as a result ffs) e: Denayer is injured belgend fucked around with this message at 13:30 on Nov 18, 2022 |
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Nov 18, 2022 11:39
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belgend posted:If you are interested in seeing the Red Devils in action, they will be doing a friendly v Egypt in Kuwait at 4PM CET (that's in about 4 and a half hours). Lol they lost 2-1. It can only go better form here on out! Martinez, tactical genius.
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Nov 18, 2022 18:24
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When you're losing in your world cup warm up match and he gives you this look
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Nov 18, 2022 18:28
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Ah well, nevertheless
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Nov 18, 2022 18:48
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shut up blegum posted:Lol they lost 2-1. It can only go better form here on out! Martinez, tactical genius. so i watched parts of that game and blegum got really exposed on the wings and the d looked kinda old and slow is uhhh egypt as fast a counterattacking team as Canada? asking for a friend
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Nov 18, 2022 19:58
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frauds
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Nov 23, 2022 22:58
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belgend posted:frauds Theoughly outplayed by the 41st best team in the world lol
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Nov 23, 2022 23:00
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stab posted:Theoughly outplayed by the 41st best team in the world lol And yet, they might get a trophy for that.
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Nov 23, 2022 23:00
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Leander Dendoncker and the Dendonckeretttes. I don't have real commentary on the match, just that "joke"
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Nov 23, 2022 23:01
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at least our usually fail and cringe gov did do A Good Thing by being performative about lgbt rights https://twitter.com/Ljosmyndun/status/1595509345135038494
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Nov 23, 2022 23:05
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Frauds
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Nov 27, 2022 16:08
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leandro tosser
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Nov 27, 2022 16:09
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Blegum
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Nov 27, 2022 16:10
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Slow and bad.
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Nov 27, 2022 16:11
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https://twitter.com/nocontextfooty/status/1596884772437233665
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Nov 27, 2022 19:07
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vyelkin posted:Blegum
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Nov 27, 2022 19:07
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belgend posted:frauds  belgend posted:Frauds
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Nov 27, 2022 19:10
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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/sport/20567977/riot-brussels-belgium-morocco/amp/ Brussels gonna burn down
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Nov 27, 2022 19:14
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What was Martinez thinking with these substitutions? And Witsel has to have dirt on him, there's no way Martinez somehow sees something in him that nobody else does.
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Nov 27, 2022 19:15
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shut up blegum posted:What was Martinez thinking with these substitutions? Witsel must know every sick deal the Belgian FA have been doing because he keeps getting put on
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Nov 27, 2022 19:29
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https://twitter.com/Saadalshatri_/status/1596900399977754625?t=ZX9g4OdOFfx7mtHuYLdmVA&s=19
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Nov 27, 2022 21:19
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Thibad Fraudtois
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Nov 27, 2022 23:31
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webmeister posted:Thibad Fraudtois Thebald Fraudtois
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Nov 27, 2022 23:33
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https://mobile.twitter.com/sportbible/status/1597539271136940032quote:Belgian publication RTL Sport suggest a verbal altercation took place between first-team players Kevin De Bruyne, Jan Vertonghen and Eden Hazard after the defeat to Morocco. So how reputable is RTL Sports?
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Nov 30, 2022 08:03
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What the hell could Hazard and Trossard have against each other lol
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Nov 30, 2022 08:12
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No room for two ‘ard men
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Nov 30, 2022 10:50
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