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ClamdestineBoyster posted:One year a bunch of Russians had convinced their own military that I did a blue dab about 19 years ago and was part of a vampire cult that was going to make a coup on the US, in order to not be killed for non-contract fulfillment. They had co-opted a bunch of monsters and scenesters and convinced them that they had to orchestrate an emergency surgery to remedy the situation. Of course it was a no budget thing and it was only the materials at hand plus a goring tool. Which of course wasn’t a goring tool at all but a surgical tool that had to be balanced with extremely basic components. All they needed was a link and door access. So amongst other things, they began recommending my parents, who I hadn’t seen in about 20 years, leave the house and let them tap in to some lovely hologram that doesn’t even look like them while the operate. What the gently caress, take your meds person.
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Nov 25, 2022 21:11
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. Among the things they convinced people they needed to do was lace the house with bug spray, spray my father down with bug spray, spray me and all my poo poo down with bug spray, so no bugs were crawling around during the surgery 
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| # ? May 12, 2024 19:38 |
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Bruce Campbell is in a Hallmark Christmas movie that’s on tv right now, so this is now my most terrible holiday memory.
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Nov 25, 2022 22:20
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Xena to the rescue once again.
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Nov 25, 2022 22:23
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Szyznyk posted:Bruce Campbell is in a Hallmark Christmas movie that’s on tv right now, so this is now my most terrible holiday memory. Hey, people gotta eat
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Nov 25, 2022 22:25
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YeahTubaMike posted:My mom took me to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade when I was 4, and it is one of the most miserable childhood memories I have. It wasn't fun, that was the year that there was supposed to be a Sonic the Hedgehog float but something happened to it so I was even LESS enthusiastic, I was bored and freezing, and the first time my mom asked me if I wanted to go home, I said yes. I went that year and half the balloons were busted. It was amazing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmTC0m7wQbs
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Nov 26, 2022 00:32
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I’ll always remember the thanksgiving my wife tried to rape me to prove a point, and that point was that she needed to murder my parents so things could go back to normal for her. I might try to sell this poo poo to the lifetime channel before they steal the idea for free while my wife keeps me sick and immobilized so she can continue to be the most important person in the situation. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Nov 26, 2022 03:54
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You and k3nt3n should hang out.
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Nov 26, 2022 03:55
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What an odd gimmick.
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Nov 26, 2022 03:58
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:One year a bunch of Russians had convinced their own military that I did a blue dab about 19 years ago and was part of a vampire cult that was going to make a coup on the US, in order to not be killed for non-contract fulfillment. They had co-opted a bunch of monsters and scenesters and convinced them that they had to orchestrate an emergency surgery to remedy the situation. Of course it was a no budget thing and it was only the materials at hand plus a goring tool. Which of course wasn’t a goring tool at all but a surgical tool that had to be balanced with extremely basic components. All they needed was a link and door access. So amongst other things, they began recommending my parents, who I hadn’t seen in about 20 years, leave the house and let them tap in to some lovely hologram that doesn’t even look like them while the operate. Holidays are the worst, amiright?
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Nov 26, 2022 05:14
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For years, my Grandma would only send a card with money to all of us grandkids. This was fine for us, as who doesn't want money. The amount would be somewhat arbitrary, depending if you currently in her favor, or how well the gambling was going. Then one year, I guess she felt like getting a gift to people, and got everyone something. She had us all wait to open this present at the same time, and it was a pair of boxers that "you've come a long way baby" written on the band. I can't remember the design. The sizes were for the most part random. I think mine were a small or something. The room was silent at first, then people started laughing at what a hilarious joke it was. She wasn't known for being funny, so pulling a joke light to everyone was great. Even us grandkids thought it was funny. She was madder then hell that no one liked it, and stormed out of the house and drove home. She refused to talk to anyone for about 3 days. Next year it was money in the Christmas card again.
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Nov 26, 2022 06:25
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sister's boxer had a seizure and died in front of everyone right as turkey was done. there was a timer going that was up in 3 seconds so i quietly added some more time so it didn't ding right away the dog didn't poo poo itself either that part was cool
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Nov 26, 2022 08:36
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Pac and Cheese posted:sister's boxer had a seizure and died in front of everyone right as turkey was done. there was a timer going that was up in 3 seconds so i quietly added some more time so it didn't ding right away Ding! Ding! Boxer's done! Edit: At least the dog died amidst family, though it's a shame it didn't get any turkey. BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 08:45 on Nov 26, 2022 |
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Nov 26, 2022 08:43
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yeah that's why i did it Edit:: that spoiled fuckin mutt had plenty of ham already Pac and Cheese fucked around with this message at 08:48 on Nov 26, 2022 |
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Nov 26, 2022 08:45
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Tarkus posted:You and k3nt3n should hang out. oh yeah and if there is a real santa i would love a bound copy of the art of war 2 please
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Nov 26, 2022 08:59
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:One year a bunch of Russians had convinced their own military that I did a blue dab about 19 years ago and was part of a vampire cult that was going to make a coup on the US, in order to not be killed for non-contract fulfillment. They had co-opted a bunch of monsters and scenesters and convinced them that they had to orchestrate an emergency surgery to remedy the situation. Of course it was a no budget thing and it was only the materials at hand plus a goring tool. Which of course wasn’t a goring tool at all but a surgical tool that had to be balanced with extremely basic components. All they needed was a link and door access. So amongst other things, they began recommending my parents, who I hadn’t seen in about 20 years, leave the house and let them tap in to some lovely hologram that doesn’t even look like them while the operate.
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Nov 26, 2022 09:23
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My dad spent like a month before my birthday telling me my mom was a crazy bitch and that he wasn't cheating on her, and the year long MSN Messenger chat logs I found weren't of him or something, then on my birthday he invited everyone on his side of the family to a big party except his side piece showed up and it turns out the whole party was to introduce his side piece to his family and he forgot it was my birthday. For my 13th birthday I got a frozen lasagna and half a pack of smokes Also his excuse for lying was "I didn't want to tell you because you'd think I'm a liar" and then he called me a oval office when I said he was literally a liar. I pissed in his humidifier and stole his gun though so it wasn't all bad, plus I like lasagna
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Nov 26, 2022 14:13
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I got stuck in the bathroom at family's house on Thanksgiving. Everyone was over at my uncle's house and they called that diner was ready. I ducked into the bathroom to take a quick piss and slid the door shut. Finished, washed hands, and the door would not budge. I didn't want to shout from the bathroom that I was stuck while everyone was at the table. So after looking around I realized I could climb out the window (first floor). I got out, shut the window from the outside, and walked around the house to the front door. I took my seat next to a cousin and whispered what happened. rear end in a top hat laughs so loud I had to explain to the table and 3 generations of family what I did.
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Nov 26, 2022 14:25
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