Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Post Your Favorite Fake Stat.
«‹›4 »
 
  • Post
  • Reply
goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Grimey Drawer
Fouls drawn

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 12:46
  • Quote
Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 4, 2024 16:10
  • Quote
webmeister
Jan 31, 2007

The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.
(since 1992)

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 14:17
  • Quote
Porrima
Oct 18, 2012

The world is fucked
and so are you.

Thanks, humanity
Hands of God/PM

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 14:41
  • Quote
Blasmeister
Jan 15, 2012




2Time TRP Sack Race Champion

 https://www.fifa.com/fifa-world-ranking/men?dateId=id13792

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:12
  • Quote
Big Black Dick
Mar 20, 2009

Blasmeister posted:

https://www.fifa.com/fifa-world-ranking/men?dateId=id13792
* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:19
  • Quote
NinpoEspiritoSanto
Oct 22, 2013
halves per game

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:26
  • Quote
vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011
 ball touches

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:26
  • Quote
Vando
Oct 26, 2007

stoats about
pitches framed

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:32
  • Quote
Gigi Galli
Sep 19, 2003

and then the car turned in to fire

vyelkin posted:

ball touches

Simultaneous ball touches

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:33
  • Quote
Shrapnig
Jan 21, 2005

 Receptions

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:39
  • Quote
the sex ghost
Sep 6, 2009
 Goal involvements

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:40
  • Quote
goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Grimey Drawer
Impactful lines

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:48
  • Quote
TDepressionEarl
Oct 28, 2010


I'm trying to win the World Cup
but I'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps playing Argentina onside

 Conceited Goals

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 15:52
  • Quote
NinpoEspiritoSanto
Oct 22, 2013
Denchness
xDenchness

Fully sick/90

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 17:15
  • Quote
Shrapnig
Jan 21, 2005

NinpoEspiritoSanto posted:

Denchness
xDenchness

I'm not sure this is a fake stat when there are very real consequences for failure to maintain Denchness

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 17:25
  • Quote
Gigi Galli
Sep 19, 2003

and then the car turned in to fire
xFrimpongs per -dench

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 18:34
  • Quote
A Buffer Gay Dude
Oct 25, 2020
 Women not raped per left back

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 18:44
  • Quote
Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen𝅘𝅥𝅮
€/goal

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 18:51
  • Quote
A Buffer Gay Dude
Oct 25, 2020

Edward Mass posted:

€/goal

That’s the realest stat there is

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 18:51
  • Quote
sticksy
May 26, 2004
Nap Ghost
Squeaky Buminess/Fergie Time

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:00
  • Quote
lynch_69
Jan 21, 2001

 LBWs

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:03
  • Quote
goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Grimey Drawer
Step overs

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:04
  • Quote
sticksy
May 26, 2004
Nap Ghost
Triangles Appearances/Dissolved/Reappearances
Tight Control/Decision Making
Passes Made/Passes NOT Made

sticksy fucked around with this message at 19:17 on Dec 2, 2022

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:14
  • Quote
goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Grimey Drawer
Estimated value of trades per window

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:19
  • Quote
Redczar
Nov 9, 2011

 Smiling Glen Johnsons per racism

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:41
  • Quote
vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011
 bites/90

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:50
  • Quote
Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
transfer values in andy carrolls

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:57
  • Quote
Shrapnig
Jan 21, 2005

Jose posted:

transfer values in andy carrolls

This forum was founded on valuing players in Drogbas

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 19:58
  • Quote
Crazy Ted
Jul 29, 2003

Jose posted:

transfer values in andy carrolls
No that's a real stat

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 20:38
  • Quote
Gigi Galli
Sep 19, 2003

and then the car turned in to fire
Birthdays missed per Toure

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 20:41
  • Quote
Koesj
Aug 3, 2003
 clean (toilet) seats

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 20:44
  • Quote
vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011

Koesj posted:

clean (toilet) seats

toilet seats stolen

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 20:53
  • Quote
Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
changing room floors poo poo on by guy pooyet

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 20:53
  • Quote
paddyboat
Feb 20, 2013

Maxi, Maxi Rodriguez
Run down the wing for me
Heavy Metal Football

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 20:54
  • Quote
Kangra
May 7, 2012

 Balls per pitch

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 21:41
  • Quote
L.H.O.O.Q.
Jan 3, 2013

:coal:
Holding and giving plotted against right times

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 22:09
  • Quote
ilmucche
Mar 16, 2016

 shirtless red cards

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 22:10
  • Quote
Vegetable
Oct 22, 2010

 It’s easily Romário’s 1000 goals, which he insists is a thing by counting goals from youth league games, friendlies and annulled games.

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 23:17
  • Quote
cagliostr0
Jun 8, 2020
 Porsche abandoned per Seville train carpark
World wars vs world cups

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 23:41
  • Quote
Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 4, 2024 16:10
  • Quote
webmeister
Jan 31, 2007

The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.
Pizza slice trajectory

* # ? Dec 2, 2022 23:47
  • Quote
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Post Your Favorite Fake Stat.
«‹›4 »