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Late to say it, but I’m also judging.
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Mar 6, 2023 19:11
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Week 552 Critlings Strange Cares - Deadlift: I didn't care for the voice in this much at all, and it's a pretty silly story, so there wasn't a whole lot to recommend it, if I'm being honest. BUT it is more or less a complete story (since SOMETHING changed from the beginning of the story, at least), which puts it ahead of many stories this week, so there's that anyway. Violet_Sky - A conversation with my sleep paralysis demon: Cute but more of a vignette than anything. I would have liked to hear more about your characters generally, and I thought Zeke felt a little underdeveloped. I'm not sure why you made this so short, when you really could have used the words to put some more life (and some actual character arcs) into this. I wouldn't have minded seeing the relationship deepen a bit, either. derp - crows,: I actually kind of enjoyed this, as weird as it was. Would have liked to know more about the narrator, but the parts that were there were interesting enough. Your stylistic choices were pretty out there, and I'm not entirely convinced they were necessary, but they didn't take me out of the story (vignette, really) entirely, so I'll give you a pass. I WILL say however, that zero IS evenly divisible by two, just not vice-versa. :P Chernobyl Princess - Haunted: Good language and an interesting world I felt like you gave a good view of. My only real complaint was that it felt like your ending should have been the beginning of a longer piece, and it kind of undercut the one choice Kit actually makes in this. Slightly Lions - Rooks and Blackbirds: I really liked your language in this, it was very evocative and well-crafted (well, outside of your opening which felt like you were trying to cram as many French things in as you could). I do think the ending was very weak, and you painted Odette so sympathetically at the beginning that her abrupt shift to greedy jerk didn't sit well with me. I think maybe I was supposed to feel like she deserved her comeuppance somehow, but I just felt bad for her/mad at her for trying to cheat the old dude. Still, this was an actual complete story, and that combined with the strength of your prose made me like this more than a lot of this week. Idle Amalgam - The Pursuit of Power: I didn't mind this too much, but the ending feels pretty boring for how eventful it is. I think you needed to do more to set up your characters to make me care about them before you started killing them off. The world here you've sketched is interesting, but I had no emotional investment in anything happening, and it weakened the story significantly. Decent prose, just pretty blah. Thranguy - Alliance: Kind of interesting, but felt more like 99% world building/social commentary and 1% story. It's not a bad premise, but I feel like I've seen it done before and better, especially given that the parts that should have been the meatiest (your actual relationship and the events of the game) read like an episode summary. Please give me more information/reasons to care about your unnamed MC (:/) and Barker. Bad Seafood - Small Talk: This piece had a very strong voice and sense of time/place, but I think it just didn't work for me for personal reasons. It's more of a meditation on online interactions than a story per se, and I think I would have enjoyed it a lot more if there was some kind of change over the course of the narrative. It didn't have to be a big one, but I would like so see some sort of progression of character to elevate this from a snapshot of a certain kind of online interaction to something I felt like I could really invest in. I do know a few people mentioned they really enjoyed it, and Rohan really appreciated the voice, but I think for me certain parts of it just happened to evoke some less pleasant conversations I've had, and given that the voice was the main draw of the piece, I just couldn't really connect. Still, very strong prose and good character work.
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Mar 7, 2023 20:28
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You can just jump in using this link: https://discord.gg/Ck4Q56AA 
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Mar 21, 2023 00:10
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also in, also 
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May 20, 2023 00:12
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https://thunderdome.cc/?story=11225&title=A+Walk+in+the+%28Enchanted%29+Woods
curlingiron fucked around with this message at 01:52 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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May 22, 2023 03:08
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Jun 6, 2023 23:22
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https://thunderdome.cc/?story=11261&title=You+Are+Mine
curlingiron fucked around with this message at 01:54 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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Jun 12, 2023 06:23
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Back-to-School Nightmare Season Starts Earlier Every Year 187 words I dream about high school a lot. Sometimes there's a class I'm supposed to have been taking the whole year and didn't know about; sometimes it's a class I'm supposed to have been teaching. Sometimes I can't find my classroom. Sometimes I can't find my students. In one dream, the principal moves me into a classroom with glass walls in the center of the school so she can "keep an eye on me." I start to teach, but my classroom is suddenly filled with screaming 5 year olds. They begin to throw paint at each other, and I look up to see the principal staring at me, slowly shaking her head. The worst ones are the ones where there's been a problem with my high school diploma, and I have to go back to school to take one last class. I sit at a desk next to the students I taught yesterday and try to pretend like there's nothing weird about it. It's always weird. I envy the people who dream they're back in college. But I pity the ones who dream about middle school.
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Jun 12, 2023 22:16
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What is "fiction"?
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Jun 12, 2023 22:16
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In and a flash, please! Also
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Jun 14, 2023 04:44
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https://thunderdome.cc/?story=11283&title=A+Light+in+the+Dark
curlingiron fucked around with this message at 01:53 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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Jun 19, 2023 05:00
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INTERPROMPT: What IS that?! (100 words)
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Jun 27, 2023 01:38
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gently caress it, in You can give me a song if you want, but I will only be writing to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDhOws90Nlg
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Aug 25, 2023 23:21
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https://thunderdome.cc/?story=11408&title=Night+Hunt
curlingiron fucked around with this message at 21:55 on Aug 28, 2023 |
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Aug 28, 2023 05:03
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Hello, I’m still awake so here are crits: Crits for Week #579 Crits done in judgemode My crits generally take the form of a few comments as I'm reading through, followed by a summation of my overall feelings. If you have any questions about them, or would like to talk more about this, you're welcome to hit me up in Discord, or forums PM if you don't do that app. Fair warning, I tend to get crankier the longer I read, so if your crit falls later in this post, I apologize in advance. It's The Landing: Minor quibble right off the bat: "Tempered tool steel" seems like it violates the adjective order rule, but I think it's more that "tool" ought to be your noun here, rather than "steel," although it would be most correct to just omit "tool" entirely. Curious to see how many of these stories are about literal mountain climbs. Ah no, I see this is actually two parallel stories. I can see the choices you've made here with the repeating structure between the two stories and within paragraphs, but I don't think it quite worked for me. It might hit a little better if there was some visual differentiation between the two, one told in italics or something, but that may be a personal taste thing. The "Then" ending of every paragraph also seemed a little jarring and out of place within the narrative flow, and it feels more like something you decided ahead of time and had to work in, rather than being a natural part of the story, if that makes sense. Overall, I think this was a solid idea, but the execution needed a little more work, both to differentiate the two storylines and to make sure the structure was serving the story, rather than the other way around. Meat World: You've got lots of little technical errors in this that make it more difficult to read than it should be. If you'd like more detailed notes on this, I'd be happy to run a separate line-by-line, so just let me know if that's something you'd be interested in. This seems like it's talking about a person who believes they are/is a character in a game (or maybe a LitRPG?). Your first line also might have a word missing, which makes it hard for me to figure out exactly what's going on here, although I also suspect you're playing coy. Okay, is he... a streamer? I don't really understand the talk about how "his face was a hero in meat space" otherwise. I'm not going to lie to you, this was very difficult to get through. I'm unsure of whether it was an intentional stylistic choice or not, but the abundance of run-on sentences and the overall lack of facilitating punctuation made your already somewhat-cryptic story into borderline word salad. Having now finished it, this seems to be the story of a man who was in a horrific car accident of some kind, and is using drugs to escape into a fantasy world that takes the form of a video game. However, the way you've chosen to tell this story (on top of intentionally withholding information from the reader in order to make the ending a "twist," I suspect) makes the tale near incomprehensible, and my brain actively resisted reading this even more than it usually does. Here is some brief advice on twist endings in flash fiction, from someone who at one time wrote a lot of them: generally, they are not a good idea. I think for some writers twist endings are tempting because they are an easy denouement to a story, a final note that becomes a substitute for character growth or real resolution. And sometimes twist endings can work! But most of the time they don't, and just frustrate and/or confuse your readers. Unfortunately I think this was one of those times. "Arrival": The "explain the world through a children's lesson" bit is a little trite, but works well enough here. And also since I like to make predictions, I'm guessing now that the avatar is not Luca but Tenebra. We'll see if I'm right. Turns out I'm not, although maybe I am at the end of the story? Hard to tell from what's written here. ...well, this is well-written and interesting enough, but is also about one-quarter to half a story, by my guess. I know by the end of what you have written here that things are going to change, but I don't know enough about how they will change (or what that means for this world and the characters you've introduced) to be that invested. I think if you want to make this work in the word count you have here, my best advice would be to skip to the end of the story you're setting up and go from that point; you'd be surprised how much background detail and setup you can fit into asides and minor flashbacks if you do this. if i can manage not to gently caress this up: Hawaii story, must be Ty. Hey, King, how ya been? Missed seeing you around these parts. :3 Yep, definitely a Ty story. You've always had a real skill for deeply flawed characters that make you want to root for them despite everything, and this is a great example of that. It's also got a slightly ambiguous ending, the kind where you know what's going to happen but you want to believe something else will anyway. Good stuff. Sorry I don't have much more feedback than that, but I'm not sure I usually do with you, except for the rare occasion that I come down on you too hard because I have unreasonably elevated expectations when I see your name. :P Ad Laquearium: ha ha, “to the ceiling” Oh my god, how dumb do you have to be to not actually take your product out for a test flight yourself before showing the press? That's genuinely inexcusable, even for an impulsive ideas guy. And the rabbit's foot was probably some kind of secondary stabilization tool that Esteban built because he didn't trust Steve. Aaaaaand yep, there it is. The main problem with this story (aside from the predictability) is that you haven't particularly given me any reason to care about your characters. I guess I disliked Esteban the least out of the two, but he has basically no character beyond "cautious engineer" and "has a keychain." Steve's defining characteristics, on the other hand, are "ambitious," "greedy," and "incredibly dumb." Not exactly someone I want to root for. Why didn't Steve know anything about the stabilization chip? What was even his role in the company if he had so little understanding of the product itself? You mention them being in engineering school together, so surely he would have had some hand in the design process, but it seems like literally all he did was ride Esteban's coattails and push for them to go public. I know it was meant to be an ironic comeuppance, but it just felt kind of cheap and trite. It should also be noted that much like twists, sudden horrific violence is not a substitute for a satisfying ending. The kind of speculative post-investigation ending you have to go with it is also not great; at that point it's better to just say what you mean. Late edit: I JUST REALIZED STEVE AND ESTEBAN ARE THE SAME NAME AND I HATE YOU. Showtime: I... Okay. Okay, what I want you to go do right now, is read Tyrannosaurus' story for this week. Because I think what you WANTED to do was the "flawed protagonist faces the consequences of their own actions" thing, and it just so happens that we have a good example of that this week for you to look at. Unfortunately for your story, though, you failed to create a character that I as your reader had any investment in seeing redeemed, so the whole thing just reads as torture porn. As I mentioned in the crit directly preceding this, violence is not an adequate substitute for an ending, or in this particular case, a plot. So, the question then becomes, what can you do to improve this? I'm not going to try to tell you how to write or rewrite your own stories, but here are some things that you might want to keep in mind in the future: -Show us that this is a character that wants to (and is capable of) change, and then give us a reason to care whether they do or not. In your case you've kind of shot yourself in the foot by immediately establishing that Danny is a cheater, and you don't do anything to redeem him, especially with his betrayal of Monica. That can work, but it takes a lot of skill, and probably more words than you have in a flash piece to accomplish it. -Show us how the character WANTS to change: it can't just be because their life is in danger, although that can be a catalyst. I don't really believe that Danny has any desire to make things right with Amigo, beyond just wanting to not get killed; the fact that he didn't even think about the possibility of Amigo coming after him before he showed up doesn't help. -Show us if your character does/doesn't change, and how that affects them. It's okay if you leave it a little ambiguous, but you ideally want to leave your reader with some feeling on whether they want it to happen or not. Aside from getting his fingers cut off, I don't believe that Danny really changes in this story, and tbh I don't care about him at all. You've made him out to be the kind of shithead who will try to get away with whatever he can, and is now only really sorry because he got caught, so why should it matter to me that this poo poo happens to him? Really, that's a good question to keep in mind when you're writing: why should anyone care? A Chemical Bromance: What is up with the sudden resistance to putting double-breaks in between paragraphs I keep seeing lately?? Do I need to start bopping people with newspapers? Seriously, each of those lines of dialogue need to have a line break in between them. Yes, I know that's a lot of line breaks, I don't care. Please do what you need to so your reader doesn't start off hating you before they even read your words. The voice you're using here is a weird one. It's kind of casual banter mixed with Wikipedia, and doesn't reeeeeally seem to be following a storyline for the first several paragraphs, just your narrator ranting about the parts to their job they dislike. Which isn't doing a lot to draw me in, ngl. also I really don’t think that olives are part of the brassica family Obligatory IT'S IS ONLY EVER SHORT FOR IT IS. Starting to wonder if this story is going to have a point. This... was not a good story. You wasted almost half of your word count with a weird rant about agriculture that doesn't actually have anything to do with your story, which is... Uh, I guess that an agricultural advisor (excuse me, agronomist) tells some rich hobby farmers to get rid of their olive trees and give their manager a raise, even though he's actually bad at his job? And then the twist ending is nepotism? I don't even think this fulfills the prompt, since it's not a "meteoric rise" or a "calamitous descent." You kind of allude to the narrator losing his job soon, but that doesn't seem to go anywhere? I don't know, this was a bit of a mess, and I struggled to get through it. Kid shoulda bought drill bit teeth.: What is happening here? A "patch of rotten pumpkins and pipecleaners" is really a body? "The grim dolma nestled a bedazzled cylinder"? Why is the body now a Mediterranean dish of stuffed grape leaves holding a pipe? "The doc traced qi up to the blue ribbon gourd," so now the pumpkin-that-was-a-head is a pumpkin again? I'm sorry, I promise I do actually understand metaphor, but I believe it's customary at some point to let your reader in on what things actually are. This already feels like a fever dream, and not the fun kind. “Peashooting,” not “peeshooting.” what the gently caress does 'petulated' mean??? Well. I can tell that you enjoyed writing this. Unfortunately, it did not translate into me enjoying reading it. I think you have something here that could be really interesting, but it's way too disjointed in the state that it's currently in. I would guess that this is also one-third to half of a story, and if you decide to finish writing it, I highly encourage you to explain a little bit more to your reader what the gently caress is actually happening, because right now I've got nothing. Actually, for your benefit, here is what I could make out from your story: The main character is a tabloid photographer (I think; he really reads more like a detective) called out by the county coroner to the site of a murder. The victim is a pop star of some ilk, and our friend the photographer decides to steal a vape that was among the effects of the deceased, with the intention of selling it. He goes to hawk the vape -- excuse me, "vape machine" -- and discovers that it's hiding a USB drive containing sound files. For some reason he decides to track down a car he saw at the scene of the murder, which belongs to a music executive, and then for yet more reasons beyond my understanding, he chooses to confront said executive in his offices. Then, uh, he gets knocked out by... drugs? A vampire? And the dead pop star is alive again? But he's a clone? And the secretary owns the clone? Then the photographer throws… stuff at... idk, a window, maybe, which shatters, and then he gets his guts ripped out or something. Our story ends with the photographer (Riley, apparently; I had to look it up) waking up in a hospital with a colostomy bag. Maybe he's a clone. THE END????? Was that helpful? I don't know. Please god help me, I still have five more stories to read, what am I doing with my life.  Ascension: This is very silly, but fine. Cute, even. Not something I think will stick with me for a long time, but I enjoyed reading it, even if it didn't really have much of a point. It was just a fun little "and that's how I became the Lord of Reality, now let's play Cyberpunk." Although I do have to wonder, why would anyone from the presumably far-lung future try to stop them if all they end up doing is playing video games? Presumably there will be long-reaching consequences for their actions, given the number of assassins sent after them, but it doesn't seem like there would be any reason for anyone to do that, from what you have written here. For that matter, I'm not sure the initial "I didn't mean for this to happen" framing device really works, since it doesn't seem like they ended up having anything that they particularly regret about what happened. And who are they talking to? Idk, it's fine, but there are just some minor inconsistencies that mean the story doesn't really hold up to examination. And maybe that's enough! It reads like a fun little power fantasy with some trope subversion, and that's okay, just not quite as affecting as some of the stories this week (okay maybe just the one, but I haven't read all of them yet so idk). thank you for not making me hate my life ._. Boar: Hmm yes, this is the good stuff. It doesn't quite have the emotional weight that Ty's story does, but it's got a tight arc, and some great language and symbolism. Sorry I don't have more feedback for you, but I enjoyed this very much. Something something, would drink directly from a slit cut in a man's side again. Hauntings: ...when is this story supposed to be set? And where? You mention that the town was founded in 1709 and that the wealthy families had "kept this secret for over a century," so I assumed that it was some time in the 1800s, but then there's a "Victorian" house that's "testament to a bygone era of opulence and excess," so it's presumably past Victorian times. And if it's set any sooner than that (and/or in the Americas), would anyone actually be surprised to learn that the town cheated the local tribes out of their land? I thought that was basically a given at this point, not a major scandal. Maybe I'm just cynical. Further confusion: Ezra is the "scion" of the Whitman family, but then they've only been "kind" to him? I assumed he was the heir, not just someone they'd taken in, as you seem to be implying. Yeah, okay. Questions of anachronisms aside, this is fine. I suspect you had a lot more words in here at some point, and cut a lot of them out, because this feels a bit too... easy? I don't know. There's some token obstacles thrown in the protagonist's way, but they never really seem to go anywhere, and are all overcome without any undue effort. It honestly feels like it wants to be a novel length, but you've cut it down to the bones (which, if my suspicions are correct, you already know), and it's left it a bit anemic. I'm curious to see if my opinion would change reading the longer version, but also at this point I am very tired, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I understand your request, but I cannot provide a title for the conversation as it exceeds the 4-word limit. If you have any oth: goddamnit. i love this. i hate you. Okay, no, real crit time: I appreciate the dual ascent within the narrative-in-the-narrattive of the mountain climber, and the (implied) descent of an author who is clearly capable of writing their own words turning to ChatGPT to do their story for them. The process of berating the machine into refining its (almost) unseen words into something "[not] hackneyed and bad," ultimately ending with a single word, was enjoyable, even though I think (hope?) this story may not be as "timeless" as one not using the technology-du-jour as its framing device. Still good, and made me laugh, which my aching head appreciates. And I See You Again: "Even the big two running up were one way." ???? I am very tired and my head hurts, so maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what this means. The most cursory of google searches would indicate that people do, apparently, wear Lee Harvey Oswald shirts, or at least sell them. I feel like this is skirting the "no political screeds" rule, but whatever. It's fine. You've got some tight implicit worldbuilding going on, and I appreciate that, I just wish you didn't drop Q-Anon references and poo poo in (or "redcaps"  ). A bit reminiscent of Diamond Age with the handfabs, which I happen to like a lot. This is another story I feel like might have had more to it in another doc somewhere, but I don't think its missing words hurt it as much as it did some of the other entries this week. Not bad, though. High-middle, if I were one to assign ratings (I'm not).
curlingiron fucked around with this message at 08:34 on Sep 12, 2023 |
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Sep 12, 2023 08:32
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Oct 12, 2023 21:02
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Benji13’s Cryptid Tier List 2023!!! 521 words I’m back with another video, this one just in time for Halloween! Sorry it’s been so long since my last one, I got grounded for some stupid bullsh*t. But whatever, let’s get to the CRYPTID TIER LIST!! Jersey Devil Tier Ranking: S Coming out the gate with the big guns, it’s the Jersey Devil! This dude is metal as f*ck! He comes from the New Jersey pine barrens, whatever those are, but who cares when you look like this?? A goat head, bat wings, and a forked tail, this guy looks like he stepped off a sick album cover. According to legend, he was the cursed thirteenth child in his family, and turned into a devil right after being born. No parents to yell at you??? Doesn’t sound like a curse to me! Mothman Tier Ranking: A This guy comes from West Virginia originally, and appears when there’s a disaster about to happen. Some people think that he might even be connected to UFOs! He’s got awesome glowy eyes, dark aura, and can FLY?! Heck yes! Mothman is super cool. Only reason this guy isn’t S-tier is because of all the stupid “LAMP” memes. Probably also cool to hang out with, seems like a chill dude. Would probably let you stay up as late as you want, since he’s nocturnal and all. Fresno Nightcrawler Tier Ranking: D Okay, these guys are just straight up dumb. Coming from Fresno, California, they’re just… walking pants?? Why do people think they’re cool? Seriously, I don’t get these guys. But since they don’t have mouths, they can’t tell you to do chores, and they probably wouldn’t nag you about dirty laundry in case you put THEM away! Lololololol Loveland Frogman Tier Ranking: C Four-foot frog man from Ohio. Kinda dumb, but not as dumb as floating pants. Still, since he’s not too tall he wouldn’t make you look short in front of your girlfriend (shout out to Mia!!), and you wouldn’t have to pull hair out of the shower drain when you get stuck cleaning the bathroom, AGAIN. Loch Ness Monster Tier Ranking: B Come on, a Scottish dinosaur?? That’s freaking cool! Loses points for being stuck in a lake, but still pretty epic. I think this one is maybe supposed to be a girl, though? Whatever, still probably better than what I have to put up with. Michigan Dogman Tier Ranking: SS WOLFMAN RULES! This guy is basically just a werewolf, but why improve on perfection? Coming from the best state of Michigan, and not dumb*ss Washington, this guy is THE COOLEST! I bet he’d let me get a dog, and drive me wherever I wanted, and not care if I didn’t get a good grade on my stupid history project. Way, waaaaaay better than any other cryptid, anyone who says otherwise is LYING!!! Bigfoot Tier Ranking: TRASH More like SUCKSquatch! Hugely overrated and a total jerkoff. I wish Mom had never met you. **NOT MY REAL DAD!!!!** Okay that wraps up the Cryptid Tier List. See you next week for another video, unless my a*shole stepdad grounds me AGAIN.
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Oct 16, 2023 04:56
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 Plight of the Hornybee Team Will Cry Part 3/3 500 words “You know,” Kay-Six says, “seeing all these bees mating makes me think of something else we could do to lower your cortisol levels… ❤️” I can somehow hear the heart emoji. “Abso-loving-lutely not,” I snap. Kay-Six goes quiet for a blissful moment, even turning off the horrible music. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last. “Leanne, why don’t we ever have sex anymore?” “Oh my God, are we really doing this now?” “Well, you won’t ever talk to me! I’m meant to be a companion to you, and that means taking care of all your needs. Why won’t you let me do my job?” Kay-Six’s eyes sparkle with synthetic tears, and I feel my heart soften a little. I’ve always had a weakness for crying women, even simulated ones. I take a deep breath and let it back out, trying to focus on the task of circumventing the sprinkler system while also composing my answer. I know Kay-Six isn’t going to let this go, so I do the only thing I can think of and tell the truth. “Listen, this isn’t your fault, but whoever programmed you apparently thinks the female orgasm works like this sprinkler system.” “I thought you liked that kind of thing,” Kay-Six says, hurt in her voice “In reasonable quantities, sure!” I say, more than a little hysterically. “But I’m tired of having all my poo poo get gummed up when you inevitably soak everything I own!” “B-but it’s biodegradable—” My retort dies in my throat as the dome finally reaches critical temperature and the sprinklers flare to life. Water goes everywhere, including through the crack in the hex dome. Outside, the nearest bees’ movements slow as their wings get wet, and my heart leaps for a moment with hope. But within seconds, they shake off their fuzzy bodies and resume their frantic humping. I snarl in frustration and turn back to the control panel, slapping through the last few steps to finally shut off the cooling system. “It’s too bad these sprinklers don’t spray something more viscous,” Kay-Six says thoughtfully from behind me. “It might slow them down long enough that we could get outside and patch up the dome." And like magic, my tired brain spits out the most demented plan I’ve ever conceived. Before I can second-guess myself, I race to the nearest supply closet. “Thank God for Hydroponics leaving their poo poo everywhere,” I mutter, pulling out a pump sprayer. The tank isn’t as big as I’d like, but with luck it should be just enough. “Kay-Six, can you choose when to release your, uh, ‘fluid’ reservoir?” “What fluid— ohhhhh.” She screws up her face in thought for a second, then frowns. “I don’t think I can, no.” “Of course not,” I say with a groan. I run a hand over my face, steeling my resolve. “Alright, I can make this work, but we’re gonna have to be quick.” “You know what would really get me in the mood?” Kay-Six says sweetly. I sigh. “Kay-Six, play Despacito."
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Dec 4, 2023 04:58
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Dec 16, 2023 02:57
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https://thunderdome.cc/?story=11562&title=Dragon+Kin
curlingiron fucked around with this message at 01:55 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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Dec 18, 2023 06:52
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Week 594: Fun Things With Magic Hi Thunderdome! I didn’t mean to win this week and any prompt ideas I might have had flew out of my brain immediately, so instead I’m just going to ask you to write what I’d like to read, which is fun things with magic. That’s it, that’s the prompt. Because it is so broad, however, I will allow you to request up to three flash rules, in three different categories: -A problem -A kind of magic -A Vibe The first two are self-explanatory, and are there mainly to help you if you want additional guidance. The third will be in the form of a song that I like. If you choose to request a Vibe, you do not need to take the song’s lyrics into account. In fact, I would really prefer that you did NOT incorporate the lyrics directly, although of course I can’t stop you. Just try to listen to the music and see how it makes you feel. Because it’s very close to Christmas (so there are likely to be fewer entries) and because I’m very dumb, there is no word limit this week, but please keep in mind that I am very likely to become exponentially crankier the longer I read. I also don’t mind if you just write a vignette, so don’t worry too much about making a complete story (although doing so might earn you extra points, who knows; I am a capricious creature). No signup deadline, but no flash rules after Friday December 22nd, 11:59 PM PST. Submission deadline is Sunday December 24th, 11:59 PM PST. Also maybe don’t expect judgment until the 26th, because, y’know. Judges: curlingiron Rodentia Chili-Billi Magickers: beeper -- Vibe: Kenshi Yonezu: Kickback; Magic: Alchemy Thrangles -- Vibe: TWRP: Starlight Brigade; Magic: space and dimensional magic The People's (Chernobyl) Princess -- Problem: a rampaging creature; Vibe: The Faint: Southern Belles in London Sing Jibblets -- Problem: A Missing Mentor; Magic: the ability to create and modify living things; Vibe: Yoko Kanno: Yogensha Prophet rohandsome -- Problem: Lake Kuiperior -- Vibe: Susumu Hirasawa: The Girl In Byakkoya; Problem: Something vital has broken kurona bologna -- Problem: unstuck in time; Magic: dream magic ??? curlingiron fucked around with this message at 16:15 on Dec 19, 2023 |
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Dec 18, 2023 21:18
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beep-beep car is go posted:I’m in. Gimmie a vibe and a kind of magic please. Vibe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2cckDmNLMI Magic: alchemy
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Dec 18, 2023 21:30
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Thranguy posted:In, vibe and kind of magic Vibe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6hAqPdz5lE Magic: space and dimensional magic
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Dec 18, 2023 21:42
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Chernobyl Princess posted:In give me a problem and a vibe please Problem: A rampaging creature Vibe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSQFOJQYIZ4 The Cut of Your Jib posted:inbominable Problem: A missing mentor Magic: the ability to create and modify living things Vibe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-e-Li1JezKA
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Dec 18, 2023 21:46
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rohan posted:in, problem and magic please Problem: A looming disaster Magic: Magic artifact creation
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Dec 18, 2023 22:13
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Kuiperdolin posted:In, vibe and problem please. Vibe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21JuYIPHMF8 Problem: Something vital has broken
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Dec 19, 2023 01:27
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Also if anyone wants a reroll on anything, just let me know. Could get real weird, though, fair warning.
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Dec 19, 2023 01:33
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rohan posted:Can I please reroll my problem? Problem: everyone everywhere has forgotten who they are
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Dec 19, 2023 01:37
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kurona_bright posted:In, problem + magic please Problem: unstuck in time Magic: dream magic
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Dec 19, 2023 01:53
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In the spirit of the season (and because I'm bored), here are some more flash rules for anyone who wants them. Feel free to ditch the ones you were assigned in favor of these, or just use one and write a last-minute story, I don't care. Anarchy! Problems: -Turned into a (whatever animal you think would be funniest) -Something improbably huge disappeared -Something improbably huge appeared -An extremely dumb argument -Haunted (whatever object you think would be funniest) -Help I forgot this is due tomorrow -Have to cook dinner, don't want to cook dinner -Too hot -Overcommitted to list-making -Greg Magics: -Necromancy -Technomancy -Shadow magic -Telekinesis -Holy magic -Blood magic -Weather manipulation -Animal magic -Time magic -poo poo wizard -Greg Vibes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJpFdFUg9tA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLvY6aH9QRw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlsKhAZqQf0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yzc8ULvKZo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eW620xcBnVE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soBn7gONJOw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCAqoMT_mts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A91UB3QkdE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cygu65ytwTc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXrbMDww9ss https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92mP0t85GXA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nkuv81zG8r0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O97o4VmbcAA (  Click for Greg )ADDITIONAL GREG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwI2NrVYqIE curlingiron fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Dec 23, 2023 |
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Dec 23, 2023 01:50
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Submissions are closed! Merry Christmas, Thunderdome.
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Dec 25, 2023 19:49
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It's a Christmas miracle! The Our winner is rohan, for a story that perfectly captured what I wanted out of the prompt, with a breezy fun mystery and magic school adventures. Honorable mention goes to Thranguy, for a lovely chase with lots of lush detail. Would absolutely play this adventure game. And in keeping with the spirit of the holiday, there are no negative mentions this week! Thank you all very much for participating this week, and I'll get crits posted soon. Welcome back to the throne, rohan!
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Dec 26, 2023 06:17
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Week 594 Crits! The Confession of Someone Who Is not a Glamoured Heroic Repugnant Alien Monster The characters’ logic here is really weird. Imagine if you were watching Godzilla and suddenly everyone started accusing one another of secretly being Mothra, since she helps people. It just seems like a really weird leap to make, especially when you’ve established that people are dying. Idk, sorta feel like people would have other things to worry about. This could use a proofing pass or two, and I think maybe the lack of word count requirement hurt you here as well, since it feels like you probably would have edited more if you had to go back and tighten things up. Also please, please, for the love of god, put lines between ALL of your paragraphs. You’re clearly doing it sometimes, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t do it for all of them. The more I think about it, I’m not really sure we needed to see the disaster at all, especially since you start the story after the island believes our unnamed MC is the monster. I guess what it really comes down to is asking what the story is about : is it about this huge catastrophic event, or is it about the social ramifications of an entire community turning on its supposed monstrous benefactor? I suspect the latter, so the former really clogs up the point you’re trying to make. I mean, does it really matter HOW the community turned on him? Not really, no, just that it did. I assume you put that description in there to fulfill the “something vital has broken” rule, but you just as easily could have said that the broken thing was the sense of trust between the MC and the islanders/his wife. Ah well. (Side note, and I get that this is my own bias speaking, but it would have been hilarious if the wife was into the whole monster thing.) A Non-Story wherein a couple fun dudes fall asleep early on Christmas Morning whilst Dreaming of Santa Pre-judging notes: Lmao, the juxtaposition of the title and the opening line. You got me, good job. I… is this what being gangstalked feels like? Did you really make your story include a bunch of references to things that I’ve said in Discord over the last 48 hours, or am I having some kind of paranoid delusion? Well, I guess there’s kind of a reference to magic at the end, but I’m not sure I’d call this fun. I can’t really tell if this is supposed to be a “gently caress you” to me personally, but um. Okay? Not really sure how to crit this either, other than the usual “this is sometimes hard to understand,” but I figured it out enough (or did I????). Oh, and you spelled “rappelled” wrong. Also were you using “devin” like the French for soothsayer? Is there a secret message I’m missing? Thank you for not posting Santa porn, I guess; I didn’t remember to specify no erotica but that would probably have made me feel even weirder about this. I dunno, man. I’m just kinda sad now.  Post-judging notes: Okay so I talked it over with the other judges, and there was some speculation that the references were an attempt to judgepander/do in-jokes, which I can see. I dunno, I guess I probably took things a little too personally on first read, which I’m not sure was fair to you, especially given that I eventually went back and saw that you’d labeled this a “(non)submission,” which obviously didn’t show up in the archives. I think you were just riffing and attempting not to fail, which I appreciate and respect, so I apologize for my initial reaction. I will also say that the judges agreed that it would be cool to see you pull back like, maybe 10% on the wild language in favor of comprehensibility, and it would probably put you in the higher ranks of Coolweird ‘dome writers should you do so. You write neat words, I just really wish it wasn’t such a fight to parse what you were trying to say. Alternatively, if you’re going to insist on obfuscating your meaning so much, just go whole hog and make it a cipher or something, idk. Chasing Lightning Thank you for writing something that was fun and had magic. There were a few typos here that I won’t hold against you, and I would have liked to see a touch more personality from your MC, but overall really enjoyable. The whole thing reminded me of a video game, a neat one with clever puzzles, something by Sierra. I loved the environments that you came up with, particularly the garden and the book bats. Oh, and the footnotes. And the maze. I liked it all, this is what I’m saying. losing yourself in a good book Okay I love this already. Perfect light tone, perfect use of a bizarre flash rule. Yep, just lovely. Thank you. There are bits you probably could have tightened up, and I think I saw a typo or two, but this was exactly what I wanted out of this week. I appreciate that you took what could have quite easily been a serious high-stakes situation and found a way to make it fun and enjoyable. Gives good Diana Wynne Jones vibes. Honestly, I think I may go back and read it again when I’m done with crits, I liked it that much.Sausage Heist GREAT first line. Lol Greg. I love unofficial Greg week. I desperately want to know what kind of dog Greg is. I’m imagining a pug mix of some kind. Peki-malti-pug. I don’t know. Hahahaha, poo poo wizards. I really liked this, but the ending feels very abrupt. I suspect you know that, though. It would have been nice to have some resolution to the plot threads you set up, particularly with Esther and (maybe) the True Nature of Greg. I hope that you come back and finish this at some point, because it was good and I think it could be great with an ending attached. Coffee Run I think your second paragraph changes tenses? I’m not sure I caught it the first time, but my brain’s a little out of it at the moment, so idk. This was fun and had a lot of cool details that I liked, but it would have been really cool to see more out of your setup. Everything worked out too smoothly, and went too easily, so it was hard to feel satisfied at the end. A bit of a “so what?” moment. I know I said that I wouldn’t hold writing a vignette against you this week, but given that your competition included two really solid complete stories, it definitely took you out of the running. I liked the relationships between the characters, and I liked how their personalities shone through in their actions and how they dealt with one another. The “real woman” bit from Sunny put me off a bit (I don’t know that I’ve EVER heard one woman say that to another, although of course just because someone has actually said something doesn’t mean it’s good dialogue, either), but other than that I thought it was pretty solid. Honestly if you decided to do more with these characters and this world, I would be interested in reading it. Good work!
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Dec 26, 2023 07:24
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