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What the hey, in. Flash, please.
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Jan 3, 2023 22:55
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Ballam's Donkey as a Cozy Children's Scandinavian Folklore Urban Fantasy Balam Noson and his Donkey 436 Words Once upon a time, there was a man named Balam Noson. Balam was the National Insulter of Sweden, and his words were so harsh, he made the burliest of Vikings cry home to their mother! One day, the leader of what will become Stockholm came over to Balam’s office. He gave Balam a special order. “Go to the Viking raid, and insult those there. I will reward you handsomely!” Balam, who was strapped for cash, was eager to get a good payday, so he rode off on his Donkey. Sure, it would’ve been faster to go by moose, but his Donkey was his reliable partner. While on their way, Balam’s Donkey witnessed the lightning of Thor himself, so he was startled. Balam, angered that he was almost thrown off, beat him with his walking stick. Later on, Balam’s Donkey was frightened by a trick played by the crafty Loki. Due to almost being thrown off a second time, Balam beat him with his walking stick. Later on, still, Balam’s Donkey was stopped by the All-father Odin, himself! The Donkey (who was the only one who could see him) bowed down in reverence. Balam, while not thrown off this time, decided that it was the last straw, so he beat the donkey again. It was then that the All-father gifted the Donkey the gift of speech! “Why do you beat me, master?” were the Donkey’s first words. “You have made a fool of me, you foolish animal!” Balam yelled, not noticing the fact that his donkey could now speak. “But master, have I ever troubled you this way before?” Balam paused. “Now that I think of it, this behavior is quite strange.” After Balam spoke, Odin made himself appear to him. Awed by the All-father, he bowed down. “Balam Noson,” the All-father spoke. “I will not deny you your destination, but I will control the words you speak!” Balam, obviously scared, simply responded, “Umm…okay?” Afterward, Odin left. The rest of the journey was uneventful, and Balam went to the sight of the raid. He went to yell, but while he intended to yell insults such as “Your mother smells bad!” and other insults that don’t belong in a children's story, instead he said things that praised the Vikings and gave glory to the All-father Odin! Due to Balam’s unintended support, the raid was an astounding success. When he returned, the Leader of Stockholm asked, “Balam, what in Hel’s name happened?” “I don't know,” he said, “but it appears that my words were blessed by Odin.” Afterward, Balam resigned from the Insulter position and retired with his now-speaking Donkey.
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Jan 9, 2023 04:19
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In.
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Jan 10, 2023 21:32
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Hi! I’m that one guy who has the most losses over at the dome. I figured it might be a good idea to do a crit for the loser for weeks that I do not enter. That way, the “loser” can at least get a crit from someone who is as crap as they are! Without further ado, Loser crit from a “loser” Week 546: Ramrod the Rhinelander First of all, what exactly is a “Rhinelander”? A quick Google search just mentions a city in Wisconsin. Why is Meanie taking Ramrod along if he doesn't care about him? Normal folks would take their dog on something like a hike if they cared about it, which Meanie does not (unless Ramrod is an unreliable narrator). The beginning part seems to drag on, and on! Usually, good stories try to give the reader something to enjoy, but the first half, no, the first three-fourths of the story is just a whole bunch of nothing. (I deeply apologize for all the times I did crap like this.) In the last quarter, there’s been some action! Good! Why is it in one single paragraph? Any sane person would look at a paragraph that big and say, “I am not reading that.” And then it just ends bizarrely. I’m assuming it's to non-violently show that Rhamrod died but to be perfectly honest, does the reader have a good reason to care? Overall, yeah, I can see why this story lost. If you want, you could ask the folks in the discord about how to get the reader to care about your characters.
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Jan 28, 2023 20:11
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Hmm.. I wonder how the recent thunderdome went…? *Had someone who got DQ’d and lost, something not even I did* Hoo freaking boy… Loser Crits from a “loser”: Make some Noise! (TD 556) Word of advice, mate. When making your story, double space your paragraphs on whatever you use to write it. Otherwise, they appear like this. Other than that, I think I agree with the rest of the crits in that the ending fell flat. Only thing I can really say that differs from them is that I think it started falling flat about the part about Rip going to that conference. Thought it was too early, and there should’ve been more info on what happened when the ray was fired. Might’ve helped explain why MEAT NEBULA lost their metal cred. Otherwise, it just makes it sound like their fans are saying, “Dude, saving the planet?! Totally NOT metal!” Your ending, as Val Kilmer as Bruce Wayne once said, ”just raises too many questions.” I don’t know about the others, but I see some potential in your future stories. We will watch your career with great interest.
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Apr 8, 2023 16:37
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Wait, a loss in a four-entry week? I thought that wasn't a thing! Well, this isn’t the strangest thing I’ve seen in TD. Loser Crits from a “Loser” Week 558: Just Like Old Times I’m thinking the main question that needed to be answered that wasn’t was, “Why should I care?” It had a decent beginning (more on that later), but Xavier just comes off as an unlikable prick. I know there are some stories with an unlikable prick where early on, readers (or in one example that I know of, players) would be turned off. After all, “Why would I want to read a story about some rear end in a top hat?” While there are cases where the prick, “gets better”, Xavier didn't get better. Also, your prose makes it sounded like you were trying to make your story sound more dignified. This kind of story isn’t exactly Shakespeare, so it doesn't need the purple prose. Your words just came off as padding. In a contest for a medium where padding is discouraged. While the beginning part was good, I gotta agree that the swearing is a bit excessive. If you want a good example in the world of plays, look for works done by David Manet. Or if you want a literary example, Mark Leyner. Nonetheless, like the last story I reviewed, I do see some potential.
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Apr 18, 2023 16:41
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In with 532. If I am not out of line, I would like to request my prompt to be the picture I chose that week.
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Jul 26, 2023 05:45
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Week 532 posted:In the city of Chiclayo, Peru, there is a wide boulevard called Paseo Yortuque. Down the center of this street there is a walking path studded with statues of gods and monsters, many sculpted by Fredy Luque to express the enormously influential Moche and Lambayeque cultures of northern coastal Peru. The picture I chose that week posted:Extreme Rule: Story must be Hays Code compliant Hoist the Main Clothes! 564 words Aye, lad. Ye think that the life of a fisherman is all serious? Well, we certainly have had those times. But here’s a tale where we had a little fun. Back in the day, we had a newer lad, his name was Jim. He was as green as the freshest grass you’ve ever seen. But the boy was certainly eager, and so much fun to tease. It was never anything too mea, and he usually took it in stride. One night, me and the rest of the lads (except for Jim, who had some sense to sleep in early) had trouble meeting our daily fishing quota, so we were so tired that we weren’t exactly thinking straight. One of the lads named Gary had an idea. “Y’know what, how about we go off and take the rookie’s outer garments, and hang them up on top of the sail mast!” If we were well rested, we would know that it was a horrible idea. But fatigue can do strange things to a man’s mind. “Bloomin A, Gary! That’s a great idea!” Another fellow said. Everyone else, including myself, agreed. As I said, fatigue can do strange things to a man’s mind. So we got all of Jim’s outer garments, took them to the mast, and switched out the sail with his clothes. The next morning, I went outside, much better rested, and saw some strange things on the mast. “What the hey…?” I said out loud. Then I recognized some of them as some of the clothes Jim was wearing. “Heh. Oh, yeah!” I said while I was laughing at whoever was the idiot who did that (not realizing that it was partially me until a little later). Afterward, after the rest of the lads came out, I heard a loud yell. “Where the blazes are my outer garments?!” Out ran Gary, in nothing but his underwear and undershirt, frantically searching for the rest of his clothes. Since we all found his frantic searching to be quite hilarious, we all laughed. After a little while, he looked up and saw the rest of his clothes, and climbed up the mast. “You could use the ropes to pull them down, you twat!” someone said. We all laughed afterward. Then he climbed even higher. And higher. And higher. He was high enough that it was no longer a laughing matter, so we stopped. Our ship was rather tall, and the only one foolish enough to climb up was the lookout. Jim was no lookout, and we all knew that. We were all expecting him to fall to his death, but a sort of miracle happened. He went and got on his pants on top while hanging on, and grabbed the rest of his clothes! (sure, he didn't have much, but still!) When he finally got down, we all cheered. I still don't know why he did something that foolish. Maybe to prove himself to us? If he did, he certainly succeeded. After the day was done, we all decided to go and have a feast. I invited Jim to come with us, as well. (he usually didn't eat with us.) “Are you sure, sir?” he asked. “Jim, you're just as much of a man as the rest of us,” I said. “Of course you can join!” So he did. A fine way to end an eventful day.
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Jul 30, 2023 23:10
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Just in Case you need it, the week I chose was named Paseo Yortuque
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Jul 30, 2023 23:11
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