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Jan 11, 2023 00:45
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Mar 7, 2023 23:15
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in flash
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Mar 29, 2023 17:47
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Apr 25, 2023 06:12
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talking in the back flerp fucked around with this message at 18:27 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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May 1, 2023 00:20
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May 2, 2023 06:11
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a forest is trees growing on the roots of the ones before it flerp fucked around with this message at 18:26 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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May 7, 2023 22:56
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week 500 and something idk: so... do you post here often? whats up thunderdome. i feel like we havent really had the opportunity to get to know each other over the uhhhhhh actually lets not count how many years ive been here. anyways, lets do some icebreakers. its pretty easy. you sign up and in that post, you talk about one of your favorite things. it can be a book, a movie, a video game, or just something you like. doesnt matter what, just so long as you love it and want to talk about it. you can gush about it or you can just say "i like dogs" or whatever, but the more the better because i like to read about things people are passionate about. then i will respond with one of my favorite things. those two things (your post and mine) are now your prompt! have fun with both of them, interpret freely and wildly, and try to capture that joy you have when you think about your favorite things. also dont feel overly attached to either prompt, im not docking any points if you choose to ignore what i say hopefully thats clear. ask me any questions if youre confused but in short, post about something you like, ill give you something i like, and then you write based off of those two things. word count: 2000 sign up deadline: this friday 1159 pm pdt submission deadline: monday when i wake pdt (probably like 9am) my favorite writers: derp (books/Silent Hill 2) rohan (Australian Magpie/cherries) Chernobyl Princess (gardening/raccoons) Azza Bamboo (engineering/fighting games) Slightly Lions (action movies/summer) Thranguy (railroad boardgames/Charlotte) judges: me my favorite person my actual favorite person dont tell the other judge flerp fucked around with this message at 08:02 on May 12, 2023 |
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May 8, 2023 23:42
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derp posted:hello. my favorite thing is BOOKS im actually not much of a book reader which im trying to remedy with audiobooks during my commute but ill assume my books are too fun and enjoyable to be Real Books. but lets talk about Real Games, about my favorite video game Silent Hill 2. the greatest game ever made that is a goddamn mess of bad controls, stiff dialogue, and awful combat. it is surprisingly deep and complex and tells a story so well through its medium that i have yet to find anything quite like it. i can gush on it for hours, but i love the way its logic twists and turns and the relationship between James and the town itself, like the town in its own perverse way is trying to help James (and the others). i wont bore you too much and i dont want to spoil a like twenty year old game for some reason, but you can look it up for more details if youre interested  rohan posted:hello thunderdome i love birds but im also deeply stupid and know nothing about them but i love seeing them hop around the ground whenever i go outside. i dont think i could name any bird off the top of my head except for like a blue jay which woke me up a ton when i was kid. but that also reminds me of my favorite fruit as a kid, cherries! my brother had a friend whose family ran a farm and they would get us giant boxes of cherries and i would just smack on them all summer long. sometimes we went to their u-pick orchards and pick them too, but nowadays our town is really popular for them so theyre way too packed for us to do that. but to me, cherries will always be nostalgic and we had tons of different varieties. i cant remember their names but i do remember some yellow ones that were delicious.
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May 9, 2023 01:55
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Chernobyl Princess posted:In. ive never been much of a gardener, mostly because i never quite liked plants all that much. i like looking at them but caring for them isnt something i can really do, but i also do appreciate the people do and am always impressed whenever somebody grows their own food. anyways, what i love is raccoons! honestly, i love most animals like raccoons, which are those little guys that coexist within human spaces, like pigeons and squirrels and the like. theyre not quite domesticated, but there's that little natural contract between humans and raccoons where you know theyre not going to hurt you. when I went to university, I would walk around campus at night often and the raccoons were everywhere and it was so great. the little guys scampering around and you would walk past them without a care in the world. Azza Bamboo posted:I love grand engineering projects: Power plants; rail lines; rockets to space —anything big with a lot of moving parts. It's not just the installation I find fascinating, it's the project itself: it's the problems they solved during construction, and the limitations they had to work around. In writing, as in engineering, there's nothing quite like a project to help you learn: That's why I am in. there's something great about the collaboration between people when it comes to creating something huge. its easy to look at a bridge and just a bridge, but to think about all the work it took. not just the actual process of making the bridge, but all the previous knowledge people had found and built on for generations, the foundations of understanding physics and engineering, that makes those things so impressive. anyways, i love fighting games! i really like them not just because theyre fun video games, but because they challenge me in ways that few things do. theyve made me realize that i enjoy the process of learning and improving and getting better at a skill. its sort of like writing, but they involve a lot of struggling, self reflection, and honest effort if you want to genuinely improve. but fighting games have led to me find an awesome community and often fighting games to me are just about having fun and hanging out with friends as they are a thing to learn and practice and improve at.
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May 9, 2023 18:21
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Slightly Lions posted:I love action movies. They're often denigrated as "low art," relegated to summer popcorn fare, but I think some of the best films ever made are in the action genre. Die Hard is a masterclass in pacing and character, Hero balances historical context with otherworldly visuals, and John Wick has some of the most interesting and effortless world building and cinematography of the 21st century. I love the balletic quality of good choreography and the efficiency of plotting and character exposition a good, tight action movie requires. There's a level of craft required at every level of the film-making that I think gets unfortunately overlooked when your Drunken Masters and Speed's get lumped in with Transformers and the like. while i definitely like my quieter (and more boring) stuff over action, i do think there is a lot of value in action movies. honestly, if anybody considers a work "lowbrow" as a way to diminish the value of the work, theyre kind of an idiot lol. anyways, what i really enjoy is the summer! tbh i feel like this is maybe a bit of a hot (lol) take but i dont like the winter. i like warm days, i like the sun being out for longer, i like wearing less clothes, i like it being brighter, i like drinking cold things on hot days. maybe its just because im awfully skinny so i cant handle the cold well, but the summer always just feels like a better time.
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May 10, 2023 07:10
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Thranguy posted:I love board games, and in particular, board games about railroads, which, admittedly, is an unexpectedly large portion them. From the abstract network building games like Ticket to Ride to pickup and delivery games of complexity through the Empire Builder series (which has entries that let you build railroads through not-middle earth or Mars, which is cool) to Railways of the World and on to economic simulation games like Steam or the 18xx games (well, it's been a long minute since I've played an 18xx, but I have and enjoyed them.), and even odder ones like On the Underground and Russian Railways, fun times. And the odd thing is I don't geek out about actual railroad engines at all. one of my favorite things is my dog, Charlotte!!!  she's a weird little dog that is incredibly scared of everything and doesnt like anybody except me and a few other people. she barks a lot and her bark is annoyingly high pitch and she'll just do it randomly. but she also loves to jump in my arms and sometimes she'll even chase some toys and she's very adorable and very stupid and i love her even though she kinda sucks sometimes.
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May 12, 2023 08:02
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sign ups closed
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May 13, 2023 16:54
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closed
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May 15, 2023 17:46
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 results 5 stories but a good spattering of different ideas and quality. winner goes to derp for their somewhat disjointed look at the consequences of death that captured the mood of sh2 well nothing truly bad but dm to azza bamboo because while there was something there, the weight of its weak prose dragged it down too much
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May 16, 2023 02:34
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week 562 crits derp this is a story where i wish i had a cojudge because i cant tell if this is just my own proclivities but i did really like this the story itself is an interesting look at what happens after a death, and about how art and commodification of art changes people’s entire view on others. we have Leland, who cares for Maria as an actual person, and because of their own thoughts, cannot bare to look at or give away their letter. but then we have the editors with a letter where they try to convince Leland to give up the letter and her stories, and its a decently sound argument, but then it comes crashing down when we get into the actual conversations of the editors, where their interest is clearly not in actually making the story whole for any artistic or personal merit, but to be able to sell it. its interesting (and maybe an issue) that Leland doesnt get much time of his own, just the one little section, when i think he’s the emotional core here, but its also nice to be able to see the kind of swirling of conflicts and emotions that happen around a person’s life, and the value of art both in the literal value and figurative value. Slightly Lions honestly, i shouldve HMed this. im a bit of a sucker for these kinds of awkward kids awkwardly getting into a relationship and this works, even if its a bit paint-by-the-numbers in terms of its narrative. it’s cute and enjoyable, but it doesnt necessarily do much else for itself. i find it just a bit lacking, in that this is a story that we’ve all heard and seen before and it doesnt have enough individual character to really stand out. the stuff about Hero has potential to push itself more into specificity and into a real look at a relationship, but it doesnt really move the story out of the overly familiar. the prose here is genuinely good, with some nice turns of phrases and pacing, but the narrative kind of draws too much attention onto its prose. we can see all the narrative beats and ideas, sing along with the tune, so the good prose tends to just kind of bloat the story rather than really elevate it. it is good prose, but its in service of not a bad story, but a story that doesnt really deserve the prose you give it. so the story starts to get bogged down where my reaction was “why the hell is this story 2k words?” which is not a good reaction Thranguy i love Scraps and you hit it on the nose what i love about dogs. theyre dumb, goofy idiots. everything else is a bit… meh. the setup is decently good but i feel like you ran out of steam (hehe, trains). there’s some cute relationship sketching, some decent worldbuilding, but its all in service of not much. the end of the story felt more like a list of “here’s the things i wanted to do but i didnt have the time/words” than anything else, which is disappointing too because you had a good amount of words left to try and fit some sort of complete story into here. maybe there was more conflict here to be had with these rebels/lower class people impersonating the rich and seeing the upper class society around them. its a pretty common trope, but a decent one that has room to be played with, so maybe that direction wouldve made this a more effective flash piece, esp given that the worldbuilding here is a bit vague. Azza Bamboo this is messy from a prose standpoint, but there’s a heart here that i like. its a bit TOO on the nose with its theming (with the mom almost outright saying im glad youre rebelling against me). i dont think you needed both Amy and Patrick. both characters fit the same kind of role (they both rebel against their mother) and while they have superficial differences in what they like, they both function the same in the story. they end up both suffering because neither of them can really develop or have their own distinct relationship and they just eat up more of the word count. i know the prompt and all that, but i think erasing one of them (and tbh Amy seems like the one on the chopping block) could free up some space here to get some personality to one of the kids and streamline it a bit. besides that, i think the intro was overly long because the story felt much more focused on the alien, and the concert conflict was strange since it seemed mostly perfunctory and not really something that important. its also a bit messy in terms of the alien setup and the conflict around them and i think some more clarity on what they are and what the larger conflict revolving around them is can help out a lot here. Chernobyl Princess this is mostly just setup and is fine for that, but it doesnt really lead to anything. there’s not much meat here to actually chew on. truthfully, i think this is one of those rough drafts that you build on top of, where those words sketch the world and characters, and then you use those sketches in its own individual stories with its own stakes. imo we shouldnt have seen these words you gave us, we shouldve seen what happened next, with these words serving as your own backdrop to how you craft the real story that’s there.
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Jun 1, 2023 06:11
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eh waht the hell in dh what the hlel, flash
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Jun 10, 2023 05:43
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Thranguy posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azDoSoZUBCc Let us touch on the birds. flerp fucked around with this message at 17:35 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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Jun 11, 2023 16:44
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Jun 14, 2023 16:50
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me yudge
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Jun 24, 2023 18:50
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gob me
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Jun 28, 2023 18:53
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thunderverse crits Fat Jesus there’s a lot of errors in this story from just a mechanical standpoint. generally speaking, putting small numbers (anything under like a hundred) should be spelt out, but the main thing is keeping it consistent, which to your credit, you do. however, its still a bit jarring. the beginning is way too focused on establishing that anders is hungover. its fine that he is hungover, but think about the economy of words you spend repeating that concept over and over again and what it does for the story. it isnt particularly interesting and doesnt move the story forward and doesnt tell us anything new about anders, so establish the hangover, and then get on with the story. then we get to the allfather or whatever, and this is where the story picks up. its a cool shift of perspective thats fun when contrasted between a sort of drunken, hungover idiot to an omniscient but bored god. but then it gets kind of muddled because its like a light argument and we’re not exactly sure what the stakes are. after much reading, i think i get the gist of what’s happening. anders is a drunkard and finds a ring. he picks it up, and it sends him to Talamor. talamor wanted gilgamesh, but anders came, and yahweh did it as a prank (how the ring is related to yahweh and gligamesh, not sure, dont know why if talamor wanted gilgamesh and why the mechanism would be through a ring, nor how yahweh would have been able to manipulate the ring in a way that talamor didnt expect or control, but let’s not get bogged down in that kind of stuff). talamor then goes, i hate yahweh, and turns anders into a basically an anti-jesus to spite yahweh, and then the real jesus switches spots with anders and he gets accused of rape for appearing in anders house, and gets killed. i think thats pretty much the narrative. the problem here is that, conceptually, this can be a fun story about petty gods using people as pawns to gently caress with each other’s religions, but there’s none of that really in here. im not sure what the point of it is. the intro (which primes your reader for the expectations in your story) is focused solely on anders, but anders is such a whatever character that he just drags the story. the stuff with talamor could be, if you spent a lot of time on it, kind of fun, but its just bogged down with inane dialogue and unclear stakes that it doesnt go anywhere. the last two perspective shifts also dont really work for me. the anders into the prophet bit is okay, but the jesus bit just feels unnecessary and a bit mean-spirited for no real reason. if anything, i think itd be funny if jesus either just became jesus but in pagan germany, or if jesus became drunkard like anders. thats assuming, of course, this is supposed to be a fun story. also, did german pagans say “guv”? im gonna hazard a guess and say, no. Flyerant there’s nothing really wrong with this piece in terms of mechanics or even concept. its one thats a classic bit, a robot who cant quite grasp the complexity of humans and their motivations, and a human who struggles with their emotions. this is a great setup that is tailor made for exploring tons of different concepts and themes and you have the room here to create a good story of it. the problem here is that story bit. this story feels like its only scratching the surface of its concept, afraid to commit to anything really. its mostly just characters talking and thinking about things that had happened or will happen eventually. theres no real struggle or conflict between anyone, no real moment where characters have to commit to anything. you have a conflict here superficially, does James stay with his spaceship who is caring and loving but doesnt challenge him emotionally, or does he commit to his old family and friends who do love him, but are flawed? the problem is that you dont really find an answer to this, instead you’re just swirling around it. force your character to choose. force your character to find a path. does he try to compromise? does he pick one whole heartedly? and what are the consequences of those choices? this has potential, not in the way that you go through a few edits and polishing rounds to get all the kinks out, but in that this needs a total rewrite that centers forcing these characters into a difficult situation so they have to find what their answer to the questions you pose in this piece are to me. (id also like a bit more agency from Rah) derp im not sure what the big block of text here gives you as a stylistic tool here since its just kind of annoying and as my other critter said, it does lead to nothing really being emphasized which is maybe intentional, but man, 1000 words of just the same poo poo over and over again is uhhhhh just maybe a tad bit boring. this overall isnt really terrible, but it ends up being mostly tedious to read without really any payoff. i like the ending, the time shifting and oddity is cool, and the 200 or so words land harder because the first 800 were pretty drat boring, but im not sure if thats quite the right boring:cool ratio. its also, really, not very dense of a text when you dig into it. i like that the narrator has a distinct voice, but it really lacks any amount of complexity or examination of this character. hes just a crotchety old guy mad about the current generation and the way things are, then he gets sent through time, and he’s the same crotchety old guy, and i dont feel like i really gained anything through reading all this except, yep, old dude is pretty annoying, even when youre nice to them. thrangles sorry but do we actually have to do this whole song and dance of me giving you a crit when we both know the truth. you had a way bigger concept in mind with this, you tried your best to make it work in the word count, and you couldnt fit everything together in this amount of words. we both know its because you had way too many characters and wanted to do a grand heist story. i like that you tried, and i like that you keep trying, but i worry that i cant give much value to critiquing a story like this because my issues it are issues that i think are certainly clear to you: this story needed more words, and you didnt have those words. i think my only real critique that doesnt stem from that core issue (such as, the heist being glossed over and some characters being barely more than a single trait) is that the idol being a major part of the narrative should have, at least, come up a lil bit earlier, but maybe in the full story, this is just the intro and thats your setup for the jade idol, and wow would you look at that, the “you needed more words” issue comes up again, no matter what. Dicere its pretty ambitious to go for a dual narrative, and i dont think it really works here. its kind of cute to have the two pieces collide at the end, but i dont think the individual stories themselves have enough care put into them to really make the collision land in an interesting way. the heist narrative i dont really care for, since both of the characters arent very likeable or interesting and the heist isnt creative or interesting enough that i dont find it compelling. it all falls down to character to me, since neither of them really feel compelling in voice or attitude or personality. they just feel like fairly bland criminals. the stuff about the uncle and the kid could have something there, as i think the relationship feels nuanced enough with some space for growth, but its heavily underbaked compared to the heist. so i dont really like the parts you spent the most time into, and the parts that i think could be interesting are the least developed. so uhhh yeah didnt like this one, mostly just boring. chucker this isnt an amazing story. its on the higher echelon of chucker stories, but it wasnt a very contentious week. there’s some good gags but a generally good forward energy that a lot of the other stories missed, where it really does make me want to keep reading. that was the big part, where the story builds on itself, where each action leads to the next. i think this might be good for other people to see, even in this simple story, why its important for the events in a story to flow from each other. james spaceman interrupts sam’s hunt, sam complains and so james offers to locate the animal, he finds a mammoth instead and shoots it because sam said she wouldnt be able to kill it, they chop up the mammoth and go back to sam’s cave, james makes a sex joke about caves and then they have sex, then sam steals the laser beam and power saw james used earlier. each step of the story comes from the last and each step leads into the next. there’s solid setup and payoff here too. the laser beam and power saw appearance lead to them being stolen. there’s even subversions like james making sex innuendos, but sam is the one that directly says “let’s have sex.” this isnt amazing literature, but it highlights how good storytelling can make a simple story compelling and fun. theres some good gags i like. i like that spaceman is being suggestive and then the sex comes because the cavewoman just outright says it and gets the spaceman flustered. i think your decision to keep the cavewoman articulate was good to keep the momentum of the story going, because i can see a miscommunication gag being fine, but that could bog down the narrative, whereas i think the advantage here in this piece is that it comes in, finishes quickly, and then leaves (this is also a sex joke). sebmojo while this is technically better than chucker’s, i think my statement of energy is what makes this piece stand below chucker’s. it starts out with good, even better, tension than chucker’s, but its tone is light enough to still feel pulpy. then we get anders and his drunken antics and we go, okay, here we go, oh man, cant wait to see what happens next, but then it starts to fizzle at the end. part of it is that i feel like you actually let a plot point hang. anders wants rum, specifically rum, and we know spaceman doesnt have that, and so we have some tension here that doesnt get resolved. it sort of just kinda keeps going with anders being drunk and spaceman being the (space)straightman, without really any shift or change in the feeling of the story. all the tension sort of just deflates and we have a decent conversation but then not really anything else, so the story just kind of ends.
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Jun 30, 2023 21:16
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The Best Goblin flerp fucked around with this message at 17:35 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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Jul 3, 2023 01:35
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in
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Jul 5, 2023 22:13
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in give me thing
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Jul 11, 2023 21:30
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ROBINSONADE x SPORTS FICTION Game in Exile flerp fucked around with this message at 17:34 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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Jul 16, 2023 20:21
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number me
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Jul 24, 2023 16:20
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Oct 3, 2023 23:49
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 10:35 |
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draggin’ on and on flerp fucked around with this message at 17:29 on Jan 2, 2024 |
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Oct 8, 2023 21:48
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