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Oh man what ever happened to that video of that person farting and the caption was like " Guy sounds like he's slapping bologna together." It was real funny.
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Jan 17, 2023 23:34
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i can’t recall ever doing one
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Jan 17, 2023 23:38
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I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV and did a fart that sounded like a quizzical 'hey?' with an upward inflection at the end, I cracked up but there was no one around to share in the moment
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Jan 18, 2023 00:00
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My mom once farted and it was like a two-parter. The first part was a regular, quick "bort", followed by a squeaker that raised up and REALLY sounded like it was saying "Mooom?"
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Jan 18, 2023 00:01
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I archive all my farts.
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Jan 18, 2023 00:07
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Sophy Wackles posted:I archive all my farts. Me too. I use balloons.
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Jan 18, 2023 00:14
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If you've ever shaved, waxed or used a depilatory on your rear end in a top hat the difference it makes when you fart is crazy They go from normal to insanely loud, brapping shart noises. There are no silent farts with a waxed rear end in a top hat, only whoopee cushion sounds.
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Jan 18, 2023 00:38
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I was working a festival as a sound tech 20 something years ago, was straining to move an 810 bass cab and hugely farted on PJ Harvey in her stage gear as she was walking past There was significant crowd noise so she didn't notice thank God
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Jan 18, 2023 00:45
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Nigmaetcetera posted:Me too. I use balloons. Balloons are nice for rapid release capability but I prefer mason jars for maximum preservation.
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Jan 18, 2023 00:47
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I've never farted, and never will, op. So gently caress you.
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Jan 18, 2023 00:52
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one time i took a Fender Telecaster off the wall at a friends house, plugged that poo poo into a Marshall stack. shredded this sick lick descending in the key of G, a bit of a psycho-country thing with pull-offs.........i farted out the low G to conclude the lick, was gnarly as gently caress
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Jan 18, 2023 00:57
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:My mom once farted and it was like a two-parter. The first part was a regular, quick "bort", followed by a squeaker that raised up and REALLY sounded like it was saying "Mooom?" Mom: “My fart is also named Bort.”
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Jan 18, 2023 00:58
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Hollismason posted:Whats it called when you are walking and you fart but you keep farting and the fart kind of feels like its propelling you forward The Airport Walkway
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Jan 18, 2023 01:02
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Right after I started living with housemates in a place with really thin walls, I had some incredible abdominal pain but couldn't poop. Fell asleep watching a movie and woke up at like 3-4am feeling like something had to escape my rear end. I scurried to the toilet and sat my rear end down and let out the most thunderous, bowl-splitting, house-shaking, 30+ second long fart of my life. I felt it with my feet through the floor. I absolutely lost and laughed to the point of tears. Could tell I woke 6 people up but nobody ever mentioned it
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Jan 18, 2023 01:02
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i honestly don't trust anyone who can't find humour in a good old fashioned fart
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Jan 18, 2023 01:05
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crop dusted an escalator in las vegas on purpose i stood at the top and watched everyones faces screw up. felt accomplished. also opening a bag of beef jerky on a plane if someone doesn't know you opened a bag of beef jerky, they immediately think someone just farted it up and it will fill half the plane with that smell. you'll hear people five rows down complaining about the farts
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Jan 18, 2023 01:07
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i once said to my gf I was leaving the room to fart cos I didn't want to stank her out so I went in the hallway and it was the loudest fart I've ever done, all 3 of my housemates + my gf ran into the hallway to check wtf was going on. proud
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Jan 18, 2023 01:08
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one of the best joys of dating is pooping with the door open so they can hear your farts too
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Jan 18, 2023 01:12
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where teh gently caress is jimmyjams
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Jan 18, 2023 01:54
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In my late teens at the old family computer CRT screen sitting on a folding metal chair, with my younger and only brother in the room. I let out a fart on the folding metal chair that lasted something like 15 seconds and it was making normal fart noises, except it was also pinging off the folding metal chair. Sounded like someone dinging a bell a few times a second throughout.
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Jan 18, 2023 02:40
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one morning I was lying on my back in bed and let out a fart and through vagaries of position and pressure for some reason my arse cheeks clapped really slowly, like "bap... bap... bap... bap..." my partner shot out of bed and rushed downstairs to answer the door because they were expecting an amazon delivery and my fart had sounded like someone knocking at the door. proud of that one.
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Jan 18, 2023 02:40
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this one time about a year ago my wife and i finished having sex, she went to have a shower while i lay on my back in bed wallowing in post-sex stupification. something must have gotten jostled loose because i then i let rip the loudest angriest cheek clapper that literally lasted about 8 to 10 seconds. five whole minutes later my wife comes out of the shower and the putrid stench was still so thick in the air she nearly gagged
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Jan 18, 2023 03:48
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Probably not my best ever but earlier this week I had four pints, a huge pile of fish and chips with salt and vinegar and drank two cokes when I got home. I was so bloated that when I finally farted I felt like I was a balloon deflating and the feeling of relief afterwards was probably the same as when a buddhist monk finally achieves a state of enlightenment
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Jan 18, 2023 04:57
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My first wife farted and fanned it with the sheet and blanket and got up and walked to the restroom and closed the door. I'd had a big gyro sandwich and fries earlier and so in retaliation, I sat on her pillow and let this huge fart. I hopped back over, and curled up like nothing ever happened. She laid down and instantly started dry-heaving and then ran back to the restroom and threw up.
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Jan 18, 2023 05:20
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This a copy/paste of what I posted a few years back: I cleared out a preschool classroom once. When my daughter was about three, her daycare had a little Halloween/art show thing on a Saturday morning. The rooms were packed shoulder to shoulder with parents and their toddlers, wandering around looking at toddler art projects. Little did they know that we were hosting some old friends from college that weekend and one of them brought a deep fryer. (It was a Friend's Thanksgiving type gathering and we were going to deep fry a turkey outside on Saturday evening.) My friends showed up on Friday night and we all proceeded to drink beer like we were still 20. Later in the evening we got the bright idea to set up the fryer, make some batter, and deep fry anything we could think of. Onion rings, cheese, vegetables, you name it. This went on past midnight. By the time I arrived at my daughter's classroom with not only my wife and daughter but one of our friends and her kid, my stomach was churning. I wanted to go find some place to let loose the pressure, but there was only one bathroom available to adults in the school, and that was accessed via a pass that you picked up at the front office. A definite no-go as there would actually be a log of my log. I feared the ramifications for my daughter's academic future if I let loose the vile combination of too much beer battered god-knows-what and gallons of IPA under that roof. I then had an epiphany--I was in a crowded room, but many of the people in that room were kids wearing diapers. I'd let them take the fall for my stench. Using skills carefully honed over decades I purged all of the gas out in one long silent release. I even managed to keep it dry. The effect was beautiful to watch. Starting at the epicenter of the event (my rear end) I saw the change of expression on every adult face radiate through the room. They then started picking up their kids and sniffing them to see if they needed changing. My wife even checked our daughter. No one said anything but people began to file out of the room. My wife took that as our cue to leave and we went to the car. As soon as the car doors closed I started laughing harder than I had in years. In between gasps I let my wife and our friend know that it wasn't some random kid crapping his pants but that I was the cause of our early departure. I felt like some kind of fart super villain. It was the perfect fart crime.
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Jan 18, 2023 05:24
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Itchy_Grundle posted:This a copy/paste of what I posted a few years back: best post in thread
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Jan 18, 2023 05:29
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I farted in my car right before getting out. Got back in 2 hours later and it stank. I was disgusted, annoyed and proud.
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Jan 18, 2023 05:30
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Mr. Meagles posted:If you've ever shaved, waxed or used a depilatory on your rear end in a top hat the difference it makes when you fart is crazy Talc is your friend. Best farts are ones that emphasise your point in a sex argument.
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Jan 18, 2023 05:53
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Chinatown posted:where teh gently caress is jimmyjams
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Jan 18, 2023 06:05
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I farted while parking my car before a basketball game. I got out, played the game, got back in my car and it was still there and hadn't lost any potency. Nobody else there to appreciate it unfortunately *Edit* just read about waltzing along's fart. Hell yeah
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Jan 18, 2023 06:10
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God, these threads always make me think of the post where someone suggested pushing your buttcheeks up against the shower wall when you fart to let out a holy cacophony, and one goon reported back to say they did it in their dorm room shower, or something, with walls so thin they heard the person next door clearly go, "What the gently caress?"
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Jan 18, 2023 06:35
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The best farts are the ones that make other people mad. When your natural comedy bodily function has the power to legit piss someone else off.
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Jan 18, 2023 06:53
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My little brother liked to sneak up on people, press his butt cheeks up against theirs, and fart as hard as humanly possible. Believe me when I say he can fart hard as gently caress. It is the most profoundly violating experience I’ve ever felt. It made my ex girlfriend cry. I’ve never met a single other person who has thought to do this or had it done to them.
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Jan 18, 2023 06:58
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Registering an account on something bawfuk.co.
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Jan 18, 2023 07:03
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I know the gbs pantshitting thread joke gets thrown around a lot but these threads always make me laugh so incredibly hard. The stories about making other people mad with your farts are my favorite. I feel like I learned the concept of a 'hot pocket' from one of these threads way back and I've giggled about it ever since. the best farts are when you eat a little too much and you feel bad and you think there's going to be a whole event brewing but you rip the perfect gut-clearing brapper and suddenly feel like a whole new person. *farrrrrrp* sir I'm ready to lead the platoon
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Jan 18, 2023 07:13
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EoinCannon posted:I farted while parking my car before a basketball game. I got out, played the game, got back in my car and it was still there and hadn't lost any potency. Nobody else there to appreciate it unfortunately  fart brothers
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Jan 18, 2023 07:52
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Mr. Meagles posted:There are no silent farts with a waxed rear end in a top hat This sounds like a precautionary proverb
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Jan 18, 2023 08:41
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EoinCannon posted:I farted while parking my car before a basketball game. I got out, played the game, got back in my car and it was still there and hadn't lost any potency. Nobody else there to appreciate it unfortunately Speaking of car farts, one thanksgiving I loaded up on the classic hallmarks of turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes. I had to drive my older brother back to his apartment after dinner. Before he got in my lovely 1990 Acura, I ripped a rancid fart and it really tainted the whole ride. It ended up lingering in the car for days after. My car was a gross pale gold beforehand, but I think it got a shade or two darker on that day.
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Jan 18, 2023 08:52
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when my kid was born i ate so much takeout during our stay at the hospital that i wound up getting constipated. by the time we got home my farts had mutated into these dense lingering walls of stench that would not dissipate. my computer desk was around the corner from the bedroom in the main area and i let one rip while sitting there. the stench was so bad i couldnt even stand it myself. ten minutes goes by and i hear from the bedroom "did you just fart?" in that amount of time, the heavy plume of my fart had crept like molasses around the wall and into the bedroom, as strong as if I had just released it. it remained there for about an hour or so.
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Jan 18, 2023 08:59
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Sophy Wackles posted:I archive all my farts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiD9vmFyngU
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Jan 18, 2023 09:14
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