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You Are A Elf posted:Ate a bunch of catfish and broccoli earlier and the farts are just pouring out of my rear end every five seconds. The hot kind that just fwooosh out silently, but smell like a Red Lobster dumpster in July. lord have mercy
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Jan 31, 2023 07:57
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My cat once farted loud enough that it woke me from a long nap and startled him into jumping at the same time. I'm kinda proud of him.
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Jan 31, 2023 08:55
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İ own a ball python, which is maybe the quietest pet you can have short of a fish or a plant. One night i woke up from a dead sleep to what sounded like the rear end trombone of a large man in the room with me. İ was sat up in bed before my eyes were open, trying to make sense of the sound, when a wall of putrescence hit me like a screen door. İt was a physical presence in the room, the way it peeled back my eyelids and crawled up my nose. İt was both animal and chemical, something like burnt rubber meets week-old trash. The next morning i discovered that the young snake had produced one perfectly formed poo right where two walls of his tank met. İ think he must have pulled off the shower wall trick years before i had even heard of it. Not bad for a creature with a cloaca.
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Jan 31, 2023 09:26
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Anyone ever go to take a poo poo and you fart so hard that your rear end kind of lifts off the seat of the toilet? I've had a few of those.
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Jan 31, 2023 17:20
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holy hell, i just ripped rear end and it smelled so bad that it didn't have the pleasure of smelling your "own brand" that farts usually do. i just retched.
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Feb 9, 2023 09:11
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When I was 9 I blew out the rear end of my underwear farting while sitting on the floor playing gameboy.
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Feb 9, 2023 09:42
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Charles Bukowski posted:When I was 9 I blew out the rear end of my underwear farting while sitting on the floor playing gameboy. What game were you playing, and are you going to recreate this now that Gameboy games are on Switch?
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Feb 10, 2023 01:21
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I'm ripping rear end I want the world to know Got to let it show
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Feb 10, 2023 12:26
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LuckyCat posted:What game were you playing, and are you going to recreate this now that Gameboy games are on Switch? Super Mario Land 2 I think, since pokemon hadn't come out yet. No Nintendo's contempt for their customers by not having the entire old Nintendo catalogue open to play keeps me away. Everything runs on phones now too. There's also some nice switch emulation on PC already.
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Feb 10, 2023 13:04
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Yesterday I was laying in bed with my wife and she's hella pregnant. She got up out of bed to get ready for work and a second after she closed the door to the bedroom she ripped rear end. It sounded like a combination of a weed-whacker and ripping open that Amazon packing tape. She got surprised by it and went "Oh... my god!" While it was happening then we both laughed.
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Feb 10, 2023 13:11
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just farted and it smells like diarrhea
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Feb 11, 2023 11:44
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Hollismason posted:Anyone ever go to take a poo poo and you fart so hard that your rear end kind of lifts off the seat of the toilet? I've had a few of those. I just hunker down and let it ripple the water. 
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Feb 11, 2023 11:47
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Ralph Hurley posted:The way I did it was on all fours with my rear end in the air because I found that I could fart more powerfully that way. Then I guess my butthole relaxed allowing air to go in. Hold and repeat with extreme caution. Are you me?
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Feb 11, 2023 11:59
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pencilhands posted:just farted and it smells like diarrhea An all too common experience
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Feb 11, 2023 12:00
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pencilhands posted:just farted and it smells like diarrhea we have all been there. thought and prayers in these trying times
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Feb 11, 2023 12:10
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Robert Mitchum: Baby I Don't Care by Lee Server posted:The first-class section of the TWA flight out of JFK was no-smoking, but Mitchum had lit up anyway. A businesswoman from New York, sitting one row ahead, suffered from various allergies and was not pleased with the gray clouds wafting her way. She turned around in her seat and explained that there was a smoking section in the rear of the plane. Mitchum jabbed out his cigarette. "I wonder which way's the no-farting section," he said. A little later, the allergic woman looked up to see Mitchum suddenly standing very close before her. Standing in the aisle he shifted around so that his back was to her, then bent way over, bracing himself on the back of a seat, and farted in her face. It was not just any fart, witnesses would recall in awe, but something long and deep and sonorous, like nothing they had ever heard before. It very nearly knocked the aircraft off course. Mitchum straightened up, turned, and made his way back to his seat. Wonder who the sources for that anecdote could have been.
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Feb 12, 2023 08:21
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I very clearly remember being 4 years old and lying on my mom's bed, bawling my eyes out, convinced that my stomach could only hurt this bad if I was dying. Turned out it was gas. Afterward I was certain that that fart had saved my life.
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Feb 12, 2023 09:09
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I've been demolishing Hawkins Cheezies bags this week, and also had McDonald's a few times. My farts have been unbelievable. They fill my nasal passages with such a robust body of scent that I'm forced to pay it my full attention until it passes. God bless
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Feb 16, 2023 04:37
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I have had to wear full PPE including respirator for work today. I am now intimately familiar with the concept “as unwelcome as a fart in a spacesuit”.
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Feb 16, 2023 04:40
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Some of the best farts are after you sit down and take a poo poo and you’re just sitting on the toilet and the backed up and blocked off farts are finally able to get out
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Feb 16, 2023 05:09
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Toxic Mental posted:Some of the best farts are after you sit down and take a poo poo and you’re just sitting on the toilet and the backed up and blocked off farts are finally able to get out like a poop miner striking a vein of methane gas
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Feb 16, 2023 05:14
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Just farted and it was so warm and voluminous that I thought I poo poo myself
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Feb 19, 2023 04:34
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Magnificent
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Feb 19, 2023 04:59
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Fart heaps all day, feel kinda greasy, wipe the date and it's like it's been eating chicken masala: gritty and orange.
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Feb 19, 2023 05:15
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One day I was at a festival and the 3 days of beer and lovely food made me rip a killer fart while walking around. The wind carried it away and it was so bad a row of people downwind all went "what this is this eeww" at the same time. A great achievement for sure.
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Feb 19, 2023 23:14
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Son of Rodney posted:One day I was at a festival and the 3 days of beer and lovely food made me rip a killer fart while walking around. The wind carried it away and it was so bad a row of people downwind all went "what this is this eeww" at the same time. I woulda sucked tha fart down
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Feb 19, 2023 23:24
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You know that feeling when you’ve been holding in or stealthily releasing partial farts all day because you’re at work or whatever, and you finally get into your car/get home and just absolutely let it rip for the first time?
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Feb 19, 2023 23:30
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pencilhands posted:You know that feeling when you’ve been holding in or stealthily releasing partial farts all day because you’re at work or whatever, and you finally get into your car/get home and just absolutely let it rip for the first time? no
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Feb 20, 2023 04:21
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I've been farting all drat day.
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Feb 20, 2023 04:59
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Woke myself up from extreme farts at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep because I was painfully ripping rear end every 5 minutes
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Feb 20, 2023 05:18
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I was just thinking today What if instead of heart attacks, people had fart attacks? Everyone would fart in and out regularly, much like we now breathe. Sometimes the intestine would be blocked by built up poop, and their farts would no longer be able to circulate - a “fart attack.” Doctors would perform bypasses so that farts could come out of a different hole on the body, or insert a stent into the rectum to open the intestine wider and allow farts to pass. The symptoms of a fart attack would be a painful anus, the inability to fart, or sudden numbness in one rear end cheek. Sometimes you would be in a place like a restaurant, and a person would stop farting and fall face first to the ground, their rear end lifting into the air wildly and straining to fart. Someone would yell, “help! he’s having a fart attack!” and a doctor would rush over, pull down his pants, and fart directly into his rear end in a top hat, then perform rear end compressions, and shock his rear end cheeks with a defartbrilator.
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Mar 11, 2023 00:42
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The other night the dog was under my chair busting out some silent but violent farts as I was working. Vile. Guess I'll have to cut back giving her Milk Bones. I could probably hot box her if she gets under the covers, but she'll probably like that.
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Mar 11, 2023 00:48
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some people fart like ~purt~ some people fart like FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRPPPP
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Mar 11, 2023 02:11
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definitely had my most sonically impressive bout of flatulence yesterday morning sitting on the toilet. several 5-6 second loud and long trumpets, I am glad my roommate was not home
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Mar 11, 2023 02:13
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Bowlpoot
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Mar 11, 2023 03:12
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I'm still working on the science but my theory is that the smaller the fart the smellier it can be and the louder the less smelly. Now I've been doing my own research and it seems like this really checks out.
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Mar 11, 2023 03:46
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Hollismason posted:I'm still working on the science but my theory is that the smaller the fart the smellier it can be and the louder the less smelly. Now I've been doing my own research and it seems like this really checks out. this has been my experience, SBD is totally a thing
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Mar 11, 2023 03:49
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Revins posted:definitely had my most sonically impressive bout of flatulence yesterday morning sitting on the toilet. several 5-6 second loud and long trumpets, I am glad my roommate was not home I did that once in a hotel room, with a friend whom I had not seen in years waiting outside. They had the decency not to say anything but they definitely heard
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Mar 11, 2023 03:50
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Lardfart
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Mar 11, 2023 03:50
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Not the best but I did scare my new cat with a fart last night. They ran off the chair and hid on top of the cabinets.
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Mar 11, 2023 03:51
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