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Once in high school a fart slipped out as I started up the stairs on the ground floor and I did not stop farting until I got to the second floor. Sometimes I think about the people behind me because it was during a class change. Who were they? What class were they going to? Were they as horrified as I was?
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Mar 11, 2023 04:34
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| # ? May 6, 2024 08:53 |
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have you ever farted in bed with the same resonant frequency as the springs inside your mattress causing the springs to sing?
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Mar 11, 2023 04:52
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I’m constantly uncomfortably holding them in or farting infinitely, because I have a problem where I can’t pass bowel movements completely, so almost always one is stuck in there slowly decaying into gas. It would probably take a hundred years for it to entirely do the state of matter change to gas, and I like to imagine there would be some way scientists could harness this power for the greater benefit of mankind.
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Mar 11, 2023 05:51
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I live in a rambler style house. This morning while walking from the bedroom to the kitchen, polar opposite sides of this long domicile, I had the loudest walking farts the entire way. Step "brapt* step *brapt* the entire length of the house. Woke up the wife and she was cackling the whole time. Edit: paced it out. Was around a dozen big loud farts
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Mar 11, 2023 17:55
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Roundup Ready posted:I live in a rambler style house. This morning while walking from the bedroom to the kitchen, polar opposite sides of this long domicile, I had the loudest walking farts the entire way. Step "brapt* step *brapt* the entire length of the house. Woke up the wife and she was cackling the whole time. This could be a new way track runners could gain extra speed, as long as they can maintain enough fart fuel for their anal booster.
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Mar 12, 2023 03:07
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just had a really good one 4 to 5 seconds loud and pungent
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Mar 12, 2023 03:33
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I can’t stop ripping rear end
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Mar 12, 2023 05:26
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pencilhands posted:I can’t stop ripping rear end Never stop
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Mar 12, 2023 05:27
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I was at the renaissance fair earlier today and had a big bread bowl full of broccoli and cheese. Once it hit my intestines, I started inflating. I didn’t want to rip rear end around anyone, so I waited for my sister to go to the restroom where not too many people were around the outside so I could relieve myself. I put my rear end up against the wall. I looked to my left; no one. I looked to my right where two dudes some distance were also waiting for someone. I thought it was just gonna slip out softly with little to no noise. This was an rear end cheek flappy and slappy thunderous fart that resonated off the wall. Without missing a beat and to try and save face, I turned to the dudes, looked them dead in the eyes and told them, “Sometimes you just can’t hold them in anymore, y’know?”
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Mar 13, 2023 06:52
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You Are A Elf posted:I was at the renaissance fair earlier today and had a big bread bowl full of broccoli and cheese. Once it hit my intestines, I started inflating. I didn’t want to rip rear end around anyone, so I waited for my sister to go to the restroom where not too many people were around the outside so I could relieve myself. Plot twist: they didn't even realize it was you and you just gave yourself away
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Mar 13, 2023 06:54
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Oh, they definitely knew it was me. They were already laughing before I even turned to them.
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Mar 13, 2023 06:59
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pencilhands posted:I can’t stop ripping rear end I had to check to make sure I hadn't actually ripped my rear end once after letting out a painfully pressurised but short fart, it legit hurt that bad.
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Mar 13, 2023 08:58
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just ripped my usual morning rear end. It smelled bad.
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Mar 13, 2023 11:32
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Spend a good amount of my time in bed letting them go, usually about 10 minutes after retiring and then between the hours of 6am until I get up. Roll over *brapt*, roll over *bawwwwwt*. I get a good amount of soluble fibre in the diet as I really like the clean no wipe shits it produces. At least the wife laughs. Everyone winds. Heh.
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Mar 13, 2023 12:54
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bossy lady posted:have you ever farted in bed with the same resonant frequency as the springs inside your mattress causing the springs to sing? It’s like the brown note but for farts. If other people are nearby it will also cause them to fart.
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Mar 13, 2023 19:46
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Roundup Ready posted:I live in a rambler style house. This morning while walking from the bedroom to the kitchen, polar opposite sides of this long domicile, I had the loudest walking farts the entire way. Step "brapt* step *brapt* the entire length of the house. Woke up the wife and she was cackling the whole time. I did this at baseball practice when I was about 18 but during a high-knees running drill down the foul (heh) line. Turned around to run back and there were 3 of my teammates on the ground incapacitated with laughter.
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Mar 13, 2023 19:53
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Grem posted:I had the most unleashed, satisfying, rear end in a top hat shattering fart in bed next to my wife. I pretended to be asleep, she sure wasn't. She sighed heavily. She filed for divorce a week later. I think I've found the writing prompt for my next game jam. Thank you.
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Mar 13, 2023 20:05
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Any fart that makes my pants fit better is the best fart I've ever done.
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Mar 13, 2023 20:07
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Every morning I get up and go pee while my fiancée stays in bed for another minute so she can rip a loud fart that she's clearly been holding in when she thinks I can't hear 
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Mar 13, 2023 20:14
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Flying to China at the end of the month and I'm already planning on creatine and eggs prior to leaving for the airport because it's important for me to be able to fart in First/business class while boarding. It's bad luck if I don't.
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Mar 13, 2023 21:58
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Charles Bukowski posted:Not the best but I did scare my new cat with a fart last night. They ran off the chair and hid on top of the cabinets. Welcome to the Party, Pal
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Mar 13, 2023 22:11
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One time in high school a fart I let out smelled so bad it got some other kid (who was normally a trouble maker and found the absolute bomb of a fart I let out hilarious) sent to the principals office. That's right, I once farted so badly it got someone else in trouble.
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Mar 13, 2023 22:14
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Ripped a series of silent nasty sulfur farts that stunk up the locker room in middle school bad enough that our gym teacher allegedly walked through the room to make sure nobody had taken a poo poo in a hidden spot. It lingered pretty well, still there when we came back in to change. Still never ripped one as bad as the legendary one my stepdad ripped one Christmas. He had cooked up some slightly expired chorizo the previous night and loving saturated the house, while getting away with it by playing dumb and letting his brother take the heat. We had windows open at about 10' F to get rid of the drat smell.
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Mar 14, 2023 00:40
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Just a extraordinary amount of rocket poo poo farts today. I'm sick I may have COVID and the farts won't stop coming.
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Mar 14, 2023 01:35
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In elementary school, a friend could fart on command. Really deeply unhealthy smell. I remember him farting in a public pool and a man started retching across the pool, asking who farted. I don't understand the fart physics of that one, but I think about it often.
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Mar 14, 2023 03:16
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I was hosting an FWB on vacation for a little over a week. The first morning that I had the bed all to myself again, I let loose the loudest, heaviest, most relieving morning fart, to the point that it almost felt like I hadn't farted for that whole week at all. Farts are a much more important part of my morning routine than I thought.
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Mar 14, 2023 03:46
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No fart crew even suggesting eating 4 sugar free cough drops in a couple hours?
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Mar 14, 2023 04:08
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I am farting like crazy and even with my nose stopped up their pretty powerful. Cough syrup farts are strong and beautiful.
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Mar 14, 2023 04:29
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You Are A Elf posted:I was at the renaissance fair earlier today and had a big bread bowl full of broccoli and cheese. What were you wearing?
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Mar 14, 2023 04:40
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have you guys ever felt kinda nauseous all day then let loose a deep, powerful fart and you can literally feel the sickness leave your body
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Mar 14, 2023 05:05
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Ralph Hurley posted:What were you wearing? Pork pie hat and a codpiece.
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Mar 14, 2023 05:25
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You ever have that pasta made with edamame or chickpea flour? Hoo boy! Shoulda called it fartuccine!
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Mar 14, 2023 06:02
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A runner up story is once after meeting a partner's parents for the first time and had dinner at their place we got into our car and for the first minute at least it was both of us farting off a bunch of farts and laughing because we'd both held them in the whole time. The dad has zero shame and will just let them rip without a care in the world, whatever he's doing. I'm jealous.
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Mar 14, 2023 07:44
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ripping some good farts today. one of them woke my cat up
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Mar 15, 2023 02:16
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Farted so hard just now that my rear end in a top hat is tingling.
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Mar 15, 2023 03:02
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My farts smell absolutely sickening today. You know how no matter how heinous your farts are, you generally can recognize your own “brand” and it’s comforting in a sense? I woke up today to my own farts and thought someone else was farting in my house.
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Mar 15, 2023 03:28
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pencilhands posted:My farts smell absolutely sickening today. You know how no matter how heinous your farts are, you generally can recognize your own “brand” and it’s comforting in a sense? I woke up today to my own farts and thought someone else was farting in my house. I started taking pre and probiotics and for a week or so it smelled like someone else had taken a poo poo in my rear end
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Mar 15, 2023 04:15
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Danger! Never fart around an open flame. You may destroy THE ENTIRE BUILDING.
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Mar 15, 2023 05:43
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buFyqPorpdQ
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Mar 15, 2023 08:31
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| # ? May 6, 2024 08:53 |
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chainchompz posted:A runner up story is once after meeting a partner's parents for the first time and had dinner at their place we got into our car and for the first minute at least it was both of us farting off a bunch of farts and laughing because we'd both held them in the whole time. Are your father-in-law's farts loud and long? If so, sit a yard or two away from him next time you visit, and as soon as you hear a fart of his starting, fart yourself. The sound of his fart will mask the sound of yours, and of course all the smell can be still blamed on him.
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Mar 17, 2023 02:06
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