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This a copy/paste of what I posted a few years back: I cleared out a preschool classroom once. When my daughter was about three, her daycare had a little Halloween/art show thing on a Saturday morning. The rooms were packed shoulder to shoulder with parents and their toddlers, wandering around looking at toddler art projects. Little did they know that we were hosting some old friends from college that weekend and one of them brought a deep fryer. (It was a Friend's Thanksgiving type gathering and we were going to deep fry a turkey outside on Saturday evening.) My friends showed up on Friday night and we all proceeded to drink beer like we were still 20. Later in the evening we got the bright idea to set up the fryer, make some batter, and deep fry anything we could think of. Onion rings, cheese, vegetables, you name it. This went on past midnight. By the time I arrived at my daughter's classroom with not only my wife and daughter but one of our friends and her kid, my stomach was churning. I wanted to go find some place to let loose the pressure, but there was only one bathroom available to adults in the school, and that was accessed via a pass that you picked up at the front office. A definite no-go as there would actually be a log of my log. I feared the ramifications for my daughter's academic future if I let loose the vile combination of too much beer battered god-knows-what and gallons of IPA under that roof. I then had an epiphany--I was in a crowded room, but many of the people in that room were kids wearing diapers. I'd let them take the fall for my stench. Using skills carefully honed over decades I purged all of the gas out in one long silent release. I even managed to keep it dry. The effect was beautiful to watch. Starting at the epicenter of the event (my rear end) I saw the change of expression on every adult face radiate through the room. They then started picking up their kids and sniffing them to see if they needed changing. My wife even checked our daughter. No one said anything but people began to file out of the room. My wife took that as our cue to leave and we went to the car. As soon as the car doors closed I started laughing harder than I had in years. In between gasps I let my wife and our friend know that it wasn't some random kid crapping his pants but that I was the cause of our early departure. I felt like some kind of fart super villain. It was the perfect fart crime.
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Jan 18, 2023 05:24
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| # ¿ May 19, 2024 05:47 |
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