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Screaming for emergency medical transport after my dick gets ripped off because I disengaged safety protocols and tried out Worf's Klingon Love Planet holosuite program
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Jan 24, 2023 00:21
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Wifi Toilet posted:Transporters gently caress up too much. That’s how you get multiple Rikers. Do you want a galaxy full of Rikers? Wait, dumb question, do you want a galaxy full of Barclays?  If we had a galaxy full of Rikers, we'd have a perfect transporter packet relay across the universe. If we had a transporter room of Barclays, the packet relay would turn everyone into an animal that Barclay wants to gently caress 
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Jan 24, 2023 00:27
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Hollismason posted:Screaming for emergency medical transport after my dick gets ripped off because I disengaged safety protocols and tried out Worf's Klingon Love Planet holosuite program Just get a brand new holodick from EMH
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Jan 24, 2023 00:35
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Hollismason posted:Screaming for emergency medical transport after my dick gets ripped off because I disengaged safety protocols and tried out Worf's Klingon Love Planet holosuite program why can't the emergency medical transporter just transport your dick back on
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Jan 24, 2023 00:38
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Cant even count all the gold-pressed latinum from the royalties of the Captain Cuck on the USS Enteryourwife holodeck program.
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Jan 24, 2023 00:41
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*walks into Holodeck 01* “Computer, begin program Lucky Cat Number 2.” *takes a massive space poo poo which causes hull breaches on Deck 11*
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Jan 24, 2023 00:43
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Going back to that sector with the alien entity that impregnated Deanna so she can visit her space baby's ghost or w/e
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Jan 24, 2023 00:52
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However, if humanity were ever to invent the Holodeck, society/progress/mankind itself would come to a screeching grinding halt. Once someone set foot in a holodeck it would instantly be all over.  You know why there aren't criminals in the Federation? same reason you don't see any holodeck technicians
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Jan 24, 2023 00:52
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Number_6 posted:Going back to that sector with the alien entity that impregnated Deanna so she can visit her space baby's ghost or w/e She has child support to pay.
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Jan 24, 2023 00:56
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Guinan broke out her *other* secret stash and now Captain Picard is trying to play Phish songs on that loving flute of his.
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Jan 24, 2023 00:58
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someone leeched power off the life-support for decks 12-17 to power their mining software - again on the bright side, we don't have to worry about the school's Picard Day this year
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Jan 24, 2023 01:30
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The Federation provides all its citizens with material needs , but there are no drugs.
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Jan 24, 2023 01:31
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The security chief got space drunk and hosed the robot. Then she died after being covered in buckets of black goo. They want you to think that these events aren't related.
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Jan 24, 2023 01:33
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That's what they want you think
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Jan 24, 2023 01:33
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Also the robot got laid more often than the chief engineer (human male with cool sunglasses), who for all we know is still a virgin.
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Jan 24, 2023 01:35
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Apparently when the senior staff time traveled to the 1890s Riker hosed my great great great great great great grandmother and is now insisting that I call him "Commander Gramps".
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Jan 24, 2023 01:35
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A baby alien space whale has attached itself to the ship. I have been invited to the meeting of the senior staff because the window of my quarters is covered by what is believed to be its genitalia. My request for a change of quarters has been denied, instead I have been ordered to observe it for the remainder of the voyage.
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Jan 24, 2023 01:46
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Q appears on bridge Q - im fuckin booooooored.
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Jan 24, 2023 02:00
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So some kinda virus made everyone de-evolve into animals, and I turned into a horse. Coulda been worse--heard my superior officer turned into a barnacle--but it's been two weeks and my quarters still smell like poo poo
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Jan 24, 2023 02:04
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This really weird and agitated junior lieutenant keeps putting triple parenthesis around Q in his reports
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Jan 24, 2023 02:09
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I've been banned from the holodeck
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Jan 24, 2023 02:10
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The last time I was in the turbo lift with Worf he just let one rip then inhaled deeply and said "A Warriors Smell"
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Jan 24, 2023 02:12
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Will somebody please bang Lwaxana so I can get some important work done *loads up "Betazoid MILFS in heat" holosuite program*
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Jan 24, 2023 02:19
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I'm Ensign Smedley. My job is to keep Picard's dune buggy in tip-top shape. For this I spent four years at the Academy? Fucker's only taken it out once, too.
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Jan 24, 2023 02:20
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“Chief O’Brien to the Briefing Room” *O’Brien shows up* “Just kidding!” *Muffled laughter as the doors close as O’Brien leaves*
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Jan 24, 2023 02:24
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Hey can I bum some food off of you? I went over my replicator limit for the week because I couldn't help myself and made a bunch of period correct costumes to participate in literary stories on the holodeck. Yea I know I have a problem.
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Jan 24, 2023 02:32
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If I’m not on duty I’m high on space weed and when I have to report I just use a hypospray to instantly sober.
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Jan 24, 2023 02:41
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*not paying attention but still wants credit for participating* "Uhh... What if we, um. Reversed polarity? Yes, what if we turned our tachyon sensors into tachyon emitters instead?" *Zones back out*
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Jan 24, 2023 02:44
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 Excuse me. Captain? I was looking at the rules while I was on the Holodeck.  It turns out there’s no rule that says a Klingon can’t play basketball.  
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Jan 24, 2023 02:47
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the big secret no one tells you is that the food replicator machine makes food from sewage
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Jan 24, 2023 02:54
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Set a course to Tatooine!
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Jan 24, 2023 02:54
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I thought getting Holodeck cleanup duty after Rikers been in it was bad. But having to do Worf's quarters... I mean have you seen his bathroom? I didn't think it was possible for a man to drink nothing but prune juice.
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Jan 24, 2023 02:57
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Chinatown posted:the big secret no one tells you is that the food replicator machine makes food from sewage No, they tell you that. At least that's what the wiki says quote:Federation replicators often recycled waste produced by living beings – including fecal material – to provide the raw material for replicators. Such material was deconstructed down to the atomic level, and then recombined as needed into foodstuffs and other products. (DIS: "There Is A Tide...")
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Jan 24, 2023 03:05
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That’s why I‘d live entirely on grubworms and kanar while on station.
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Jan 24, 2023 04:05
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Professor Shark posted:“Chief O’Brien to the Briefing Room” Later the Gang hauls his corpse up a mountain
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Jan 24, 2023 04:06
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ikanreed posted:No, they tell you that. loll
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Jan 24, 2023 04:50
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One of the admirals invited me to a secret meeting and smugly unveiled a bowl full of mealworms and was shocked when I just ate them.
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Jan 24, 2023 04:54
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 which one of you fukkers wants to throw down
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Jan 24, 2023 05:15
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Really had to piss on a away mission to some desert planet now my dick and balls are infested with a silica based micro civilization
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Jan 24, 2023 05:18
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| # ? May 5, 2024 16:35 |
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i warp speed crash into earth
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Jan 24, 2023 05:21
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