Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


resurrect Dad Gay So What.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe
Hark! Venture ye into the catacombs beneath the catacombs of Viconte Tarantino and retrieve for me 5 Uma Thurman feet pix ere I will part with mine gold for thee

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011

Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

can you get me some realgar from the tannery? I'll pay you quite well, 10,000 gold pieces.

ah, this looks like good quality, just have to test it. come on my dear marjorie, it's time for your supper

thank you, the results have been marvelous. where's my wife? what kind of question is that? take your money and leave me be!

Eikre
May 2, 2009
plz help me fix my life

(it's a romance questline, obviously)

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 17 hours!
Nap Ghost
look, I know you're busy saving the world and everything, but, can you go kill my ex-boss? I have like $54 and a knife that a witch claims she enchanted

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

A Soft Nylon Bag
Ask all townsfolk “whose tuggin?”

Wifi Toilet
Oct 1, 2004

Toilet Rascal
Fetch ingredients and cook a dinner for 2.

Your reward is half of my dinner.

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

The vile wizard in yonder tower borrowed my plunger and never gave it back, I need you to break in and retrieve it.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 17 hours!
Nap Ghost

super sweet best pal posted:

The vile wizard in yonder tower borrowed my plunger and never gave it back, I need you to break in and retrieve it.

gently caress! Tolkien has nothing on this guy

Jelly
Feb 11, 2004

Ask me about my STD collection!
"Take these vestments and spear, break into the capitol and overthrow tyranny"

Darth Brooks
Jan 15, 2005

I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

Go see the Piper at the Gates of Dawn. He will hand you a Saucerful of Secrets. Take it to
Ummagumma, who will share it with his Atom Heart Mother. They will give you Relics and tell you not to Meddle in the affairs of elves.

Go to the meadow Obscured by Clouds and look at The Dark Side of the Moon. A Nice Pair of trolls will talk as if they don't see you. They will Wish You Were Here and leave a bag made with the skins of Animals.

Put the Relics in The bag and take them to the hole in The Wall at the edge of the meadow.

You will experience A Momentary Lapse of Reason until you hear the Delicate Sound of Thunder.

A light will Shine On The Division Bell and make it ring. At the sound the forest trees will shake and Pulse. A hidden panel will open and a treasure will come out. Take the silver disk and use it whenever you wish to relive your adventure.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
Help me milk this cow. I don't want to do it. Uh as a reward I will give you the... my only... this... um.. an item of great power... which will be.. this mighty four pronged trident!

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 17 hours!
Nap Ghost

Jelly posted:

"Take these vestments and spear, break into the capitol and overthrow tyranny"

yeah, yeah, yeah, we all played Fallout 3

Gologle
Apr 15, 2013

The Gologle Posting Experience.

<3
Go kill Death, the optional superboss, so you can unlock dialogue with Terry Pratchett afterwards.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 17 hours!
Nap Ghost

Gologle posted:

Go kill Death, the optional superboss, so you can unlock dialogue with Terry Pratchett afterwards.

I don't want to kill Death. It's a strangely relatable anthropomorphic personification of mortality
Edit: Plus, Susan would be real mad at me

canyoneer
Sep 13, 2005


I only have canyoneyes for you
I lost something important I need you to retrieve. I'd do it myself but there's not a giant yellow arrow pointing towards it for me

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009
You, great hero, have to go out with me.

Yes, you have to. Otherwise this quest just won't get done.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 17 hours!
Nap Ghost

Blurry Gray Thing posted:

You, great hero, have to go out with me.

Yes, you have to. Otherwise this quest just won't get done.

I am not sure I like this questline

DeeplyConcerned
Apr 29, 2008

I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!
i'm thirsty! Go across town and grab me my favorite drink, apple cider! what do you mean you're saving the world and it's unreasonable for me to ask you to drop everything just to grab me something to drink? you know I'm an NPC, right? I'm programmed to sit here and smoke my never ending hookah, wait for you to show up , and ask you to please grab me my cider. That's it. you don't want me to die of thirst, do you? wow I'm so sorry It's such a burden to get me something to drink. it's just a little hard to think of anything else when you're dying of loving thirst!

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



DeeplyConcerned posted:

i'm thirsty! Go across town and grab me my favorite drink, apple cider! what do you mean you're saving the world and it's unreasonable for me to ask you to drop everything just to grab me something to drink? you know I'm an NPC, right? I'm programmed to sit here and smoke my never ending hookah, wait for you to show up , and ask you to please grab me my cider. That's it. you don't want me to die of thirst, do you? wow I'm so sorry It's such a burden to get me something to drink. it's just a little hard to think of anything else when you're dying of loving thirst!

a game where it was like this from every quest giver would probably own

Lawman 0
Aug 17, 2010

Find my prized fancy pet alpaca so I can win the county fair livestock contest.

Bloopsy
Jun 1, 2006

you have been visited by the Tasty Garlic Bread. you will be blessed by having good Garlic Bread in your life time, but only if you comment "ty garlic bread" in the thread below
Me wife has been getting ploughed by Rufus, one of the stable hands. They’ve been meeting daily in the third stall having a go at it. Go down there to catch them in the act and kill Rufus. Bring back his cock so I know you’ve done the deed.
(Optional) leave no witnesses

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 17 hours!
Nap Ghost

Bloopsy posted:

Me wife has been getting ploughed by Rufus, one of the stable hands. They’ve been meeting daily in the third stall having a go at it. Go down there to catch them in the act and kill Rufus. Bring back his cock so I know you’ve done the deed.
(Optional) leave no witnesses

optional: gently caress this dudes wife

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Get alcohol for my baby. I need 4x Everclear for my baby.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
You there, brave Sir Knight! Come here a moment, I would ask a boon of thee. Alas I have fallen in love with a maiden most fair and yet she knows me not. Therefore I would ask a boon of thee. For each pair of her unwashed panties thou canst bring to me I will pay thee a kingly sum of 5g! (Repeatable)

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Milk a fresh gallon from my loins

covidstomper58
Nov 8, 2020

I don't like the governmental overreach requiring bodies be disposed of properly in a graveyard. Here's a dwarven shovel I just bought, go dig up five graves and I will reward you with 1 gold for each grave.

- after 4-7 graves someone will notice and the guards will be called
- 1% chance the player will awaken an angry spirit
- 1% chance the player will dig up a rare piece of equipment
- the shovel sells for 10gp to a shopkeeper if they don't use it

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


quest? well my ballsack could use some attention I suppose.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Probation
Can't post for 17 hours!
Nap Ghost

By popular demand posted:

quest? well my ballsack could use some attention I suppose.

*sigh* I'll go get my high heels

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
*pins a notice to the notice board

Wanted: Cow milker.

Reward: A sleek glossy black pair of leather knee high stiletto boots.

tiaz
Jul 1, 2004

PICK UP THAT PRESENT.


Zelensky's Zealots
Retrieve the legendary Cask of Amontillado from yonder catacombs

tiaz
Jul 1, 2004

PICK UP THAT PRESENT.


Zelensky's Zealots
Find happiness, it must be on this continent somewhere :smith:

tiaz
Jul 1, 2004

PICK UP THAT PRESENT.


Zelensky's Zealots
Locate and retrieve or craft a warhammer so two-handed that Tyr himself cannot wield it

tiaz
Jul 1, 2004

PICK UP THAT PRESENT.


Zelensky's Zealots
Find an Adult

Dystopia Barbarian
Dec 25, 2022

by vyelkin
Forage 20 elderberries from the forest of forgetting, return them to me on my humble farm by the hills of green, whereupon I shall use them to make a fine wine.

Next, our adventurer must pour the wine down my naked body under a harvest moon, and drink it from my toes.

Finally, the adventurer must.. oh no I forgot the final part of the quest. Too much time in the forest of forgetting, I suppose. If only you'd shown up sooner, adventurer.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

tiaz posted:

Retrieve the legendary Cask of Amontillado from yonder catacombs

tiaz posted:

Find happiness, it must be on this continent somewhere :smith:

tiaz posted:

Locate and retrieve or craft a warhammer so two-handed that Tyr himself cannot wield it

tiaz posted:

Find an Adult

OK first I go to the catacombs and collect the booze. Then I go search for a master smith who is almost certain to be an adult. Then I trade the booze with the smith to craft the hammer. When he's done I tell him what a great job he did which makes him feel happy.

Senator Sprinkles
Aug 16, 2008

Cmon follow me, it’s easier if I show you *takes off at 115% walking speed*

Play
Apr 25, 2006

Strong stroll for a mangy stray
I dunno. Bring me some potatoes. Slime essences. Bear furs. Dragon smegma. Something like that

Leper Go-getter
Nov 7, 2010
I know you, the hero who braved the underworld and banished the old god Chroo'feuss, saving the whole continent of Fargrandia. You bless our humble village with your pressence. Incidentally my cousin Steve owes me 300 farthings and so

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
Hey adventurer what's up? You good? Alright. Anyway so. Deal is: One of us sells only weed and the other only weed. Choose wisely.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply