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"No living man can kill me!" "Am am no man..." Eowyn says, pulling twin mithril-plated Desert Eagles. "...and neither are these." Eowyn blows the wraith away. "Wow, I guess it's true what they say..." Merry spits on the remnants of the Witch KIng. "Men don't kill the Nazgul, guns kill Nazgul." Eowyn lights up a cigar. "Okay, Merry," she says. "Let's put some meat back on the menu..." "Yes indeed, m'lady." Merry pulled out a small wireless detonator. He'd hooked enough C4 up to the war oliphants to blow the entire species into extinction, and with a simple press of the button, they exploded in chunks that acted like shrapnel to the enemy forces. "It's just a little burnt..." "Strider-One calling Daddy's Girl. Repeat Strider-One to Daddy's Girl." Eowyn's comm sizzled. "The Ghost Army cleared the bottleneck, we've got a kill zone near your location. We're gonna deploy 'The Forge' while the satellite is in position, so you have thirty seconds to fall back to the water." "Elven Glass parking lot..." Merry mutters. "Better get the hell out of here..."
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Feb 7, 2023 08:57
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| # ? May 13, 2024 02:15 |
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Rivendell News reporting another school shooting in Gondor, marking the third tragedy of its kind in the past month for the troubled realm of mortal men.
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Feb 7, 2023 08:59
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Instead of the Hobbit movies a GBU-57A Massive Ordinance Penetrator impacts Bag End during the unexpected party, killing all occupants.
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Feb 7, 2023 09:53
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Treebeard emerges from the forest to a clearing. He sees stumps which are all that remain of old friends, and in the distance smoke and fires at Isengard. He roars a loud, terrible roar into the night, and several more Ents stomp their way out of the forest to join him. Each armed with an M-16. One has two and hands the extra one to Treebeard. "Treebeard, why are you declaring war on Isengard? Look what they've done already, and they're sure to be full of orcs and worse!" Pippin exclaims. “I want them to know that death is coming, and there is nothing they can do to stop it. Also, call me Treembo from now on.”
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Feb 7, 2023 10:26
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Frodo is a JTAC
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Feb 7, 2023 16:46
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The Witch King is looking around the Mordor armory. He picks up a sword. Then he shakes his head and puts it down. He picks up a massively oversized flail and gives it a few test swings. Maybe this is the one. Then he pauses. Slowly, the camera pans to a .50 cal machine gun lying in the back.
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Feb 7, 2023 17:04
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TITTIEKISSER69 posted:Treebeard emerges from the forest to a clearing. He sees stumps which are all that remain of old friends, and in the distance smoke and fires at Isengard.  A M-16 is way, way too small for an Ent.  A GAU-8 30mm autocannon would fit perfectly 
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Feb 7, 2023 17:08
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What have I got in my pocket?
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Feb 7, 2023 17:14
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Scene: Mordor, desolate and bleak. An old skull in an elven helmet lies front and center in the shot. Goblins in armor walk into the shot, marching in ranks. Voiceover: "Now goblins are cruel, wicked, and bad-hearted. They make no beautiful things, but they make many clever ones. Hammers, axes, swords, daggers, pickaxes, tongs, and also instruments of torture, they make very well, or get other people to make to their design, prisoners and slaves that have to work till they die for want of air and light. It is not unlikely that they invented some of the machines that have since troubled the world, especially the ingenious devices for killing large numbers of people at once, for wheels and engines and explosions always delighted them." There is an ominous rumble, and a tank's treads run over the skull. It is only the first of a goblin tank column.
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Feb 7, 2023 17:15
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"They have a cannon troll."
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Feb 7, 2023 17:25
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legolas blows up a nazgul with his barrett 50 cal  but merry and pippin are forced to clear IEDs
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Feb 7, 2023 18:11
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Who would win, a regiment of Orcs or 100 modern trained and equipped US Navy SEALS?
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Feb 7, 2023 18:28
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LaserPrinter69 posted:Who would win, a regiment of Orcs or 100 modern trained and equipped US Navy SEALS? Looks like US Navy SEAL meat's back on the menu!
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Feb 7, 2023 18:30
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Wizard battle from the Wizards but it's Gandalf and Saruman  
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Feb 7, 2023 18:31
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free hubcaps posted:GUNDALF
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Feb 7, 2023 18:33
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Colonel Cancer posted:Wizard battle from the Wizards but it's Gandalf and Saruman Witch-King of Angmar "I will break him" Gundolf 'Break this' duel wields machine pistols, mag dumps on on the Witch-King's evil dinosaur
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Feb 7, 2023 18:38
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"What's a nine, Precious? What's a nine, eh?" "Nine mill-i-meter handgun? Load it, pull it, bust a cap in your rear end."
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Feb 7, 2023 20:14
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The dwarves build a giant gun that shoots Sauron in the eye and blinds him.
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Feb 8, 2023 01:49
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One does not simply Glock into Mordor.
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Feb 8, 2023 16:47
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Smooth Bor-omir
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Feb 8, 2023 16:57
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Feb 8, 2023 17:04
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Anduril, Flamethrower of the West
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Feb 8, 2023 17:35
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Orcs in Moria: MORE DAKKA!!
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Feb 8, 2023 18:52
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Feb 8, 2023 19:00
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bilbo poses a riddle to gollum, “what have i got in my pocket?” as gollum begins to ponder, bilbo draws a concealed handgun and fires a full clip into the ancient creature, slaying it instantly
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Feb 8, 2023 20:14
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Denethor (to Pippin, while eating tomatoes disgustingly): Can you shoot?
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Feb 8, 2023 20:44
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"the only way to stop a bad orc with a gun is a good " *gets shot at shire Walmart* "Middle Earth doesn't have a gun problem, we have a menta" *gets shot while working the forge* "Guns don't kill people, bullets ki" *gets shot at Mordor Elementary*
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Feb 8, 2023 20:48
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Spaghetti western retelling of LoTR would own actually.
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Feb 8, 2023 20:58
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The ring of power is now a gun. The Fellowship breaks up instantly when all of them refuse to destroy a gun, citing that the first thing the communists and Nazis did was round up all the guns and throw them into a volcano, too. Bilbo shoots one of the Elf Lords dead and makes a new suggestion to the Fellowship... "Okay, if I'm going down, I'm not going down alone. I'll drag each one of you down by saying this was a conspiracy to assassinate that fool, so you have one of two choices: We let law take care of this, or we destroy the weapon to keep it from ever being used as evidence..."
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Feb 9, 2023 05:39
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This came up in Sci-Fi wifi, a sweaty jungle trek 1970s action thriller retelling of Lord of the Rings where Glamdring is a WW2 machine gun and the Balrog is an APC.
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Feb 9, 2023 05:43
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Haahahah
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Feb 9, 2023 05:50
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Sour Ol' Ron's boys have done rustlin are cattle once and for all, time to form a posse
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Feb 9, 2023 05:57
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Orome riding into combat upon a main battle tank, blasting the music of the Quendi, hard bass.
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Feb 9, 2023 06:08
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The kingdom of Gundor
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Feb 9, 2023 06:25
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Theoden shooting the Haradrim general through the throat and decapitating him.
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Feb 9, 2023 06:29
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Feb 9, 2023 06:59
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his loving pose lmao
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Feb 9, 2023 07:17
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Colonel Cancer posted:Spaghetti western retelling of LoTR would own actually. This is exactly what inspired Stephen Kings's Dark Tower
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Feb 9, 2023 11:42
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Flinger posted:This is exactly what inspired Stephen Kings's Dark Tower I take it back then. It definitely would not own.
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Feb 9, 2023 14:11
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| # ? May 13, 2024 02:15 |
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Gundalf the Chrome-Plated Desert Eagle whistles in the plain to call upon his steed. A rumble is felt in the distance. The music swells while a Bradley Fighting Vehicle drives on the plain, towards Gundalf & his squad: "That is one of the IFVs, unless my tactical goggles are being jammed." Legunlas adds, in awe of the beast. The BFV stops a few meters close to the party, and Gundalf gently caresses it on it's sloped front armor: "Shadowemail", (the BFV purrs gently), "is the Lord of all APCs, and it's been my friend through many dangers" Cut to a majestic sight and music as the crew rides to Egunras.
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Feb 9, 2023 14:51
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