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 From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Emperess of the Crocopus Empire. Dearest Cousin. I write to you from the Bridge of the ICSS Enterprise. I must once again express my gratitude for giving me this opportunity to redeem myself. I know the loss of a full third of the Royal Navy in a single action over Eniwetok has been one of the lowest points of our empire's history, and that I am mostly to blame for the accidental destruction of Teeka Prime. BUT! I will point to the immediate surrender of the remnants of the Teekan forces, and I will endeavor and lead this new fleet to victory! Your trust in me is not to be misplaced, even if there are those who say you would have had me executed if not for my blood. I know you, dearest cousin, would not stoop to such reactionary measures, even if the gods did not frown on spilling noble blood. I shall lead the newly reformed third fleet to victory in the Grognard sector! From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter. To - Her Royal Highness, Emperor of the Crocopus Empire. Dearest Cousin. I have no idea if or when you will receive this missive, but I have reconfigured my emergency transponder to transmit this message to the imperial court. I must report the events that have occurred in the last few hours. I was taking some personal time in my bath, when the alarm began to sound. Suddenly the Captain of the Enterprise and several of the bridge crew rushed into my room and informed me the Enterprise had taken catastrophic damage from an asteroid strike, and was on course to break apart! I of course stated my intentions to go down with the ship, but the crew hurriedly informed me that my royal blood made my survival imperative. I was hurried along to the nearest escape pod, and jettisoned to safety. I have to admit, as I sat in the escape pot, spinning through space, I could not see any damage, but I am not an engineer - it was also too late to comment, as I was grabbed by the gravity well of the nearby world and pulled down into the atmosphere. There were some scary moments, let me tell you - apparently my pod had been damaged in the accident, as the braking thrusters failed to fire! I was able to get some of them working with some hasty rewiring, but thankfully I landed in a small lake rather than on the ground, and the water was enough to cushion the rest of the blow. I immediately grabbed my ceremonial sword and cut myself free and shot towards the surface, cresting the wave sword first. It seems my appearance was a shock to the locals, a small mammalian species that call themselves “Humans” - The universal translator suggests they thought me a Draconian for a time! Oh how I laughed. This seems to have been taken as a threat by the leader of the group, who drew a simple steel sword and attempted to run me through! I of course devoured the man, and several of his more overambitious bodyguards. It was then that a “man” I later learned was called Arther, stopped the others, and properly prostrated himself before me. A couple of the others failed to do so, so I dealt with them, then questioned the man. Apparently the leader of the group was the local leader, who I had just killed, creating something of a power vacuum. I immediately remembered my Imperial conquest primer, and declared this man the new leader. This seems to have cemented my hold over this creature. Unable to pronounce my true name, they have named me Merlin, and seem to think me and my technology as some sort of magic. This world has somehow escaped our records, the inhabitants are primitive, but the world has a oxygen nitrogen atmosphere and a huge amount of water - with a little terraforming, it would be perfect for our people. I need some time to pinpoint my exact location on the planet, but that will be in my next report. As soon as you receive this message, please send the 3rd fleet and the CEF, they will soon add another world to your glorious empire. Your humble servant and cousin. Grey Hunter. Welcome to Crusader Kings 3 - A Shipwrecked Croctapus in King Arthur's Court! This will of course be a strange one, our hero, the (possibly maliciously) shipwrecked Croctapus is on a strange world, ready to lead the locals to victory! While the default for this is of course somewhere in the British isles in 867, but I’m going to leave it up to you guys to decide where Arthur is. He may well have been a saxon mercenary in someone else court, so anywhere in the world is open for our story!  Where shall we begin? Our shipwrecked Croctapus is dying to tell us his tale... Log 2 - Lay of the Land. Grey Hunter fucked around with this message at 13:23 on Feb 9, 2023 |
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Feb 6, 2023 15:14
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| # ? May 3, 2024 16:45 |
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Actually Kotera. Edge of da map! Livewire42 fucked around with this message at 16:43 on Feb 6, 2023 |
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Feb 6, 2023 15:27
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Kotera, EDGE OF THE MAP EDGE OF THE MAP
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Feb 6, 2023 16:00
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Cumans, obviously, so you'll have to conquer quite a bit, starting from, yes, Kotera sounds delightful.
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Feb 6, 2023 16:13
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Lambakanna looks like a fun spot on that map.
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Feb 6, 2023 20:54
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Mercia For a more arthurian experience .
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Feb 6, 2023 21:51
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Kanthulhu posted:Mercia For a more arthurian experience . Plenty of isles in Livonia!
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Feb 6, 2023 23:02
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Want land, Gotland
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Feb 7, 2023 02:05
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AtomikKrab posted:Kotera, EDGE OF THE MAP
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Feb 7, 2023 08:41
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Wildcard suggestions for island shenanigans - Malta or a Sri Lankan province!
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Feb 8, 2023 13:42
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Sri Lanka would be fun
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Feb 8, 2023 14:31
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Sri Lanka If we start in Britain, we're going to make the British, and space crocomonsters or no, that's not right
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Feb 8, 2023 17:52
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Sri Lanka Also the edge of the map, but with plenty of water for our boy to
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Feb 8, 2023 18:34
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... Wanna link to the dismemberment of the Royal Navy first!
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Feb 8, 2023 23:34
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Great, just as I'm ready to do the LP after my week's plans dissolved (the fitters and Wickes had different start dates), it's a 4:4 ties between Sri Lanka and Kotera. I'll give it a bit longer, then I'll break the tie if needed!
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Feb 9, 2023 06:15
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Sri Lanka
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Feb 9, 2023 06:22
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Kotera I know I will die for this.
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Feb 9, 2023 06:59
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Sri Lanka.
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Feb 9, 2023 07:04
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Kotera
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Feb 9, 2023 08:42
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You bastards 
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Feb 9, 2023 09:40
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Kotera
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Feb 9, 2023 09:47
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KOTERA SEASON, FIRE!
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Feb 9, 2023 09:57
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Sri Lanka
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Feb 9, 2023 10:09
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Kotera Stay down, drat you!
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Feb 9, 2023 10:46
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Kotera As traditional as holding hostage a thread with contradictory votes is, I want the LP so start.
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Feb 9, 2023 11:25
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Working on the first update. Voting may end!
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Feb 9, 2023 11:57
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Quick! Everyone change votes to Damot or something
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Feb 9, 2023 12:04
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Log 2 – Lay of the Land. From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire.  You most gracious Highness, may the suns never go supernova over your empire. I have learned that this planet is called Dirt by its inhabitants. A most unimaginative name, I'm sure you will agree! I have spent some time getting to know my new puppet.  This monkey offshoot, called a “man”, calls itself Arthur Pendragon. (A pen is something they use to write, and a Dragon is a dangerous sounding fire breathing creature, that may be mythical). Up until I raised it as my puppet, I was mercenary from “The far off land of Albion” No I cannot find Albion on the map I sent you, I have no idea where he is from, but apparently he's a long way from home, and not a local.  I could not have landed in a more backwater or inhospitable land! Kotera is mostly mountains with nary a sight of marshes! I can feel my scales cracking already, but I shall persevere. I have already had them make me a bath from which I now soak and write this report. This is a lowly populated land, and apparently considered backwards by local standards!  The first order of business is to appoint a council.  Apparently The locals are not a big fan of Arthur, as he is not only not a local, but apparently believes in a different type of sky man than they do! Oh these backwards fools! How I did chuckle.  Apparently This old man followed Arthur from his homeland, and is a priest of some form. I am told that convincing the locals to change their worship of skyman is a major problem and something he will be spending most of his time doing.  The personality reader is working well, though I do wonder about this Sambuu fellow, he is not the nicest of men apparently.   Is he content because he has antagonised enough people? I will endevour to find out!  Apparently spymaster is an important position.   The nation is bordered by two others, both of roughly even size to Kotera.  I am informed that Arthur is unmarried, and that marriage can bring alliances! I immediately marry him to the best ally I can find – they are hundreds of miles to the south, but they may act as a paper threat.  The control chip is properly embedded now (I thank the stars that the standard escape pod has a planetary compliance kit) and I while I cannot completely puppet him, I can implant guidance in his sleep. I set him on the road to world conquest!  Though as well as his sky man, he also believes in some other idea called “Chivalry” - which seems a fairly straightforward honour system.  It seems to make them want to fight harder anyway.  Allies have been secured!  Conversion has begun, and Pikemen have been added to the levees – apparently the idea of a standard army is to much for their poor simian brains to comprehend!  A call for more knights is sent out.  The first to arrive is apparently a man from Arthurs homeland – he is gleefully accepted.   Apparently they breed like Klabits here! The countess is already expecting a spawn!  Honestly I get tired just watching them – they do seem to be an overly energetic species!  The skyman conversion is going well apparently. The Bishop almost stumbles over himself telling me, and I have stifle a yawn.   Some of the locals have come raiding in some province that seems to be named after one of our neighbouring great old ones! Maybe they have been here already!  Arthur leads his forces north to deal with them. He's apparently good in battle, which will make my life easier! Wulfhere is also a powerful soldier.  Victory brings him glory amongst his peers. And some gold.  I have learned something new today! Apparently there are two different types of human – men and women. And apparently women are inferior! Such strange beliefs! Though it would explain some of the odd looks I got when I asked why Arthur could not just marry the Duke himself! Anyway there is some disappointment that the new child is a girl. Apparently which sexual organs you have is a big deal to these humans!  Another band of raiders are put down.  The men at arms are expanded once more.  Another knight arrives – he is apparently from a different country, but the right religion so it's OK! I hope the CEF arrives before I have to learn these differences!   The locals apparently have a problem with Arthurs way of ruling. There are about five of them, so I ignore them!  A Party is thrown instead – this is to raise his prestige in preparation for expanding his holdings.  Things start well.  Then disaster strikes! Not only is the wine bad, but the kingdom is to poor to replace it! A whip around soon yields excess cash however!  Things end well in the end however!   The time has come for war! We go for the richest province first, the rest will be absorbed in time.  The enemy army goes for a march through the mountains.  Our forces secure the main province.  We march back up to engage to find that Ranisa is pregnant once more.  The Chancellor dies in combat.  He is replaced by a man with a rather high pitched voice.  Another baby girl is born!  Some stranger challenges Arthur.  But he's Anglo-Saxon, so is welcomed to court!  Another victory for our forces is soon reported, the enemy commander is slain.  The county is claimed.  I help Arthur bring control to his nation.  He is getting more famous. This should help bring more people into this nation, speeding the rate o world conquest.  The peasants are revolting! And they are taking up arms as well! Yes, I know that joke is over three thousand years old, but I like the classics.  This is seen as a weakness, as the Chuyan's break the truce to attack us!  Hmm, my conquest of Dirt seems to be off to a poor start! I am sure I can bring these simians to heel and this world into the Empire. Please send the occupying forces as soon as you have forces to spare. Your cousin and loyal subject. Grey Hunter
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Feb 9, 2023 13:22
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the Catholic conquest of the steppes has begun
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Feb 9, 2023 13:57
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You must reform catholicism to include human sacrifice to the croctopus.
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Feb 9, 2023 14:27
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This narrative LP amuses me. I shall be reading it. Keep up the good work.
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Feb 9, 2023 15:22
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Report 3 - Brutal wars From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire. I has been a few years since my last missive, and you will be glad to hear I was not lynched in the peasant uprising!  It's apparently summer here, not that you would know in these freezing mountains. But our forces quickly crush the first rebel army – the second one flees from our lands!  They are quickly crushed.  We have reports that even though they started this war, and outnumber our forces - the Chuyan are fleeing before Arthur and his men. The Cowards!  Arthur is keen to make sure his daughter is raised as “A true daughter of Albion.” And so makes Wulfhere her guardian.  Another army wanders into the mountains – they are not hostile, but I have no idea what they plan to do up there! We are besieging the castle of the enemy, if they will not come and fight!  Then news comes that they have made camp in the mountains, and are apparently waiting for us. There is some worry that their prepared defences may help them, but I am not worried!  The battle is swift and one sided.  Gwenivere is a precocious little scamp. I make pains to not speak our language around here. I like them not understanding all I say.  March 17th, and Arthur gets two bits of good news – his wife is once again pregnant, and another victory has been claimed!  Two years of war is brought to an end. I press for another attack, but the humans consider it “dishonourable” - they don't even strip any land from them this time, just some worthless gold!  With the war over, Athur holds a Tourny - some enjoy it more than others!  I am a fool! I forget this is a pre-post scarcity society, and here gold can be exchanged for goods and services! These war camps will bring in more men for the army, and allow the ones we have to fight better.  I hear Arthur stalking the halls crying “WHY ARE THEY ALL GIRLS?”.  His priest tries to cheer him up with news his skyman is more popular.  Expansion will have to halt for a while, we have a truce to the east, and the enemy to the south seems to strong.  Gwenivere is a feisty one! She's all of eight and wants to fight with the grown nights. Arthur humours her by prevents any real harm from coming to her.  This of course immediately goes to her head!  Disenfranchised Catholics are apparently flocking across the known world for a chance of land in this new kingdom of their skyman. As long as they provide a steady stream of bodies, I care not.   On one of his trips across the country, Arthur finds a old tomb and delves deep inside it.   The Lure of gold is strong is seems.  This comes in handy, as apparently someone has imprisoned the countess! I did hear a commotion outside my door last night, but no one dared raise me!  It was raiders! Arthur gives chase, but they disband before he reaches them.   Two more Catholics are added to court.  Apparently the countess has not take to her time in captivity well!   Now this was less than good news – the men to the south, having raided our capital with such ease, apparently think they can deal with this upstart in their midst.  This is of course the right time for a major bust up in court – Arthur and I sit down and try and figure out what's going on.  It seems Ludallon is in the right, and we make the Countess apologise.  Ludallon is also acting as our surgeon, so I OK him doing whatever he thinks is necessary to heal her. I even throw in some hits to help their backwards medicine!  I'm crawling down the corridor when I remember their mammals – I turn to correct, but the screams have already started. I take full responsibility of course. I need to remember how squishy these people are.  She seems to get better anyway, so maybe there was something in it!  Right! Back to the war!  The first battle in their territory is a victory for us, but losses are fairly high.  The army then has to turn around and engage the enemy in our own lands.  The city falls before the army reaches us, and I hear the sounds of guards being posted on my chamber doors. Gwenivere is also taken hostage.  Arthurs army arrives and defeats the enemy.  The army to the north marches south to help, but arrives to late, and has to fight it's own battle.  A month later, a third small army arrives and is also defeated.  Arthur reclaims the city and impregnates his wife while he waits. News soon comes it will be twins.  Another army marches north.  Then veers of rather than face Arthurs forces. Months are spent marching through this dense terrain. War takes forever here, as no one can get at each other!  Numbers and terrain are the only things on their sides.  Just as battle begins, news comes that Ranisa has given birth to twin girls! Arthur flies into a rage and launches himself into battle.  In what is a battle for the ages, Arthur smashes the enemy that outnumbers him near two to one.   Though the fierce fighting comes at a cost.  The land is secured before the next army arrives.  Sambuu is wounded for a second time!  Another victory is notched up. Emmanuel is commanding this army like a professional of the CEF!   The surgeons work through the night – We may be winning the battle, but the court is getting chopped to ribbons!  And still more armies march north – these mountains are the only thing keeping us alive at this point!  We push south for another victory.  Then head home to replenish our battered army. These Humans are impressing my with their tenacity – they will make an excellent slave race!  The council looking like they are – a group of hardened veterens who are fighting major battles every other month – and have done for the last two years!   News comes that the enemy has formed their remaining forces into a single army, and are marching north.  Battle is joined, and the reports of wounded come in once more.   Finally we are defeated! The Koterans have given everything they have, but the enemy were just to numerous.  Four years of war have also worn down the enemy however, and they agree to a white peace. Everyone knows who really won the war though.  Gwenivere is released from the dungeons.  She has been poorly treated, and is skin and bones. She has come back with a inborn strength however, a steely determination that chills even me to the bones.  She is old enough to be betrothed. So Arthur finds her a mate.   Peace comes to the country, along with news that Wulfhere has died of his wounds.  The treasury is now strong enough that Arthur can proclaim himself a Duke, though the locals call him a high chieftain.  Then news comes in the Emmanuelle, hero of the war, has died of wounds. A new strong marshal is installed. The Catholics seem to have taken the brunt of the war, losses wise.  Vermudo is half the man he used to be. If he had two of something he now only has one! He did not seem to like this joke when I made it to him.   I prod Arthur – the truce with the weaker Chuya expired years ago, and our forces are battle hardened. It is time to strike!   They are no match for our forces.  Gwenivere is now considered an adult. Though her time in the cells have apparently left her less than comely.  She quickly brings her pet husband to the court.  The war is brought to an end.  New news! Apparently we have dungeons, and I am supposed to be managing them! Just because I sleep down here! I've been chatting with Sambuu every day for years – I just thought he was a Paranoid Recluse!  None of them are worth any money. So make them swear to believe in the right sky man and send them on their way.  Well, the nation is looking a lot healthier now – maybe we should try and conquer Dauria – we nearly won last time, and we have heard some of their alliances didn't survive the conflict. I'm sure I will find some way of passing the time while I await the CEF, which will of course be here any year now! Yours, respectably for ever, Grey Hunter
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Feb 10, 2023 13:15
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hell yeah
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Feb 11, 2023 07:21
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The good Lord Admiral should look into this mammal sport called golf while awaiting the CEF. The objective of the game is to get your ball into the sand or water as much as possible after you hit it. That gets you the most points, so don't be surprised if these Albion mercenaries laugh
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Feb 11, 2023 08:17
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 Our Skyman best Skyman! Yeah sure, yay Skyman.much later it will be: So you're just as stuck up as my dudes but you don't convert people? Maybe we're just more self-confident. Whatever, so you've got psychoactive substances to sell? The centuries grow dull on this dirtball.
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Feb 11, 2023 14:13
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I'm enjoying this very normal CKIII LP. Is playing as a wrong culture, wrong religion ruler in some of the worst areas of the game what could be considered a CKIII hard mode? CKIII tends to be a very easy going game for 99% of the starts.
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Feb 11, 2023 15:08
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I feel the most unrealistic part about this LP is that the aliens use miles to measure distance, apparently.quote:Is playing as a wrong culture, wrong religion ruler in some of the worst areas of the game what could be considered a CKIII hard mode? Definitely makes the start more challenging, though it also makes it easy to conquer more territory once you're strong enough.
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Feb 12, 2023 22:18
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From - Lord Admiral Grey Hunter, To - Her Royal Highness, Empress of the Croctapus Empire.   People continue to be upset with Arthurs rule.  I tell him not to care, but to declare war upon his enemies to the south – claiming all their lands! They may out number them, but the last war showed how much that is worth!  Morgana is such a helpful girl. She also doesn't run screaming from me like the other children.  Cristina on the other hand seems to have learned some colourful language.  Our forces march south and begin to beseige the enemies city.  The new year rolls around, and we take the city and their heir, then march to deal with their pitiful army – the enemy's allies have decided not to face our forces.  The battle itself is not worth reporting on really, a rout.  Ranisa is pregnant once more.  This is unfortunately short lived with their poor medical technology.   The coming of age of Arthurs second child is a reminded of the fact that I have been here for two decades!  She is married off for an alliance.  The war sees us trading cities. The time taken to cross the mountains means it's not viable to keep on counter marching.  Apparently things are not great between Arthur and his wife. I care not the slightest.  Here is an embarrassment, I accidentality signed a document calling this man and his 72 soldier to war – apparently this was of great shame to Arthur, and cost him huge amounts of prestige loss, on top of the huge amounts lost when he started this war!  I do remember to ransom prisoners this time however! So at least we have plenty of money!  The process of converting the locals is going well!  When Bargajan falls for the second time, we capture the High chieftain, and force him to sign over his lands!  He has no other choices.  The land s are growing, but the new country of “Mongolia” to the south seems it will be a problem.  The new subjects immediately begin planning to not be our subjects any more.  There are raiders to the south.  They defeat the local lords army.  We have to send our own forces in to slaughter them.   With lots of money, but no prestige to declare war (I don't know, I don't make the rules), Arthur decides to forge himself an artefact. First he makes on of this men an Antiquarian, to look after his currently non existent horde of artefacts!   He then commissions one of the ever growing number of Saxon courtiers to forge it for him.  Lots of people don't like Arthur, but they are not strong enough to do anything about him.  He's to busy consulting on his new sword to care.  Oh, and partying. But I cannot hold that against him, it would be hypocritical, wouldn't it! We all remember my twenty fifth birthday!  But first he must play the muse to his armourer.  Arthur makes what is considered a rude joke, and then explains it. The boor.  Then it's back into the forge. The man is all over the place!  At least Ranisa is on hand to keep the party going – and seems to have forgiven the earlier bawdy joke.  They have something of a rocky relationship. At least it's entertaining!  They are certainly a power couple!  Arthur is getting into this party thing, and immediately goes on a hunt.   The only thing of interest is that he meets a local guide who he humours.  I check in on Gwenivere, and find she has already had two kids! The time is flowing by!  The forging of a simple sword is taking to long, so Echberht has to step in to keep the artist moving forwards.    Arthur still refuses to go to war, citing his low prestige amongst his fellows. He does spend weeks taming himself a new war horse. The thing hates me.  Then he's off partying again! I think the control chip does not work as well on these simians as I had hoped!  The best I can do is keep his mind on war even when he's trying to enjoy himself.  There is a tense moment when out host, who was blinded during our war of conquest, spills his drink over Arthurs top. His liege rebukes him strongly.  All is soon forgotten.   The blasted sword is finally complete!  It is a pitiful thing really, but he seems proud of it, and names it Excaliber. I mean, what kind of name is that for a sword. As always, I hope the CEF is on route. Yours, Grey Hunter.
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Feb 13, 2023 07:42
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Just up there in the frozen frozen northy bits of the world, dealing with all the headaches of ruling and no comforts
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Feb 13, 2023 12:23
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| # ? May 3, 2024 16:45 |
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AtomikKrab posted:Just up there in the frozen frozen northy bits of the world, dealing with all the headaches of ruling and no comforts We moved to scotland?
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Feb 13, 2023 13:52
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