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getting absolutely shitfaced at brunch
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Feb 10, 2023 06:02
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I try to spin the menu on my finger but I give myself a paper cut on my eyeball, and start shrieking
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Feb 10, 2023 06:06
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If they ask why when they googled your name the top result was a news story naming you the nation's 4th grossest sex offender, explain that it was a very competitive field that year.
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Feb 10, 2023 06:20
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Use lots of latin and give your fidget spinner a good whirl every few minutes
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Feb 10, 2023 06:42
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Hey poo poo, did you see that hummingbird? That's an Anna's Hummingbird. Want to know why it's called that? Some White dude called it that in honor of a duchess he thought was hot. This gambit did not pay off, but the name stuck.
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Feb 10, 2023 06:50
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Feign injury like a boss
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Feb 10, 2023 06:51
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Look baby I brought you to Olive Garden
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Feb 10, 2023 07:09
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bossy lady posted:master the art of ahegao DO NOT DO THIS. I pulled the face jokingly once and my then partner commented that I was good at it and we had a laugh. They then later asked me to do it seriously during sex. I did not. Don't be tempted, not even as a joke.
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Feb 10, 2023 07:43
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Your chariot awaits, my love Just move the soda cans onto the floor, it’s fine
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Feb 10, 2023 07:52
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“Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.”
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Feb 10, 2023 10:14
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I'm cool with your 10yo kid coming on the date but he's going to have to keep up with drinking pace and take his turn buying. Rounds means rounds no excuses.
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Feb 10, 2023 11:56
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That was a lovely dinner, would you like to come up and see my anime figurine collection?
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Feb 10, 2023 13:28
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If sex happens ejaculate immediately upon entering the vagina. This will show to the woman that you're ready to commit.
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Feb 10, 2023 13:32
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pay them 2x their normal rate
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Feb 10, 2023 13:41
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I feel like I’m not explaining this right. See, if I drop this bone I brought with me on the plate and tell the waiter I found it in my food, they’ll give me a new dish for free
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Feb 10, 2023 15:01
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You can use your mastery of the dark art of necromancy to make their dinner come back to some horrifying perversion of being alive. Their burger quivers and tries to escape when they eat it. They have never experienced such impressive evil wizardly. When chatting, casually mention that you live in a stone tower in a dark forest. You own real estate!
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Feb 10, 2023 17:46
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Be coy at first when your date inquires about what you've brought in the tied up store bag. Once you've both became comfortable with the small talk take a moment to unwrap the steamy bento box you've taken along. As you dig into your mom's delicious home cooking it's sure to make everyone in the coffee shop appreciate your familial qualities and highlight the frugal parts of your nature to your date.
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Feb 11, 2023 03:46
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I brought you a chapter from the novel I am working on. Heh, no, no, it's no big deal. It's about this sword-wizard who works as a detective in a magical version of... Oh, it's better if you just read it. I want to get your honest impression without influencing it first. Well. Go on. I'll wait.
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Feb 11, 2023 04:50
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talk about my modular synths and how I used to own a motorcycle ask a question about you and then zone out thinking about my modular synths and lack of a motorcycle
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Feb 11, 2023 04:55
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Jelly posted:have you seen someone demonstrate the talent known as "gleeking"? I spent a summer learning how to form a bubble on my tongue and then blow it out of my mouth. I've never tried it at a bar or anything because it feels like cheating.
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Feb 11, 2023 04:55
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ChickenHeart posted:it's easy Does anyone have a link to the folder with all of these? There was way more in there than there is on the front page article and they're great.
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Feb 11, 2023 09:38
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Opening my wallet to pay and a blue eyes white dragon yugioh card falls out "oh how did that get in there" [I'm turning it to face her]
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Feb 11, 2023 09:46
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Opening my wallet and the pictures of my two children fall out. "Oh, I thought you said you didn't have kids." "I technically don't anymore. Don't worry, I don't pay child support. I figured out a way to beat the system. Let me explain it to you, so, you gotta get the right kind of flag..."
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Feb 11, 2023 23:49
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removing all of my skin so she can get a better look at my muscles
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Feb 12, 2023 00:17
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My farts don't smell. You haven't noticed so far, right?
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Feb 12, 2023 00:20
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reciting the location of all 900 koroks in the optimal collection order from memory
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Feb 12, 2023 00:21
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gushing for 20 minutes about my latest sonic OC
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Feb 12, 2023 00:25
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*Pulls out Nintendo Switch* *Loads up Breath of the Wild* "See that? All 120 shrines."
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Feb 12, 2023 00:27
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SweetMercifulCrap! posted:*Pulls out Nintendo Switch* "Look at that loser on the next table" *pulls out Switch, loads up BotW* "All 900 Korok Seeds"
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Feb 12, 2023 00:31
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flashes the room with a glimps of my curvy gold balloon from mario odyssey that’s right, got ‘em all, even the 100 jumpropes and 100 volleyball bounces
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Feb 12, 2023 00:34
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"Ah, you are off to the toilets then. I can hold it in for the entire date."
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Feb 12, 2023 00:41
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Wow nice Switch bro. *pulls out Diablo 3 limited edition switch* 
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Feb 12, 2023 01:13
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I show her my massive penis. I keep it in a freezer in the garage
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Feb 12, 2023 01:17
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Be just the right amount of racist and kiss her in a parking garage stairwell a homeless dude just pissed in.
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Feb 12, 2023 01:17
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See, I played Pokemon back in the old days, when it was just 151 Pokemon and the only games there were Red and Blue. I got a Level 70 Mewtwo as a starter, and I totally crushed the game. Didn't even need another Pokemon, except for HMs. Kids these days don't know how good they have it. Plus, I caught all 151 Pokemon, including Mew, Pikablu, and Steelquatro. I guess you can say I'm kind of a Pokemon Master.
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Feb 12, 2023 01:21
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*plops dildos of increasing size onto dinner table at restaurants. points at one in the middle* this one right here is probably my max, but obviously i like to have goals to work towards. which do you think youd like to start and end with
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Feb 12, 2023 01:22
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Yeah, so I reckon my band is totally gonna take off and go national any day now. We don't have any active gigs right now, persay, but my drummer has connections and swears he can get us time on local radio.
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Feb 12, 2023 01:32
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I show them how many hot dogs I can fit in my mouth at once and swallow whole in the manner of a large snake. I remove my shirt to do this and take what is known as "the snake position" on the floor.
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Feb 12, 2023 02:06
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A guy I knew in college bought pop off buttons and would pop off his top button when he was with women to make it look like his pecs were just too big for his polo shirt lol
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Feb 12, 2023 02:16
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lol yea what a maroon *goes to popoffbuttons.com*
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Feb 12, 2023 02:18
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