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mutantIke posted:My real life actual name is Stab Bladeworthy You are Jung Olympic-Hopeful a member of the protagonist's commando squad. You specialize in reconnaissance and computer hacking, and teach the player how to use the 'Thinly Veiled Racist Tweet' mechanic during the first scene in the office level. You are killed when your robotic penis--which is mentioned constantly but never explained--is hacked by Princess Algonquin Parkway. However, if the player completed Huntington Santangelo's 'Hack the Planet' side-quest, the loot on your dead body includes your Class V soul, which can be installed on any pistol or light machinegun for improved aim and damage. 
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Feb 10, 2023 18:34
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goatface posted:Will the soundtrack be girthy and on tapes? You are Mother Sister, the acting Director of the CIA--although Interim Chief is still formally in the Director role. You are shrewd and manipulative, and use Jamal Yamato to spread misinformation as you work behind the scenes to acquire influence over several prominent private military corporations as part of a larger plan to forcibly install Lord Doug Terpies as the President-For-Life of the United States. You have a silent but bitter rivalry with General Specific, and you two are last seen engaging in a Karate duel on the collapsing stage of the Grand Ole Opry during the Amy Grant concert level. 
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Feb 10, 2023 18:42
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free hubcaps posted:Kept you waiting, huh? You are Heironymous Glizzy The Younger, the king of the leprechauns. You are blackmailing Sergeant Kevin Rainmaker to gain access to top secret US government information on the location of Mayan ruins that show the location of the cave that leads to the hollow earth. You are initially presented as the game's primary antagonist, but dialogue from Earthwind Fire and Steve Wilson reveal that you are a once-peaceful monarch forced into the role of reluctant warmonger to protect your people's alchemical secrets. You are an allegory for racism, and if I do not receive recognition from the broader media for this incisive social commentary then it is they who are racist. 
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Feb 10, 2023 18:53
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Mother Sister, the acting Director of the CIA--although Interim Chief is still formally in the Director role. You are shrewd and manipulative, and use Jamal Yamato to spread misinformation as you work behind the scenes to acquire influence over several prominent private military corporations as part of a larger plan to forcibly install Lord Doug Terpies as the President-For-Life of the United States. You have a silent but bitter rivalry with General Specific, and you two are last seen engaging in a Karate duel on the collapsing stage of the Grand Ole Opry during the Amy Grant concert level. That's pretty cool. Is that a background duel or main scene action?
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Feb 10, 2023 19:01
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Fluffy Bunnies posted:I just assume I get eaten by the MC after starving in a forest. You are Stab Bladeworthy, a member of the protagonist's commando squad. You are fickle and temperamental, but you always come around in the end and support the squad. Your barely-understood psychokinetic powers make you a valued but feared member of the squad, and they are the only attack that can disable Silent Silver's ion shields, rendering him vulnerable to attack. You leave the team at the end of the hollow earth level, after falling in love with Leftenant Wright, but can be recruited as a companion in the third act if the payer has completed Huntington Santangelo's 'Late Stage Capitalism' side-quest, which allows you to be hired on as a mercenary via microtransactions that charge by the minute of gameplay. 
Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 21:35 on Feb 10, 2023 |
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Feb 10, 2023 19:04
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Mother Sister, the acting Director of the CIA--although Interim Chief is still formally in the Director role. You are shrewd and manipulative, and use Jamal Yamato to spread misinformation as you work behind the scenes to acquire influence over several prominent private military corporations as part of a larger plan to forcibly install Lord Doug Terpies as the President-For-Life of the United States. You have a silent but bitter rivalry with General Specific, and you two are last seen engaging in a Karate duel on the collapsing stage of the Grand Ole Opry during the Amy Grant concert level. She Dougin'! 
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Feb 10, 2023 19:20
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Noose Ringold, a member of the protagonist's commando squad. You are a capable sniper, due to the cybernetic visor that you stole from LeVar Burton during the game's opening cutscenes. In a moderately priced DLC the player can guide you through a thrilling rooftop sniper battle against a vengeance-crazed LeVar Burton using a VR headset. Hell yeah, can't wait to be a part of the cutscene where LeVar survives a gunshot thanks to the bullet being stopped by a book from his local library.
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Feb 10, 2023 19:34
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I am kojima’s love affair with child soldiers, soldiers in general, and war crimes interpersed throughout the plot to ensure adequate depth and character development. I also study subjects like, war crimes, assassination, and Counterinsurgency. Make of this what you will.
TheWeedNumber fucked around with this message at 22:01 on Feb 10, 2023 |
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Feb 10, 2023 19:34
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Prof. Crocodile posted:Oh you like Borderlands? Isn't that game a little... remedial? Maybe you aren't ready for the technical challenge and emotional impact of my new project, which is unlike anything that came before and will revolutionize gaming and usher in a bold new age of interactive storytelling. Dull-witted? Child-like mind? It sounds like you're saying that I am the player
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Feb 10, 2023 19:37
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gently caress me up, fam.
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Feb 10, 2023 19:40
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The world needs more Kojima games. No one else could've delivered Stealth Action Deliveryman.
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Feb 10, 2023 19:44
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Can my character be gay, but like many sensitive topics undertaken by kojima, is used as a contrived basis for storytelling that pisses off everyone because it makes no sense and is almost borderline offensive with how ham fisted it is?
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Feb 10, 2023 19:52
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I would love to be in your game, Mr. Kojima sir.
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Feb 10, 2023 20:01
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Kojima-sama sugoi desu SUGOI DAYO
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Feb 10, 2023 20:05
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I'm not even sure how I ended up ITT but sure have your fun. anime? anime. anime ainme anime manime.
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Feb 10, 2023 20:15
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i knew that robot dog was up to no good
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Feb 10, 2023 20:18
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AIBO to stand before the Hague!
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Feb 10, 2023 20:21
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I want one
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Feb 10, 2023 20:24
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Please can i be a metal gear person or thing
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Feb 10, 2023 20:50
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Agent Zack Lauer, a retired special forces operative working for the US Department of Homeland Security, willing to go to any means necessary to save America from its enemies--foreign and domestic. You are a member of Gideon Clean's congregation, but after a traumatic head injury suffered in a confrontation with Quarrelsome Chameleon, you begin to see what appears to be hidden Goat Man iconography throughout Gideon's chapel. It is your confrontation with Spark Firestone leads to his accidental demolition of the Grand Ole Opry, resulting in the panicked stampede that serves as the centerpiece of the Amy Grant concert level. Thank you! I think you will find that I am in fact a bad enough dude to save the President, especially from ninja-related crimes.
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Feb 10, 2023 20:58
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Oooh, me too, me too!
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Feb 10, 2023 21:06
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Mr. Kojima-san, you are the sole reason I'm putting together a mercenary group. I plan to form the group only to immediately disband it and then reform it 20 years later for the REAL mission. You are an inspiration to mercenary leaders everywhere.
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Feb 10, 2023 21:12
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buttslave posted:I give my life, not for honor but for piss You are Disingenuous Brubaker, the first member of the US Space Force to travel faster than the speed of light, upon which time you became trapped in the aether between dimensions, surviving only due to your futuristic spacesuit, which you inhabit like a prison barely large enough for your body, trapped outside of time and space. You can use your ghostly glow to guide the player through the fog bank in the peat bog level, but only if they successfully executed the hidden quicktime event in the rainforest zipline level that lets Everett Everest communicate with you by playing Hawkwind songs on his keyboards. 
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Feb 10, 2023 21:44
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Jelly posted:I just started playing my first Kojima game and I know it's already been mentioned here but I'm glad they established "Deadman" first, because the second they introduced "Die-Hardman" I knew what kind of creative genius I was dealing with. Yes it's all true. My talent for scripting comprehensible and true-to-life narratives is unmatched in the gaming industry. You are The Revenant Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, an undead soldier who stalks the protagonist throughout the game, becoming more wild and unpredictable with each encounter. Your hatred of the protagonist results from being killed in the opening cutscene during the Comic-Con massacre. If the player has completed Huntington Santangelo's side-quest 'Actually The Plural Of Anime Is Just Anime' they can recruit you as a companion by placing all the Sailor Scout action figures on your grave, which is hidden in the act one hub level behind the Kenny Rogers Roasters. 
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Feb 10, 2023 21:59
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Leper Go-getter posted:
You are Amy Grant, a cybernetic assassin who uses her career as a Christian musician to travel the world without raising suspicion. You detest Gideon Clean for his misogynistic and regressive views, but are forced to endorse his church because he is blackmailing you with photos and love letters evidencing your brief but torrid affair with the demon Treecko. You are the boss of the Amy Grant concert level, but the third phase of your boss fight can be skipped if the player uses the console microphone to sing the chorus to 'Baby Baby' in time with the background music that plays immediately after the cutscene where you transform into your cyber-pterodactyl form. 
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Feb 10, 2023 22:12
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goatface posted:That's pretty cool. Is that a background duel or main scene action? It is an unskippable 15 minute-long cutscene set to the song In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, obviously.
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Feb 10, 2023 22:15
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Hairy Right Hook posted:Hell yeah, can't wait to be a part of the cutscene where LeVar survives a gunshot thanks to the bullet being stopped by a book from his local library. WHO HAS BEEN LEAKING THE SCRIPTS TO MY DLC THAT IS TANTAMOUNT TO THEFT OF MY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY
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Feb 10, 2023 22:17
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Prof. Crocodile posted:WHO HAS BEEN LEAKING THE SCRIPTS TO MY DLC THAT IS TANTAMOUNT TO THEFT OF MY INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY An Otaku at the NSA who abused his access to get the inside scoop on your game. He filed the justification as signals intercept for subs out of Polyarny, Russia.
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Feb 10, 2023 22:23
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TheWeedNumber posted:I am kojima’s love affair with child soldiers, soldiers in general, and war crimes interpersed throughout the plot to ensure adequate depth and character development. I also study subjects like, war crimes, assassination, and Counterinsurgency. Make of this what you will. You are Staff Sergeant Immortal J, the oldest living soldier in the US Army. You are over 250 years old, owing to a curse placed on you by General Nathaniel Greene--George Washington's personal warlock--after your cowardice at the Battle of Hobkirk's Hill, and also a computer error at the VA hospital that prevents you from being able to file the paperwork required to die. It is implied in narration by Cutie Pie Mk IX that you are Interim Chief's father. 
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Feb 10, 2023 22:24
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Prof. Crocodile posted:It is an unskippable 15 minute-long cutscene set to the song In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, obviously. Awesome.
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Feb 10, 2023 22:24
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I'm joining the cast in the 3rd act. I was referenced in the intro cinematic
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Feb 10, 2023 22:24
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Staff Sergeant Immortal J, the oldest living soldier in the US Army. You are over 250 years old, owing to a curse placed on you by General Nathaniel Greene--George Washington's personal warlock--after your cowardice at the Battle of Hobkirk's Hill, and also a computer error at the VA hospital that prevents you from being able to file the paperwork required to die. It is implied in narration by Cutie Pie Mk IX that you are Interim Chief's father. Ayy lmao
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Feb 10, 2023 22:27
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Rhadamanthus posted:gently caress me up, fam. You are Corvette Stingray, a Gen Z social media influencer and international playboy who is often seen at President Chavez-Wang's side, giving her advice on connecting with younger voters. You are secretly working with Mother Sister despite the fact her authoritarian media surveillance program will endanger the lives of your friends and family because you "love to trolololol"--as explained in the cutscene that precedes the motorcycle chase in the Italian restaurant level. Also you have a robotic eye, but that never really pays off in any way and no one ever even mentions it or explains how it happened 
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Feb 10, 2023 22:35
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Do me! Do me!
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Feb 10, 2023 22:39
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Iron Chef Ramen posted:The world needs more Kojima games. No one else could've delivered Stealth Action Deliveryman. You are Jake From State Farm. You are at the center of each of the hub levels, and serve as the game's save system. In order to save their progress, players must first talk to you and sit through a 3 minute long commercial for State Farm Insurance while the protagonist expresses amazement at the combination of coverage and affordability that only State Farm can offer. If the player has completed Huntington Santangelo's side-quest 'Late-Stage Capitalism' they can pay $1,000 via a microtransaction to replace you with a giggling girl in a bikini who only occasionally mentions State Farm Insurance in passing. 
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Feb 10, 2023 22:47
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IN!
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Feb 10, 2023 22:49
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Inzombiac posted:I would love to be in your game, Mr. Kojima sir. You are Theingi Lizardchopper, the boss of the flashback mission that explains how Augustine the Iguana got her robotic tail. You are one of the deadliest and most-wanted criminals in the world--the leader of the Burmese drug cartel that killed Tyler Saengsawsang's daughter. Your facial resemblance to Quarrelsome Chameleon is mentioned in a note that can be found by hacking Sergeant Kevin Rainmaker's computer in the office level. It is heavily implied that you are the physical manifestation of Tyler Saengsawsang's guilt over war and brutality. 
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Feb 10, 2023 23:00
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titties posted:Kojima-sama sugoi desu You are an anonymous soldier with limited peripheral vision and a neurological impairment that prevents you from remembering things that you saw only seconds ago. Your rudimentary grasp of Japanese and obsequious manner make you one of the most popular targets of the 'sack-tap' mechanic in YouTube reaction videos. 
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Feb 10, 2023 23:04
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Disingenuous Brubaker, the first member of the US Space Force to travel faster than the speed of light, upon which time you became trapped in the aether between dimensions, surviving only due to your futuristic spacesuit, which you inhabit like a prison barely large enough for your body, trapped outside of time and space. You can use your ghostly glow to guide the player through the fog bank in the peat bog level, but only if they successfully executed the hidden quicktime event in the rainforest zipline level that lets Everett Everest communicate with you by playing Hawkwind songs on his keyboards. i am beautiful thank you
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Feb 10, 2023 23:09
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By popular demand posted:I'm not even sure how I ended up ITT but sure have your fun. You are Golden Girlfriend, Silent Silver's wife. You attack the protagonist after he kills your husband in the Italian restaurant level, but are too overcome with grief to be a formidable opponent. You are a very poignant and moving meditation on the cost of war and how there are really no good guys. Also you are the protagonist of the DLC 'Heart of Gold, Sam of Clubs' a 4 hour long stealth mission in which you attempt to navigate a wholesale superstore with sticky floors and morbidly obese customers to rescue the eggs of an extraterrestrial that have been mistakenly packaged in a box of rambutan. 
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Feb 10, 2023 23:11
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