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that is quite a likeness of me. I would like to state that the story about my voice actor in the director commentary #4 is inaccurate: the original VA was fired aftered a racist tweet, but not the one mentioned. just keeping the information in line here.
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Feb 10, 2023 23:16
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Sex Farm posted:Please can i be a metal gear person or thing You are Becky Reverse, a 100 year-old Yakuza assassin whose brain has been replaced with that of a bubble-gum chewing cheerleader who is always on her phone. You have become an unlikely social media star due to your combination of elderly features and mastery of Gen Z slang, leading to a tense confrontation with Corvette Stingray at the beginning of the Italian restaurant level, where you both demand 'receipts' whatever the hell that means. Sharp-eyed viewers may spot a picture of you shaking hands with General Specific on the wall of the American embassy in the eastern front level. 
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Feb 10, 2023 23:17
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Matinee posted:Oooh, me too, me too! You are Sneak Crouchman, a stealth operative who is an optional miniboss in the peat bog level. You are in Scotland looking infiltrate the lab of Doctor Jimjam Monaco, working for a mysterious shadowy figure who is deliberately evocative of Geoffrey O'Fyospos--although this is not explicitly stated in the game because this sort of subtle ambiguity is what makes great storytelling. You are also the twin brother of Quarrelsome Chameleon, and the hide-and-seek match between you and her is the centerpiece of the 'Loch Ness Monsters and Men' DLC. 
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Feb 10, 2023 23:33
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El Diablo Bob O posted:Mr. Kojima-san, you are the sole reason I'm putting together a mercenary group. I plan to form the group only to immediately disband it and then reform it 20 years later for the REAL mission. You are even more of a sycophant than that last guy, but my You are Lowrider Driveby, a hip-hop producer who is the target of President Ephraim Rosencrantz's personal vendetta. The protagonist doesn't agree with all the things you say, but although he's not a big fan of rap music he thinks it's pretty obvious that your stuff was way better than most of that other stuff, musically. Once again, the protagonist isn't condoning your behavior, it's just that there's more than one dimension to this story, and cancel culture doesn't always let that come out. 
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Feb 10, 2023 23:40
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ninjoatse.cx posted:I'm joining the cast in the 3rd act. I was referenced in the intro cinematic Oh that was a lucky guess. You are General Daffodil Steelheart, a former member of the protagonist's commando squad. You parted ways with the protagonist after Operation Gumbo Drop, and re-enrolled in the Army, rising quickly through the ranks due to your well-honed fighting skills and your willingness to work late on PowerPoint presentations about budget overruns. After General Specific disappears at the end of the Amy Grant concert level, you are appointed to succeed him as the Chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. You are a playable character in the 'Operation Gumbo Drop' DLC, but the rumors of you being a recruitable companion in the main quest are just speculation arising from your conversation with the protagonist during the opening cinematic outside Comic-Con, and not related to gameplay. 
Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 00:31 on Feb 11, 2023 |
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Feb 10, 2023 23:53
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put me in the fight, boss. let's see if threads can learn to walk upright.
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Feb 10, 2023 23:57
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are an anonymous soldier with limited peripheral vision and a neurological impairment that prevents you from remembering things that you saw only seconds ago. Your rudimentary grasp of Japanese and obsequious manner make you one of the most popular targets of the 'sack-tap' mechanic in YouTube reaction videos. Truly you are a once-in-a-lifetime visionary
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Feb 11, 2023 00:02
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monkeytennis posted:Do me! Do me! You are Cyclopsoid Mk III, a version of Goblin Gear from an alternate universe, pulled through the space-time continuum in the eastern front level when Susan MacDonald plays 'Bad Guy' on Everett Everest's keyboard at the exact same time that Disingenuous Brubaker is attempting to make contact and warn him about the upcoming artillery volley. You are the boss of the eastern front level, and the lines of dialogue about you questioning your birth gender occur over action scenes so they would be easy to HYPOTHETICALLY remove from the game for distribution in China and the Middle East. 
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Feb 11, 2023 00:02
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I'm in.
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Feb 11, 2023 00:08
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Theingi Lizardchopper, the boss of the flashback mission that explains how Augustine the Iguana got her robotic tail. You are one of the deadliest and most-wanted criminals in the world--the leader of the Burmese drug cartel that killed Tyler Saengsawsang's daughter. Your facial resemblance to Quarrelsome Chameleon is mentioned in a note that can be found by hacking Sergeant Kevin Rainmaker's computer in the office level. It is heavily implied that you are the physical manifestation of Tyler Saengsawsang's guilt over war and brutality. Nice, people are always saying this about me.
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Feb 11, 2023 00:16
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...a character in your new game?!
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Feb 11, 2023 00:18
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You are Sandy Bloody Sandy, a vicious mercenary working to capture Doctor Jimjam Monaco so that his army of undead killers can be used for sinister purposes. You used to married to Leftenant Wright, and your bitter divorce is what led to begin torturing and killing civilians for evil instead of for good, just to spite him. You get your orders and intel from Jamal Yamato so it is speculated that you are ultimately working for Mother Sister, but dialogue between Yamato and Sister indicate that this may not be the case. If the player has completed the 'Loch Ness Monsters And Men' DLC they can fight you as an optional boss in the peat bog level. 
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Feb 11, 2023 00:26
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Sometimes I eat tree frogs, just sayin Also Im Vince Gill in real life Bulgaroctonus fucked around with this message at 00:42 on Feb 11, 2023 |
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Feb 11, 2023 00:39
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Jake From State Farm. You are at the center of each of the hub levels, and serve as the game's save system. In order to save their progress, players must first talk to you and sit through a 3 minute long commercial for State Farm Insurance while the protagonist expresses amazement at the combination of coverage and affordability that only State Farm can offer. If the player has completed Huntington Santangelo's side-quest 'Late-Stage Capitalism' they can pay $1,000 via a microtransaction to replace you with a giggling girl in a bikini who only occasionally mentions State Farm Insurance in passing. Excellent.
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Feb 11, 2023 00:51
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that part when the codec comms really started going off the rails in mgs2 scared me in real life
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Feb 11, 2023 00:51
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Do your worst/best/whatever.
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Feb 11, 2023 00:56
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i just started playing through MGS V again do me do me
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Feb 11, 2023 01:07
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whatever happened to Solid Snail anyway, he went on that mission many months ago.
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Feb 11, 2023 01:08
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Oooh do me do me. My username could even be my code name if you want.
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Feb 11, 2023 01:10
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VSOKUL girl posted:put me in the fight, boss. You are Deliberate Misdirection, one of the protagonist's oldest allies, having met him when you were both child soldiers in the lawless third-world country of Alabama. You are standing beside the protagonist in the first scene when President Chavez-Wang gives him the secret mission to go to the dispensary down the street from the White House and pick up a tin of shatter. No matter which dialogue options the player choose, you will die when Becky Chiba ambushes the dispensary. However, if the player is in new game + and has purchased enough of Wolfsbane Mugabe's biomechanical upgrades to unlock the 'Breath of Life' perk, you can be kept alive long enough to have a moving deathbed soliloquy cutscene, which unlocks a secret ending where the protagonist takes your ashes home to Alabama and it revealed that you were part leprechaun. 
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Feb 11, 2023 01:57
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I dunno if you're doing this with some generative AI trained on video games or actually by hand, but either way, fun thread. also do me
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Feb 11, 2023 02:05
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Snake, I am your father.
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Feb 11, 2023 02:09
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Prof. Crocodile posted:Yes it's all true. My talent for scripting comprehensible and true-to-life narratives is unmatched in the gaming industry.
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Feb 11, 2023 02:09
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Midjack posted:I'm in. You are President Rutherford B. Hayes, who was kidnapped during a presidential visit to Mexico and replaced with a perfect double, then kept alive by alien technology. You are the miniboss in the Mayan labyrinth in the rainforest zipline level. If the player still has all the original members of their commando squad alive at this point, they can combine their special attacks to keep you trapped in your techno-organic slime throne, leaving you with only your psychokinetic crab claw with which to attack the protagonist. 
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Feb 11, 2023 02:10
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Ay OP can you Kojima me into the Boktai series? Because you seem to have forgotten that series altogether.
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Feb 11, 2023 02:18
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Captain Hygiene posted:...a character in your new game?! You are Jim "Files" Rockford, a member of the protagonist's commando squad. You are a demolitionist by trade and studied at the same IRA bomb lab as Spark Firestone, meaning that you can both sense when the others' bombs are about to detonate. You are accidentally killed by Staff Sergeant Immortal J when Princess Algonquin Parkway shuts off the lights in the gulag scene of the eastern front level. 
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Feb 11, 2023 02:23
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are President Rutherford B. Hayes, who was kidnapped during a presidential visit to Mexico and replaced with a perfect double, then kept alive by alien technology. You are the miniboss in the Mayan labyrinth in the rainforest zipline level. If the player still has all the original members of their commando squad alive at this point, they can combine their special attacks to keep you trapped in your techno-organic slime throne, leaving you with only your psychokinetic crab claw with which to attack the protagonist. 
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Feb 11, 2023 02:23
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Jim "Files" Rockford, a member of the protagonist's commando squad. You are a demolitionist by trade and studied at the same IRA bomb lab as Spark Firestone, meaning that you can both sense when the others' bombs are about to detonate. You are accidentally killed by Staff Sergeant Immortal J when Princess Algonquin Parkway shuts off the lights in the gulag scene of the eastern front level. Lmao/  Thanks, Boss!
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Feb 11, 2023 02:26
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Jim "Files" Rockford, a member of the protagonist's commando squad. You are a demolitionist by trade and studied at the same IRA bomb lab as Spark Firestone, meaning that you can both sense when the others' bombs are about to detonate. You are accidentally killed by Staff Sergeant Immortal J when Princess Algonquin Parkway shuts off the lights in the gulag scene of the eastern front level. Sorry bud my guy got cataracts
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Feb 11, 2023 02:33
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Bulgaroctonus posted:Sometimes I eat tree frogs, just sayin If you're not the best guitar player in the history of country music, then you're certainly in the discussion. It must be quite humbling to know that you are at best the second-greatest artist in this thread, next to me, Hideo Kojima. You are Sandy Stone Shadow a former member of the protagonist's commando squad who was burned alive in Operation Gumbo drop. If the protagonist's lucidity meter drops below 50, they will see flickering images of you being consumed by flames. If Noose Ringold is killed while the protagonist's lucidity meter is below 10 at any point in the game prior to Sexecutioner Smoth's death, the player will instantly be transported to a short side-quest where they hallucinate fighting you in a cover-based shooter set in a New Orleans graveyard that is slowly flooding. In the 'Operation Gumbo Drop' DLC you are voiced by that one chick from Saturday Night Live. 
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Feb 11, 2023 02:39
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Dick Bastardly posted:that part when the codec comms really started going off the rails in mgs2 scared me in real life It was one of my finest moments. You are Colonel Salt Sweetman, the commander of all US Army forces in the former Soviet bloc states. You and Susan MacDonald have a shaky alliance built around a mutual distrust of Jamal Yamato, which is the only thing stabilizing the US presence in Eastern Europe after the death of Solid Amabassador (as referenced in the opening cinematic). Although you seem abrasive in dialogue sequences, cutscenes reveal that you care deeply for the soldiers in your command. You are killed by Natalya Mink while going outside to let the Amazon guy through the front gate in the gulag scene in the eastern front level. 
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Feb 11, 2023 02:52
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Noam Chomsky posted:Do your worst/best/whatever. You are Timothy Skidoo, a World War I soldier who has been kept alive by Professor Righteous Hyena's Rosewater Elixir. If the player completes Huntington Santangelo's side-quest 'Little Svalbard' you can be recruited as a playable character for the Antarctic research station level. However, because you begin to decay if you stray too far from the Rosewater Font, you cannot be recruited in other levels--unless the player purchases a portable Rosewater Font for each hub level via a series of microtransactions. 
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Feb 11, 2023 03:01
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You are Timothy Skidoo, a World War I soldier who has been kept alive by Professor Righteous Hyena's Rosewater Elixir. If the player completes Huntington Santangelo's side-quest 'Little Svalbard' you can be recruited as a playable character for the Antarctic research station level. However, because you begin to decay if you stray too far from the Rosewater Font, you cannot be recruited in other levels--unless the player purchases a portable Rosewater Font for each hub level via a series of microtransactions. 
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Feb 11, 2023 03:04
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Portland Sucks posted:i just started playing through MGS V again do me do me You are Eliza Toolittle-Toolate a battle-hardened mercenary who has turned to a life of crime to fund her addiction to the leprechaun drug Woop Woop. You lead a squad of motorcycle bandits on daring raids throughout the United States. You are the miniboss of the motorcycle chase scene in the Italian restaurant level. If the player ever falls more than 5 seconds behind you during the chase, you will shoot Suleiman The Good Boy with your silver revolver, turning him into an anti-werewolf and making him un-recruitable for missions that happen during a full moon. 
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Feb 11, 2023 03:10
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Wrong Theory posted:Oooh do me do me. My username could even be my code name if you want. You are Chad Virgin, the Vice President of the USA. You are a member of both Gideon Clean's congregation and the cult of The Goat Man, but you are oblivious to the sinister undertones of both organizations due to your single-minded romantic obsession with President Chavez-Wong. You teach the player how to use the 'Discreet Foot Pic' game mechanic that can be used on any female character in the game (including Golden Girlfriend) to instantly remove 10% of their health bar, and will eventually get me cancelled once and for all. 
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Feb 11, 2023 03:27
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pmchem posted:I dunno if you're doing this with some generative AI trained on video games or actually by hand, but either way, fun thread. These character bios are the result of years of careful storyboarding and meditation on the nature of war. The art is made by Yoji Shinkawa, who is chained in my game studio. I type the character snapshots myself, then input the keywords into DALL-E. If DALL-E is non-responsive I just give the posters an 'anonymous henchman' post and move on, because this thread is way more popular than I anticipated and I only have a little time to get through as many entries as possible.
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Feb 11, 2023 03:33
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pmchem posted:I dunno if you're doing this with some generative AI trained on video games or actually by hand, but either way, fun thread. You are Solid Ambassador, the US ambassador to all of Eastern Europe after budget cuts required the closure of multiple individual embassies. You are the most skilled diplomat in the world, but are believed to have died just prior to the opening cinematic. In fact, you have gotten your head trapped in a box and believe yourself to be dead, and your incredible charisma has convinced everyone around you of the same. If the player has completed Huntington Santangelo's side-quest 'Little Svalbard' they can administer a dose of the leprechaun drug Woop Woop, which will startle you back to reality, and trigger a secret ending where you convince the demon Treecko to sign on as your chief of staff by promising her a four-day work week and her own Keurig machine. After she finds out that neither are in the budget she plunges the embassy into a hell-realm where Interim Chief and Sandy Stone Shadow can be seen as background characters. 
Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 03:41 on Feb 11, 2023 |
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Feb 11, 2023 03:39
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Can you make one for my kiddo? Her favorite is the Gameboy Color MG as far as gameplay and story but doesnt think its horny enough
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Feb 11, 2023 03:49
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TheMostFrench posted:Snake, I am your father. No you are not. You are Galloping She-Bear Ramirez, a Texas Ranger infamous for preferring to kill drug traffickers instead of arrest them. The intel that she has gathered over the past years have led her to conclude that Gideon Clean and Geoffrey O'Fyospos are connected to the outbreak of marijuana addiction that is killing American children by the thousand, which leads her to accompany the protagonist to the Amy Grant concert level. She works in the middle of the Texas badlands where it is super hot so it's only logical that she wears a bikini all the time. Also she has a robot arm that never pays off in any way, and no one ever even mentions it or explains how it happened. 
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Feb 11, 2023 03:57
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Mistle posted:Ay OP can you Kojima me into the Boktai series? Because you seem to have forgotten that series altogether. It could not possibly be any more obvious that my new game, outlined ITT, is part of the Boktai series. So yes I can. You are Lisa Killdrow As Phobia, a robot dog that prowls the fog bank in the peat bog level. If the player hasn't unlocked Disingenuous Brubaker's assistance in navigating the fog bank, they must place tins of pocky on the ground to distract you and prevent you from lunging at them from the fog--killing them instantly. In the 'Loch Ness Monsters and Men' DLC you can be ridden like a horse into battle against Sandy Bloody Sandy and Sneak Crouchman--provided that the player has completed Huntington Santangelo's 'Hack The Planet' sidequest and purchased the 'Beastmaster' biomechanical upgrade from Doctor Wolfsbane Mugabe via microtransaction. 
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Feb 11, 2023 04:19
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