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As you all have probably heard I have a big project in the works. But what you haven't heard is that I am offering the members of this site the opportunity to star in my new game. Of course I may have to tweak your personality and appearance just a little to fit my overall vision, but that shouldn't stop you from taking advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
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Feb 10, 2023 04:47
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kntfkr posted:Sounds great. You are Jamal Yamato, a CIA operative with a mysterious past and an even more mysterious agenda. You have a habit of showing up in the wake of bloody conflicts to offer dubious intel to the protagonist. Also your brain has been placed inside the body of a robot dog, but that never really pays off in any way and no one ever even mentions it or explains how it happened. 
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Feb 10, 2023 04:52
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:Okay, put me in. Draw me as you see me from my posts, do the same with my personality. You are Natalya Mink, a beautiful Russian commando who specializes in operating in wintry conditions so severe that full-scale military operations are impractical. You owe your borderline-superhuman abilities to the inhumane training you were subjected to by the KGB from a young age—which is also why you are totally cool having your tits hanging out when it's like -25 degrees celsius and there's snow swirling everywhere. 
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Feb 10, 2023 04:55
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Toxic Mental posted:Make me a character named Siggy Zardust and center the entire game around that one album somehow and go really far up my own rear end, tia You are a fool to try to interfere with the creative process that has made me, Hideo Kojima, the most critically lauded visionary in the history of video games! You are an anonymous soldier with limited peripheral vision and a neurological impairment that prevents you from remembering things that you saw only seconds ago. You also struggle with object permanence. 
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Feb 10, 2023 04:59
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Sexual Aluminum posted:You probably have a character based on me already You are Interim Chief, the founder of the FBI, CIA, and KGB--and the protagonist's mentor. You died years ago in a kumite deathmatch, but still give the protagonist advice in cutscenes. It is unclear if you are a hallucination, a ghost, a consciousness uploaded into a neural network, or a very persistent street performer that looks like Ben Franklin and happens to own a military uniform. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:02
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Wall Balls posted:*drops bathrobe revealing tens of ping pong balls glued to my naked bod* i'm ready for my jarringly out of place sex scene with léa seydoux, mr kojima You are Silent Silver, a robotic assassin with human hands, which allows you to perform cool knife tricks far beyond the limits of other robotic assassins. You are the boss of the Italian restaurant level. You talk like a 17th century nobleman, except when you die at which point you do an impression of Redd Foxx having a heart attack. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:06
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FilthyImp posted:Looking forward to being an even more pathetic version of Otakon You are Huntington Santangelo, a communications officer with a fondness for pocky and 80's music. Some of the operatives you support get a little annoyed with you for being over-familiar, but they all agree that you come through in the clutch. You give the protagonist their primary missions and key intel, and if they engage with you socially you will also give them side quests. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:08
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syntaxfunction posted:I liked the game you made what with the shooting Mr Hideo. I would love to be a big city screen movie game star I would. You are Princess Algonquin Parkway, an infiltration expert with cybernetic pasties that allow you to hack into security systems and use their cameras, traps, and turrets for your own purposes. But you can't wear a shirt or a bra because the cyber-pasties are very sensitive and the fabric would interfere with Bluetooth signals and satellite uplinks and stuff--and I cannot overstate how critical that is to the story. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:11
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Mr.Pibbleton posted:As a member of the Aleut tribe, I always appreciated you representing us Native Alaskans with Vulcan Raven, he was pretty rad and I enjoyed his boss fight. You are Leftenant Wright, a sadistic mercenary with a toothsome grin and a dueling scar who relishes using torture to extract information from soldiers and civilians alike. You are always playing with a hand grenade—occasionally pulling out the pin mid-conversation to startle and intimidate others. You are a good guy. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:13
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Seth Pecksniff posted:Put me in a game Kojima-san You are Devil Squid, a federal accountant in charge of managing the budget for DEA operations in South America. You always wear sunglasses, even indoors while working on complex spreadsheets. In the ending credits it is heavily implied that you are a werewolf. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:15
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You are General Specific, a world-weary military leader with gray hair and deeply-lined face who is allowed to smoke indoors at federal buildings for some reason, and communicates only in philosophical musings about duty and loyalty. Also you have a robot arm, but that never really pays off in any way and no one ever even mentions it or explains how it happened. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:16
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istewart posted:You know, I've been trying to break into motion-capture performance for the past few years, but the problem is that the technicians just don't know what to do with my massive, pendulous dong. Length, girth, density, I don't know what it is, it just somehow overwhelms their systems every time. Too much data to convert into a mesh or something. You are an anonymous soldier with limited peripheral vision and a neurological impairment that prevents you from remembering things that you saw only seconds ago. Also your mobility is hampered by your pendulous dong.
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Feb 10, 2023 05:19
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Astrochicken posted:don't do me i just want to say die hardman loving rules Thank you. It's always nice to meet fans who appreciate my tightly scripted, logical storytelling and the relatable characters that I create.
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Feb 10, 2023 05:21
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Booty Pageant posted:come on we all know kojima sensei now bases his characters off tv shows and movies, war hero codename tropes are old hat. it'll be like detectiveman columbo or missionimpossibleman whose name is actually tom cruise You are President Ephraim Rosencrantz, the democratically elected leader of Israel, who is using his nation's extensive spy network and international influence to undermine the marriage and career of a famous hip-hop producer. Also you have a hammer-and-sickle tattoo on your right hand and a swastika tattoo on your left hand, but that never really pays off in any way and no one ever even mentions them or explains why you have them. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:24
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Sophy Wackles posted:I’m the boss that says “heh” a lot. heh. That is a foolish idea, and you are a fool to think that I--Hideo Kojima--would ever stoop to such lazy cliches. You are Spark Firestone, a former stuntman turned demolitions expert who looks and sounds like a roughneck anti-hero from a Hal Needham movie. 15% of the game's budget was spent getting George Clooney to voice your character, whose dialogue is comprised of 31 distinct versions of the word 'yeehaw'. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:30
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Hollismason posted:I would like to be in the game. Please something to do with clowns. The only clowns in my game will be you clowns, who apparently think that you can tamper with my creative vision! You are Doctor Jimjam Monaco, an eccentric scientist living in self-imposed isolation so that you can work undisturbed on your experiments in reversing the effects of climate change by reanimating the corpses of dead soldiers and controlling them with a neural network to form an army of unfailingly obedient killing machines that know neither fatigue nor fear. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:32
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Treecko posted:I call Norman Reedus You squinty-eyed bastard! You still owe me 10000 Yen for the tab I picked up at that karaoke bar while we were making Death Stranding. I would like to remind you that I still own your likeness and if you don't pay me back right now, I will put you in my new game in a very unflattering light--even going so far as to mention Boondock Saints! 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:36
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Barcley posted:Make my gear the metal You are Treecko, a demon girl who is the boss of the office level , and you are openly disengaged and bored--both in cutscenes and in combat. You are immune to physical damage and can only be defeated by passing a quicktime event that allows the player to use the console's microphone to create a nasty echo effect during the videoconference-themed cutscene that precedes the boss battle. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:37
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Stink Billyums posted:Hideo, considering you love Columbo so much I think he should be in your game. If you think that this comment will cajole me into wasting a groundbreaking homage to the greatest television character of all time on a fool like, then you must be a fool, which I have already established that you are! You are an anonymous soldier with limited peripheral vision and a neurological impairment that prevents you from remembering things that you saw only seconds ago. Also you patrol the area near a checkpoint so you get killed a whole lot.
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Feb 10, 2023 05:45
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Milo and POTUS posted:Do me do me You are Everett Everest, a mysterious computer hacker who eschews traditional qwerty keyboards in favor of an array of synthesizers reminiscent of something that a prog-rock musician would use. Your preternatural connection with technology comes at a high cost, though, as you can only communicate with other humans via notes passed to your pet iguana Augustine, who has a robotic tail. Augustine's robotic tail is explained in great detail through a mandatory flashback mission set in Burma during 1985 that occupies approximately 7 hours of gameplay. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:48
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Junk posted:i wanna be a boss with a wacky gimmick You are Lord Doug Terpies, a polarizing comedy personality whose ability to brute-forcing punchlines into prominence and unwillingness to bow to social mores have made him the front-runner in the 2024 presidential election. If the player completes Huntington Santangelo's side-quest to find 100 collectible pocky tins, an alternate ending is unlocked wherein your consciousness is uploaded into an electric smoker as a kafka-esque punishment devised by your political enemies. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:53
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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:Hideo... Ko... jima... You are Sergeant Kevin Rainmaker, General Specific's chief of staff, who has a personal grudge against the protagonist that is never fully explained. You are petty and vindictive and speak 100% of your dialogue through clenched teeth, but you have a deathbed redemption in the Antarctic research station level when you give the protagonist your prized family heirloom: the gatling-laser that your great-great-grandfather used to kill Stonewall Jackson. 
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Feb 10, 2023 05:56
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Animal-Mother posted:a lengthy monologue about how ai-generated art replaced gbs effort-threads before anyone knew it, and it was the patriots plan all along, which was big boss's plan all along, but it was secretly foxdie's plan (but not all along, they were winging it at several points) This is the most elegant and poignant idea that I have ever heard--the story almost writes itself! I would like to offer you an internship at my studio in glorious Nippon. PM me for details. You are Allister Friezse-Frame, a child soldier with an overactive bladder who is the boss of the rainforest zipline level. Your bazooka attacks kill the player instantly, but you have to stop frequently to relive yourself. You are recruitable as a companion if the player completes Huntington Santangelo's 'Kony Did Nothing Wrong' side-quest. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:03
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Vampire Panties posted:If there's a Solid Snake, and a Liquid Snake, is there a You are the Loch Ness Monster. In a third-act plot twist it is revealed that you are actually a spacefaring vehicle piloted by aliens from an aquatic world who have come to earth in search of the secrets of leprechaun alchemy. A very expensive DLC will allow the player to pilot you during the hollow earth level instead of the traditional battlemech. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:07
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Snake?
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Pinche Rudo posted:I thought I had FoxDie but it was just a really bad genital rash You are Suleiman the Good Boy, the protagonist's pet akita. You are a vicious fighter, more than a match for an average solider, having fought alongside the protagonist in one extra-judicial battle after another over the years. You wear aviator goggles, and during cutscenes you can be seen using your paw to slide the goggles over your eyes when riding in motorcycle sidecars or battlemechs. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:08
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Linux Pirate posted:Punish me You are Revolver Ocelot, and once again you are at the center of a high-stakes oh gently caress am I really going to do this again maybe I should just retire. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:12
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Chinatown posted:i love big animes tibbiez Then it is unfortunate for you I--Hideo Kojima--would never stoop to objectifying women in my video games. You are Lucretia Chavez-Wang, the current President of the United States. Your consummate professionalism, diplomatic skill, and empathetic approach to domestic strife have brought you the love of the American people--but have also made enemies of the private military corporations who have risen to prominence in the 21st century. You set off the events of the game by giving the protagonist a secret mission that you cannot trust to the standing army. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:18
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Toxic Mental posted:I thought you said you would make me a video game character and not just copy my real person I calls them as I sees them.
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Feb 10, 2023 06:21
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Treecko posted:drat I got Norman an a shout out how did you know it was my birthday Kojima-san? By posting ITT you have signed over rights to your likeness and personal data in to me, my production company, our business partners, and our value-added resellers in perpetuity. This is all standard game development stuff. I just assumed that you knew?
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Feb 10, 2023 06:24
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Buce posted:can i be a sexy lady detective pls No. You are Gideon Clean, a televangelist with a spray-tan who is well-known for his army of loyal adherents and his penchant for punctuating sermons with dramatic swipes of his electrified katana. But are you an enemy or an ally..? I haven't decided yet, but rest assured that this denouement will be as insightful a comment on religion as my previous meditations on war and loyalty. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:34
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sure okay posted:sure why not You are Becky Chiba, a bubblegum chewing cheerleader who is always on her phone. You are also the most formidable martial artist in the world because you were abducted by MI6 and forcibly implanted with an experimental neural uplink that houses the consciousness of the legendary 100-year old Yakuza assassin who was mortally wounded in a kumite deathmatch in which he killed Interim Chief. It's pretty obvious during the cutscenes that you don't wear underwear for reasons that are integral to the plot. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:37
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Hairy Right Hook posted:Can I be a guy in it? You are Noose Ringold, a member of the protagonist's commando squad. You are a capable sniper, due to the cybernetic visor that you stole from LeVar Burton during the game's opening cutscenes. In a moderately priced DLC the player can guide you through a thrilling rooftop sniper battle against a vengeance-crazed LeVar Burton using a VR headset. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:43
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Caedus posted:big fan of death stranding and how the name means some things but also other things and then you play 40 hours to hear them say the thing. I'm ready You are Geoffrey O'Fyospos, a reclusive tech billionaire whose social media empire is a front for a cabal of disenfranchised outcasts who venerate a martyred religious leader referred to only as 'The Goat Man'. But behind this shadowy cabal is an even more sinister agenda—a plan to enlarge the balls of every pig on earth in an attempt to finally make anime real. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:50
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SatansOnion posted:I don't have any experience with globe-spanning plots or military intrigue, but I am intimately familiar with lighting up, taking a toke, and suddenly finding that several hours have elapsed Useful perhaps, but completely unnecessary... You are Quarrelsome Chameleon, a beautiful female assassin with biological enhancements that allow your skin to change colors to match your surroundings, which is why you are always naked except for your bikini which can also change colors. But you can't just make a whole outfit that changes colors because the material is super hard to manufacture and there was only enough to make a bikini. 
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Feb 10, 2023 06:52
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buglord posted:I want to be a character. Please do me! You are Earthwind Fire, the bloodthirsty leader of a private military corporation who seized control of Alabama in an attempt to learn leprechaun alchemy, which he hopes to trade to a race of aliens living in Scotland in exchange for the secrets of the bio-organic technology used to make living spacecraft. You are the first boss of the game, and teach the protagonist how to use the game's innovative 'sack-tap' mechanic during a cutscene leading up to your boss battle--an act of hubris for which you will pay dearly. 
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Feb 10, 2023 07:02
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Colonel Cancer posted:Draw me like one of the sprites in nintendos You are Steve Wilson, the warrior-king of the race of goblins living in the hollow center of the earth who have been waging a decades-long secret war against the nation of Israel, which is trying to invade your kingdom through its entrance in Antarctica. Your race is few in number and physically frail, but their advanced battlemech technology make them an intractable military opponent. Your nonsensical, nigh-unpronounceable name is the subject of many jokes throughout the game. 
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Feb 10, 2023 16:08
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sure okay posted:Not wearing underwear is my technique for luring Shadow Goon towards me and away from Amelie, thus preventing the Last Stranding It is quite a relief to FINALLY hear from someone who understands the basics of storytelling.
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Feb 10, 2023 16:12
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Jestery posted:Oooh ohhhh do me do me You are Sexecutioner Smoth, a member of the protagonist's commando squad. You have incredible physical strength and an unwavering commitment to the ideals of an open society, which makes it all the more tragic when you sacrifice your life to save the protagonist from Becky Chiba in a cutscene following the quicktime event that concludes the Italian restaurant level. If the player completes Huntington Santangelo's 'Late-Stage Capitalism' side-quest, an alternate skin is made available for purchase in the online store, showing you without your signature armor. 
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Feb 10, 2023 16:22
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Vidmaster posted:These are very cool and I would also like to be in this game where everyone has robot arms that are never mentioned in the story for any reason. You are Cutie Pie Mk IX, an advanced robot from the future who was designed to be a companion for the protagonist's daughter. Your are the game's de facto narrator, underlining key plot points in cutscenes between acts, for the benefit of slow-witted gamers who can't follow a simple and timeless story of redemption set against the backdrop of international carnage. Your dialogue is read in an obscure Japanese dialect, and there are no translations or subtitles available because gently caress all of you. 
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Feb 10, 2023 16:28
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QuarkJets posted:Hi Mr Kojima, can you tell us why you killed former japanese PM Shinzo Abe with what appeared to be a weapon from the Borderlands games? Is this a hint that you'll be working with the Borderlands team on a new Borderlands game? Will it be about killing prime ministers? Will claptrap be in it? Will claptrap be a companion character like Quiet? Will claptrap be wearing a bikini because he's allergic to clothes like Quiet was? Oh you like Borderlands? Isn't that game a little... remedial? Maybe you aren't ready for the technical challenge and emotional impact of my new project, which is unlike anything that came before and will revolutionize gaming and usher in a bold new age of interactive storytelling. You are an anonymous soldier with limited peripheral vision and a neurological impairment that prevents you from remembering things that you saw only seconds ago. Also your dull-witted and child-like mind is so easily amused that the player doesn't even need to subdue you because you get distracted at the drop of a hat and are basically useless.
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Feb 10, 2023 16:32
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