|
2022 was not the return to normalcy the box office craved, but there was plenty of fun times both good and bad. The King returned, and by that I mean Tom Cruise flying a plane, which just dominated the US box office in a way not seen since most of us were using Trapper Keepers. James Cameron continued his box office domination with another adventure of Smurfs In Space: The Last Airbender, which at the time of writing was carving it's way through the worldwide box office and was the biggest release of 2022, knocking our friend Tom Cruise to second place. The eventual totals and any major problems with COVID causing Chinese box office chaos will have to wait until next year's OP, but keep reading the thread to experience it as it happens. Marvel had some divisive films, from the Black Panther sequel that had to deal with the unexpected death of the lead actor before production began, to Disney loosening the reins and letting Sam Raimi direct a Raimi movie in Marvel clothing. And whatever that Thor movie was. Not that it mattered, they all made a bajillion dollers without even counting merchandise. This was before China said that Marvel was welcome to return to their theaters, the movies having been banned for several years for reasons never directly stated. Disney needs the money, they can only afford twelve ivory backscratchers this year! It's true, they are cutting jobs. The Minions returned so your parents could post more memes on Facebook, Sonic the Hedgehog 2 was a kaiju film, Elvis was weird, everyone got horny for Catwoman (again), and people watched an Indian film in theaters. The last one I am grateful for not just for the fact a cool film from a cool director was popular, but because people might get exposed to the concept of intermissions again! Box Office Notable Films: Morbius - It was definitely NOT Morbin' Time in 2022 for Jared Leto's no-Spider-Man Spider-Man spin off, but that didn't stop the morbin' memes from making the internet rounds. The memes became so popular, someone at Sony taking a break from a cocaine bender noticed them and thought the movie was somehow a cult classic, and greenlightninged a rerelease. Which made no money. Looks like they got morbed twice in one year! Uncharted - Remember when Uncharted was in theaters? Of course you do, no reason to go on about Uncharted, a movie that was released in 2022 for sure and not just a vague dream you had that vanished into the air upon your awakening. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets Of Dumbledore - The secret of Dumbledore was how bad could everyone spoil the cash cow that was Harry Potter? From Just Kidding Rowling waggling her wand all over twitter attacking the trans community to a hesitant studio afraid to say gay for the title character (who isn't even who this series was supposed to be about!) to Johnny Depp being dropped from the villain role to Ezra Miller also existing in this movie franchise, there is a curse upon these fantastic beasts. Luckily the script is...also cursed. And it contains potassium benzoate. Amsterdam - I wasn't expecting David O. Russell's latest to be on every worst movies of the year lists, but it was and the critics were having a grand old time bashing it to pieces. Confused, I asked this very thread community, and goons chimed in that it was bad, but mostly because it was boring. Firestarter - Did you know they remade Firestarter? Now you have been reminded. It was boring and pointless, just watch the Drew Berrymore version if you need a pyro fix. I hope Zac Efron saved the money for an emergency fund so he doesn't have to do movies like Firestarter again. Three Thousand Years of Longing - More like three thousand years of longing to go to the bathroom! Wait, this joke was supposed to be in the Avatar 2 section... This is what happens when you don't proof read! This film was about a djinn played by Irdis Elba who tells stories to Tilda Swinton and is directed by George Miller, except that it's just boring. It totally blew Miller's run of great films. Luckily we have a Mad Max spin off coming up, we should be back on track soon enough. The 355 - Jessica Chastain was like "What if the ladies were spies too?" and then produced this film with a bunch of lady spies doing lady spy things. Which relied too heavily on lady spies being known actresses instead of having a good script. When your movie twist concept was already parodied by season two of The Boys before it ever existed, that's not a good sign. The King's Daughter - a film from 2015 that was shelved until it was dumped on the world in 2022. What did the world ever do to you, Paramount? But maybe this will bring about a new concept of time capsule films where they just unearth unreleased films every 7-10 years. RRR - RRR is a special movie, one that finally kicked a lot of genre fans into realizing that India makes movies, gave S. S. Rajamouli some recognition in the West beyond a few cool movie fans like myself, and features lots of amazing action as heroes fight against colonial oppressors. Anything that gets Rajamouli more money to make awesome films is a win. VOD/Streaming Hall of Shame: Bruce Willis was revealed to be suffering from aphasia and immediately retired from acting. There had been rumors for years (often posted in these very threads) that something was amiss so it wasn't too surprising, but still tragic. However, either Willis's management or unscrupulous producers (or Willis himself trying to get a last bit of cash) managed to get him in a ton of direct to Redbox/streaming/whatever movies where he has a tiny fraction of screen time, a body double has a bit more, and the rest is just a mess of washed up actors and guns. There are enough of these films in the can Willis will probably have new releases for the next decade, and he'll make a whole $5 from them all! Hocus Pocus 2: Hoker Poker - Hocus Pocus 2 was so bad it unleashed hell upon the children of America. Worse then that, it didn't drive more subscribers to Disney+! The Bubble - What if we made a movie about making a movie in the pandemic in the pandemic? Also it is about cancel culture or something? Created by Judd Apatow? Why is everyone running away? That's what audiences did, and no one bothered to see the direct to streaming The Bubble except a couple of the moms of the actors. But not all the moms. Some of them have bad moms... One of the biggest wastes of an all star cast of the year, stuffing them all in something that forgot to be funny or entertaining. Home Team - If you were ever Team Jacob, you'll feel like the kids in the last half of this trailer... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xppbyXSxPlo Pinocchio - Disney+ and Robert Zemeckis gave us Tom Hanks as Geppetto. It was a thing that existed, good enough to barely get mentioned on any year end lists. They even neutered this film to take out most of anything interesting. But Pinocchio is our last hope. No, there is another... Pinocchio - Pauly Shore IS Pinocchio! This movie was totally great ::hides rapidly growing nose:: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4ArXSwALDU No, there is another.... Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio - Finally a good Pinocchio, and I can say that without my nose getting big. It did go almost straight to NetFlix but that's the price we pay in this modern world... Batgirl - The most famous of the almost finished but not released films that were announced as never seeing the light of day by Warner Brothers Discovery after the two companies merged and CEO David Zaslav decided that he hated you. Supposedly they can write off the entire movie as long as it never gets released, which means more money than if they released it and made money. This is why everyone hates Hollywood accounting. This was a streaming film, but it was going to be a big one, with Michael Keaton returning as Batman, J. K. Simmons as Commissioner Gordon, Brendan Fraser as Firefly, the introduction of Supergirl, rumored other new characters showing up, and Batgirl actress Leslie Grace in talks to make a sequel and other appearances as Batgirl. In addition to Batgirl, Scoob! Holiday Haunt, a sequel to the boring Scooby-Doo prequel that ignored canon and featured voice actors who aren't the actors who have been playing the roles for decades, was also cancelled. That film was reportedly completely finished. Time to make a movie about stealing these movies! Which will probably be more interesting than both of these movies combined, but that's besides the point... The Mean One - The Grinch with the serial numbers lightly filed is now a horror movie. The horror is the movie itself, not what happens in the movie. This beat the public domain Winnie the Pooh is a murderer movie to a release, which just shows that, um. I'm not sure what it shows, but it's time to fund my horror version of the Teletubbies. It's called the Teletubbies. Amnityville Madness - At some point, producers realized that the Amnityville name is something that anyone can use and it is near the beginning of the alphabet which is good for digital listings of movies, thus there were 99 bajillion cheap horror films with Amnityville in the title. I can't guarantee there isn't an actual movie called Amnityville Madness. At least we got some good posters...  Don't worry, it sucks! Coming 2023, 2024, or whenever...delays gonna delay 80 for Brady - Women love Tom Brady, now in movie form. Please call your mom before this happens to her. More people saw this movie opening weekend than the number one film, but because they were all old people who had senior discounts and went to matinees it opened second. Cocaine Bear - Elizabeth Banks directs what might be the movie of the year, a fictionalized version of the story of a bear that ate some cocaine and died. Now it rampages through the countryside! Ray Liotta's last(?) film. Barbie - Forget what I just said, this will be the movie of the year. Barbie forever, baby! Indiana Jones 5: So Very Tired - A trailer full of digitally de-aged Indiana Jones isn't enough to make me want to watch this after the disaster that was Indiana Jones 4. Okay, maybe I am a little curious about this film. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves - I got distracted by the whole Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast Open Gaming License PR disaster that I forgot that this new movie starring Chris Pine and Michelle Rodriguez looks pretty fun. Legally Blonde 3 - I hope this finally comes out before I forget I already made a joke about there being a third Legally Blonde movie that was direct to video in every prior thread OP since it was announced. Fast & Furious 10 & 11 - What was once a killer franchise has put on the brakes as the egos are what is flying fast and furious. From Vin Diesel driving away The Rock to Tyrese having some sort of social media meltdown to the director Justin Lin bailing because he was tired of the problems, things just aren't going their way. Renfield - Nicholas Hoult is Renfield but more importantly, Nicolas Cage is Dracula. Also Awkwafina is in it, and Herman's Head himself William Ragsdale as well, but Nic Cage is Dracula!! Nic Cage is Dracula!!! Oppenheimer - Christopher Nolan angrily switched production companies and got every good actor on the planet to star in Oppenheimer, so I hope it's good, because it would sure be embarassing if it wasn't... Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - The robots now turn into animal robots and things continue to blow up. The original cartoon was fun to watch when I was in college. Put in Battle Beasts, you cowards! The Flash - Despite all the problems with Ezra Miller doing a speed run to destroy their career, Warner Brothers Discovery CEO David Zaslav is banking a lot on this film. Zaslav has made a bunch of questionable decisions since the merger, and this might be the biggest one of them all. If you want to overlook the obvious problems, it features Michael Keaton returning as Batman and possibly some other cameos from DC heroes old and new. Not that any of it matters, because they are redoing the entire DC movieverse so lol just lol. Rust - yes, they are trying to continue with the film where Alec Baldwin discharged a loaded gun and someone died. He's also being charged with involuntary manslaughter, which may delay the resumption of filming. So, uh, reserve your seats now? Franchise Mania - Please enjoy these sequels and remakes, some of which may be good, which I'm listing here because they don't really need an explanation - John Wick: Chapter 4, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning - Part One, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem, The Meg 2: The Trench, Creed 3, Scream 6, Ant-Man 3, Guardians of the Galaxy 3, The Marvels, Shazam 2, Aquaman 2, Evil Dead Rise, Gran Turismo, Haunted Mansion, Blue Beetle, The Equalizer 3, The Nun 2, The Expendables 4, Saw 10, The Exorcist, Dunc 2: Dunc City Nights, The Hunger Games Prequel, Trolls 3, Paw Patrol becomes super heroes, Wonka, Ghostbusters 5, and probably more things I forgot to add because this list is too long already! Movie cereal box picture of the year: This year we have TWO cereal boxes, and you can vote for which one is the most Greenlighted Cereal! First up is Tony the Tiger gone Na'vi! Because crushing capitalism is Grrrrr-eat!  Next up is the obvious movie connection of talking bunnies and people eating dinosaurs, with Trix Trax! Don't worry, there are marshmallows  thanks to davidspackage's for the joke that made the thread title. Prior threads: 2022 2020 & 2021 2019 2018 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 00:37
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 16:16 |
|
|
I'm still wondering how exactly they're going to handle the Hunger Games prequel because the book was totally not designed to be turned into a movie seeing as the actual Hunger Games part ends 3/4 of the way through the book and the rest is the main character just kind of bumming around District 12.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 00:46
|
|
|
I forgot they are doing another Hunger Games movie I imagine it's going to bomb hard though, the YA craze is long past and even the last movie in the previous series didn't exactly do as well as expected (splitting the final film into two parts probably didn't help).
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 00:46
|
|
|
Tars Tarkas posted:Rust - yes, they are trying to continue with the film where Alec Baldwin discharged a loaded gun and someone died. He's also being charged with involuntary manslaughter, which may delay the resumption of filming. So, uh, reserve your seats now? Uhhhhhh, wow. I had assumed this movie was deader than Batgirl.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 00:48
|
|
|
muscles like this! posted:I'm still wondering how exactly they're going to handle the Hunger Games prequel because the book was totally not designed to be turned into a movie seeing as the actual Hunger Games part ends 3/4 of the way through the book and the rest is the main character just kind of bumming around District 12. Had that ever stopped them before?
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 00:50
|
|
|
Even though the YA craze has passed, I'm still surprised there was never a mid or better budget version of The White Mountains. Seemed like everyone I knew in the 90's had read the books at some point.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 00:51
|
|
|
Every time I read the title Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning, I have a brief moment of hope that it's an adaptation of Romero's Dead Reckoning script.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 00:52
|
|
|
Posting in the new thread before Driftingmouse lol I saw an article earlier that production on Rust is resuming and I couldn't believe it. Incredibly cursed movie.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 00:54
|
|
|
YA adventure might be mostly dead in movies but Shadow and Bone was mad popular on Netflix and is getting another season, while Disney is making a more book-accurate Percy Jackson series with the author actually involved this time.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:00
|
|
|
Rageaholic posted:Posting in the new thread before Driftingmouse lol He'll be a bit, gotta calm down after nearly stroking out upon finding the new thread. Batgirl I fully expect to eventually get released through backchannels by somebody, but probably not for a while.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:03
|
|
|
McGann posted:He'll be a bit, gotta calm down after nearly stroking out upon finding the new thread. How would it though? Wasn’t it only ever screened the one time to cast and crew? Unless I’m mistaken, the whole reason they’re able to shelve it for tax reasons is that it effectively can’t be shown anywhere ever for any reason.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:05
|
|
|
Sirotan posted:Uhhhhhh, wow. I had assumed this movie was deader than Batgirl. I had hoped but I guess producers want to get $$$ especially if they are going to lose a lot of money in lawsuits over the movie. I had heard they were at least hiring proper crew now, you know, the thing they didn't do before that helped cause conditions that lead to the tragedy. Big Mean Jerk posted:How would it though? Wasn’t it only ever screened the one time to cast and crew? I think James Gunn also saw it so there is at least a workprint around, but it will probably have to get stolen to get a release because otherwise it will cost them their tax writeoff. Granted plenty of workprints have been stolen in the past...
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:09
|
|
|
Driftingmouse:   
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:10
|
|
|
Big Mean Jerk posted:How would it though? Wasn’t it only ever screened the one time to cast and crew? Tars Tarkas posted:I had hoped but I guess producers want to get $$$ especially if they are going to lose a lot of money in lawsuits over the movie. I had heard they were at least hiring proper crew now, you know, the thing they didn't do before that helped cause conditions that lead to the tragedy. Yeah, I assume since there were some screenings, which means it at least exchanged hands some and they knew it was getting shelved, there's POSSIBLY an unaccounted for copy in someones posession. That's just me thinking I know peoples natures though and for all I know they're 100% dedicated to keeping it unseen. Edit: One official screening but how many people wouldn't show their friends or at least watch themselves if they had the opportunity? I'm speaking entirely out of my rear end mind you.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:14
|
|
|
Alan Smithee posted:Driftingmouse: Ban them if they ever posts here.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:16
|
|
|
IIRC the directors definitely don't have a copy because they talked about how after the news dropped they discovered that WB had removed all their access to the footage.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:17
|
|
|
The link in the last thread didn’t link to goatse. For shame Tars.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:26
|
|
|
Given that movies actors are paid a poo poo ton more than voice actors, how long until WB rescinds the dumb mandate about superhero continuity?
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:28
|
|
|
https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/1625613645810900995?s=20&t=Kkdxzh0q6YERANZnfDG4Tw https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/1625588263217147904?s=20&t=Kkdxzh0q6YERANZnfDG4Tw I don't wanna say nepo baby but.... nepo baby
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:29
|
|
|
Alan Smithee posted:https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/1625613645810900995?s=20&t=Kkdxzh0q6YERANZnfDG4Tw The three strangers are Bryce Dallas Howard, Joaquin Phoenix, and cgi reconstructed William Hurt, and this time the monsters are real!
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 01:50
|
|
|
The MSJ posted:Ban them if they ever posts here. Agree. Alan Smithee posted:I don't wanna say nepo baby but.... At the very least, her episodes of her dad’s show Servant are good.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 02:07
|
|
|
I AM GRANDO posted:The three strangers are Bryce Dallas Howard, Joaquin Phoenix, and cgi reconstructed William Hurt, and this time the monsters are real! twist: William Hurt was the real monster
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 02:07
|
|
|
Hurt wasn’t his last name. It was a threat.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 03:20
|
|
|
Is this the real 2023 thread, is this just fantasy? content: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania Is Second-Lowest Rated MCU Movie on Rotten Tomatoes, right in front of Eternals kalel fucked around with this message at 03:51 on Feb 15, 2023 |
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 03:47
|
|
|
kalel posted:content: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania Is Second-Lowest Rated MCU Movie on Rotten Tomatoes, right in front of Eternals Sitting at 50% on Metacritic right now and we're still 2 days out from opening day. Yiiiiiikes. Between the subscriber loss and the recent news about MCU TV shows getting curtailed there sure hasn't been a lot of good news for Disney lately.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 04:15
|
|
|
No mention of Nope?
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 05:10
|
|
|
The MSJ posted:Ban them if they ever posts here. Nah, do a mod challenge where they are banned unless they do a massive effort post about an upcoming release or a topic generally related to upcoming releases.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 05:32
|
|
|
Driftingmouse: eh- a new Who Greenlighted This thread? On this dead, gay forum, in February, by Tars Tarkas, localized entirely in Cinema Discusso? Tars: yes. Driftingmouse: ...can I see it? Tars: no. Thanks for making the new OP. God, the Morbius thing was funny. I'm reminded I still haven't checked out RRR. Even though I should, I can't believe the ghoulish greed behind not giving up on Rust. You know someone behind those scenes went "we can make this work"
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 07:25
|
|
|
Tars Tarkas posted:Three Thousand Years of Longing - More like three thousand years of longing to go to the bathroom! Wait, this joke was supposed to be in the Avatar 2 section... This is what happens when you don't proof read! This film was about a djinn played by Irdis Elba who tells stories to Tilda Swinton and is directed by George Miller, except that it's just boring. It totally blew Miller's run of great films. Luckily we have a Mad Max spin off coming up, we should be back on track soon enough. This could have worked had Miller allowed his actors to be as horny as his Witches of Eastwick leads
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 07:54
|
|
|
davidspackage posted:Driftingmouse: eh- a new Who Greenlighted This thread? On this dead, gay forum, in February, by Tars Tarkas, localized entirely in Cinema Discusso? What’s wild is even the Midnight Rider people didn’t even try to release it
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 08:21
|
|
|
Honestly I’m not sure we needed a new thread but okay. I thought Three Thousand Years of Longing was quite good actually.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 09:06
|
|
|
Y'all are cowards for actually posting this thread instead of letting Driftingmouse languish in despair about it forever.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 09:57
|
|
|
Not to mention posting it on Valentine’s Day when they are too busy dining out with their supermodel polycule to read it
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 10:44
|
|
|
Driftingmouse just repeatedly cumming as he F5s this thread
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 15:14
|
|
|
Tars make a new OP for every page snipe
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 15:25
|
|
|
Alan Smithee posted:Tars make a new OP for every page snipe Unless its an Andy Warhol thing where the second page has it in italics, third in all bold, etc. don't do it. The OP is already nice enough.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 15:36
|
|
|
Ghost Leviathan posted:No mention of Nope?
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 16:10
|
|
|
It's a Christmas miracle!  Alan Smithee posted:https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/1625613645810900995?s=20&t=Kkdxzh0q6YERANZnfDG4Tw Guess they saw the Ant-Man scores and maybe realised that fatigue has started to kick in for real. I think the only one I even want to see is Guardians 3.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 16:35
|
|
|
I'll wait to see what they do with X-Men for the MCU. I have zero interest in anything else coming from Marvel.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 16:43
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 27, 2024 16:16 |
|
|
Cooked Auto posted:It's a Christmas miracle! I think they were just talking about spacing out their Disney+ shows, not doing fewer movies.
|
|
#
?
Feb 15, 2023 16:49
|
|
