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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > Found a Guy - Lamentable Dustmen of MMA
 
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CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

 This thread rules and I cannot wait for the full roster of dustmen.

Boco_T posted:

Whenever Jay Ellis is not in the thread, all the other posters should be asking "Where's Jay Ellis?"

This was the first thing I thought about, too, and I wanted to nominate him for Dust King.



If Travis Fulton was the foundational journeyman jobber for mixed martial arts, Jay Ellis is a newer, better model, a Travis Fulton for the twenty-first century that does not believe in Walmart racism or child predation. Or so I assume. He doesn't actually seem to have any social media, so who the gently caress knows.

But he is 16-107 in mixed martial arts, 0-5 in boxing, and 0-1 in Muay Thai across a star-studded, 17-year tenure. That makes a grand total of 16 wins and 113 losses. 109 of those losses were stoppages: 73 submissions, 25 knockouts and one single disqualification loss to Tommy Lee, whose drumming, I assume, isn't as good as the other one's. In this recordsetting jobber career, he has, somehow, fought:
  • Bart "Bartimus" Palaszewski, top featherweight contender in the WEC and brief UFC aspirant
  • Gerald Meerschaert, UFC middleweight journeyman extraordinaire, whom Jay Ellis somehow actually beat once (before getting trounced in a rematch)
  • Kiuma Kunioku, King of Pancrase at both welterweight and middleweight, who once beat Nate Marquardt and drew with Sean Sherk
  • Rory Markham, welterweight champion of the International Fight League and one of the few Nate Diaz welterweight victims
  • Anthony Pettis, WEC lightweight champion, UFC lightweight champion and incestuous threesome enthusiast
  • Pat Curran, Bellator featherweight champion, twice
  • Daniel Straus, Bellator featherweight champion and one of five men on earth to beat Patricio Pitbull
  • Tommy Speer, runner-up on The Ultimate Fighter 6
  • Marc Stevens, the Josh Koscheck teammate that Cody McKenzie memetically choked out on The Ultimate Fighter 12
  • Johnny Case, the #2 lightweight in Rizin
  • Anthony Rocco Martin, jiu-jitsu champion and 6-year UFC veteran turned domestic abuse and possible neo-nazi case
  • Don Shainis, current UFC featherweight
  • Colby Covington, interim UFC champion and enormous anus
He's the dustman for a newer, wiser generation.

* # ¿ Feb 16, 2023 07:58
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# ¿ May 14, 2024 21:39
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CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

LobsterMobster posted:

Robert Bennett



I, too, am the hole at the center of Robert Bennett.

* # ¿ Feb 28, 2023 19:08
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CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

LobsterMobster posted:


Jeff Carstens



regional scene so tragic today's modern warriors can't even afford pants

these rule, lobmob

* # ¿ Mar 16, 2023 11:00
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CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

LobsterMobster posted:

more dust men and one dust women
Jonathan “Dragon” Hines





this thread makes me smile every time it comes back, thank you

* # ¿ Oct 11, 2023 06:08
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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > Found a Guy - Lamentable Dustmen of MMA