BYOB Taskmaster IS CONCLUDED FOR 2023, Congratulations To The Winners!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > BYOB Taskmaster IS CONCLUDED FOR 2023, Congratulations To The Winners!

Goons Are Gifts

- - - -NEW TASK NEW TASK NEW TASK - - - -

Task 2

Helloooooooooooo my rock'n'roll fans! It's me, your official for everything related to rock, rolling rocks and those who wish to rock with us!

Starting now, you have two hours (i.e. until 3pm eastern time) to become a "rock star" by finding and painting or otherwise decorating your very own rock. Do you want to follow a certain theme? If you do, and I like it, I might be generous with the points! The choice and the creativity is yours, it is your special rock and it is your duty to design it the way it feels right for you and you alone! Well, except for the fact that I'm going to judge your rock based on what I find the best and whatever I like, which might follow certain "logical rules" but it might not!

So the simple task is find, then paint decorate and/or design, a rock in a way that pleases you, while I get to judge it. Makes sense, right? Post one or more photos of your decorated rock in this thread by 3pm.

Around that time, there may be a little follow-up task for you and your beloved rock to see how far we can take this. More specific details will be posted ITT at that time! Meanwhile, your time starts . . . now!

Goons Are Gifts fucked around with this message at 19:14 on Feb 22, 2023

# ¿ Feb 22, 2023 19:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 9, 2024 09:27

Goons Are Gifts

Only a few minutes left for rocking submissions! Be sure you post your entry, so we can go forward with our.... special... super secret.... not at all secret addendum! Your rocks are going to be famous

# ¿ Feb 22, 2023 20:36

Goons Are Gifts

FOLLOW-UP TASK!
Helloooooooooooo again my rock'n'roll fans!
Our exciting follow-up task is here and with that, the entries so far are CLOSED! So the Rockstar you posted now is the one you need to go with for now!

You shall now place your rock outside or nearby your home ("outside your home" does not necessarily mean out of doors! it just means someplace that's not inside your home! and in some cases you may need to creatively interpret what this means for your entry, do your best and I'll let you know what I think!) and find a special place for it, leave it there and photograph it in that special place!
Find your rock a home, a good home, something that represents him and you well, something he and you will find comfortable and nice. Post the home, post the rock, be ready for our big rock co ncert at the end!
You have until 5 PM EST, so 2 hours from now to post your rock in his new home, after that the submission period is over and I get to judge your precious rocks and all the stars alongside it! Then we will have a huge Rockstar super concert and enjoy the evening together, with our new rock friends!
Does that sound like a plan? I hope it does! Your time begins
.. Now!

# ¿ Feb 22, 2023 21:01

Goons Are Gifts

Rarity posted:

Are these tasks being scored separately or together?

The Rock tasks are all one! I judge both the rock, it's decoration and painting as well as the position you found for it, all in one score but separately for me so I have various ways to judge them. If your rock is super fancy and amazing looking but the rock home is rather simple, you might get good points for the decoration but maybe not as much for the position, leading to final score based on all of these criteria

Either way, make sure you and your rock friend have fun!

# ¿ Feb 22, 2023 22:01

Goons Are Gifts

Absolutely stunning and amazing submissions!! You got another hour left to find a cozy and nice home for your personal rock friend or adjust and perfect your submission! I'm so excited to judge these beautiful rockstars!!

# ¿ Feb 22, 2023 22:42

Goons Are Gifts

Oh no, did you have a submission but missed the line, nut? :ohdear:

Posting my divine judgment shortly! Running a bit late, but it's just not easy with submissions of this caliber!

# ¿ Feb 22, 2023 23:32

Goons Are Gifts

Finger Prince posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

It is a rock star.

Finger Prince posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

Alright can it Rocky, or its back in the glove box.

Entry #1
Now, our first powerful entry, Rocky the Rockstar. Truly a magnificent being, his home in the car makes sure he is a mobile, always ready to go superstar, heading whereever he may be needed. I am sure he will be!
This is a nice, beautiful, nay, powerful entry. It is simple yet strong and literally a rockstar for sure. I will gladly award FourPoints for this powerful entry!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quadramind posted:

Official Submission

Beep Beep

Quadramind posted:

Official bonus submission!

Entry #2 is a rather special submission! Fast and furiously he makes his way across the globe. His decoration is rather slim, but quite functional! I will award Three Points for this rocking car!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stoner Sloth posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

alright now it took me awhile to find this one mate, and as you'll clearly see i've gone to a lot of trouble to take just the perfect photo of it to really capture the special qualities of it. it was hard work to get the lightning effect just right to decorate it but i think the results speak for themselves

Stoner Sloth posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

now you might think i've created quite a problem for myself here. you might think that indeed.

okay i probably have since first i'd have a lot of trouble shifting my rock and secondly, and more importantly, it would be a complete Australian Word of a move because Uluru is sacred to the Pitjantjatjara people of the area (Anangu in their language). so first i'll tell you a little about the rock while i think of how i'm going to accomplish this - it's a 348 meter tall sandstone formation and measures about 9 and a half kilometers around its perimeter.

it famously is red coloured to the presence of a large amount of iron oxide, it's also well known to change colour with the light leading to some pretty amazing photos. it's particularly spectactular at dawn and sunset, glowing a vibrant red. we know that people have been living around there for at least 10,000 years and probably much, much longer and they have many Dreamtime stories related to it though for the sake of brevity i'll leave that to the reader's own ability to find.

now while i've had you distracted telling you a little bit about my rock, i put in a few calls and was able to get this photo of where i left it - i think you'll agree it's a great shot...

.. taken from freakin' space!! i think you'll agree that i've gone to a lot of effort to get this spectacular placement of my rock as well as highlighting it with a special light show and i clearly deserve to win

Entry #3 was a surprise!
At first I was rather skeptical. A holy rock from downunder that is more a place than just a rock, how will he place that in a good home? He already has a perfect, sacred home! However, you washed my skepticism away with the powerful move of moving him into space. It may not be your rock and you could have worked on its decoration, but I think that's more a spiritual decoration than a color-based one, which I will accept! This tricky entry will award three points!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

biosterous posted:

on the one hand, it may seem a little sad to bring my rock and fuzz out to the garbage. but you must think of the purpose of these items:

the fuzz was created by a cat at play, and brought joy to the cat. it is now too small for the cat to notice and enjoy it

the design of the litter is to be removed from the box when it is no longer fresh, so that the cat will not be saddened by a stinky box

both fuzz and litter rock have fulfilled their purpose: improving the life of a cat. both are going peacefully to their final destination, content and satisfied. additionally, they have been given one last hurrah, presented to all of you, at the absolute peak of accomplishment

do not be saddened by throwing away of the litter and fuzz, but join with them in celebration of a life well lived

biosterous posted:

kitty litter is partly rocks i am pretty sure, and fuzz from a cat toy is thematic decor

Look at Entry #4, a small, tiny rockstar! He maybe wants to be big one day? For now, this entry certainly is worth something, it may not be as powerful as the other rocks and just its size is limiting the ability to wear decoration and color, but still, I will award tiny Three Points!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tiny Myers posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

ft. the model

A really, really strong entry #5, sadly without a follow-up! Maybe this extremely petable and lovely cat has stolen our rockstar to new places? We might never know! Still, a solid half-entry will be wroth two points! I just can't say no to kitties.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

your friend sk posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

i'm at work and can't go find a real rock, but i took the liberty of decorating THE rock

your friend sk posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

as much as i'd like to print the rock out and put him in the lawn, our printer isn't working right now. i brought him to wrestlemania instead. i hope all the fans enjoy seeing him

Entry #6 is no one other than kinda-rockstar Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson! He surely is decorated and he also definitely found a good place to be. However, is he a rock in the definition of this task? Yes, of course he is! After that scene in Untertale it's clear you can mistake other rocks from this rock.
This powerful, decorated and colorful entry will award equally powerful Four Points!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

i went outside into the dark and STOLE this rock from my landlord

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

I put the rock outside in a snug corner of the garden next to a big pile of leaves. I'm pretty sure we've got a hedgehog hibernating in it, so the rock is in good company!

Wow thanks

Entry #7 is nothing other than an absolute beauty. What a rockstar! Imagine the kind of music he can make! I have no choice butt to award the full Five Points for this magnificence!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rarity posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

Meet my friend Rocksanne

Rarity posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

Now you may have noticed that Rocksanne ain't no ordinary pebble

She's got flair

She's got style

You're not going to find her in a garden

Or under a tree

Or on the edge of a driveway

No, Rocksanne needs to be somewhere special

Somewhere worthy of her grace

Rocksanne is a queen

Rocksanne needs to live in a loving castle

Entry #8 blew my mind. Rocksanne is a superstar, a ruler we can trust in, a queen I would never dare to doubt. The aura, the look, the beautiful castle - this can never be anything else but another full Five Points for Rocksanne!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charles Bukowski posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION
I humbly submit my rock task parts 1 and 2. Here is what happened:

I could not find my favourite smooth stone I keep in my backpack, it would have been perfect for this. Instead I had to panic and think about where there were rocks? My walkway!

Hmm, it seems to have snowed. I think my boot can solve this problem!

drat right. Okay I've got the rock now. Now I have to paint it. Wait a second, I don't have paint. Why would I have paint? Okay well what do I have?

Store brand ketchup and a weed brush. Yeah I was in the scouts, its all about improvising.
Now lets get to the art!

There, my name with a happy yellow sun I drew with mustard and some of the ketchup to represent the fiery power of our solar friend.

Now it lives on the plastic table where I sit and smoke. It will live there until I no longer live here. Have a good day orbs.

Entry #9 made me hungry. The journey of how you got to this special rockstar and the way you made him tasty - this is magic, this is beauty, this is power. I love it, I'm ready for the next barbecue - along with tasty Four Points!

barnold posted:

oh hey....my rock is on the internet and in the yob. The Cloud� is most definitely not inside my home (though it is inside my heart)

Entry #10 was almost overseen by me! Sorry! No wonders though, what a sneaky rock we have here - straight from the limitations of work, far away from the chillness of the hammock where you clearly belong. This digital entry is certainly worth Two Points!

Thank you everyone for this amazing rock concert, what an amazing contest we had here, I love every single one of our rocks and I can't wait to see where this crazy taskmaster goes next!

Goons Are Gifts fucked around with this message at 00:28 on Feb 23, 2023

# ¿ Feb 23, 2023 00:19

Goons Are Gifts

I'm so excited to see all our yobbers joining in on this fun, it's like the real taskmaster but with a beautiful online family!!

# ¿ Feb 23, 2023 18:21

Goons Are Gifts

NEW TASK! TASK #5

Welcome, welcome, welcomeeeeee once again!

Did you check the calendar? No? Well, you should have, because it's almost greebmas once again! I know, you all sang for the great greebmas hole already, but this time we are not just singing, we need to show our appreciation! What, you forgot about greebmas? Better see our original thread here right now so you know what's up!

So, for this new task that you will have another two hours for will be to create a really nice, a really special, a really festive greebmas card! It can be a general one, for someone you love, for no one at all, for your dear grandma that's stuck in last year's greebmas hole, for anyone you want! It also can be physical or even digital - greebmas is forgiving and a festival for everyone.

The important thing here is that you have fun designing and creating a festive, a lovely, a great greebmas card in a way that fits you. I have to judge it afterwards, so you better make sure that you and you alone like it.

You will have until 6:00 PM EST to submit your lovely greebmas card ITT and win another amount of great points.

Better get started, because your time starts.... now!

Somebody fucked around with this message at 21:53 on Feb 23, 2023

# ¿ Feb 23, 2023 21:51

Goons Are Gifts

Alright, even though I fell asleep over all the greebmas nog and couldn't dream post in time to judge, I will now finally have the chance to judge our lovely greebmas cards!

Charles Bukowski posted:

I come from a very orthordox Norilsk Greebmas background so my cards do tend to reflect my background even if I had to flee the community a decade ago. I make sure to include representations of my vermin siblings watching my sacrifice, in this case a message of praise from a friend of the past. I'm wearing my images of primates to remind myself of my ancestors and how proud they are of my ability to create fire, represented by the candles and the flames burning the sacrifice. I know, call me old fashioned. A mighty Greebmas to all, GROW STRENGTH!

e: i smell like burned paper now

Powerful, classic, old fashioned and just strong and stylish. This greebmas card has everything in it, it's like you can almost feel grandma's shouts down from the greebmas hole. Is there anything missing in the card? I don't think it is! The greebmas eyes may watch over us, as the command me to award a full five points for this powerful card!

Rarity posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

Ho ho ho such a special time of year

I think it's worth mentioning that the animation style for this card was 'Chill'

Animation is the mother of greebmas, this is known. It's a simpler approach, a nice approach, strong colors and a strong animation, however, it's not as powerful. This is good as it shouldn't overwhelm our greebmas holes, however, I think there was place for more power in here. Filling up the greebmas hole without overdoing it is hard, you can't have all the greebmas jizz spilling over, but there was a little bit more place available here. The greebmas grandma shouts for a strong but not yet perfect four points!

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

this is for all the grandmas out there

merry Greebmas grandmas

You can feel the grandma, you can see the hole, this card just screams greebmas all over the place. Is it as powerful as the other cards? Almost, almost. I can't quite put my finger on the hole to see what's missing, but still i am going to award three points!

Snuff Melange posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

While this festive holiday is new to me, I wholeheartedly embrace it.

A physical, powerful greebmas card, the words are full of greebmas jizz, it's dripping from there, I can feel the power, the greebmas, the energy. It may be a rather simple card, but it's filling the greebmas hole nicely. Is there anything ambiguous about this card? I can't see it. I have to award a whopping four points here.

Sorry for the waiting! I was just full of greebmas juice and crashed my bed! Good thing I woke up in time to award greebmas points to fill the greebmas hole!

# ¿ Feb 24, 2023 05:45

Goons Are Gifts

Btw I was wondering what's up with the brouhaha and the bedevils myself as I didn't have the list myself either and I find it incredibly amazing to see what solutions you guys came up with to use a certain word as often as possible without getting caught, just typical and amazing byob creativity there

# ¿ Feb 24, 2023 11:36

Goons Are Gifts

thank you al for coming back for this special occasion and guest judging this craziest of all events! I'm so happy to see you and hear that our collective byobabby is doing great and yet you have time to judge taskmaster!! I told you guys we have some crazy superstars available for taskmaster, you see, it wasn't an exaggeration!!

# ¿ Feb 24, 2023 22:46

Goons Are Gifts

FLUFFIEEEEEEE HELLOOOOOOO
God I have missed you and your posting so much!! So happy to see you back and it's for lovely DIORAMA, the most heartwarming thing of all

Fluffie you won't believe the amount of poop and fart jokes we made in the mod forum in your absence it's really crazy

# ¿ Feb 25, 2023 10:12

Goons Are Gifts

thank you fluffie for being part of this, absolutely MAGICAL
god I love these dioramas and everything goons have submitted in the wake of this event, you guys are crazy creative I can't believe this is all really happening!!

# ¿ Feb 25, 2023 22:50

Goons Are Gifts

I wonder whose taste buds you gonna have to convince...

# ¿ Feb 26, 2023 18:43

Goons Are Gifts

HELLO ONE AND ALL!
IT'S A ME, the actual, secret judge of this task! Yes, it was MY butt pulling the hidden strings all along.
Joe, submissions for this task are now closed, but I'm here with the follow up task!
What is it, you ask? Well, clearly, eat your dragon and provide a trip report!!

I can't wait how this plays out for you guys :devil:

e: and to be clear, the deadline for your trip report is 4:00PM EST today!!

Goons Are Gifts fucked around with this message at 22:06 on Feb 26, 2023

# ¿ Feb 26, 2023 21:15

Goons Are Gifts

I salute you guys for the sacrifices you, your taste buds and your stomachs may have provided for this task :patriot:

Also, in my follow up announcement, my phone addressed a certain Joe in the post. This wasn't intentional, but now I am wondering who Joe is and if he could draw an edible dragon

# ¿ Feb 26, 2023 22:11

Goons Are Gifts

TIME TO JUDGE THIS ~~TERRIBLE SIN~~ AMAZING AND HEALTHY TASK
I want to preface this by saying thank you for your full body enthusiasm and engagement you provided here, people. I fully understand if you didn't eat some of those submissions, although in spirit of taskmaster I do have to subtract points for those to acknowledge those who did eat their dragon. I mean, we aren't dragon slayers in byob, but if you do it, drat that's something!

biosterous posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

bread canvas, crunchy peanut butter and raspberry jelly paint, apple wings

in this one instance i wish i'd had smooth peanut butter instead of crunchy

also i'm really hoping the followup task is "eat it and write about it" because i turned it into a sandwich and am currently eating it

biosterous posted:

o poo poo 5min left

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION PART TWO

trip report: i took the wings off and ate them. it was a Gala apple (not a royal gala) and it was okay, much better than the last gala apple i had (nearly flavourless)

the dragon had more pb and jam applied so it tasted like a pb+rasp jam sandwich, which is my typical go-to for lunch. it was good! i really like the cronch and salt of the pb with the tart sweetness of the raspberry. the bread was ok, it is storebought mass-produced bread, but it's got a decent amount of grains and seeds and stuff in it

note that all parts of the sammich had some amount of crunch to it (peanuts, rasp seeds, bread grains). i like a good cronch texture to most of my foods!

This is a tasty dragon. A really tasty dragon! Optically, it may not be as traditional or typical as some other iterations of whatever culture defines what as a dragon, but in spirit, this is certainly a dragon. I applaud the effort you went through and that you ate the dragon before it was even a task, that shows some bravery, because dragons can be deadly enemies. Although I admit, this one in particular seems to be less powerful in strength and more powerful in taste. Five points for this slain dragon!

Charles Bukowski posted:

Official Submission

I've decided to go very traditional and make a biblical dragon.

A fast dragon, a strong dragon, a dragon that, if eaten, would be quite an adventure. Given the amounts of bananas involved, not just for you, but also for your toilet. I understand why you didn't go forth to tear apart a whole onion and blessed your toilet with the result of like a kilo of banana, but I still only can hand out two points for the quick and brave submission! After all, having to eat this was always a possibility and you still made this!

Snuff Melange posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

I also went the toast-centric route. My original plan was to draw the outline of a dragon on toast using mustard, but that felt too low effort and lame, so after a little brainstorming I realized I could just cut my very own dragon out of toast. Note that the bread used for this was stale enough that it was ready to be tossed anyways, so no food was really wasted here.

Loving the other submissions so far, especially biosterous's pbj dragon, which made me quite hungry.

e: uh oh, the "await further instructions" does make me worry I will be instructed to eat this dragon friend. That's gonna be a lot of toast D:

Snuff Melange posted:

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

Trip Report:

As I type this up now, the final minutes are passing by. There is one set of legs left, and I'm trying to quickly chew through a body piece or neck or something right now. Getting big gulps of water in between pieces is helping it go down, although conversely the warm, not-stale plate of pizza lying to the side is the opposite of helping it go down.

I did *not* attempt eating the flame as it is not technically dragon. Currently chewing the last piece, the legs, right now. God these take a while to chew.

3:56 PM -- final piece swallowed, washed down with water. Definitely not great, you can really feel the stale after chewing for twice the normal amount of time on long-room temperature toast with no spread.

This is just perfect. The dragon looks amazing, it even attacks you with fire! And even though it is entirely edible, stuffing your face with this much toast is certainly not something you do for nothing. You summoned a beautiful looking, aggressive, fire spewing dragon and beat it using the power of your will and a lot of saliva and water. This wasn't for nothing, it was for the full five points!

Saoshyant posted:

You counted me out, didn't you BYOB?? But I'm here now! And I rushed this ~~thing~~ awesome piece of creative art just for the last minute submission!

OFFICIAL SUBMISSION

Another quickly summoned but yet powerful dragon. Is it edible? I mean, It kinda is, right? I see why you didn't test it on that regard, but still, you made sure that no one could count you out. I certainly won't do so now, and award you two points!

Thank you, brave dragon fighting yobbers. This was certainly a dangerous task to fulfill but you did it! You can now rest on the smoldering remains of your dragon friend, as he will rise again like a Phoenix from the ashes in about a day. Probably. Inside your butt and your toilet.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2023 22:27

Goons Are Gifts

Thanks everyone for participating and being part of this amazing fun time!! This was truly special, fluffie, al, teen witch, ohhh all the celebrities we had!!
I hope you all had fun and a good time, because if so, we could do this again some time!!

# ¿ Feb 27, 2023 14:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ May 9, 2024 09:27

Goons Are Gifts

What a magical special event this was, thanks to everyone and to Manifisto for putting all of this together!!
Ohh and seeing fluffie and al in the yob again I just need to :glomp:

you all right now

# ¿ Feb 28, 2023 11:04

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > BYOB Taskmaster IS CONCLUDED FOR 2023, Congratulations To The Winners!