I Was Asked Not to Return to the Rap Battles

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Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

OP go as MC Donalds

# ? Mar 28, 2023 00:42

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# ? May 12, 2024 10:31

Orc Priest: Jun 9, 2021

Larry Cum Free posted:

There's a hip hop club in my city that always has Rap Battles on Thursdays. For those who don't know, Rap Battles are when two rappers perform head to head against each other and the audience or a judge determines who is better. Usually (but not always) this involves insults or 'disses' aimed at the opponent, but in a good natured and artistic sort of way!

I've been going to the Rap Battles at this club for the last couple of months and I really got into them. There's a pretty regular crowd there and some seriously talented rappers that go up to battle pretty often. Once a month they'll do kind of an 'open mic' night where amateur rappers can participate. This month I decided "what the hell" and I decided to sign up! I showed up about an hour before the show to get on the list. I was definitely nervous, but some of the regular audience members who I always see around were signing up too so that made me feel better. I haven't actually ever talked to them, but I recognize them. Sometimes I give like one of those friendly upward nods to them when we make eye contact getting a drink or something.

The host in charge of the sign up is a really cool guy and he was already making some good-natured jabs at my expense which were pretty funny and really started to get me in the mood for the Rap Battles! I was scheduled to go on stage for the 3rd Rap Battle so I went to my regular table to watch until it was my turn. I was really impressed by the first two Battles! The pro guys are always really good, but these amateurs were surprisingly good too and honestly I was starting to get really nervous!

So finally it's my turn and I get up there and I see my opponent really looks the part, which made me even more nervous. And just as I feared, he was really good. He was going in hard dissing me, but with this really good flow and rhyming everything perfectly. He had really good lines about my looks, my weight, my physique, my clothes, and a LOT about my ethnicity (white). I guess I was feeling the pressure a lot and kind of rocking on my feet and laughing nervously because he was spitting bars about that stuff too.

So I kind of zone out and suddenly it gets really quiet....and I realize it's my turn to rap back at him!! My mind was pretty much going blank at this point and all I can think about is how bright the lights are and how long it's been silent for. This was turning into a disaster already, but I knew I had to get something out. I remember the line I got out exactly because it's probably the only line I'm going to get to rap on a stage. It went:

"You're not even that good at rap
so suck my balls and eat my crap!"

I froze again after that because I just knew instantly that my rap was no good. It was crass and insulting without even being that funny, and it wasn't even true because the guy was a good rapper. It's just not the sort of thing you usually hear at Rap Battles. The audience starts booing and I can hear them making fun of me too. I start racking my brain to come up with something much better and make a comeback, when the other guy just starts taking my time and hitting me with even harder disses!! There's way more about my ethnicity and my weight and now, of course, stuff about what a bad rapper I am!! The crowd was just losing it at this point and cheering and howling with laughter.

So the format is supposed to be Rapper 1 goes, then Rapper 2, then Rapper 1 gets to go again and Rapper 2 gets a final turn. But when it came to my second turn, I didn't even get to go again! The host came on and just started waving his arms like a boxing referee when one of the boxers gets knocked out and said the other guy won without giving me another chance! I know it's not like I was going to win at that point, but a seasoned Rap Battle host ought to know that the only way I'm going to get better is if I get a chance to practice.

I stayed and watched the rest of the Rap Battles and had a couple drinks. By the end of it I had calmed down a lot and started to have fun again. On my way out the host was sitting by the entrance and I stopped real quick and said in kind of a self-deprecating way "I guess it can only get better from here, huh?". He looked at me like he was kind of mad and not like his usual affable self and he just said really flatly "Don't come back here, man". I was a little taken aback by this but I was still trying to be chill and I laughed a little and said "Yeah maybe I should just stick to watching!" but he wasn't laughing back and he said "Nah man, don't come back here at all. Seriously, just get out of here."

I don't know if he was really serious or not but it put me in a sour mood for the rest of the night. I really looked forward to the Rap Battles and I went almost every week but I guess they don't care about that and they only want you around if you're good at rap or just keep your mouth shut.

This also happened to me

# ? Mar 28, 2023 01:04

blight rhino: Feb 11, 2014; EXQUISITE ~~LURKER~~ RHINO; Nap Ghost

Larry Cum Free posted:

The hate I�m feeling in this thread is kind of inspiring me to try battling again

It's FightMan of the RapBattle world. You do you, bud. Kill it, cause they won't expect you to.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 01:09

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

Orc Priest posted:

This also happened to me

I am Larry Cum Free!

# ? Mar 28, 2023 01:15

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

I did a rap battle and got tonnes of praise and everyone stood up and clapped so I think OP is just bad at rapping.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 02:16

Larry Cum Free: Jun 3, 2022; move it or lose it dillweed

BigBadSteve posted:

I'm starting to think you're having a lend of us.

A probable trouble with you being 'authentic' is that hiphop has conventions. A whole lot of the lyrics are, I believe, about living in, and trying to escape from, the ghetto.

You can rap about your office job, office politics (watch you don't get sued for libel though, seriously), what your mom made you for dinner, and even about these very forums. But that would be only of interest to you, and maybe to us (if it's good/funny enough).

A middle class white rapper just might have a niche as a comedy rapper in non-ghetto comedy clubs (try an open mic night maybe), though I think you'd need much more awareness of Self and where you fit in the world than you're demonstrating ITT.

That's why you failed, not (mainly) for wearing your work clothes, you fool, you clown, you absolute idiot.

I suggest you suck your own balls and eat your own crap for like a year or more, until you develop enough humility to create good art.

Don�t tell me to eat my crap. You rear end in a top hat.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 02:30

Dixville: Nov 4, 2008; I don't think!; Ham Wrangler

If only there was a way you two could settle this argument

# ? Mar 28, 2023 02:39

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

a hip, a hop, a hippity hop
all these rap battles on the something awful forums have got to stop

# ? Mar 28, 2023 02:41

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

Larry Cum Free posted:

Don�t tell me to eat my crap. You rear end in a top hat.

you had your chance to spit white-hot flows at your rap enemies itt and you missed all of them, shamefully

don't go back to the rap battles

# ? Mar 28, 2023 02:44

Larry Cum Free: Jun 3, 2022; move it or lose it dillweed

There�s no one here worth battling

# ? Mar 28, 2023 02:49

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

Larry Cum Free posted:

There�s no one here worth battling

evidently there's nobody worth battling because you couldn't even come up with your own flow and got banned from the venue

# ? Mar 28, 2023 02:51

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

I got invited back to the rap battle emporium which was cool. They told me I'm pretty good at verbally flailing and I got something unique going on.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 02:52

CJacobs: Apr 17, 2011; Reach for the moon!

FirstnameLastname posted:

it's a must watch for several reasons, video is insane you can't really describe how fuckin scary he comes off in it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z93IaKPY_Wc

Why would anyone be intimidated by a vertically filmed video? I'm glad Ghostface wore his Saint Louis Cardinals letterman to this so we wouldn't forget he's OG east coast, he looks cozy making threats from his house!

FirstnameLastname posted:

raps history is cool as gently caress and i won't tolerate a god drat goon saying that it's all faked right before suggesting a buncha rappers that someone whose favorite rapper is Aesop Rock would lol
Disgusting

Starting beef with Aesop Rock like his crippling introversion would permit him to clap back, shameful.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 03:03

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

I love that FirstnameLastname is salty that people aren't respecting rappers they like while getting salty about other rappers. You tell those posers what for!

Swap the names and it's like discussions about who is actually alternative all over again :allears:

# ? Mar 28, 2023 03:08

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Larry Cum Free posted:

There�s no one here worth battling

yeah cuz everyone here is a bitch white nerd like you

# ? Mar 28, 2023 03:10

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

syntaxfunction posted:

I love that FirstnameLastname is salty that people aren't respecting rappers they like while getting salty about other rappers. You tell those posers what for!

Swap the names and it's like discussions about who is actually alternative all over again

he's unironically saying "the drug game" so you know he's basically Michael Bolton from Office Space

# ? Mar 28, 2023 03:26

HORNEY VAPE BRO: Jun 14, 2009

Firstname Lastname is kicking straight knowledge, the other GBS dorks are just giving him poo poo because they only listen to music made by other extremely dorky Gen-X white people so if it's not the Aquabats or They Might Be Giants it's cringe

# ? Mar 28, 2023 04:12

Mulaney Power Move: Dec 30, 2004

yo

a rap, rap, a rappity rap rap
a cap dap rap deh rippity rap rap

everybody get rappin with it

heeeey hoooo

# ? Mar 28, 2023 04:56

Dixville: Nov 4, 2008; I don't think!; Ham Wrangler

HORNEY VAPE BRO posted:

Firstname Lastname is kicking straight knowledge, the other GBS dorks are just giving him poo poo because they only listen to music made by other extremely dorky Gen-X white people so if it's not the Aquabats or They Might Be Giants it's cringe

I just learned the aquabats are Mormons

I'm not quite sure what to think about that

# ? Mar 28, 2023 06:44

Pontificating Ass: Aug 2, 2002; What Doth Life?

Larry Cum Free posted:

There�s no one here worth battling

Mulaney Power Move posted:

yo

a rap, rap, a rappity rap rap
a cap dap rap deh rippity rap rap

everybody get rappin with it

heeeey hoooo

well well well looks like we have a contender

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUz5i8g2RPk

# ? Mar 28, 2023 09:47

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

HORNEY VAPE BRO posted:

Firstname Lastname is kicking straight knowledge, the other GBS dorks are just giving him poo poo because they only listen to music made by other extremely dorky Gen-X white people so if it's not the Aquabats or They Might Be Giants it's cringe

lurker guy laying it DOWN

# ? Mar 28, 2023 12:04

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

Just because something is true doesn't mean you don't sound like a dork while ranting about it lol

# ? Mar 28, 2023 12:07

Poohs Packin: Jan 13, 2019

OP do an MC Ride style freestyle to a Naked City backing track people will appreciate it

# ? Mar 28, 2023 12:25

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

HORNEY VAPE BRO posted:

Firstname Lastname is kicking straight knowledge, the other GBS dorks are just giving him poo poo because they only listen to music made by other extremely dorky Gen-X white people so if it's not the Aquabats or They Might Be Giants it's cringe

Granpa has been walkering out the same references for 25 years but everyone's too embarrassed to say anything

# ? Mar 28, 2023 13:07

Larry Cum Free: Jun 3, 2022; move it or lose it dillweed

Mulaney Power Move posted:

yo

a rap, rap, a rappity rap rap
a cap dap rap deh rippity rap rap

everybody get rappin with it

heeeey hoooo

Yeah that's more like Scat Freestyle and it can be pretty cool and also like silly and fun

with a rap, strap, take it back
give your dog a bath
this bold man is full of wrath!

# ? Mar 28, 2023 15:54

MoonshineWilly: Feb 7, 2007; Damn you, harlot! Science and I know what we're doing!

Larry Cum Free posted:

The hate I�m feeling in this thread is kind of inspiring me to try battling again

Another Something Awful success story.

Don�t let these fools bring you down, OP. Get back on that stage and try again. You might want to wait until a different bouncer or MC is there, though.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 16:19

veni veni veni: Jun 5, 2005

Larry Cum Free posted:

Yeah that's more like Scat Freestyle and it can be pretty cool and also like silly and fun

with a rap, strap, take it back
give your dog a bath
this bold man is full of wrath!

If you go back, probably do something better than this.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 17:25

Mulaney Power Move: Dec 30, 2004

Larry Cum Free posted:

Yeah that's more like Scat Freestyle and it can be pretty cool and also like silly and fun

with a rap, strap, take it back
give your dog a bath
this bold man is full of wrath!

drat...his science is too tight

# ? Mar 28, 2023 18:03

Dandywalken: Feb 11, 2014

Larry Cum Free posted:

There’s no one here worth battling

battle nom epique

# ? Mar 28, 2023 18:06

Ibexaz: Jul 23, 2013; The faces he makes while posting are inexcusable! When he writes a post his face is like a troll double checking bones to see if there's any meat left! When I post I look like a peacock softly kissing a rose! Didn't his parents provide him with a posting mirror to practice forums faces growing up?

OP have you considered buying rhymes off of another battle rapper, and just pretending to freestyle them in your next battle?

# ? Mar 28, 2023 18:08

veni veni veni: Jun 5, 2005

Im going to go to a rap battle and just recite bible verses while doing enthusiastic hand gestures

# ? Mar 28, 2023 18:49

Leper Go-getter: Nov 7, 2010

Larry Cum Free posted:

There’s no one here worth battling

Battle your mom, OP.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 19:36

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

lmao is OP doing a bit or is he really some virgin meme white dude trying to spit bars

# ? Mar 28, 2023 19:42

Beeswax: Dec 29, 2005; Grimey Drawer

Alan Smithee posted:

lmao is OP doing a bit or is he really some virgin meme white dude trying to spit bars

Just how thick are you?

# ? Mar 28, 2023 19:58

BeastOfTheEdelwood: Feb 27, 2023; Led through the mist, by the milk-light of moon, all that was lost is revealed.

Yo, my name's BeastOfTheEdelwood and I'm here to say,
I take a poo poo almost every day.
And when I get up from sitting on the bowl
I flush down all the poo poo from my rear end hole.

Make sure to use wet wipes to get extra clean.
Don't wanna' get any poo poo on my peen.
Wash my hands with lots of soap,
Feelin' cleaned out; feelin' dope.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 20:36

Leper Go-getter: Nov 7, 2010

Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy yam, shimmy yay
Get off the mike get off stage and go away

# ? Mar 28, 2023 22:56

girl befriender: Sep 22, 2014; by vyelkin

rap and country are basically music cults like old greek mysteries.

its why the both suck and you should listen to anything but them, op.

# ? Mar 28, 2023 23:08

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

Alan Smithee posted:

lmao is OP doing a bit or is he really some virgin meme white dude trying to spit bars

I prefer to believe the latter for comedy's sake

Leper Go-getter posted:

Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy yam, shimmy yay
Get off the mike get off stage and go away

lmao

# ? Mar 28, 2023 23:12

Dixville: Nov 4, 2008; I don't think!; Ham Wrangler

Country version of rap battles where it's just 2 guys yelling "you might be a redneck if" jokes at each other

# ? Mar 28, 2023 23:13

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# ? May 12, 2024 10:31

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EDAkg-kZic

# ? Mar 28, 2023 23:13

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