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Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
(and so is Nick Aldis)

ROLL CALL OF CURRENT CHAMPIONS

World Champion
: Steve Maclin
I'll admit, when Impact Wrestling signed one of the Knights of the Lone Wolf, I was cynical. "Oh, they're only hiring him because he's dating Deonna Purrazzo." Well, I was wrong. The formerly Forgotten Son is a star. Despite not getting his chance against Josh Alexander due to the Walking Weapon tearing his triceps and having to vacate the title, Maclin proved he belongs on the big stage with an instant classic against KUSHIDA before belting President Scott D'Amore. His next challenger is probably the prior mentioned National Treasure, so I'd assume Maclin's holding the belt for a while.

World Tag Team Champions: ABC
Presumably players in Bullet Club Civil War 2: This Time, It's Elite, the Ace and Bey Connection have gone from a tag team of opportunity in NJPW's Best of the Super Juniors into a bona fide act. Having become the first tag team to beat the Motor City Machine Guns in an Ultimate X match, the sky's the limit for this duo. I guess Heath & Rhino are next in line, if only since they won a match on the pre-show of Rebellion.

X Division Champion: Trey Miguel
People know Jonathan Gresham. People know "Speedball" Mike Bailey. More people need to know Trey Miguel, who beat both men in an elimination match. The dude's got ability and charisma. I dunno who should be next in line for a title shot, maybe Laredo Kid?

Knockouts World Champion: Deonna Purrazzo
The Virtuosa is back on top, and I can't say that's a bad thing. Having turned babyface, there's a fresh newness to the character that had been treading water the past year. I don't know when or if Mickie James will return, so I have to assume someone like Killer Kelly would be next up.

Knockouts World Tag Team Championship: The Coven
Taylor Wilde and KiLynn King have an occult gimmick as part of the extended Spooky Universe in Impact Wrestling, and I can't say that's a bad thing. What I can say is that now that they've taken care of the Death Dollz (and sent Taya Valkyrie to AEW), there needs to be a new tag team for them to face. Are the Hex still available? I know they showed up a few months ago.

Digital Media Champion: Joe Hendry
Hendry's in the perfect spot for him right now: he wins most of the time but can't make a joke of the World title scene since he's already a mid-card champion. As such, he can do as he pleases with a super-over gimmick. Unless Matt Cardona returns, I imagine he could feud with Kenny King, or maybe someone from the Design. *clap clap*

NEXT PAY-PER-VIEW: Slammiversary 21
July 15th, from Windsor, Ontario.

ALSO OF NOTE: Impact Wrestling x NJPW Multiverse United 2
August 20th, from Philadelphia. We'd better get Speedball vs. Ospreay, or else! :toughguy:

Edward Mass fucked around with this message at 07:24 on Apr 17, 2023

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Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING/status/1647783491801608195

Please beat Aldis, Maclin. Please

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


https://twitter.com/Kelly_WP/status/1648795971545866242

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
As someone who occasionally develops cysts....yeah, it's OK that she missed a taping.

Lumbermouth
Mar 6, 2008

GREG IS BIG NOW


https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING/status/1650862239078035460
PWInsider is apparently saying the surprise is Trinity Fatu making her debut, with multiple appearances lined up.

HORNEY VAPE BRO
Jun 14, 2009

Are there any realistic challengers for Maclin while Josh Alexander is still recovering? I can see someone like Speedball or Jonathan Gresham having a good main event program but I don't know that they'd strap up either with the main belt.

Am I just being a fanboy or is Jordynne Grace their biggest star that's healthy at the moment? Not mad about Purazzo winning the title but Grace always puts on main-event caliber matches IMO. Could take or leave Mickie James. Killer Kelly and Masha always put on solid matches but the rest of the knockouts division seems pretty midcard.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮

HORNEY VAPE BRO posted:

Are there any realistic challengers for Maclin while Josh Alexander is still recovering? I can see someone like Speedball or Jonathan Gresham having a good main event program but I don't know that they'd strap up either with the main belt.

Am I just being a fanboy or is Jordynne Grace their biggest star that's healthy at the moment? Not mad about Purazzo winning the title but Grace always puts on main-event caliber matches IMO. Could take or leave Mickie James. Killer Kelly and Masha always put on solid matches but the rest of the knockouts division seems pretty midcard.

On Maclin: it depends on your definition of 'realistic challenger'. There are plenty of guys that can slot into a title match easily (Kazarian, Aldis, one of the Motor City Machine Guns), but it takes time to build up the kind of babyface challenger on the level of Josh Alexander - that's just the nature of pro wrestling.

On Grace: I'd say her and Purrazzo are on equal footing in terms of ability and overness. I'd put Purrazzo over on her promo skills, which might be why she's gotten the best of Grace over the years.

syzpid
Aug 9, 2014
What is Impact doing with Masha? I thought for sure she was going to take the title off Mickie James. My only guess is that they know she isn't staying long term in Impact, but it's still weird they spent so much time building her up but aren't giving her the belt.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮

syzpid posted:

What is Impact doing with Masha? I thought for sure she was going to take the title off Mickie James. My only guess is that they know she isn't staying long term in Impact, but it's still weird they spent so much time building her up but aren't giving her the belt.

When you've got as much women's talent as Impact Wrestling has, you've got to juggle wins and losses.

abraham linksys
Sep 6, 2010

:darksouls:
punk's supposedly at the taping tonight in chicago but i assume just vibing and not, yknow, on tv

reading about modern day impact led me down a rabbit hole and i'm confused: why does this company have both the Impact Plus subscription on their website and the Impact Insiders subscription on Youtube? and then the insiders subscription has a $1/mo tier for just the TV, or $5/mo for TV plus a PPV archive and new monthly events, which sounds like Impact Plus, but Impact Plus is $8/mo? this company is so weird

Suplex Liberace
Jan 18, 2012



impact is only a buck a month?

Lumbermouth
Mar 6, 2008

GREG IS BIG NOW


abraham linksys posted:

punk's supposedly at the taping tonight in chicago but i assume just vibing and not, yknow, on tv

reading about modern day impact led me down a rabbit hole and i'm confused: why does this company have both the Impact Plus subscription on their website and the Impact Insiders subscription on Youtube? and then the insiders subscription has a $1/mo tier for just the TV, or $5/mo for TV plus a PPV archive and new monthly events, which sounds like Impact Plus, but Impact Plus is $8/mo? this company is so weird

I think Plus has a much deeper archive of PPVs and actual episodes of Impact from the Spike days. I do the $1 a month YouTube sub to get the TV, they simulcast the show but without ads so it starts at 8:30pm and catches up to the AXS feed by 10.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
Impact Plus also has Wrestling at the Chase, which is the only territory I can think of whose vault isn't owned by WWE. That's not on any tier of YouTube subscription.

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

BAEST MODE!!!

Edward Mass posted:

Impact Plus also has Wrestling at the Chase, which is the only territory I can think of whose vault isn't owned by WWE. That's not on any tier of YouTube subscription.

Billy Corgan owns the Houston library and no one owns Memphis. Lutte Internationale is in the public domain, and I think every other territory not owned by WWE basically doesn't have more than a few matches circulating. There might be a fair amount of later Portland circulating though, I forget.

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Fightful saying Nick Aldis' deal is short-term, he wants to see how things go

I'm taking it as he's waiting to see how long WWE's hiring freeze lasts before he decides anything long-term. If it's still a thing by the Rumble he's probably here to stay. Either way he's obviously not crawling back to Corgan

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
Jade Chung has been hired to do pre-show stuff. If only Jimmy Rave was still alive :smith:

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Fightful saying Matt Cardona's done with the company for now. Both sides are open to him returning, he wants it under a handshake deal like he'd been doing while they wanted him signing a contract, even if just short-term like Aldis has

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
2-day Australian tour announced for Wagga Wagga, replacing NJPW’s canceled dates. Surprisingly, they’ve never toured Australia!

Lumbermouth
Mar 6, 2008

GREG IS BIG NOW


https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING/status/1657053026379497473
Two more solid talents that I hope stick around.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
That’s much better than where I thought they were going for Under Siege!

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Subculture signed

https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING/status/1658200581268467712
Mark Andrews, Flash Morgan and Dani Luna

Trying
Sep 26, 2019

Chris James 2 posted:

Mark Andrews, Flash Morgan and Dani Luna

All the stars are here!

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Under Siege developments:

All the champs retained. Including Deonna Purrazzo in her match where if she retained, Jordynne Grace wouldn't get another shot as long as Deonna's champ
Related to that, goodbye Jordynne https://twitter.com/SeanRossSapp/status/1662282463253524480
Courtney Rush won her first match :woop:
Santino is coming after Dango for attacking him
Masha Slamovich and Killer Kelly brawled in the crowd during Nick Aldis' win
Sami Callihan and Rich Swann's partner was the return of Jake Crist (not the Crist who was accused of sexual abuse during Speaking Out)
Subculture want a tag title shot against Bullet Club's Chris Bey and Ace Austin
Alex Shelley's #1 contender to Steve Maclin's world title
After Scott D'Amore kept his promise of putting the belt around Maclin's waist, Bully Ray attacked D'Amore, commentary, and the Motor City Machine Guns, then powerbombed D'Amore through a flaming table

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer
Why does Impact insist on such lovely top heels?

Like, they went from Moose to Heel Eddie Edwards to Bully Ray to Steve Maclin and now back to Bully even though Maclin is still the champ?

Lumbermouth
Mar 6, 2008

GREG IS BIG NOW


I'm fine with Maclin as a fairly generic Big Tough Man but every time Bully Ray shows up it makes me regret giving this company a chance. Dude is absolutely miserable to watch.

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Yeah, Bully was a tough thing to endure in the main event scene back in December/January when I thought he was just going to be a one-off, but now it's clear he's lingering for at least the rest of the year :/

The Knockouts and tag divisions are still worth watching

Lumbermouth
Mar 6, 2008

GREG IS BIG NOW


I am very happy that Subculture killed it last night, Andrews and Webster have been great for a long time and that match was a perfect showcase of their talents.

El Generico
Feb 3, 2009

Nobody outrules the Marquise de Cat!


OK, this logo. Sub culture and subculture are two very different things, so maybe don't have it like this, unless that's the gimmick you're going for...

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

BAEST MODE!!!

El Generico posted:



OK, this logo. Sub culture and subculture are two very different things, so maybe don't have it like this, unless that's the gimmick you're going for...

Maybe they signed Gaagz The Gimp.

The NWA is dead if so.

Lumbermouth
Mar 6, 2008

GREG IS BIG NOW


This is going to rule
https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING/status/1663938398510530560

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮
Ohio Versus Everything is BACK (with an obvious exception)

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Against All Odds is tomorrow

Eddie Edwards vs Frankie Kazarian
Deonna Purrazzo and Trinity vs Gisele Shaw and Savannah Evans
Masha Slamovich vs Killer Kelly in a dog collar match
Ohio Vs Everything (Sami Callihan, Jake Crist and Madman Fulton) vs the Design (Alan Angels, Cody Deaner and Big Kon) in an Ohio street fight
Nick Aldis, Bully Ray, Speedball Mike Bailey, Jonathan Gresham, Rich Swann, Heath, Moose and PCO in an 8-4-1 match; participants are randomly grouped into two 4-man teams before the match starts, the winning team then fights in a fatal fourway. The winner of that gets a world title shot at Slammiversary
Joe Hendry defends the Digital Media title against Dirty Dango
Bullet Club (Ace Austin and Chris Bey) defend the tag titles against the Good Hands (Jason Hotch and John Skyler)
Trey Miguel defends the X title against Chris Sabin
Steve Maclin defends the world title against Alex Shelley

J-Ro
Jul 26, 2005

Child Of The Revolution

YUP. (i don't think they'll go with a Shelley upset, but WHAT IF)

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Against All Odds developments:

Joe Hendry and Bullet Club retained their belts
Killer Kelly earned Masha Slamovich's respect
Nick Aldis gets a world title shot at Slammiversary
:siren: Motor City Machine Guns stand tall; Chris Sabin won the X title, Alex Shelley won the world title :siren:

El Gallinero Gros
Mar 17, 2010
I firmly believe Alex Shelley should have been a star on the level of Danielson so I'm really happy for him

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer
Holy poo poo NGL I saw Maclin as having something of a Reign of Terror.

This, folks, is why making title runs last for sustained periods of times for obvious or arbitrary reasons is less fun. Within reason, the thought that anything might happen at any time is so, so much better.

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

BAEST MODE!!!
Finding out Alex Shelley won the big one when someone posted a poster for Shelley vs Aldis was a funny way to get the news.

Edward Mass
Sep 14, 2011

𝅘𝅥𝅮 I wanna go home with the armadillo
Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene
Friendliest people and the prettiest women you've ever seen
𝅘𝅥𝅮

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Holy poo poo NGL I saw Maclin as having something of a Reign of Terror.

This, folks, is why making title runs last for sustained periods of times for obvious or arbitrary reasons is less fun. Within reason, the thought that anything might happen at any time is so, so much better.

Agreed, 100%. Wrestling needs magic, and there was magic tonight.

I also had thought Maclin would hold the title longer, at least until Josh Alexander came back.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer

Edward Mass posted:

Agreed, 100%. Wrestling needs magic, and there was magic tonight.

I also had thought Maclin would hold the title longer, at least until Josh Alexander came back.

WWE could've had magic with Sami or Cody. They haven't done that (yet).

I'd argue AEW could've had magic with Bryan or Darby. They didn't do that.

It's a shame.

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Ziggy Tzardust
Apr 7, 2006
Congratulations to Alex Shelly. You’re an inspiration to us all

https://twitter.com/justin_sofok/status/1667371226908569603?s=46&t=_akPFYiqAqKbxYd3RPf4Jg

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