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MEIN RAVEN posted:“Of course I know how to please a woman!” Due to the post above yours I read this in foghorn leghorns voice.
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Apr 20, 2023 22:12
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| # ? May 11, 2024 23:29 |
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When I was a freshman in high school I was kicking a football around in my backyard one Saturday evening. It went over the fence into the milo field that my neighbor owns. I jump over the fence but somehow I gently caress up and end up falling over. My left hand caught my fall and I kind of rolled out of it, got up, and started to brush myself off when I felt an abnormal sting in my left hand. I looked down at it, palm facing up, and it kind of just looked like a cockle berry was stuck to the meaty part of my thumb. I tilted my hand over slightly, preparing to remove said cockle berry, when I noticed that something was protruding out of my hand underneath my thumb. When I fell my hand went straight down onto a milo stalk and went through the meaty part of my thumb and came out the other side, but just barely not breaking through the skin. When my parents took me to the minor emergency the scrub rear end motherfuckers there tried pulling it out from the back of my hand by slicing open the skin that didn't break. They pulled out part of it, but the part that was in the front of my hand was still there. So they dug that out. This is around an hour after they shot anesthetic around my hand. The guy that pulled the pieces out then douses my hand with Chlorhexidine I guess, then starts putting stitches in where they cut the skin open. I'm just a dumb hillbilly rube but I ask him, "Hey uh, won't that just seal in all the dirt and stuff that's still in my hand?" and he says, "No way you dumb kid, all of that will drain out of the entry wound. I'm a doctor!" I look at the entry wound and it's basically and tiny little O shaped mark that was basically closing up already and said "Ok then" Infection immediately set in and by Tuesday I was in the hospital where I would stay for 3 days.
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Apr 21, 2023 00:46
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*me, leaning over* : must be a legacy admission
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Apr 21, 2023 01:13
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"....I love you" 
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Apr 21, 2023 11:05
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Sincerely loling at the amount of earnest grievances itt
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Apr 21, 2023 11:06
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Judd Clark jumped the Cook Strait on his motorbike
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Apr 21, 2023 11:32
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Futanari Damacy posted:Sincerely loling at the amount of earnest grievances itt Same. It's weird that normal things that happen a lot to a lot of people are being placed under "absolute bullshit". I mean they weren't true but it's kind of a weird title for them. Like if someone told me that they could make a whale jump out of its own tail I'd call absolute bullshit, but "my relationship didn't work out" is, like, most relationships.
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Apr 21, 2023 12:00
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"A bumblebee won't sting you."
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Apr 21, 2023 12:42
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My mother and her friends used to occasionally squirt me with little squirt-guns they hid. They'd just do it occasionally, and they told me it was "spitting moths." They did this for years. My entire childhood. I was always like, agh you spitting moths! Years and years later, I'm hanging out with my girlfriend, sharing stories or whatever, and I start talking about how rampant the spitting moths were in my hometown. But I get about as far as "spitting..." when it suddenly occurs to me it was all a lie! There is no such thing as a spitting moth!!!
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Apr 21, 2023 14:07
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Wanking off all the guys in the sauna is a sure cure for hiccups
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Apr 21, 2023 14:19
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credburn posted:My mother and her friends used to occasionally squirt me with little squirt-guns they hid. They'd just do it occasionally, and they told me it was "spitting moths." They did this for years. My entire childhood. I was always like, agh you spitting moths! Lmao thank you for sharing this
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Apr 21, 2023 14:22
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Icochet posted:Wanking off all the guys in the sauna is a sure cure for hiccups Yeah actually it's putting a finger up the rear end and giving it a bit of a root-around. e: Seriouspost, by the by. Scientifically proven method.
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Apr 21, 2023 14:26
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Futanari Damacy posted:Sincerely loling at the amount of earnest grievances itt Being told that every post in GBS is serious and should be taken at face value
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Apr 21, 2023 14:33
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Jemkin gets you high
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Apr 21, 2023 14:57
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'Things'll get better I promise'
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Apr 21, 2023 15:00
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My mom used to tell me that our family are descendants of an American Revolution war hero that had a city in Massachusetts named after him. Winds up the guy fight in King Philip's War (about 100 years before the revolution) and was a genocidal shithead who massacred a native village. The town part is true though, as it's where he got his rear end killed in a counterattack. gently caress that guy.
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Apr 21, 2023 15:07
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I remember a long-rear end time ago there was a thread here where they said something like if you piss and jizz into a pot and boil it then use it as cologne it's a natural aphrodisiac. I always wondered if anyone actually fell for that thread and how many people were splashing their face with piss and cum.
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Apr 21, 2023 15:09
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Barefoot running is actually a really good idea and will not result in shin splints and broken tibias.
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Apr 21, 2023 16:14
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When I was in preschool my dad took my brother and I out one night to watch a meteor shower. When we got back home, he found a rock, poured gas around it in the grass, and lit it. When it was just a smoldering circle he came and told us a meteor had crashed in our yard. I took the rock to show and tell, and we put it in the safe with the important stuff. It wasn't until I was my late teens when I brought it up at a holiday dinner that I found out he had faked it. He thought I knew by then, but I did not and I had been telling that story like it was true to anyone.
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Apr 21, 2023 17:00
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SAY YOHO posted:When I was in preschool my dad took my brother and I out one night to watch a meteor shower. When we got back home, he found a rock, poured gas around it in the grass, and lit it. When it was just a smoldering circle he came and told us a meteor had crashed in our yard. I took the rock to show and tell, and we put it in the safe with the important stuff. It wasn't until I was my late teens when I brought it up at a holiday dinner that I found out he had faked it. He thought I knew by then, but I did not and I had been telling that story like it was true to anyone. Love the effort dads put in to loving with their child’s mind 
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Apr 21, 2023 21:59
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:the many, many lies we were told about sex as adolescent teenagers in America This is actually how I got my current av
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Apr 24, 2023 17:49
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credburn posted:My mother and her friends used to occasionally squirt me with little squirt-guns they hid. They'd just do it occasionally, and they told me it was "spitting moths." They did this for years. My entire childhood. I was always like, agh you spitting moths! SAY YOHO posted:When I was in preschool my dad took my brother and I out one night to watch a meteor shower. When we got back home, he found a rock, poured gas around it in the grass, and lit it. When it was just a smoldering circle he came and told us a meteor had crashed in our yard. I took the rock to show and tell, and we put it in the safe with the important stuff. It wasn't until I was my late teens when I brought it up at a holiday dinner that I found out he had faked it. He thought I knew by then, but I did not and I had been telling that story like it was true to anyone. lmao yes... YES!
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Apr 24, 2023 17:54
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I was told, in grade 6, that my performance there would go on my permanent record and employers would look at it when I was older. 'You don't want to have to work a blue collar job like being a welder do you?"
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Apr 24, 2023 18:02
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Friend of mine told me one last night. A new guy started working with him at this place where they ship out all sorts of chemicals and poo poo. The new guy is about 62 years old. He claims that he used to be with Delta Force. Says he can be called up at any moment from the government until he's 75. They (the government) also have all of his customized weapons locked in storage for him if he ever needs to come back.
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Apr 24, 2023 18:09
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My uncle works at Nintendo
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Apr 24, 2023 18:16
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Treecko posted:My uncle works at Nintendo When I was a child, I genuinely heard that one a few times.
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Apr 24, 2023 18:19
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Tarkus posted:When I was a child, I genuinely heard that one a few times. my elementary school had two of these kids and I was friends with both of them
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Apr 24, 2023 18:25
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Treecko posted:My uncle works at Nintendo Super Nintendo Chalmers?
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Apr 24, 2023 18:54
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My school would hand out detentions at lunch to people who didn’t properly separate trash and recycling. At the end of the days all the bins went into the same dumpster!
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Apr 24, 2023 18:55
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I had a friend I went to grad school with who was very charismatic and a great story teller, which meant he embellished or lied but most people didn't mind.. We went to a conference one summer and both nights he came back to the hotel room a drunken maniac. Just throwing stuff around and yelling slurs. I got him to smoke some weed and he calmed down. He had some summer sausage that we snacked on before he passed out the first night. So after that when he told the story of his drunken exploits for that evening he ended the story with the sausage, saying he was smoking with a toothless drunk homeless guy who was gnawing on the sausage and slobbering all over it, then I had it. But I remember needing a knife to open it and it was just me and him in a hotel. We actually got in an argument about this at the bar the weekend after the trip but he was adamant and others seemed to believe him. On the other hand he told people he saw my dick during that trip and that it was huge.
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Apr 24, 2023 18:56
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Tarkus posted:'You don't want to have to work a blue collar job like being a welder do you?" what did they think was wrong with being a welder....
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Apr 24, 2023 19:27
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sundaymorning posted:what did they think was wrong with being a welder.... dishonourable profession
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Apr 24, 2023 19:30
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sundaymorning posted:what did they think was wrong with being a welder.... Yeah that’s dumb. Good welders can make decent money and can get a job almost anywhere
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Apr 24, 2023 19:30
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What the gently caress kind of loser kid doesn’t think welding is incredibly cool? Hell, what the gently caress kind of loser adult doesn’t think welding is incredibly cool?
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Apr 24, 2023 19:50
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AnoHito posted:What the gently caress kind of loser kid doesn’t think welding is incredibly cool? Welding is just OK
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Apr 24, 2023 19:53
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If you gave me the option to hit a button and become a welder instead of science person I'd mush it in a heartbeat.
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Apr 24, 2023 19:55
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Treecko posted:My uncle works at Nintendo My UNCLE told me he worked at Nintendo!!
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Apr 24, 2023 19:55
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Outrail posted:If you gave me the option to hit a button and become a welder instead of science person I'd mush it in a heartbeat. honestly, posting from my work pc right now, and same
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Apr 24, 2023 19:55
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I had one of those compulsive liars in basic training. He told us a story that he was a super deep special forces operator who only moved via direct orders from the president. He claimed he landed the space shuttle instrument only at night on an aircraft carrier. It was a lie so large and outrageous I was personally insulted to be told it.
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Apr 24, 2023 20:04
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being a welder is what computer touchers think forklift operators are like
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Apr 24, 2023 20:19
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