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"Oh, sorry, Mom, the doctor told me I've got cancer of the knob and I've got to get the pus out." What are some other good excuses?
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Apr 27, 2023 08:01
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| # ? May 11, 2024 08:21 |
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A bug landed on my weenie and I got scared
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Apr 27, 2023 08:17
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If my hand doesnt go faster than 50 mph then this nursing home will explode
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Apr 27, 2023 08:20
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"bustin makes me feel good" honesty much OP>?
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Apr 27, 2023 08:20
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It feels good, so I did it. ^ Hell yeah 
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Apr 27, 2023 08:22
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https://twitter.com/LBC/status/1650917620600676357
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Apr 27, 2023 08:22
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Aliens.
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Apr 27, 2023 08:23
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A rattlesnake bit me on the dick and no one would suck the poison out so I'm trying to squeeze it out
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Apr 27, 2023 08:37
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I got too much phlegmatic humor.
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Apr 27, 2023 08:38
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Apr 27, 2023 08:41
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Well he is doing it too! (pointing to my right----->)
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Apr 27, 2023 08:51
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The elderly man in the curio shop sold me this magical penis, if I rub it just right I'll get three wishes!
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Apr 27, 2023 09:01
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sorry about that, I anticipated an extended period of privacy so opted to capitalise by pleasuring myself. You've made a fool of us both.
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Apr 27, 2023 09:04
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I was just thinking about you
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Apr 27, 2023 09:11
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I didn't do it!
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Apr 27, 2023 09:21
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I was told I'd get $10,000 if I reached orgasm without stopping or being interupted. You owe me $10,000. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 07:05 on Apr 28, 2023 |
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Apr 27, 2023 09:29
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I was what?
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Apr 27, 2023 09:40
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I was doing the new "Pretend you're riding your dick like a rodeo bull" TikTok challenge for the internet but now you've ruined it 
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#
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Apr 27, 2023 09:49
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Why were you watching me?
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Apr 27, 2023 09:58
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W-women's toilets!? I thought this was a masturbatorium. It's so fancy!
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Apr 27, 2023 11:00
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Why do you need an excuse?
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Apr 27, 2023 11:16
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"get out! get out, you cancel culture holier-than-thou!"
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Apr 27, 2023 11:22
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Sorry! I thought this was my girlfriend’s window.
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Apr 27, 2023 11:29
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I’m just rubbing lotion on it because my skin is really dry. … REAAALLLY dry.
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Apr 27, 2023 11:48
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I have to do this for work.
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Apr 27, 2023 12:36
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It's a mod challenge, if I get banned I'll lose all my gangtags!
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Apr 27, 2023 12:50
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I was just getting changed!! Don't tell nobody I was getting changed
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Apr 27, 2023 12:51
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https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/man-captured-seagull-masturbated-sunderland/ Pro-click for 
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#
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Apr 27, 2023 12:52
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:"get out! get out, you cancel culture holier-than-thou!" I appreciate this reference.
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#
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Apr 27, 2023 12:54
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Not exactly an excuse, but: (Stares the wank-interrupter right in the eyes while finishing the job) (Catches most of the cum in he own mouth) (Licks fingers completely clean) (Gets breath back) "So, what can I, ah, do for you?"
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Apr 27, 2023 12:59
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wilfredmerriweathr posted:I was just getting changed!! it could happen to you cause it happened to me
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Apr 27, 2023 13:00
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The seagull shat on me! I'm not a pervert it was just revenge.
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Apr 27, 2023 13:08
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Splooge for the Splooge Gods
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Apr 27, 2023 13:12
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"I'm BigBadSteve and I'm a huge virgin"
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Apr 27, 2023 13:50
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"Sir, I'm sorry your order is taking so long, but please don't walk past the counter. I'm finishing up this batch of Horsey Sauce as we speak."
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Apr 27, 2023 13:55
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It’s ok, I’m a comedian
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Apr 27, 2023 13:56
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XuSPN9IelE&t=11s
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Apr 27, 2023 14:02
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I had a nasty itch along the shaft that needed a good scratching. I was just trying to be discreet by rubbing it instead.
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Apr 27, 2023 14:07
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Isometric exercise. Care to join me?
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Apr 27, 2023 14:31
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| # ? May 11, 2024 08:21 |
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If I keep rubbing, a genie will come out.
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Apr 27, 2023 14:36
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