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Lol 2 weeks, 
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May 30, 2023 00:12
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Peggy Edson posted:Lol 2 weeks, That's a full sprint 
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May 30, 2023 00:31
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GABA ghoul posted:No, it's mostly a cult and make work job program. Just take the valuables parts: Basically this Try poo poo see if it meshes with the team but don't feel like you have to do everything to a T, everybody does agile their own way And you really don't need a scrum champion
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May 30, 2023 00:33
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I've solved it... Agile Waterfalls. COMBINED. Send me money thx
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May 30, 2023 05:04
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watergile is not one of the better pokemons
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May 30, 2023 05:08
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here is my agile story. i am not a programmer. i dont know poo poo about programming or web development. i 2007 i was a shipping clerk at a wine distributor in sf and i had so much downtime on that job and spent so much time posting here that they made me a moderator. in 2008 i moved to nyc at a time when major corporations outside of tech and gaming were just barely starting to pay attention to things like online communities and social media. i somehow used my experience with sa to get a job on the website side of barnes&noble, which at that time was attempting to be a serious competitor to amazon. i started out running forums for them and moved into social media bullshit and managing customer reviews. that was my level of "qualifications". then the ceo resigned and a new guy came in, and he pretty much replaced the whole upper echelon of senior management with cronies from wherever he came from, and the firings trickled down. my whole team got fired except for me and one other guy, who got moved to some other department. also like 300 other people were fired all across the company. but not me! why? who loving knows, i still don't to this day. suddenly i had a new boss and a new job. i was a product manager! and the whole company was converting to something called "agile" and i was to be in charge of a "vertical". my new project was launching some kind of gift card program or something, i don't even know really, and suddenly i found myself having regular meetings with a 60 year old vp of gift cards who was even more confused by all this poo poo than i was and soon retired. i had to have "scrum" meetings and write user stories to explain to the developers - i now had a team of developers - what i needed to get done. i didn't really understand why gift cards needed so much strategy, or why i was in charge of them, and still don't. there were consultants all over the place and no one knew who was who, and everyone had the feeling of being watched. you'd hear crazy things from svp's like the conversion to "agile" was going to double our revenue and kill the kindle (???). every friday we'd get these emails announcing new hires, senior directors and vp's with extremely bullshit job titles, no one i worked with knew who these people were or what exactly they did. every wall in the office was covered in post-it notes. i ended up leaving for a better job after a couple months of that, but i ran into a former coworker on the bus shortly after and she told me they pulled all the walls out of all the cubicles and turned it into one big open office - justified as a core part of "agile". a year or two after that, the new ceo who had came in and instigated all of this poo poo resigned "in disgrace" but with many millions of dollars in bonuses. Earwicker fucked around with this message at 05:26 on May 30, 2023 |
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May 30, 2023 05:19
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Earwicker posted:here is my agile story. another agile success story. SPeaking of stories, whos working on implementing hashtags?????
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Jun 17, 2023 16:36
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Do you have any blockers on that coconut????
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Jun 17, 2023 16:37
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Anyone logged into Asana the premiere project management suite? Possibly smartsheets much?
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Jun 17, 2023 16:40
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To think that trello was once king of the castle. CLuttered junk with not enough features
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Jun 17, 2023 16:42
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MuadDib Atreides posted:To think that trello was once king of the castle. CLuttered junk with not enough features That's what happens when you get bought by the makers of JIRA
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Jun 17, 2023 18:07
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I know I've posted it here before but I want to say it again because it was just so stupid. My past company worked on the agile methodology but they had to "fix" things so they adopted t-shirt sizing for projects. Everything got categorized into medium, XL, etc. Then, they decided that didn't work so they switched to fruit. Every project got labeled with a fruit name based off of how difficult it is to eat that fruit. So, suddenly, we had apple and coconut projects. Yes, again, I know I've mentioned this before but it was so dumb. "How many nectarines do I have on my agile workflow, today?"
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Jun 17, 2023 18:16
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Im the guy on the left quitting his job and sticking two middle fingers up to his boss
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Jun 17, 2023 19:03
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What numbers we tryna cop
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Jun 17, 2023 19:04
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WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:What numbers we tryna cop Up that score OP
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Jun 17, 2023 20:48
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Saalkin posted:Wtf is a scrum master a baka gaijin version of the “scrotum sensei”
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Jun 17, 2023 22:13
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Catastrophe posted:I know I've posted it here before but I want to say it again because it was just so stupid. My past company worked on the agile methodology but they had to "fix" things so they adopted t-shirt sizing for projects. Everything got categorized into medium, XL, etc. Then, they decided that didn't work so they switched to fruit. Every project got labeled with a fruit name based off of how difficult it is to eat that fruit. So, suddenly, we had apple and coconut projects. Sorry but that is absolutely amazing. Like, just incredible.
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Jun 17, 2023 22:34
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a company I worked for was acquired by a bigger company, who then got bought out by private equity, who then hired a new middle manager guy who decided to implement a sigma six KPI something something, entirely so he could yell at everyone in the entire company about “yellow belt black belt KPI LEAN charts get those numbers up” etc etc, only for the private equity to then clean house of almost the entire leadership of the larger company including that yell-y guy in less than a year when all their best employees quit because of what a ginormous rear end in a top hat he was
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Jun 17, 2023 22:39
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every team i've been on that has tried to follow any kind of corporate agile/scrum methodology has been a disaster, mostly because it's just the same process they did before but with even more meetings and constant artificial sprint deadlines causing people to cut corners and make stupid decisions for the sake of metrics that don't mean anything. also there seems to be this idea baked in now that all tasks are interchangeable, and that really doesn't work on complex products where the team has people who were brought in for specialized knowledge. just put your tasks in a backlog, put someone who actually knows the product in charge of handing out, scoping, and prioritizing tasks instead of a jira janitor who has never read past the coversheet of any product requirements or documentation, and let developers self-organize and pull tasks from the backlog as they see fit, only intervening if there's a conflict or an urgent issue. giving deadlines is fine, but they should not be arbitrary the way sprints are, they should be driven by some actual need so that if you do have to crunch or cut some corners, it's in service to reaching an important goal. the only good thing that agile really pushes is having frequent stakeholder involvement to catch issues with use cases or implementations that weren't clear in the requirements, but that never actually happens in large corporations because there is no user, at best there's maybe a subcontracts manager who isn't going to have a clue. but if you can find a way to get your real customer(s) or user(s) to give you feedback as you go, your project might actually end up ok.
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Jun 17, 2023 22:57
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agile is dumb as hell, it was written by a bunch of software devs who were mad that other employees didn't worship them enough so they created a bunch of rules about how devs are immune to criticism and get to spend their time however they want and should be worshipped by other departments, then they sold it as an efficiency method
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Jun 17, 2023 23:13
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I once had an employer try to train me in lean six sigma using xeroxed bootlegs of lean six sigma books
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Jun 17, 2023 23:16
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i worked at a place that just plagiarized lean six sigma and rebranded it as an internal invention, made everyone in the company take training on it regardless of their job function, then tried to apply it to creative processes rather than an actual production process
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Jun 17, 2023 23:19
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Earwicker posted:here is my agile story. I used to work for a small web hosting company that owned and then we got acquired by a silicon valley fintech company and this same exact thing happened. Every single part of it, right down to tearing the walls out of cubicles and the CEO stepping down lmao. They also tore down our old signage and company name branding after moving one of their 10-person teams into our 100-person office, then hung a bunch of Harry Potter junk on the walls to replace it. deep dish peat moss fucked around with this message at 23:23 on Jun 17, 2023 |
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Jun 17, 2023 23:19
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EconDad posted:I've solved it... That's the way I always described my old team when a new PM asked us if we were following agile methodologies. We just did whatever worked best for us and ditched most of the lingo. Not with them anymore and I'm taking story point enemas weekly.
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Jun 17, 2023 23:22
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I once nice worked for a company that had a Potemkin village of hip, open floor plan office space visible on the ground floor entrance and waiting area where client would be brought in by receptionists, who would make pleasant small talk- and by chance be really physically attractive, as the person they were meeting came down the elevator to meet them the rest of the workspace where people actually sat was a beige tattered cubical hell, only the entrance area had been spruced up for show. there was also The Breakfast Nook™️©️, a rounded lounge looking place with a display of breakfast themed beverages and mood lighting, and colored glass panels in a distinctive blue color that matched the company logo, where the clients were offered a beverage when that company got bought out, the new company wanted to replace the $250k blue glass with matte black- their logo color,m- but did it on the cheap with stick on plastic sheeting that peeled badly and looked cheap. every stopped calling it The Breakfast Nook™️©️ and called it The Death Star™️©️ right up until almost all of them got let go
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Jun 17, 2023 23:36
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yep, the one open floor plan area with modern furniture and new carpet that doesn't smell like mold that is conveniently located next to the conference rooms that customers are brought to, while 90% of the building or buildings are ancient cubicles and offices that haven't been updated for 30 years classic
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Jun 17, 2023 23:41
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that ground floor display of wealth had glass window walls and was in an expensive west coast city that had a large homeless population, and it looked at an alley that had been used as an open toilet for years before the building had been built, so you had about a 50% chance of seeing a hobo drop trow and leave a pile with audible sound effects anytime you brought a client into the building they had a crew of guys with a pressure washer full of sanitizer go out several times a day to spray down the sidewalk and sometimes the atomized poo particles and bleach solution created little rainbows in the fog
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Jun 17, 2023 23:41
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I have fond memories of seeing a shopping cart of garbage on fire roll slowly and forlornly down the alley past a gaggle of suited men, like a viking funeral commemoration of gentrification and capitalism
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Jun 17, 2023 23:46
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Thread creation humming
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Jun 17, 2023 23:48
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Man, some 2023s have some ideas. Maybe we should listen to this kid
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Jun 17, 2023 23:48
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CHADGPT
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Jun 17, 2023 23:49
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WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:CHADGPT I put this into Chatgpt and it told me it made it
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Jun 17, 2023 23:54
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Agile is absolutely fine when done right, which it literally never is. That's the entire deal. Six sigma is a weird industrial process tool that should never be applied to anything outside hard manufacturing. * Moonwalks away *
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Jun 18, 2023 00:12
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naem posted:I once nice worked for a company that had a Potemkin village of hip, open floor plan office space visible on the ground floor entrance and waiting area I swear I used to walk by an office like this in the downtown Minneapolis skyways where there was a floor to ceiling glass windows-office area with visible beer taps and a little kitchenette or something like people hung out there in the front. It was surrounded by cool colorful murals on all sides, and I rarely saw more than one or two people inside. Don't know what they even did.
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Jun 18, 2023 00:24
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Smugworth posted:I swear I used to walk by an office like this in the downtown Minneapolis skyways where there was a floor to ceiling glass windows-office area with visible beer taps and a little kitchenette or something like people hung out there in the front. It was surrounded by cool colorful murals on all sides, and I rarely saw more than one or two people inside. there are downtown Minneapolis skyways?
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Jun 18, 2023 00:26
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:there are downtown Minneapolis skyways? Nothin but
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Jun 18, 2023 01:37
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Not sure why we even do sprints when half the tickets get moved to the next sprint anyway.
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Jun 18, 2023 01:44
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Smugworth posted:Nothin but woah, really? There is none of that poo poo in philly. Got any pictures?
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Jun 18, 2023 01:46
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Smugworth posted:I swear I used to walk by an office like this in the downtown Minneapolis skyways where there was a floor to ceiling glass windows-office area with visible beer taps and a little kitchenette or something like people hung out there in the front. It was surrounded by cool colorful murals on all sides, and I rarely saw more than one or two people inside. the place I went worked was effectively a movie set designed to look like what investors expected a successful hip business to look like, I think they even hired actress/actors to walk around looking cool like on a tv show
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Jun 18, 2023 16:59
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