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Give me a subject and I'll write you a poem about it. Or try to. If you can provide any details, that could help. For instance, here's one about a hamster named Paulina who likes grapes: Paulina the ham- ster, grapes are her jam. Her hamster friend Pam, stirs jam in a pan. |
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May 30, 2023 17:04
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Manifisto posted:I would like a poem about parrots in the jungle please! In the lush green hills of Chiapas, a pair of macaws can be found. Their names are Michel and Maracas, and the two of them make quite a sound. First Michel will start caw-caw-pacaw-ing Then Maracas comes in with a trill And the both of them hit a crescendo That will give you, dear reader, a thrill! |
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May 30, 2023 17:28
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Kaiser Schnitzel posted:i want a poem full of rage and vitriol about a subject of your choosing Kaiser Schnitzel found a slat and subsequently ripped it. Yesterday it was still flat: That fucker could've flipped it! e: I never promised the poems would make sense. I'm going for quick turnaround here. |
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May 30, 2023 17:34
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Kaiser Schnitzel posted:can you now do a poem about summer cover crops for the southeastern US that will build nitrogen and organic matter in the soil? I've been meaning to learn about that If your field full of cotton Has some soil that's just rotten, Then sit down while you get taught, 'n Learn to cure your crappy dirt. Friends, just bring this new seed over, And before you can pet Rover, You'll be swimming in new clover! And--I promise--it won't hurt! Yes! That cheerful little flower has a crazy superpower! Because hour after hour, it will fixate nitrogen! When your soil's health's replinished, well, just till it, `cause you're finished! Plant your cotton non-diminished, And admire your busy gin! |
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May 30, 2023 18:01
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rear end-penny posted:write a poem about smoking oxycontin off a piece of tin foil tia If you like high-risk narcotics, But injection's too chaotic, And sublingual application's a technique you think is crap, Then my friend, please let me tell you For 2 bucks I'd like to sell you this old beaten-up Bic lighter and this piece of Reynold's wrap! |
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May 30, 2023 18:48
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Shoulda written "ingestion" instead of "injection". Oh well. |
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May 30, 2023 18:52
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rear end-penny posted:I was at the local grocery and some random customer asked if I knew where the aluminum foil was (I do not work there). I told him no, and a bit later I saw the same guy at checkout. I asked if'n he found the foil, and he said the cashier was getting it for him, it was apparently behind the counter with the cigarettes etc. apparently when it was just in the aisle near the plastic wrap people were tearing corners off and freebasing drugs in the bathroom, then flushing their crumpled foils. apparently it cost the store 20 gs or something to dig up the break room floor and fix the plumbing. East Saint Paul! Crazy, y'all! There's dudes doing lines in the can! Grillin' deer? See cashier! For tin foil, just talk to the man! |
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May 30, 2023 19:03
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My thread just got stickied, oh boy! I hope I can bring you some joy! I'll keep rhyming poo poo As I'm paid to just sit out the final days of my employ. |
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May 30, 2023 19:17
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Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:can I have another parrot poem, please? Man, forget your stupid ferret, I just got myself a parrot! It's all rainbow-colored! Squawkin', shittin', birdie majesty! I'mma teach this thing to swear, it feels like everyone can bear it! 'Till the landlord goes and updates everyone's pet policy! |
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May 30, 2023 19:23
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cruft posted:My thread just got stickied, oh boy! It can be difficult sometimes to get out of my own head and read a poem without a preconcieved idea about where the words need to fall in the rhythm. This was one of those times when I didn't do a great job. e: As I write this stuff, sometimes it is tough to pretend I've got eyes that aren't mine. That limerick there, it started out fair, but it failed in the ultimate line cruft fucked around with this message at 19:40 on May 30, 2023 |
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May 30, 2023 19:34
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Saoshyant posted:I would like a poem about jamming with friends in a band during a storm, and also one of them brought cute cupcakes. The storm rages And so does our band, until Sweet cute cupcakes! |
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Jun 2, 2023 15:33
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Saoshyant posted:I would like a poem about jamming with friends in a band during a storm, and also one of them brought cute cupcakes. "Saoshyant and the destroyers", we call ourselves Our sweet grooves have no equal On earth or beyond: our jams so epic. Even mighty Hephaestus, so enchanted by our tunes, Swings by to pound out a few lightning bolts, His snare instead a godly anvil. As we crescendo to a musical high never before heard by human ears, As creatures sub- and super-terranian zone into our gargantuan riff, It is now time To stop And enjoy Cute cupcakes! |
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Jun 2, 2023 15:41
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cruft posted:The storm rages Haiku is not a form I tend to work in: here's why. This is a rare moment! |
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Jun 2, 2023 15:46
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Oops! Working on cat poem, Just got back from long drive, Thanks for your patience. |
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Jun 5, 2023 14:12
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Ice Phisherman posted:I would like an ode to a sleepy kitten in a hammock please. I think odes are supposed to start with "O," right? Let's just go with that. O, cute sleepy hammock cat Your paws so fluffy, your fur so soft Chillin' out in the corner there Your fishing net holds you aloft! Chill with me, my fuzzy friend, Together we can take a nap! When evening comes, we'll go indoors And you can curl up on my lap. |
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Jun 5, 2023 15:56
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nut posted:love the poems cruft, may i please have one about trying to do armpit fart sounds as an adult but the hair dampening them to the point of futility and then you're kinda looking out the window wondering what changed My hand smells all gross now That trick didn't work. Kid, puberty hits like An endocrine jerk. |
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Jun 5, 2023 15:58
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treasure bear posted:bumpe When you poke someone's ribs with a bendy steel stick It's traditional to say "touché". But if OP won't update the thread fast enough, Then instead you should call out "bumpé". |
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Jun 5, 2023 16:01
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Squirrels2Nuts posted:clown jugglin syringes And now, for my next trick! Please stay in your seat: I'll juggle these balls and syringe! But if I should mess up, they'll hit my huge feet! Please pray that it doesn't stick inj! cruft fucked around with this message at 16:07 on Jun 5, 2023 |
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Jun 5, 2023 16:05
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Squirrels2Nuts posted:moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo, moo moo moo Squirrels2Nuts wrote a seventeen-syllable sequence of words Calling this horrible uninspirational crap a "haiku" is like dining on turds |
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Jun 5, 2023 16:10
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treasure bear posted:little cow navigates the corporate environment A bovine exec named Black Beaut Went out for a new business suit. "I can get on the pants if I wriggle and dance, but this bra leaves two teats hanging oot!" |
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Jun 5, 2023 16:32
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Squirrels2Nuts posted:how did you gently caress up the unalienable sequence of a haiku while trying to own me? Wasn't intending to burn you. Was intending to burn the notion of "joke haiku", which are neither haiku, nor funny. An actual haiku is a a nature poem with a turn word in the second line. There aren't actually restrictions about syllabic count. What you wrote is more like a Senryu. I recommend reading this essay about joke haiku to learn more! cruft fucked around with this message at 16:41 on Jun 5, 2023 |
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Jun 5, 2023 16:35
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cruft posted:Wasn't intending to burn you. Was intending to burn the notion of "joke haiku", which are neither haiku, nor funny. In poem form: I'm sorry, my friend. I didn't intend for that poem to read like a diss. Instead, my sole aim was to point out that lame "joke haiku" are insulting: read this! |
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Jun 5, 2023 16:42
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| # ¿ May 21, 2024 14:05 |
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Squirrels2Nuts posted:lol we cool cruft it was deffo your turn to go land a sick burn so don't have a concern: for that burn, you did earn! |
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Jun 5, 2023 17:00
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