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 What is it? 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back is a podcast hosted by Michael J. Nelson and Conor Lastowka of RiifTrax semi-fame in which they read and mock bad literature. Well, *technically* they go in with an open mind so there's always the possibility that one of the books they read will actually be good, but so far they're batting 1000. The pod was named in reference to the first novel they covered, Ernest Cline's execrable Ready Player One, but as of this writing they've gone through over twenty works of absolute dreck, usually alternating between a big, professional title and a shorter, self-published piece of outsider-art. What books have they tackled? Have a big list: Ready Player One Armada The Eye of Argon Tekwar The Forensic Certified Public Accountant and the Cremated 64-SQUARES Financial Statements Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff The Mister Trucking Through Time Lair of the White Worm Shadow Moon Moon People Digital Fortress My Immortal Midnight Sun Ready Player Two The Quilters Push Back Modelland Irene Iddesleigh Antigua: The Land of Fairies, Wizards and Heroes Gump & Co. Super Constitution Murder in Christmas River Edison’s Conquest of Mars What's the worst thing they've read? Oof, that's a tough one. I think it might still be Bob Honey, by famed Hollywood actor Sean Penn. It's just so bitter and thinks it's so much more clever and profound than it actually is. What are they reading now? Artemis, by the guy who wrote NYT best-seller, The Maritan. It stinks! This subsection will NOT be updated btw. Why did they ever think people would read along with them? Because Mike is an old man and doesn't realize that podcasts are just friendship simulators for the criminally insane. Where is it? They've got a website you can listen to it on and I assume it's available wherever you get all your other podcasts. When is it out? The podcast is roughly biweekly, usually with longer breaks between books. Why do I feel the need to give them all my money? Because you're a rube. Their Patreon is here: https://www.patreon.com/372pages Mordja fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Jun 2, 2023 |
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Jun 1, 2023 22:16
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Shadow Moon did give us the whole insane floor thing.
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Jun 2, 2023 02:46
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I've never seen nor read The Martian. Are either incarnations as insufferable as Artemis is?
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Jun 3, 2023 22:19
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Dawgstar posted:Yeah, it is amazing that the pages of just '80's references list' made it into an actual published novel to be read by human beings. I still love how irritated Mike gets when Cline's writing how Wade says "our conversations were very witty and interesting" in a very tragic case of telling and not showing. 
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Jun 4, 2023 17:26
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I've never seen Willow, but I did read the novelization a bunch as a kid and liked that a bunch. It was not written by Claremont.
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Jun 4, 2023 21:53
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Vincent Van Goatse posted:Always skip the "comedy" sketches they do. They're almost never funny and the minutes of build-up about how they got them off the dark web are excruciating. 
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Jun 5, 2023 05:08
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Dawgstar posted:Well the kids have to learn about TekWar sooner or later. I still hope they do more Tekwar books one of these days.
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Jun 9, 2023 16:26
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Another The Martian questions: did it have anything similar to Artemis's incessant "HEY DID YOU KNOW THE MOON HAS LESS GRAVITY?!" refrain?
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Jun 12, 2023 06:04
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I think the funniest thing about Artemis is when Weir just doesn't bother thinking through the most basic of facts, like how little money is at stake or the "floating" wrench or whatever that gets dropped. Especially considering his stuff is all, "gently caress Yeah Science!"
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Jun 21, 2023 16:41
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Think I just found their next book... https://twitter.com/misterbloat/status/1672967411136442371
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Jun 29, 2023 18:11
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Is that the one with Luuuuuuuke?
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Jul 2, 2023 17:24
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Random Stranger posted:No, it's the one about a blob that sucks energy
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Jul 3, 2023 00:58
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Dawgstar posted:Also there are werewolves! Weird, there were werewolves in one of the only Star Wars books I ever read too, I, Jedi.
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Jul 3, 2023 01:11
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Haha there was a prequel too? Or do you just mean the puppykiller movie?
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Jul 21, 2023 17:37
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New book, new episode, though Mike's recording from inside a tin can.
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Aug 5, 2023 00:10
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Can't pretend I expected an authoritarian canine coup to happen in the first few chapters of the 101 Dalmatians sequel but here we are. 
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Aug 11, 2023 16:45
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It's me, the guy who likes their cheesy skits. I'm part of the problem. 
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Aug 19, 2023 00:30
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It is over, and yeah, it was a little weak. Outside of the bizarre premise and authoritarian dog takeover, nothing much seemed to happen, and the prose itself was competent enough that there wasn't enough to mock. The Mr. was one of the funniest they read so I'm fine with them revisiting a crowdpleaser. Mordja fucked around with this message at 21:02 on Sep 13, 2023 |
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Sep 13, 2023 20:14
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Very glad to have Larry & Denise back
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Nov 5, 2023 05:56
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I am literally sitting in front of a fireplace, wearing a sweater, drinking a big cup of tea. Usually I'd hold it by the handle but I cupped it in my palms to prepare for the new book.
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Dec 24, 2023 18:01
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Lmao that the last book just lifted wholesale from a "How To Write Christmas Cozy Mysteries" guide.
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Jan 5, 2024 13:45
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I can't believe this wasn't written by a 13 year old. It's a bigger self-insert wish fulfillment than My Immortal!
Mordja fucked around with this message at 20:42 on Feb 2, 2024 |
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Feb 1, 2024 05:43
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So the author's a Mormon, right? Getting some real Mormon fantasy vibes from this book.
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Feb 18, 2024 06:41
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I'm confused about what separates this author from any of the other self-publishing weirdos--outside of the delusions of grandeur--that would make you guys uncomfortable.
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Feb 20, 2024 07:36
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Real  moment when the book reveals Hope's age
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Mar 23, 2024 17:41
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Do you dream of every breakfast, lunch, and dinner you've ever eaten, at least?
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Mar 23, 2024 23:46
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This episode actually made me consider for the first time that Cline might have been a big fan of MST3K and I wonder if he knows how much Mike loathes his work.
Mordja fucked around with this message at 09:56 on Apr 21, 2024 |
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Apr 21, 2024 09:10
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Who is this book for? It's way too childishly written for the YA market it purports to be targeted towards, but it also deals with the loss of family to illness and war that I imagine would put off a younger audience. Then there's the fact that it's set in the 80s and has all the throwaway references we've grown to expect, and what 9-15 year-old would give a poo poo about that?
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Apr 21, 2024 23:00
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Cline just can't help himself. 
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May 11, 2024 05:22
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