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 After seven long years of waiting, we are once again witnesses to one of the most entertaining and depressing spectacles in American politics: a (potentially) competitive Republican Primary. All across the country, men and women with spectacularly lovely opinions are looking in the mirror and saying to themselves “Yes, I could be President!” But only one will win the primary, and for the rest, their hopes, dreams, and those six long and grueling months of pretending to like Iowans will all come to naught. This thread is dedicated towards following their trials and tribulations, but mostly laughing at how most of these morons think they actually have a chance in hell of winning anything, much less the White House. Let's meet the hopefuls, starting with those polling in double digits who might actually have a chance: Donald Trump  Polling Average: 53.7%* Age: 76 Credentials: Former President of the United States, Real Estate magnate, huckster Back and shitter than ever, Trump is the current frontrunner, by far, of the Republican primary. In spite of the growing frustration of what's left of the Republican establishment, the terrible performances of his chosen candidates in 2022, and the looming possibility he might be watching the election results from inside a jail cell, Trump still remains a dominant figure in Republican politics. He is the man to beat, but retains the advantage that everyone else is afraid to take a swing—lest they alienate Trump's legion of followers, most of whom are more loyal to Trump personally than to the Republican party. What may be more likely is that Trump is finally brought down by the mountain of indictments against him. But he's managed to dodge consequences his entire life, and there's no guarantee that's going to stop now. But hey, maybe we'll get lucky, his age will finally catch up with him, and the bastard will simply drop dead. Which would certainly benefit our next candidate! Ron DeSantis  Polling Average: 21.3% Age: 44 Credentials: Governor of Florida, Former Member of the US House of Representatives from Florida, Lt. Commander US Navy (Ret) Long before he announced, everyone knew DeSantis was running. For those disillusioned with Trump, he was the great Republican hope: The man who'd won a crushing reelection victory in a swing state, who'd carefully cultivated a tough image of fighting libs and Getting Things Done (TM), the mythical competent fascist who could accomplish all kinds of awful things with the power that Trump had so foolishly squandered. And then his campaign actually began, and it turned out the “competent” part may have been overstated. Despite entering the year with strong support and polling well against the disgraced ex-president, DeSantis has managed to squander most of his advantages thanks to a string of exceptionally poor decisions and overall bad strategy, and is currently a distant second behind Trump. There's always a chance he may come back, and stands a strong chance of becoming the frontrunner if Trump is taken out of the race. But unless something major changes, DeSantis' campaign is clearly going to fail. Polling in whole numbers: Mike Pence  Polling Average: 5.4% Age: 64 Credentials: Former Vice President of the United States, Former Governor of Indiana, Former Member of the U.S. House of Representatives from Indiana, Rush Limbaugh knockoff. Despite a not-insignificant of the Republican Primary electorate having called for him to be hanged a little over two years ago, Mike Pence has decided to throw his own hat in the ring. Though hated by the Trump die-hards for failing to help Trump's coup, Pence allegedly thinks that his old-style conservative rhetoric and hardcore evangelicalism will win him votes in Iowa. Good luck with that, Mike. Nikki Haley  Polling Average: 4.5% Age: 51 Credentials: Former US Ambassador to the United Nations, Former Governor of South Carolina, Former Member of the South Carolina House of Representatives Though one of the earliest candidates to file, Haley hasn't made much headway so far, and has done little to set herself apart from her fellow “Not-Trump” candidates. Though spectacularly unlikely to come out on top, expect to see her as a top VP candidate once the primary has concluded. Vivek Ramaswamy  Polling Average: 3.4% Age: 37 Credentials: $630 million net worth, Biotech CEO, got Don Lemon fired This cycle's version of the candidate with too much money and not enough sense. Vivek has spent the last few years crying about how woke everything is as a cable news guest, and has since decided to springboard that experience into a longshot campaign. His campaign platform is a delightfully insane document, filled with policies like “raise the voting age to 25” and “Make all federal employees retire after 8 years,” along with less funny proposals like banning gender-affirming care for minors and supporting a 6 week abortion ban. Tim Scott  Polling Average: 2.2% Age: 57 Credentials: United States Senator from South Carolina, Former Member of the U.S. House of Representatives from South Carolina, Former Member of the South Carolina House of Representatives, Former Member of the Charleston County Council Scott's decision to run threw many political analysts for a loop. An unremarkable Republican Senator in terms of policy and rhetoric, Scott currently holds a safe role in the Republican Senate leadership and didn't seem the type to embark upon a long-shot Presidential run. Some (me) have speculated he's angling to raise his profile to be picked as Trump's VP nominee. Asa Hutchinson  Age: 57 Credentials: Former Governor of Arkansas, Former Under Secretary of Homeland Security for Border and Transportation Security, Former Administrator of the Drug Enforcement Administration, Former Member of the U.S. House of Representatives from Arkansas, Former Chair of the Arkansas Republican Party, Former United States Attorney To give Hutchinson the proper respect he deserves, I will describe his campaign using the number of characters corresponding to the percentage that he's currently polling at, as of the time of time I write this: F Other declared or about to declare candidates to be added once 538 bothers to include them in its polling averages: Chris Christie Larry Elder Doug Burgum Still deciding how much they like Iowans: John Bolton Will Hurd Rick Perry Kristi Noem Glenn Youngkin Declined to get involved in this shitshow: Greg Abbott Marsha Blackburn Tucker Carlson Liz Cheney Tom Cotton Dan Crenshaw, Ted Cruz Joni Ernst Josh Hawley Larry Hogan Brian Kemp Adam Kinzinger, Dan Patrick Rand Paul Mike Pompeo Mitt Romney Marco Rubio Paul Ryan Rick Scott Chris Sununu Donald Trump Jr Ivanka Trump Scott Walker *Polling averages taken from 538, current as of June 6th, 2023
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Jun 7, 2023 01:55
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MAJOR DATES: Thu, Aug 10, 2023 – Sun, Aug 20, 2023: Iowa State Fair, along with the Iowa Straw Poll Wednesday, August 23rd: First Republican Primary Debate Monday, October 16th, 2023: Nevada caucus filing deadline Monday, January 8th: Iowa Caucus. Other dates to be added when I get around to it. Acebuckeye13 fucked around with this message at 06:40 on Jun 7, 2023 |
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Jun 7, 2023 01:55
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e: Quote is not edit! For an actual post: Scott is definitely a weird candidate to be running for President. Obviously, we've all heard the phrase "Every Senator looks in the mirror and sees a future President," but Scott's never shown that kind of ambition — hell, he didn't even run for his own Senate seat in the first place, he was appointed by Nikki Haley back in 2010. His campaign also hasn't shown any kind of unique edge to it, it's all pretty bog-standard Republican policies wrapped in a veil of "respectable" conservatism. It's a very weird campaign for these times. Acebuckeye13 fucked around with this message at 06:45 on Jun 7, 2023 |
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Jun 7, 2023 06:40
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Tim Scott has suspended his campaign: https://twitter.com/ddiamond/status/1723903088384258156?t=uqfw49Den3VtWEQ8WQ4iyg&s=19 (also I should really update the OP at some point, whoops)
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Nov 13, 2023 04:25
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Morrow posted:The Vice President was a bad and poorly constructed office and within the lifetime of the Founders was salvaged into being a deputy/backup president. Outside a handful of modern VPs, it's basically been where important people go to be forgotten. John Nance Gardner, one of FDR's VPs, famously described the position as "Not worth a bucket of warm piss."
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Feb 25, 2024 17:31
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