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Waffle! posted:A paradox: Are they clocking you because it's obvious, or because game recognizes game? trans people can mostly clock each other instantly so probably the game thing
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Apr 7, 2024 18:47
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Whenever I’m meeting other trans people irl it’s usually to hook up with them so I dunno if that’s a good frame of reference.
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Apr 7, 2024 19:00
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I get along with all the trans people I know irl (i know 0)
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Apr 7, 2024 19:54
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FungiCap posted:I get along with all the trans people I know irl (i know 0)
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Apr 7, 2024 20:10
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The few irl transfem friends I made all turned out to be massive gross shitheads so I didn't get along with them. This was also people in their late teens early 20s that didn't know how to be adults so not a huge shocker. I've only had one transmasc friend and he was way too loud. Like playing games with a small child. We got along fine though just sorta drifted apart, happens. Now that I have no trans friends currently FungiCap posted:I get along with all the trans people I know irl (i know 0)
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Apr 7, 2024 20:23
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I have a trans friend, but we've been besties since high school so idk if it counts in the same way y'all mean it. I transgended first, they followed a few years later. I think it's a combination of a) being a coworker so I can't really be honest about anything, and a bad coworker at that b) her being 50 something years old and me being half her age and c) just generally kind of being a lovely person who I don't want to be around. She's obnoxious, rude, belittling, incompetent and, to top it all off, racist and sexist and all the rest. At least I work in IT, which according to a rough census, trans woman make up about 69% of the workforce.
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Apr 7, 2024 21:13
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You're not required to like someone just because they're queer, especially if they're a Gen-X coworker with Boomer sensibilities. Skinfolk ain't always kinfolk, as the saying goes
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Apr 7, 2024 22:22
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Everyone is required to like me.
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Apr 7, 2024 22:27
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I don't care to be friends with most people, even if they are also queer/trans. Being trans is not that big of a deal to me, although I am much happier now since beginning to medically transition. It's just a thing that I take pills for and don't talk about much. If it wasn't for an entire political party trying to annihilate me I would hardly ever think about it.
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Apr 7, 2024 23:41
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I'm not sure how you would slip this into conversation but it sounds like boomer overshare person could really benefit from a support group where it is appropriate to share these things openly instead of at their place of business. edit: for content I had a cute date tonight 
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Apr 8, 2024 07:45
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The trans people I've met seemed to sort themselves naturally into generation groups but that seems like the same thing you could say about anybody you kinda throw together based on arbitrary things. I dunno though I do think the age you've lived through does come with a lot of baggage when it comes to trans journeys and that was a thing. I'm late gen x going on millennial and it's like, I don't spend a lot of time contriving trans related topics to talk about with my friends but it does help to be able to go "the 90s, amirite". I dunno though generations feel a bit like astrology sometimes.
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Apr 8, 2024 08:06
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I've got queer and trans friends across generations, they're cool peoples. I don't hold trans people to a different standard, so like a lot of people I tend to not give a poo poo about getting to know them. I'll do a polite conversation and all that, I'm not a jerk, but very rarely do I meet someone and go "wow I gotta be their friend!" Also if you want to stand a better chance stop trauma dumping the moment I meet you it isn't bonding it's worrying, but that's universal. People loving love telling me intimate poo poo I never asked about.
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Apr 8, 2024 08:23
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As a cis person I make all my trans friends by getting along with my trans friends partners who are also trans and then they break up and it continues exponentially barring major blowouts
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Apr 8, 2024 08:30
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syntaxfunction posted:I've got queer and trans friends across generations, they're cool peoples. I don't hold trans people to a different standard, so like a lot of people I tend to not give a poo poo about getting to know them. I'll do a polite conversation and all that, I'm not a jerk, but very rarely do I meet someone and go "wow I gotta be their friend!" I feel this is the issue I've got with people nowadays where poo poo is often really unproductive(?) dumping of trauma, almost in a way where I wish we returned into that emotional capacity/consent framework from tumblr and sorts. It makes everyone really not have an idea of boundaries, kind of assume they are closer to people than they actually are a lot of the time, and possibly not understand that they may need to console with other people privately first. With that being said, I think there is something very noticeable I find very sad as I get older it's getting faster and faster that queer peers from older and younger folk don't happen anymore. There's like this huge slat of a bunch of 20-year-old trans fems that are nice enough but definitely struggle to culturally connect with much of anyone else apart from asking about surgeries but maybe its everyone else being an oldhead
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Apr 8, 2024 12:07
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The woman I’m seeing has been on HRT for about a year or maybe a bit more. She told me that fairly recently her iPhone stopped recognizing her face. I asked if she was going to update the facial recognition and she said “not yet, I love it every time it happens.”
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Apr 9, 2024 00:27
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Dang It Bhabhi! posted:The woman I’m seeing has been on HRT for about a year or maybe a bit more. She told me that fairly recently her iPhone stopped recognizing her face. I asked if she was going to update the facial recognition and she said “not yet, I love it every time it happens.”
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Apr 9, 2024 00:32
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I guess the only trans people I’m friends with irl are my roommate and boyfriend who are both around my age but all the trans people I’m friends with online are like elder millennials.
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Apr 9, 2024 00:41
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I've found the younger trans and queer folks I'm actually friends with are the ones that have done the "okay time to grow up" but already. I have a general rule of thumb that people have about five years after high school to gently caress around and just be young and dumb, as is their right, but by the end of those five years most people will start taking life a little more seriously. So a lot of the high school style drama, and "omg he said she said" and all those little things tend to fade away. This is also when people typically find themselves getting more distant with some friends and closer to others, because they are no longer on the same wave length. Usually by 25 if you still have the proclivities of a high schooler ("I'm gonna be a professional e-sports streamer!") then barring large life changes you probably aren't growing out of it naturally. I've had many a friend who I've seen do exactly this, and seems pretty common to everyone I've talked to. Anyway, that's basically my standard. So I know folks from early 20s all the way up, and the folks I like are the ones that are on the same wavelength. Goofing around and being dorks is a tonne of fun, but I need my friends to be able to just be adults when it's needed. And there's a lot of peeps far older than me that can't do that.
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Apr 9, 2024 00:55
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Sarsapariller posted:You're not required to like someone just because they're queer, especially if they're a Gen-X coworker with Boomer sensibilities. Skinfolk ain't always kinfolk, as the saying goes you are required to like me if you're queer these are the rules
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Apr 9, 2024 21:52
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ombredog posted:I feel this is the issue I've got with people nowadays where poo poo is often really unproductive(?) dumping of trauma, almost in a way where I wish we returned into that emotional capacity/consent framework from tumblr and sorts. It makes everyone really not have an idea of boundaries, kind of assume they are closer to people than they actually are a lot of the time, and possibly not understand that they may need to console with other people privately first. That's really a sign they have not processed their trauma, and are stuck at a stage where dumping it on others (often repeatedly) is them spinning their wheels and getting temporary relief from their distress at the expense of others. I've heard the phenomenon referred to as "verbal cutting," which has a certain aptness.
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Apr 10, 2024 07:12
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Queering Wheel posted:Being trans is not that big of a deal to me, although I am much happier now since beginning to medically transition. It's just a thing that I take pills for and don't talk about much. If it wasn't for an entire political party trying to annihilate me I would hardly ever think about it. I mean, that's the thing isn't it? It's not much of a big deal to us, but to the culture war folks it's a huge deal. It really makes the whole 'stop shoving your way of life in our faces!' thing obnoxious because largely, trans people want to live quiet lives where they are left alone. The freedom to transition with it being not that big of a deal is pretty much the dream. A world where people could transition back-and-forth as they desire and no one gives a poo poo, and it's not politically loaded either way as trans or detrans stuff, would be fantastic. StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 15:27 on Apr 10, 2024 |
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Apr 10, 2024 09:47
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CaptainSarcastic posted:That's really a sign they have not processed their trauma, and are stuck at a stage where dumping it on others (often repeatedly) is them spinning their wheels and getting temporary relief from their distress at the expense of others. I've heard the phenomenon referred to as "verbal cutting," which has a certain aptness. While obviously this doesn't account for everyone since some people just have poor boundaries no matter what, some people will just genuinely have no one else to talk to and will end up letting it out when there is any chance. This kind of loneliness and alienation is probably more common among queer people given everything. They meet someone more 'like them' and it's easier to let all of the bottled poo poo come out.
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Apr 11, 2024 00:28
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imagine processing your trauma, couldn't be me 💅
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Apr 11, 2024 00:57
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Prokhor Zakharov posted:imagine processing your trauma, couldn't be me 💅 Pff, acknowledging you even have trauma.
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Apr 11, 2024 01:50
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it's all trauma-bonding, all the way downnnnn *eyes this thread*
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Apr 11, 2024 01:52
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I actually went to therapy for a number of years, but after a while I ended up stopping because I stopped having things to address that mattered any more, and I hate monster of the week stuff. It feels loving weird to go "oh, I guess I don't need therapy now" after five years of it. But I guess it was effective, cause apparently I'm "weirdly well adjusted" these days. Which seems wrong lol
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Apr 11, 2024 02:01
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Shiroc posted:While obviously this doesn't account for everyone since some people just have poor boundaries no matter what, some people will just genuinely have no one else to talk to and will end up letting it out when there is any chance. This kind of loneliness and alienation is probably more common among queer people given everything. They meet someone more 'like them' and it's easier to let all of the bottled poo poo come out. Nothing is 100%, but I've seen this happen at recovery meetings where one person will always trauma dump, usually about the same stuff, and it clearly isn't doing them any good because they just keep doing it. Processing trauma is a lot like grief, and has multiple stages, and getting stuck in one stage is not really a great outcome.
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Apr 11, 2024 07:45
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People categorically don't understand every facet of what hurts them or constricts them the most IMO, and some people need like a decade of therapy to even get within the ballpark. Like it's not someone's fault that they don't have insight into it, but it may be annoying or harmful to those around them. I'm trying to work on genuine well-wishing without feeling like I need to be a therapist, parent, or martyr at a drop of the hat. I think that squares the circle, caring about them, and them in turn being able to see that the concern isn't about solving whatever they're talking about. Much easier said than done though
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Apr 11, 2024 08:31
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Recommendation for any trans person in the UK: don't read the news, any of it
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Apr 11, 2024 10:23
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this is probably a good idea in general but this week is going to be a shitshow
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Apr 11, 2024 10:24
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Saint Isaias Boner posted:Recommendation for any trans person in the UK: don't read the news, any of it Yup, instead I read up on how easy it is to move to Ireland. that's a lie, I read the news too 
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Apr 11, 2024 10:52
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As someone who still has a lot of connections to catholic communities over there it's crazy to me how the UK is somehow managing to look more regressive than Ireland right now
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Apr 11, 2024 11:15
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Saint Isaias Boner posted:Recommendation for any trans person in the UK: don't read the news, any of it Yup, a very good recommendation.
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Apr 11, 2024 11:32
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Yeah. Act where you can, but try not to ruminate too much when you can't.
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Apr 11, 2024 11:51
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HopperUK posted:Yeah. Act where you can, but try not to ruminate too much when you can't. I'm off to do something far more pleasant than reading the news, ruminating or getting trolled: having a filling replaced
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Apr 11, 2024 12:11
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mfcrocker posted:I'm off to do something far more pleasant than reading the news, ruminating or getting trolled: having a filling replaced Oh heavens good luck!
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Apr 11, 2024 13:54
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HopperUK posted:Oh heavens good luck! Thanks, honestly it wasn’t too bad in the end but yeah, bit of a morning
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Apr 11, 2024 14:04
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Oh hey, I forgot to post in this thread because it felt a bit self-effacing at the time but: I have a date for facial feminisation surgery later this year! I'm excited for it. I don't particularly have issues with passing per se, but I really would feel much more at peace with myself. I'm not seeking anything major, as I do like how I look a lot like my grandmother sans my jaw and eyebrow bone. Pretty pumped since technically that's the last big medical thing off the docket in terms of being 'medically' transgender and then I am home freeeee 
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Apr 12, 2024 10:58
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ombredog posted:Oh hey, I forgot to post in this thread because it felt a bit self-effacing at the time but: I have a date for facial feminisation surgery later this year! oh grats! and hell yeah on getting through transition. the little bit of FFS I got done made me a lot happier.
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Apr 12, 2024 11:18
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ombredog posted:self-effacing... Nice
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