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Any tips on incorporating colors into story? Right now my TD story is like "ohh there was red, green , blue." Going to a thesaurus and replacing it with "ohh, there was crimson, green and beige" just makes it read like I.. well.. went to a thesaurus.
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Jun 9, 2023 15:31
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 04:58 |
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Thank you for all the replies. It gave me a lot to focus on. I'm describing a vague world where its nothing but shifting colors (No objects, just colors) so we can contrast it against the real-life world full of non-shifting objects. I'm happy I shared here, because that revealed I also have to focus on how I explain my world.
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Jun 9, 2023 19:19
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RandomPauI posted:I don't know that I'll get the story in on time, working on the story took a back seat to mental health issues. Don't really know how to engage here. What are you looking for. Crit on your story, discussion on health stuff or confidence in posting your work?
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Jun 11, 2023 16:24
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Anyone wanna trade Crits? I'll crit your piece if you crit mine 
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Jun 13, 2023 02:33
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Fat Jesus posted:I never posted here before but if you mean the thunderdome one with the sorta Lovecraftian eldritch light being, then yeah, I liked it, wouldn't mind seeing where it went. Thank you! I critiqued your pieces and put em below. Fat Jesus posted:Rise of the Superhussein I don't know what a Super Hussein is and correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm getting a sense this whole piece is a joke. Okay, as soon as I read Marx von Engles, I think this is a clever joke piece. You can see how I missed "Ayn of Rand" and "Land of Economos" because my mind went blank when I saw Titles + People and skimmed. instead of coming across as clever, I am just confused over what happened. I don't really understand what we are making fun of and I think that's a problem. The general plot is Any Rand and John Galt fight Super Hussein. Galt gets distracted by rear end, and Super Hussesin twerks and wins the fight. Then Sir Galt decides to open a bible gun camp. I think this story is lacking revision and needs to convey who we are making fun of, in order for it to succeed for me. I think we are making fun of Ayn rand, but I have no idea why Super Hussein twerks, and why 2-3 sentences are focused on his rear end. If we had met up and I knew what this story was trying to do, I think I would laugh. Its a ridiculous story, and there are times when you highlight the ridiculousness. As is with no context, I'm too uncomfortable to laugh. Fat Jesus posted:A Brother's Love I don't think placing this in the lord of the rings setting does you any favours. It saps the piece of originality and distracts the reader. I see you utilize the Eye of Sauron in the end to setup the punchline, but I still think you shouldn't so blatantly use the Lord Of the Rings (Movie) setting. In fact it hurts your story, when you talk about coin and reference Saruman. To get into the meat of this story, I think you spend too much time setting up the setting, as weird as that sounds. In one sentence, you setup where we are, who our characters are, and then spend an extra two or three sentences setting up the scene again, or transitioning to the punchline. I think you could be more efficient, which would make your jokes and little asides stand out more. I think a revision of this story, removing all references to Lord of the rings, would give me more to work with. Hope you consider revising it, cause there are some great lines in here
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Jun 16, 2023 00:51
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Anyone down for swapping critiques on thunderdome pieces BEFORE they are posted? I'll have mine ready hopefully by Friday night: 1,000 words.
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Jun 23, 2023 07:28
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I know I'd be more inclined to join a no Loss week but I'm here for the crits, regardless of loss or not.
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Jul 5, 2023 03:17
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 04:58 |
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Hey does anyone wanna trade crits for this week? I've never written a silly story, nor a flash joke story. Wondering how the pacing is, and if the low word count helps the joke, or doesn't.
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Jan 21, 2024 21:34
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