Why do American managers want you to come in early?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Why do American managers want you to come in early?

pencilhands: Aug 20, 2022

I�ve been working at a new job recently. I always come in a few minutes before starting time, and my boss has been giving me an attitude about it. Like start time is 7 am and I show up at 6:55, and as I drive up he rolls his eyes and shouts �here comes last-minute pencilhands!�

The other day he took me aside and said �look pencilhands, in my mind, if I�m not 15 minutes early, im late. I want to see you start showing up early. Do we need to give you a shift that starts later so you can be early?�

I just replied �uhh what? If you want me to show up earlier why not make my shift start earlier? How does that make any sense?�

He just mumbled something about �if you�re early you�re on time, if you�re on time your late, and if you�re late that�s unacceptable� and walked away saying something about �this is a team, we work hard and we play hard.�

Later that day HR informed me I had been given a formal write up.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:18

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 6, 2024 06:32

Verdugo: Jan 5, 2009; Lipstick Apathy

I'm sure this happened, but managers are like that because they want to control folks.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:21

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

The manager did not walk away saying something about "this is a team, we work hard and we play hard." you are a psychopathic hypocritical liar OP :tandp:

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:23

Sentient Data: Aug 31, 2011; My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!

Because the cycle of abuse is hard to break

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:25

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

Early is on time
On time is late
Late is unacceptable

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:28

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Ask him why he can't suck a fuckin male camel's dick.

post the reply.

E: or engage a lawyer when you inevitably get your third write up/get fired for showing up on time.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:33

Panic! At The Tesco: Aug 19, 2005; FART

i don't have this problem as i'm always ready to go on time at the dick sucking fctory

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:34

Saalkin: Jun 29, 2008

pencilhands

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:37

SLICK GOKU BABY: Jun 12, 2001; Hey Hey Let's Go! 喧嘩する
大切な物を protect my balls

It's so they don't have to pay you as you get ready to do your job. They don't want to pay you to lube up your rear end in a top hat OP.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:41

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

Saalkin posted:

pencilhands

king

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:45

pencilhands: Aug 20, 2022

Smugworth posted:

king

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:48

Henry Lee Mucus: Dec 11, 2003

My manager never wants me to cum early but his thang be thangin so

# ? Jul 2, 2023 16:58

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

If you�re paid hourly and he�s not paying you for those fifteen minutes you can tell him to suck the poo poo outta your rear end in a top hat op

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:00

LuckyCat: Jul 26, 2007; Grimey Drawer

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

If you�re paid hourly and he�s not paying you for those fifteen minutes you can tell him to suck the poo poo outta your rear end in a top hat op

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:10

386-SX 25Mhz VGA: Jan 14, 2003; (C) American Megatrends Inc.,

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

If you�re paid hourly and he�s not paying you for those fifteen minutes you can tell him to suck the poo poo outta your rear end in a top hat op

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:13

You Are A Werewolf: Apr 26, 2010; Black Gold!

Smugworth posted:

Early is on time
On time is late
Late is unacceptable

At my previous job, someone had written a quote on a whiteboard at one of the sites: �If you�re fifteen minutes early, you�re already ten minutes late.� It was attributed to Vince Lombardi.

Both Vince Lombardi and the clownass that wrote that on the whiteboard can go suck a gently caress and eat poo poo.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:14

Bloodfart McCoy: Jul 20, 2007; That's a high quality avatar right there.

American manager here.

The industry standard is that an employee cannot possibly walk through the front door five minutes before their shift starts, put their lunch away, get settled, turn on their computer, launch all their programs, and be ready to work for exactly 8am.

Suggesting employees arrive 15 minutes early is quite standard.

I also do not believe penishands will be successful at any fake job he pretends to have, let alone an actual job.

I would fire him.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:16

Buce: Dec 23, 2005

lol, why would I ever show up early to my job when showing up late is an option?

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:17

roomtone: Jul 1, 2021; by Fluffdaddy
(and can't post for 24 days!)

i'm sorry that happened to you pencilhands

they should put in a law that says an employee has to be paid for the hour before their shift starts also, to cover any commute and pressure to be early.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:19

Awkward Davies: Sep 3, 2009; Grimey Drawer

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

American manager here.

The industry standard is that an employee cannot possibly walk through the front door five minutes before their shift starts, put their lunch away, get settled, turn on their computer, launch all their programs, and be ready to work for exactly 8am.

Suggesting employees arrive 15 minutes early is quite standard.

I also do not believe penishands will be successful at any fake job he pretends to have, let alone an actual job.

I would fire him.

Who turns off their computer

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:21

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

I work at a grown up job OP where people don�t give a gently caress when you start and end as long as your work gets done.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:23

LuckyCat: Jul 26, 2007; Grimey Drawer

Back when I was an �American manager� I let my peeps add 15 minutes to their time cards every day so they were paid for walking in and booting up their pcs etc, but I definitely didn�t require them to do so. That�s some decent OT for basically free

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:24

Dumb Sex-Parrot: Dec 25, 2020

Smugworth posted:

Early is on time
On time is late
Late is unacceptable

ergo early is unacceptable

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:43

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Always come fashionably late.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 17:55

Internet Old One: Dec 6, 2021; Coke Adds Life

pencilhands posted:

He just mumbled something about �if you�re early you�re on time, if you�re on time your late, and if you�re late that�s unacceptable� and walked away saying something about �this is a team, we work hard and we play hard.�

Later that day HR informed me I had been given a formal write up.

This is all military bullshit. Tell him if he wants to run things like the military then that's cool.

Start putting feces in his coffee every time he makes you upset and one day when you know he won't catch you, knock him the gently caress out and leave him there on the ground. Be aware of moments that might be make for good opportunities to murder him and get away with it as well. But also show up 15 minutes early for things too.

(Do not actually murder your manager. Seriously quit that job life is too short for that)

Internet Old One fucked around with this message at 18:11 on Jul 2, 2023

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:01

GolfHole: Feb 26, 2004

no gods no managers

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:07

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Tell that to the pope

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:09

Bloodfart McCoy: Jul 20, 2007; That's a high quality avatar right there.

Awkward Davies posted:

Who turns off their computer

It is recommended that employees completely shutdown their computers at the end of each shift, so that updates can be applied regularly and without unnecessary delay. This helps keeps the employees� computers up-to-date without needing to take time away during their shift.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:15

almost1337: Jun 14, 2013; The male likpatons turn around the nucleus formed of female boobons and neutral bolsterons

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

If you’re paid hourly and he’s not paying you for those fifteen minutes you can tell him to suck the poo poo outta your rear end in a top hat op

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:29

pencilhands: Aug 20, 2022

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

American manager here.

The industry standard is that an employee cannot possibly walk through the front door five minutes before their shift starts, put their lunch away, get settled, turn on their computer, launch all their programs, and be ready to work for exactly 8am.

Suggesting employees arrive 15 minutes early is quite standard.

I also do not believe penishands will be successful at any fake job he pretends to have, let alone an actual job.

I would fire him.

wtf

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:32

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

If you found out your subordinate was a goon, it is practically your solemn duty to.

Especially in case of OP

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:35

The Moon Monster: Dec 30, 2005

When he said "we play hard" what was he referring too, rough sex? Tell him that what he considers "rough" is actually pretty vanilla, that should establish dominance.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:38

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

There's no law against adding the following question to a job application:

Do you have stairs in their house?
[ ] Yes
[ ] No
[ ] I am protected

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:39

Slam Pajamas: May 21, 2007; ALL TEXT TITLE ALL-STARS

I had a manager like that, then I started clocking in early so I could take a morning poo poo at work instead of at home he never brought it up again, even tho timewise I began work even later

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:39

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Just a full spread of a tastefully pixellated goatman without the ring and a question "What is missing in this image?"

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:41

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

pencilhands posted:

He just mumbled something about �if you�re early you�re on time, if you�re on time your late, and if you�re late that�s unacceptable� and walked away saying something about �this is a team, we work hard and we play hard.�

Later that day HR informed me I had been given a formal write up.

none of this happened, especially not that part, but also lmao

code:

P E N C I L H A N D S
E                   D
N                   N
C                   A
I                   H
L                   L
H                   I
A                   C
N                   N
D                   E
S D N A H L I C N E P

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:41

Wee: Dec 16, 2022; by Fluffdaddy

When you get to work you easily spend up to an hour making a coffee and/or making GBS threads.

They are trying to take that off the clock.

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:42

386-SX 25Mhz VGA: Jan 14, 2003; (C) American Megatrends Inc.,

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

American manager here.

The industry standard is that an employee cannot possibly walk through the front door five minutes before their shift starts, put their lunch away, get settled, turn on their computer, launch all their programs, and be ready to work for exactly 8am.

Suggesting employees arrive 15 minutes early is quite standard.

I also do not believe penishands will be successful at any fake job he pretends to have, let alone an actual job.

I would fire him.

Nope you�re just a bad manager and are creating regulatory and operational risk to your employer and should be fired and possibly sued

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:43

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003

Pencilhands' manager actually wrote him up for getting loudly flustered about his weight and micropenis at a coworker

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:46

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 6, 2024 06:32

Wee: Dec 16, 2022; by Fluffdaddy

pencilhands posted:

�this is a team, we work hard and we play hard.�

What is the play like?

# ? Jul 2, 2023 18:47

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Why do American managers want you to come in early?

«‹›6 »