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Toxic Mental posted:I remember in middle school a lot of parents sent their kids to those during the summer and the kids all talked it up big when they got back, but me and my friends were riding bikes down to the river and playing Mortal Kombat II on my friend's SNES at his house and doing trampoline games and then riding to 7Evelen to get slurpees and that kind of poo poo so I kind of felt like they were being conned  Like the first 24 hours are cool, you meet some new kids from weird places like Concord or Fremont, and there's usually some sort of fancy dessert after dinner. But at least the camp I stayed at was literally that - a camp. We stayed in these filthy  cabins with vinyl sashes over the window holes / next to the bunks, so it was like sleeping in your own cave that opened both to the outside world or a larger cave inside. No electric anything (but it was the late 80s so I dunno what I would've charged) also meant that forgetting a flashlight meant your fun was basically over at sundown. Mosquitos and poison oak were everywhere constantly. All in all this was a hippie Northern California non-denominational camp, but still half the day was spent doing church stuff. Sing songs, talk about verses, memorize verses, sing some more songs, that sorta thing. Nothing controversial, literally no mention or acknowledgement of Revelations, just six days of church from a TV movie.  my family was not church-going back home, so I thought the whole thing was a fun novelty. I went for years and years and enjoyed it, my aunts and uncles had all attended and a few of my aunts had worked there as counselors; I really wanted to work there as a counselor when I was older  Then I went to a basketball themed camp one year and it was hilariously awful and then I never ever went back to camp and never spoke to any of the counselors again
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Jul 14, 2023 03:16
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Grey Cat posted:I don't know why this gave me a hosed up flashback. I remember once at church we were given these pamphlets about how we were all the bride of jesus and the art was a bunch of people going to heaven and all their souls being merged into a giant bride at an altar with jesus and it made me cry as a kid. okay person who registered for something awful in 2023 I will remember that people experienced things before making jokes ever again *ron Howard voice* he didn’t
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Jul 14, 2023 06:02
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I'm so sorry.
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Jul 14, 2023 06:05
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The whole Bible or just the NT?
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Jul 14, 2023 06:09
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Grey Cat posted:awesome joke you have there at the expense of everyone who went through that. We tell 9/11 jokes here too. We started telling them on 9/11.
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Jul 14, 2023 06:18
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SLICK GOKU BABY posted:We tell 9/11 jokes here too. We started telling them on 9/11. I legit remember making a 9/11 joke on 9/11.
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Jul 14, 2023 06:19
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I never went to a Jesus camp (I assume they exist over here too but I've never heard of them) but Jars of Clay and Reliant K are good bands so gently caress right off with that  Funnily enough both bands made way more songs about questioning their faith, seeing people use their faith to abuse others, etc, as they continued their career. Reliant K were definitely more "Jesus Kids Bop" early on, but they mellowed out by the time they hit Mmhmm (which rules btw) which was quite some time ago and Jars of Clay don't even like being called a Christian band lol
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Jul 14, 2023 07:33
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who wants to sing a campfire song w/ me? Ok, I'll start: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gq_l2g6LjQ
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Jul 14, 2023 07:36
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syntaxfunction posted:I never went to a Jesus camp (I assume they exist over here too but I've never heard of them) but Jars of Clay and Reliant K are good bands so gently caress right off with that Be My Escape is probably the worst song of the 2000s lol
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Jul 14, 2023 07:45
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Toxic Mental posted:Be My Escape is probably the worst song of the 2000s lol Agreed, but they had other songs which were very good! Sahara from a later album is a banger, lyrically interesting, and has great guitar work. They came a long way from Christian Blink-182 knockoff lol
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Jul 14, 2023 08:01
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I went to vacation bible school twice. My parents weren't religious at all, but it gave them a chance to dump me off at their friends' house for a week. The friends had about 8 grandchildren they babysat over the summer, so adding one more for a week wasn't a big deal to them. It was boring and stupid. I mostly remember being quizzed on who wrote the books of the bible(I learned before they got to me to just say the name of the book or guess Paul), listening to random bible stories, and doing the lamest arts and crafts projects. We got to play outside for 15 minutes a day, and it was always some weird game that I didn't know the rules to. I got the impression it was just regular Sunday school, but during the week and longer.
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Jul 14, 2023 08:31
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I hated the loving vegetables so much. Who thought those were a good idea?
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Jul 14, 2023 08:35
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I remember the one year they did a Caribbean theme and it was framed like "tropical islands have buried treasure, but God's love is the real treasure."
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Jul 14, 2023 09:17
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emSparkly posted:I remember the one year they did a Caribbean theme and it was framed like "tropical islands have buried treasure, but God's love is the real treasure." i have it on good authority that some super cool biblical treasure is buried down by the channer vent on thhe juan de fuca ridge. i think they call it behemoth or something because it eats grass?
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Jul 14, 2023 09:31
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When I was in high school, I was part of a team that did the "Outdoor recreation" portion for the younger kids. The only reason I wanted to be there was because Paula and Sandy were both on that team, and they were both smoking hot. I totally failed to make any headway with either of them. Pretty much my M.O. during high school, sadly.
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Jul 14, 2023 09:33
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MiracleFlare posted:buys a roll of sticky tape, a bunch of wrapping paper, and some flat soda as metaphors for the abstinence lesson My youth group didn't do this, please tell me more
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Jul 14, 2023 09:53
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peanut posted:My youth group didn't do this, please tell me more Stick tape to your hand. It stick good Now take off and stick on different hand. It stick less good. Keep doing this. This is a metaphor for having sex.
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Jul 14, 2023 10:34
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What about the wrapping paper and flat soda tho????
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Jul 14, 2023 10:46
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You know all those cool fun activities that we told you and your parents about to convince you to come to bible camp? Yeah you know what is the coolest activity of all? That's right we are going to spend the entire time locked in an auditorium listening to preaching instead, you will love jesus so much by day 4 that you will forget all the lies we told you.
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Jul 14, 2023 10:51
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you got a nice flat piece of paper? now crumple it up and lay it flat again. its not nice and flat anymore. virginity is the same thing.
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Jul 14, 2023 10:54
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When I first have sex, I’m like fresh pop. I bubble and am delicious poison. But after my seal is broken I am not exciting.
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Jul 14, 2023 11:01
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Women work the same way.
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Jul 14, 2023 11:02
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See I was hoping for a combination where, like, you show all the items and go "this is you as a virgin" and then they scrunch and tear the wrapping paper, then bundle it in tape and try to fill it with soda. "And that's you after you disobey the Lord!" while it drips everywhere.
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Jul 14, 2023 11:04
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So the sex is good just once, am I reading this correct? But I can buy another fresh container of sex, or cut another piece of it?
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Jul 14, 2023 11:35
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Fur20 posted:god i hated chapel. we read a lot of revelations, though, while pretending to listen to the sermons, because what other part of the bible would you expect edgy teenage boys to read Depending on your tastes regards to sex and violence, Song of Songs or Judges. From memory, the minor prophets can be fun, too.
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Jul 14, 2023 11:53
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My parents were mediocre in many ways, but one thing I feel truly blessed by is they were 100% not religious, and so I never had to deal with church or sunday school or the torture that was "Vacation Bible School". I am grateful.
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Jul 14, 2023 11:57
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Mormon girls camp was unironically fun and good. The boys went to Boy Scout camp, ours probably wasn't as good as that, but we did hikes and rapelling and crafts and pranks and stupid skits. It was Northern California so we just slept in sleeping bags on tarps, no rain no mosquitoes. I heard the camp site burned down in the big wild fires last year 
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Jul 14, 2023 13:30
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N. Senada posted:Grew up being told Catholics are evil and worship the pope who claims he is god. As a catholic we got told everyone else were heretics and would burn. We didn't call it vacation bible school but we did pretty much the same thing. I got kicked out of it because a big child sex abuse case broke the month before. It was mormons but it prompted my dad to go threaten the priest that was running the one I was about to be sent to. We decided to have a family road trip to the beach instead. Now as an adult I shame my relatives into taking their kids to the beach instead of plopping them in a lovely church camp.
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Jul 14, 2023 13:47
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This has been in my head since 2003. It’s a banger. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxk3-g-FLXs
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Jul 14, 2023 13:48
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Sid Vicious posted:okay person who registered for something awful in 2023 Thanks person who still thinks assault is funny in 23 peanut posted:Mormon girls camp was unironically fun and good. Way more fun than my camps wth. We did chapel 3 times a day and bible study twice a day, so that's 5 hours of your day wasted. For fun activities we played like red rover in a field. There was a single old merry-go-round that everyone pretty much piled on. Never once did we swim or canoe or hike. I was made to go to these until I was 15, it sucked. I also remember I had a counselor once threaten me to move rocks in a field for not eating my vegetables at lunch. Grey Cat fucked around with this message at 14:44 on Jul 14, 2023 |
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Jul 14, 2023 14:41
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Some of the vbs commercial packages were hilarious scams. Spend hundreds of dollars and get a nice professional looking banner to put in front of the church... and the actual content for the vbs "package" is basically just a few cassette tapes and some notebooks with the general lesson and some ideas for some activities kids theoretically might not be bored with.
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Jul 14, 2023 15:19
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Deki posted:Some of the vbs commercial packages were hilarious scams. They really were scams for churches. One year we made "time capsules" out of old plastic peanut butter jars with jesus poo poo scribbled all over it in marker, I still have mine. I opened it in 2015...I think? It was filled with random coins and stuff I thought looked cool when I was 10 or whatever. Apparently at some point I ripped off the jesus bit of the paper, sorry we can't laugh at that bit. It's fine, instead we can laugh at the contents.   Pretty much that but imagine 100 more coins from random places. I'm sure I just went home and grabbed whatever was lying around in a drawer in my room.
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Jul 14, 2023 15:58
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Grey Cat posted:They really were scams for churches. Cool rock
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Jul 14, 2023 16:02
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redshirt posted:Cool rock Thanks, that tiger eye was my most prized possession through most of my childhood, it might as well have been worth all the money in the world.
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Jul 14, 2023 16:04
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Toxic Mental posted:Be My Escape is probably the worst song of the 2000s lol I like some of their stuff but when the Good Christian Fun podcast had a segment trying to find the worst Christian pop song by pairing two songs against each other each week they had to take Relient K’s “Mood Ring” out of contention because it was easily crushing the competition. At least they’ve aged better than Newsboys. Apparently they’ve taken to declaring “all lives matter” during their concerts?
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Jul 14, 2023 16:07
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People werent into bible stuff where I grew up but a ton of the Jewish kids would go to Jewish camps in upstate New York all summer. They didnt really do any particularly Jewish stuff, it was just a Jewish camp.
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Jul 14, 2023 16:42
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syntaxfunction posted:See I was hoping for a combination where, like, you show all the items and go "this is you as a virgin" and then they scrunch and tear the wrapping paper, then bundle it in tape and try to fill it with soda. "And that's you after you disobey the Lord!" while it drips everywhere. At one of the last camps I attended, the main counselor dude had all the boys stay behind at campfire one night. Then he proceeded to tell a story about how there was this big mountain, and this company was mining the top, and they were hiring truck drivers to haul dynamite to the blasting site. This company gives a trial run to two drivers. One flies up the mountain, banging through gears, sliding all over the road, swinging the trailer out over the side, totally out of control but the driver is the best, so they make it to the top and back in absolute untouchable record time. The 2nd driver drives up the mountain safely, stops for stop signs, and makes the trip in twice the time of the first driver. The company hires the 2nd driver. At the end of the story, IIRC almost verbatim the camp counselor says "thats your sexuality. You're driving a loaded dynamite truck driving up mountain roads, and you have to ask yourself - are you being safe? are you going to get hired?" EDIT i should add that the counselor dude was selling the 1st truck driver hard, as if they were genuinely enthused to meet that dynamite truck driver one day.  To this day I have no idea what morality he was trying to convey. Is getting laid getting hired? do I need a commercial drivers license for that? 
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Jul 14, 2023 16:46
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aniviron posted:I hated the loving vegetables so much. Who thought those were a good idea? WE'RE THE GRAPES OF WRATH WE NEVER TAKE A BATH
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Jul 14, 2023 17:57
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WILDTURKEY101 posted:People werent into bible stuff where I grew up but a ton of the Jewish kids would go to Jewish camps in upstate New York all summer. They didnt really do any particularly Jewish stuff, it was just a Jewish camp. That's what I was saying! This place in Hopewell
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Jul 14, 2023 18:07
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Mom used to send my sister and i out to one or two of them a summer when we were in line elementary school, just as a free way to get us out of the house for a couple of hours. The most  thing about them that i remember is how they had a pledge of allegiance to the Bible and the "Christian flag". Don't remember the latter, but for some reason the former has etched itself into my brain.<quote> I pledge allegiance to the Bible God's holy word I will make it a lamp unto my feet A light unto my path And hide it's words in my heart That i might not sin against God</quote>
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Jul 14, 2023 19:10
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