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YOU ARE A FARMER... You've been farming for awhile. It's just what you do. It's what your mother did, too, and her father... but not her mother, who's probably gambling in Cashin City. You don't go to Cashin City. A truck comes and takes your crops every so often and you get a check in the mail a little while later. That's how it's always been. You like that set up. You've been hard at work. When aren't you? But the sun today sure feels hot. Did the missus remember to hang laundry out on the clothes line? It'd be a waste otherwise. You wonder if she's making lunch. Sure are hungry. You don't think there's much else you can do out here right now, not in this heat. But then again, would Ma balk at the same? You aren't too sure... What do you do? >
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Jul 27, 2023 21:37
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| # ? May 9, 2024 23:36 |
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> Go east
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Jul 27, 2023 21:44
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>check inventory
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Jul 27, 2023 22:02
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>touch own butt
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Jul 27, 2023 22:32
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> eat wife
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Jul 27, 2023 22:42
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> Go left
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Jul 27, 2023 22:43
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> take your swarthy cock out and try to gently caress the sun
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Jul 27, 2023 22:50
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>ask wife on prospects of an afternoon quickie
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Jul 27, 2023 22:54
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EorayMel posted:> Go east For whatever reason, you feel compelled to walk. And so you do--eastward. Before you know it, you arrive at Ma's grave.  She was born here. She died here. You were born here, too and, so long as your peaceful existence here in the country side's never disturbed, you aim to die the same. You can almost remember the taste of her Buckwheat Pie. It was the worst thing you ever ate. You think about slamming a fistful of dirt just to distract your mind. ... Well, now what? >
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Jul 27, 2023 22:59
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Henry Lee Mucus posted:> take your swarthy cock out and try to gently caress the sun
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Jul 27, 2023 23:00
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Summon Satan and mount an assault on Cashin city
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Jul 27, 2023 23:31
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>piss on Ma’s grave screaming “gently caress THAT BUCKWHEAT PIE ROT IN HELL”
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Jul 27, 2023 23:40
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>go home
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Jul 27, 2023 23:46
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JOHN SKELETON posted:I rescind what I wrote before and vote for this one instead Henry Lee Mucus posted:> take your swarthy cock out and try to gently caress the sun Overwhelmed by the trauma of Buckwheat Pie, you succumb to irrational thinking and begin stripping your coveralls and clothes off.  It's gotta be the heat. Yeah, it's the heat driving you mad out here. gently caress the heat. gently caress... the heat... You turn to the sun, your delusional dehydrated mind considering fornication. And while you're not sure just how you'd get up there (might have to call your buddy Bobe who's got that one truck with the ladder), you can't help but notice that the sun's smothered in black smog. What on earth? Is something going down at Cashin City? It would be just like those city dwellers. You consider how much of your produce might be in that great fart in the sky. You become lost in thought mid attire change. What do you do? >
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Jul 27, 2023 23:53
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Stomach begins intensely gurgling. With tremendous effort poo poo into your own field. >
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Jul 27, 2023 23:56
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> rub your nipples
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Jul 28, 2023 00:17
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> stick wheat in rear end
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Jul 28, 2023 00:24
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lol didn't we just ban a goon for doing one of these that was too horny look at the replies in this thread, what exactly is the alternative?
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Jul 28, 2023 00:37
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Nelson Mandingo posted:Stomach begins intensely gurgling. With tremendous effort poo poo into your own field. > Don't look, Ma.  Darn Buckwheat. Now what? >
cumpantry fucked around with this message at 17:08 on Aug 7, 2023 |
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Jul 28, 2023 00:39
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> Clean butt.
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Jul 28, 2023 00:40
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cover poo poo with earth from mom's grave
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Jul 28, 2023 00:41
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BeastOfTheEdelwood posted:> Clean butt. You may have been raised in a barn, but even you know to wipe after. Ma didn't raise no boy with bad hygiene. Ma did apparently raise a field shitter, but fertilizer's fertilizer, right? You make a mental note to avoid eating carrots for the next six months just in case.  You quickly throw your clothes back on after--and hey, you've cooled down quite a bit. Could it be sunset already? It's a good thing you just made room for supper. What do you do? >
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Jul 28, 2023 02:12
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> Find out how wide I can spread my anus
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Jul 28, 2023 02:13
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> dig up ma then hug her
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Jul 28, 2023 02:25
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>EXHUME MOTHER
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Jul 28, 2023 02:36
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EorayMel posted:> Find out how wide I can spread my anus Perhaps as a remnant of what most surely be heatstroke, you suddenly decide it would be a well and fine idea to attempt jamming your hand up your rear end.  (Un)fortunately, you already put your clothes back on! And thus, the effort is wasted. You find the impulse then leaves you as soon as it had arrived. You are... feeling tired. Hungry. Worn out. All you really care to do now is sit back with a beer back at the barn. What do you do? >
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Jul 28, 2023 02:48
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>find water and shade, then your wallet and see if we can buy a good hen.
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Jul 28, 2023 02:58
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> The barn is too far away. Start eating whatever plants are nearby at hand.
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Jul 28, 2023 03:20
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> Begin praying to Moloch for guidance
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Jul 28, 2023 03:22
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Jelly posted:lol didn't we just ban a goon for doing one of these that was too horny gas chamber speedrun any%
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Jul 28, 2023 04:17
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Stop trying to make this horny and actually make it funny This is for all of you not the OP Ok bye again
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Jul 28, 2023 04:19
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the holy poopacy posted:> The barn is too far away. Start eating whatever plants are nearby at hand.
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Jul 28, 2023 04:27
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>
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Jul 28, 2023 06:44
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> find out what/where the "earth-falls" are and then till them.
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Jul 28, 2023 06:48
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> clearly the heat is getting to you - acute heatstroke most likely is just about to hit. go home, get in the shade. put up your feet and take it easy. stay hydrated
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Jul 28, 2023 07:20
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you can probably tell ive just been using whatever is the first reply, but from here on out i'll be using a random number generator to select commandsSeth Pecksniff posted:Stop trying to make this horny and actually make it funny  BigBadSteve posted:> You just want a beer... you just want a beer... why can't you have a gosh darn beer? It's her fault. Buckwheat Pie. The taste returns to your mind, and you'd retch if you had anything TO retch. What was it about that pie that Ma loved baking so much? You hated it. She knew you hated it. But so long as children starved anywhere in this world, your mother pointed to the plate before you and crossed her arms--every single time. You can't have a beer like this. You know it'll just come right back up. ... You start digging.  Before you know it, her casket lays just below you. You take a moment to breath, but you don't sit. You stand and stare. And think. What are you even doing? Is Ma watching you desecrate her tomb from heaven? Do you even care at this point? ... What do you do? >
cumpantry fucked around with this message at 17:10 on Aug 7, 2023 |
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Jul 28, 2023 14:41
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Friggin scream!
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Jul 28, 2023 14:44
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>Come to terms with Ma’s passing. Realize the Buckwheat Pie died with her and you’ll never have to eat it again. Replace the dirt, shovelful by shovelful; let the catharsis flow through you like water.
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Jul 28, 2023 14:49
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> find a fuckman and tell him to suck your dick
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Jul 28, 2023 14:51
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| # ? May 9, 2024 23:36 |
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BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:>Come to terms with Ma’s passing. Realize the Buckwheat Pie died with her and you’ll never have to eat it again. Replace the dirt, shovelful by shovelful; let the catharsis flow through you like water. Goddammit. What have you done to Ma...? This.. this isn't right. And you know you have to make it right, dirt by dirt.  You're sorry, Ma. You're sorry. The pies were god's greatest sin, but you haven't had one in years. All this time spent resenting your mother for the hard way she raised you on the hard food she fed you... What was it your buddy Bobe talked about? "There-a-pest"? You remember him enthusiastically chattering about his own "pest". Cashin City might have one. But that'd require you actually desiring to go there. Tough call. ... You notice it's getting dark--you can't even make out your barn's silhouette anymore. The missus must be worried sick. What do you do? >
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Jul 28, 2023 17:27
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