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If they get too much, just give them loads of sugar and stick them in front of Robocop or Nightmare on Elm Street 3 while you go to the bar.
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Aug 2, 2023 14:26
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| # ? May 12, 2024 02:59 |
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Remember that there's no such thing as a tough child. If you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
Gherkin Jerkin fucked around with this message at 14:45 on Aug 2, 2023 |
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Aug 2, 2023 14:35
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Hug them
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Aug 2, 2023 14:35
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boomer rear end "kids ruin your life lmao" jokes
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Aug 2, 2023 14:36
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hot cocoa on the couch posted:boomer rear end "kids ruin your life lmao" jokes Advice for new expecting parents is the best "Say goodbye to ever sleeping again  "
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Aug 2, 2023 14:39
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hot cocoa on the couch posted:boomer rear end "kids ruin your life lmao" jokes where boomer meets doomer.
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Aug 2, 2023 14:40
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Smugworth posted:Advice for new expecting parents is the best getting married? word of advice - never say no to the ol ball and chain. happy wife happy life 
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Aug 2, 2023 14:41
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They tell you never to shake a baby and I'm telling you it's okay to shake them A LITTLE BIT just don't go too hard and you're g2g.
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Aug 2, 2023 15:19
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Bad Purchase posted:there’s good money to be made from breast milk. give the kids formula and sell the real stuff while you can. lol but yeah where would one even go to buy or sell something like that?
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Aug 2, 2023 15:22
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DickParasite posted:They tell you never to shake a baby and I'm telling you it's okay to shake them A LITTLE BIT just don't go too hard and you're g2g. parents can have a little shaken baby syndrome as a treat.
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Aug 2, 2023 15:22
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Rad-daddio posted:lol but yeah where would one even go to buy or sell something like that? look no further than this very site, just remember to observe the rules while doing so.
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Aug 2, 2023 15:28
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Don't throw the baby out with the bath water
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Aug 2, 2023 15:50
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Get them leg lengthening surgery if they're not at least 6' tall
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Aug 2, 2023 15:52
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i’ve bought white gold on SA Mart a few times
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Aug 2, 2023 15:57
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Your child will murder you and that's okay
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Aug 2, 2023 15:59
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NoiseAnnoys posted:where boomer meets doomer. lol
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Aug 2, 2023 16:03
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They're ALWAYS watching you and learning so do your best not to be a piece of poo poo
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Aug 2, 2023 17:09
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Provide shelter for them
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Aug 2, 2023 18:09
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DS9 in the morning, TNG in the evening
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Aug 2, 2023 18:21
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Icochet posted:DS9 in the morning, TNG in the evening As long as you don't make them play StarTrek Online, they'll turn out just fine.
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Aug 2, 2023 18:23
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Move to Arkansas so they can get a job
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Aug 2, 2023 18:26
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Don't have kids.
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Aug 2, 2023 18:34
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BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:Move to Arkansas so they can get a job Triple your income with one simple trick, child rights activists hate it.
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Aug 2, 2023 18:35
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Infidel Castro posted:Don't have kids. And there it is.
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Aug 2, 2023 18:37
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Don't let them watch Ms Rachel and her goofy-rear end husband
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Aug 2, 2023 18:56
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whatever you do, don’t neglect not to have children folks, just don’t not neglect
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Aug 2, 2023 19:02
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Szechwan posted:Re: bottle feeding, be careful not to tip the bottle too far to the side once it gets lower. Baby will start start sucking in air and then either be real pissed off and gassy, or burp/puke it all up. DickParasite posted:They tell you never to shake a baby and I'm telling you it's okay to shake them A LITTLE BIT just don't go too hard and you're g2g.  Also don't use a bedside sleeper, just plop them in a minicrib. Once the baby gets over 10 lbs most of those sleepers start to tilt. For the Mother: Get the epidural. Make the Dr. check your progress every hour. Make sure the heart rate monitor is giving a clean signal.
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Aug 2, 2023 19:05
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Teach them not to use slurs like "lepr*chaun", "h*bbit", or "creepy little f*ckers" when referring to the vertically challenged
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Aug 2, 2023 19:05
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I’m so glad I’m not having kids
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Aug 2, 2023 19:18
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Toxic Mental posted:Instead of knocking up your spouse, knock up someone else's, so you get to bust a nut from raw sex and also don't have to raise the little bastard Same sex sexual relations have all of those benefits, and won't transmit the worst sexually transmitted disease there is: pregnancy. Plus it's fun, and plentiful if you aren't a gross weirdo.
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Aug 2, 2023 19:36
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If you don't have one of those big rear end janitor stations in a garage, or a huge rear end utility sink, the bathtub is a fine alternative. NO poo poo IN THE REGULAR SINK!!!1! Always have extra towels at the ready for messes. A ton of childproofing measures will gently caress things up and be hella inconvenient, but you chose children so suck it up and jump through those hoops 
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Aug 2, 2023 19:37
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Sometimes they poop in the tub and that's ok
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Aug 2, 2023 20:22
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Smugworth posted:Sometimes they poop in the tub and that's ok Wait, am I not supposed to still be pooping in the tub?
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Aug 2, 2023 20:29
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Let the KIDS!! eat what they want but always encourage them to try new things. Don't be an assclown and refuse to give them something else if they don't like your poo poo cooking, DAD.
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Aug 2, 2023 21:04
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if you get them a tablet you can cut your parenting time in half
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Aug 2, 2023 21:16
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Treecko posted:Let the KIDS!! eat what they want but always encourage them to try new things. The doobie ref smartly applied here is like the cool side of a pillow on a summer night.
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Aug 2, 2023 21:21
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the only advice i ever found helpful was that any advice other parents give is first and foremost to be understood as the speaker justifying their own decisions to themselves, not as actual advice.
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Aug 3, 2023 08:40
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jimmy mnemonic posted:Don't throw the baby out with the bath water If you line your fingers up along their backs you can get a nice spiral going when thrown
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Aug 3, 2023 09:29
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For the love of god do not give them a cell phone before the age of like, 13 at the earliest.
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Aug 3, 2023 10:46
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record farts and play them back with reverb, they sound really funny haha
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Aug 3, 2023 12:26
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