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I don't get hard, I stay hard, and that's why I'm in for 31 baybeeeeee!
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Sep 30, 2023 01:56
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1. How To Make A Monster (1958)  A Hollywood make-up artist is fired by greedy new studio heads, and decides to get his revenge by transforming the actors for Frankenstein and the Wolf Man into the real versions, and hypnotizing them into kill. An unconventional monster mash-up movie, HTMMM is one part studio drama and one part monster murders. It's dumb but fun, and while I don't think it's incredible by any stretch, the premise is goofy enough and the runtime is short enough that it's over before it overstays its welcome. Oh, and there's some dialogue that's a little funny by modern sensibilities:  Rating: 5.4/10 Prosthetic Noses 
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Sep 30, 2023 18:44
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2. Onibaba (1964) Stunning in deeply atmospheric black and white, the movie feels more like a claustrophobic nightmare than an actual horror movie. Still, the performances are intriguing, and the last few minutes are memorable and incredibly creepy. Absolutely bitchin' early entry into the Japanese Horror canon. Rating: 7.7/10 Giant Black Holes Alongside my first watch, that ticks off a one of my Bingo squares, and half of two others. 
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Sep 30, 2023 22:31
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3. Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (1972) Good by the 'let's make a movie with our friends' standard, bad by the regular movie standard. Then again, less than a decade later Sam Raimi did the 'let's make a movie with our friends' thing masterfully, so who's to say. I appreciate a cast full of unattractive, ordinary people, but there's no real amazing performances here to stand out, just a lot of camp. Screenwriter and actor Alan Ormsby understands the premise by just chewing on every line of dialogue like a Big Hunk bar, but the rest of the movie isn't particularly engaging, and it takes entirely too long for the zombies to show up. The premise is great, though, I wish somebody would tackle it with a better budget and a more serious cast. Rating: 3.7/10 Bushy Mustaches This knocks out a zombie movie, another decade, and it's new to me, baby! 
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Oct 1, 2023 01:52
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4. Alison's Birthday (1981) Pick a movie based on box art? How can you forget this low budget little number staring at you from the shelves?  The movie is a bit of a slow burn, as a lot of folk horror is, but I really like the ending. The rest of the movie is a little bit of a slog, but the gut punch ending combined with the 'ALISON - ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR YEARS OLD' label is just an excellent callback. I had forgotten they were doing the age cards at the beginning of the movie, so that was a fun little twist. A decent movie, but other than a memorable twist on the ending, I'm not sure if I'll ever feel like rewatching it again. Rating: 4.4/10 Miniature Stonehenges In The Back Garden New to me, it was an Aussie movie, so that fills out a couple other spaces. 
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Oct 1, 2023 22:34
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5. THEM! (1954) I mean, if you're gonna watch an 'unusually sized animal/insect' movie, why not go for the top shelf stuff? A perennial Halloween favorite around these parts (my Grandma watched this every year as a kid), THEM! moves at a good clip, and is still engaging almost 70 years later. Excellent practical effects, solid performances, and one of the most memorable child performances in a horror movie to this day (plus, the little girl gets the titular line, getting the titular line is important). I will never not like this movie. Rating: 7.7/10 Discarded Carapaces 
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Oct 1, 2023 23:35
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Gripweed posted:yo what the gently caress why does the thread look so scary? It appears we've been hoisted away into a seasonal new subforum... OF MADNESS!
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Oct 2, 2023 02:36
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Also I would like to welcome all the the goons who don't hang out with the Spookadoodle Crew into our beautiful (spooky) new thread, the horror goons are the best group of people on the forums (I am not biased) I am
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Oct 2, 2023 02:38
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6. Ganja & Hess (1973) Surprisingly, this is one of the less horny GIFs from the film. Confident, cool, and deeply sexual, it's a vampire movie heavy on the sensuality and philosophy. As I said, the movie drips confidence in every frame, and operates as a kaleidoscopic, bloody nightmare. The film is layered and dripping in allegory and symbolism, ranging from Black power and liberation to Christianity to sexual freedom. Horror but lacking in scares, it's still worth a watch for fans of vampire movies and Black cinema. Rating: 6.5/10 Extension Cords For Your Record Player 
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Oct 2, 2023 19:43
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7. The Obituary of Tunde Johnson (2019) A young, gay Black man relives the last 12 hours of his life before he's murdered by the police, again and again and again. Listed as a Thriller/Drama, I can see why this was on a list of Horror movies, in that the horror is absolutely real as our main character dies at the hands of police brutality. The horror scenes are grim and incredibly realistic, and can't help but conjure images of police brutality over the last few decades and deaths that hit way closer to home than they should. As a straight-up horror movie? Not particularly scary. As an existential, 'this is real life' horror movie? Absolutely haunted. It's a provocative movie, and really surprised me by having more depth than I had expected going into it. Rating: 7.4/10 Groundhog Days 
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Oct 2, 2023 21:05
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8. Here Comes Hell (2019) Sometimes there are movies that I feel are tailor-made for my bad taste, and this is one of them. A 1930s 'haunted manor' type film, filmed with 1950s camera moves and techniques, and 2019 gore... I really liked it. Hammy performances and characters that are intentional throwbacks to early British and American horror films, combined with some comical gore and a fast runtime, I really enjoyed it. If you like the old Hitchcock camera trick of 'someone falling down the stairs by waving their arms around as you zoom in on them' a la Psycho, there's plenty of it here. And a couple of buckets of blood for good measure. Rating: 6.9/10 Englishmen Saying 'WHY, I SAY!' 
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Oct 2, 2023 22:28
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9. The Face of Another (1966) Eerie and precise, this one's like a watchmaker's movie, where everything is meticulously blocked and positioned in such a way that every frame holds significance and meaning. It reminded me a lot of a longer Twilight Zone episode with the Academy framing, stark black and white, and themes of identity, infidelity, and society. The movie feels radical for 1966, and I understand why it bombed at the time -- I don't think audiences were quite ready for a movie like this. The runtime is a little long for what it's trying to accomplish, with lots of lingering shots, and there's a stretch near the center of the film that reminds me of Żuławski's Possession, which is a shame because I think Żuławski did it better a decade later. I also think you could lose the parallel story of the woman with the facial disfigurement, but I understand it's a post-WW2 Japan critique and commentary, so I get why it's here. But the movie would probably be more focused without it. Ultimately, as a portrayal of the madness of losing one's identity and forming a new one, this is a pretty strong film. Rating: 8.1/10 Hiroshima Metaphors PKMN Trainer Red fucked around with this message at 18:50 on Oct 4, 2023 |
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Oct 3, 2023 17:07
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MacheteZombie posted:7. Here Comes Hell (2017)   
PKMN Trainer Red fucked around with this message at 17:20 on Oct 3, 2023 |
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Oct 3, 2023 17:18
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10. Evil Dead Trap (1988) Dario Argento by way of Sam Raimi, EDT is spectacularly gory and goopy and bizarre. Other than an ill-advised sexual assault scene that makes little sense for the rest of the movie, and a separate gratuitous sex scene (which again, feels out of place), the movie is an easy recommendation for fans of Japanese horror and slashers. I'm pleased to say that it showed me a couple horrifying things I haven't ever seen in a movie before -- and hope never to see again -- and that's something to be proud of these days. Rating: 7.4/10 Charred Bodies PKMN Trainer Red fucked around with this message at 18:50 on Oct 4, 2023 |
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Oct 4, 2023 18:31
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11. Shin Godzilla (2016) After the original, this might now be THE Godzilla movie, in my opinion. A perfect blend of West Wing-style political commentary and decision-making paired with some absolutely killer Godzilla action. Of course I would want more 'zilla destruction, but to keep the whole thing balanced, it's pretty drat good as it is. Plus, there's never a bad time to hear that classic heavy Godzilla theme kick in as the big boy stomps across the bay. Excellent. Rating: 8.9/10 Hours Until The Americans Drop Another Nuke This also satisfies one of the Goon requirements, mad props to whatever goon got it on the list, good jorb! 
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Oct 5, 2023 21:32
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fr0id posted:anthology film [...] brutal Creepshow story [...] incredibly dark [...] very black comedy Thanks I'll track it down immediately.
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Oct 6, 2023 02:45
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12. The Lullaby (2017) If this movie had come out in 2003, this movie would have been a big deal and probably considered super important in the era's 'extreme horror cinema' movement. The movie feels like something that Lionsgate would have put out in the early 2000s, down to the washed out blue palette, '2 edgy 4 u' script, and absolutely nonsensical 'GOTCHA!' violence. Ostensibly another in a long line of 'postpartum is the real horror' movies, this one decides to be different by talking about (and showing) explicit violence against babies. Of course, it immediately backs up and is like, 'no that was just a hallucination', but it feels a bit too much like someone trying to have their cake and eat it too. Add in two rape scenes (because hell, why not, we're edgy) and you're basically there. As a functional 'mental health + motherhood = nightmare' movie, it's actually not too bad, but it's a little too cocksure and a little too dour to really succeed beyond the sum of its parts. Rating: 6.4/10 Snipped Off Baby Fingers
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Oct 6, 2023 03:11
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13. Dr. Saville's Horror Show (2023) A relatively OK horror anthology. I've watched a lot of these things, and this one is certainly middle of the pack in terms of lower budget efforts. I found all three stories to be relatively predictable, but there are a couple entertaining moments (such as in the second story, where the whole venture goes from zero to sixty in the span of about five seconds), and some nice moments in the final story. Ultimately, it's competently made, but I don't think I'll remember a drat thing about it in a month. Rating: 4.8/10 Fuckable Sea Monkeys 
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Oct 6, 2023 20:13
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14. The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005) This is an interesting movie, because it reminds me of another Laura Linney movie, The Mothman Prophecies. Both present supernatural phenomenon as secondary to an investigative or legal role, but in both cases, it kinda works? I think this movie is more interesting and memorable because it's not just a straight-up 'barf on the priest' exorcism movie, but rather something a little more messy and complicated. And, of course, the acting is impeccable. Everyone's great in this movie. Rating: 8.1/10 Legal Briefs 
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Oct 6, 2023 21:37
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15. Piranha (1978) lol, I am surprised I'd never seen this movie. It's dumb, it's cheesy, it's got ridiculous special effects, it's got That Guy... it's a perfect 70s cheese horror fest. The point at which a stop-motion little monster appeared, I knew I was in for a good time. The boobs and blood were just icing on a dumb cake. Is it a great movie? Absolutely not. Was it a fun movie? Yes. Thank you, Joe Dante. Rating: 6.6/10 Dog Skeletons In My Swimming Pool 
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Oct 6, 2023 23:48
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16. Head of the Family (1996) This is the least sexy horny horror comedy I've ever seen. The creature/monster/deformed person? effects are actually pretty good, and the titular giant head is such a dumb, fun villain that is easily the highlight of the movie. The acting's pretty bad, the plot's pretty bad, the nudity is over the top and entirely pointless, but I cannot overstate how much I love the giant head bad guy. Is it a comedy? I think they think it's funny, and it is funny, but not in the way they expected. Still, I'm counting it as my horror-adjacent comedy/horror. This is not a good movie but I still feel like you should watch all the parts where the giant head is on-screen. Rating: 3.4/10 Unnecessary Sex Scenes 
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Oct 7, 2023 02:59
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17. V/H/S/85 (2023) I mean, what can I say, it's another V/H/S movie. At this point you either love 'em or you hate 'em, and if you're in the mood for their particular brand of ridiculous gore, it's a good time like always. Of course it's got pacing issues -- just about every anthology does -- but it's another fun popcorn entry into the series. Not perfect, but great for the spookadoodle month. Rating: 7.5/10 Betamax Decks
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Oct 7, 2023 18:24
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18. Frozen (2010) A particularly mean-spirited little horror thriller, it unassumingly has some absolutely gnarly body horror that you wouldn't expect from a movie about skiers. The performances aren't particularly great early in the movie, but they do get better as the movie goes on, and the smug, annoying characters finally start to soften up into something vaguely likable. Just in time for the movie to amp up being mean-spirited again. Winter horror is a tricky one, but this is a pretty good cold weather horror flick. Not amazing, but serviceable. Plus, it was filmed near home, so that's that taken care of! Rating: 6.7/10 Ski Poles Thrown at Jason Voorhees 
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Oct 7, 2023 21:00
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19. Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) The ORIGINAL childhood trauma movie for me, Dan Aykroyd -- the nice man from Ghostbusters -- turns into a monsters and jump scares me. I covered my eyes watching that from age 7 - 13. Even now, having seen it a dozen times in adulthood, I still misremember what that monster face looks like. It's always more horrifying in my memory. Anyway, things I always forget until I watch this movie again: Holy poo poo, that first segment has some hard racism. I always forget it starts out with the guy spewing racial slurs in a bar. I think it's nice Burgess Meredith gets name-dropped and then appears via voiceover five minutes later. The rabbit jack-in-the-box effect still stands up 40 years later. Still a favorite, all these years later. Rating: 8.1/10 Creedence Clearwater Revival Cassette Tapes 
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Oct 7, 2023 21:30
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20. May (2003) May is such a great 'weird person has a nervous breakdown' movie, it's really one of the best. I also appreciate that it has a lot of moments that are kinda funny but probably aren't supposed to be? Like, I know a bunch of little blind kids crawling all over broken glass and getting cut up isn't supposed to be funny, but the way they're really enthusiastic about it makes it low-key funny? The movie's very off-kilter and weird, and that's basically what makes it great. Fair warning about animal violence though, if you're squeamish about that sort of stuff, there's definitely animal death and at least one story about an animal dying gruesomely. I always forget about those parts and it bums me out, so if you're inclined to be bummed by that sort of stuff too, just keep it in mind. Rating: 7.3/10 Boxes of Jujubes Purchased With A Punk 
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Oct 8, 2023 01:51
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21. Jennifer's Body (2009) I don't think I've seen this movie since it came out in theaters, and I remember enjoying it at the time, but it has aged BADLY. It's still strongly feminist, but this was Diablo Cody straight after Juno, and this movie is overflowing with Codyisms and badly dated dialogue (as in, the first few minutes reference Zac Efron as a teen heartthrob). It's also got the very time-specific thing of referring to people as 'retarded' or 'faggy' which, woof. The story is engaging, Megan Fox holds her own against Amanda Seyfried, and there's a lot of great surprise actor appearances, but the movie still has some stuff that physically hurts more than anything from less than 15 years ago should. But it does have Seth Cohen as a huge scumbag, so that's always fun. Rating: 6.8/10 Bloody Friendship Necklaces (At least the soundtrack is still good and a perfect snapshot of the early 2010s) 
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Oct 8, 2023 20:55
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22. Terrified (2017) For my money, the best haunted house movie of the last ten years. This little Argentinian beauty is creepy first and scary second, which absolutely works because it means that the scares that do show up are literally all bangers. Sincerely, every scare is good. I'm so happy I got to watch this one again to satisfy an Around The World credit because joke's on you, I would have watched it again for nothing. It's on Shudder, if you haven't seen it, I strongly encourage you to watch it in a nice, dark room. I loving love this movie. The pacing gets a little hosed up around the halfway point, but that's about the only bad thing you can say about it. The rest just rules. Rating: 8.9/10 Spilled Milks 
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Oct 9, 2023 03:26
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23. C.H.U.D. (1984) It's an old staple, but still a goody. Bizarre and goofy, it's a lot of fun to watch, especially with people who haven't ever seen it and don't know what's happening. Some of the bad acting is legendary around our house and gets quoted now and again, and if that's not a testament to a good lovely horror movie, I don't know what is. Rating: 6.6/10 Guys With Flamethrowers In The Sewer That also actually fills up my dance card:  SUMMARY: 1. How To Make a Monster - FvJ Monster Mash-Up, New To You (1) 2. Onibaba - New To You (2), History Lesson (60s), Around The World (Asia) 3. Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things - History Lesson (70s), New To You (3), Rob Zombie 4. Alison's Birthday - Around The World (Australia), New To You (4), Box Art, History Lesson (80s) 5. THEM! - Unusual Size, History Lesson (50s) 6. Ganja & Hess - New To You (5), HIFEPOC, History Lesson (10s) 7. The Obituary of Tunde Johnson - New To You (6), HIFELQBTQ+ 8. Here Comes Hell - Picnic In Space 11. Shin Godzilla - Goon Picks 12. The Lullaby - Around The World (AF) 13. Dr. Saville's Horror Show - Bite-Sized 14. The Exorcism of Emily Rose - Exorcist Challenge 15. Piranha - That Guy 16. Head of the Family - Horror Adjacent 18. Frozen - Birth of Horror 19. Twilight Zone: The Movie - Childhood Trauma 20. May - Samhain 21. Jennifer's Body - HIFEFEM 22. Terrified - Around The World (SA) 23. CHUD - Goon Picks
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Oct 9, 2023 18:56
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24. Psycho II (1983) Substantially better than any movie that's a sequel to Psycho deserves to be. It's a logical continuation from the original, and pays homage to it in ways that don't feel overly cheap and pandering. Tony Perkins is, as always, excellent, and the movie actually builds up to an interesting twist on the Psycho legacy that I kinda appreciate. Definitely give it a chance. Rating: 7.4/10 Phone Calls From Mother
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Oct 10, 2023 15:29
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Philthy posted:
That's a very accurate recreation of my experience watching the film, yes.
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Oct 11, 2023 01:13
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25. Don't Look Away (2023) This is a movie about a murderous mannequin that moves around at light speed and kills people. There is a scene early on where the killer mannequin decides to do a DJ set at a dance party. This is a movie that knows the premise is stupid and is just like, 'Yeah it's stupid but we made a movie anyway, enjoy'. And I did. I did enjoy. A guy in a leopard-print shirt says, 'This is like some Reddit creepypasta poo poo'. It's not good, absolutely not, but I wish I was drinking a beer and eating pizza when I was watching this because I bet it would have really knocked it up to the next level. At one point to sell a jumpscare they do the 'donk' noise that CinemaSins uses on their YouTube videos. I regret nothing. Rating: 6.5/10 Murderquins [Edit: I forgot to tell you the mannequin has slick-back hair (SLICK-BACK, NOT PUSHBACK) and a poo poo-eating grin] PKMN Trainer Red fucked around with this message at 02:29 on Oct 11, 2023 |
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Oct 11, 2023 02:26
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This thread really gonna get me to watch a movie called Baby Oopsie, huh?
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Oct 11, 2023 03:01
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26. Chillerama (2011) Crass, tasteless, and juvenile. Every joke is aimed squarely at ten year old boys, and is more than likely about cum or farts. Obviously, I have a soft spot for a horror anthology like this. It ain't high art, but it is a helluva lot of fun. Hitler screaming 'BOBA FETT KALI MA GOLDIE HAWN CHIPOTLE CHILI' in faux-German while a Jewish Frankenstein ruins his puppy puzzle is adequately silly, and I'm just dumb enough that it works for me. If you're ten years old at heart, this is probably a good fit for you. Rating: 6/10 Teenage Were-Bears
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Oct 11, 2023 17:14
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27. Scream For Help (1984) First half of the movie is The Stepfather but with less blood, and the second half is Home Alone but with less comedy. It's an OK movie in general, but some of the performances are REALLY bad. The occasional moments of brilliance at the end of the movie (the aforementioned Home Alone poo poo) is pretty entertaining, but you're already halfway through the movie before it gets there, so it's just meh. Shout-out to the horny teenage boy love interest in this movie who has on, quite literally, the dirtiest looking underwear I've ever seen in a movie, Jesus. Rating: 4.3/10 Dropped Polaroids
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Oct 11, 2023 21:32
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28. Baby Oopsie (2021) gently caress it, I'm all in on Baby Oopsie. Rating 10/10 Demonic Dolls 5/10 but really I had a lot to fun with it, perfectly goodbad
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Oct 12, 2023 03:42
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29. Black Roses (1988) It's a movie about a metal band that turns their followers into demons, and it was made with a low budget in the 80s. Everything you need to know is in that description. It tells you the quality, the calibre of acting, just how dumb it's gonna be, all of it. That said, I thought it was pretty fun. The music actually isn't half bad, and the movie doesn't overstay its welcome. One thing I think is kinda funny is that this movie has stunt tits -- there's a scene where a character fondles her breasts in front of a mirror (for literally no reason, just to get some boobs in the movie) and it's very obviously not the actress that is playing the character. So I would think OK, the actress was uncomfortable with nudity, but then she's topless like 10 minutes later in the movie and it's just a different set of breasts. So someone at the studio was like, 'Yeah, your toplessness is OK, but like, I'd rather get more photogenic boobs for the fondling scene'. Which, lol, k. Rating: 4.7/10 Games of Strip Gin Rummy
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Oct 12, 2023 19:35
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30. Appendage (2023) The sort of parasitic twin body horror comedy that Frank Henenlotter would be proud of, it's absolutely dumb and silly and ridiculous. The best parts of the movie are when it chooses not to take itself seriously, and while it still has fun parts, it sinks a little in quality when they start getting into the *~gravitas~* of the situation rather than just being goofy with it. Emily Hampshire from Schitt's Creek is here but she looks a little plasticy, what's up with that. The rest of the supporting cast isn't much to write home about, except that it's nice to see Edgar from You're The Worst still getting work. Rating: 6.5/10 Empty Syringes -- 31. Friday the 13th (2009)  I never bothered to see it back in 2009 assuming I wouldn't miss much and, uhh, I don't know why I chose today to break that undefeated streak. Entirely too poorly lit, overly acted, and unbelievably boring, Jason doesn't even get his mask until 45 minutes into the movie, by which point you've already killed most of the audience's interest. There's plenty of boobs in this 'requel' to try and keep the audience engaged, but even with ample nudity, it's still dreadfully dull. The entire cast is unlikeable, and while the kills are indisputably bloodier, there's nothing we haven't really seen before, or seen performed better. Now that I've seen it once, I can confidently say I don't need to see it again. Rating: 3.4/10 Hidden Weed Stashes in the Forest -- And that actually completes my 31 and my pledge. I'm obviously going to keep watching movies, but I'm gonna stop logging them because my opinions are trash anyway so there's no great loss. Happy spooky season, everyone!
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Oct 13, 2023 19:42
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Xiahou Dun posted:I almost thought they were gonna do something interesting where the town was helping hide the Voorhees Grow Operation or something. But nah. That’d be too close to engaging. That's where I wondered if the first 20-ish minutes were going, that some dudes had inadvertently found a security dog for their grow operation in the form of Jason. Instead the movie's just like, ehh whatever, gently caress it, who cares, let's get some more glib early-20-somethings on screen.
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Oct 13, 2023 19:48
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This is absolutely bitchin'.
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Oct 17, 2023 03:13
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| # ¿ May 22, 2024 10:49 |
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lmao, OK, but for real though, I need to know what prompt created this image of Asian Elvis crooning to the bedroom girls.
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Oct 18, 2023 03:09
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