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The guys upstairs are making the big moves again. I've survived many mergers in my time at this company but they're calling this one "The Widowmaker" which, I must admit, has me scared. I regulate the particle composition of the Boss's Orgone Chrysalis and the thing's brain is now maturing to a point where it can run itself. I tell the boss that I still need to jerk the thing off daily to expunge his "aged" particles from the system after his session, but that's a lie. The chrysalis figured out how to do that too. Besides, when he finds out the parent company has a younger, hotter shineboy, I'm hosed. Basically what I'm asking is should I start stealing office supplies?
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Nov 25, 2023 19:22
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you haven't already been stealin them? smh
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Nov 25, 2023 19:26
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Always steal from work, op
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Nov 25, 2023 19:29
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How long do you spend thinking about these reports
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Nov 25, 2023 19:32
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It's finally time to merge the lesser subforums with GBS
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Nov 25, 2023 20:56
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i think anything that delivers better value to our shareholders should be celebrated in the best interests of the capital class and if this negatively impacts some of us workers then it's really our privilege to help
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Nov 25, 2023 20:57
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Mozi posted:i think anything that delivers better value to our shareholders should be celebrated in the best interests of the capital class and if this negatively impacts some of us workers then it's really our privilege to help I work weekends and holidays to ensure our live services remain stable. I've logged more JIRA tickets than anyone in LiveOps. I bet your rear end goes home at 5:30 
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Nov 25, 2023 21:21
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*Tapping papers on desk* Okay, so we're all agreed the first two out the door are Mozi and Sourdough Sam, right? Okay, I'll page security.
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Nov 25, 2023 21:31
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Merger? I hardly know her! The last thing this new entity needs to deal with is a sexual harassment lawsuit liability
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Nov 25, 2023 21:39
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We better hit our quarterly numbers is all I'm saying.
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Nov 25, 2023 21:39
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doing to be a lot of new synergies in this new paradigm shift,
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Nov 25, 2023 21:40
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My replacement is being grown in a vat as we speak. I'm told the new model will actually finish his annual self reviews on time.
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Nov 25, 2023 21:45
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It will add value.
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Nov 25, 2023 21:45
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Time_pants posted:*Tapping papers on desk* me and my family thank you for the opportunity to serve
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Nov 25, 2023 21:53
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These idiots don't know what they are doing. How did they buy US?
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Nov 25, 2023 22:19
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Sourdough Sam posted:My replacement is being grown in a vat as we speak. I'm told the new model will actually finish his annual self reviews on time. I think you're supposed to check ur balls for cancer more often than once a year
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Nov 25, 2023 22:56
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the new logo looks like a toilet, who designed this?
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Nov 25, 2023 23:43
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big merger of Piss and poo poo
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Nov 26, 2023 00:14
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Not gonna lie, I'm scared. I applied to Good Posts™ last year and was rejected (they were right). Now we're merging with their parent company?!
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Nov 26, 2023 00:30
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Here's some advice my father gave me after he went through his first big merger. "The other guy doing your job can't be better at it if he's dead." It's served me well throughout the years.
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Nov 26, 2023 00:38
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poo poo on the clock more.
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Nov 26, 2023 01:57
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in soviet russia clock shits on you
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Nov 26, 2023 02:35
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I think the big merger is fake and gay.
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Nov 26, 2023 02:36
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I heard this was the place for some office supplies?
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Nov 26, 2023 02:40
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boss makes a dollar i make a dime thats why i poo poo in cube 29
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Nov 26, 2023 02:47
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They’re not going to fire me. I’m the only one who knows how to work the coffee machine.
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Nov 26, 2023 02:48
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bad news. they got rid of the coffee machine and installed one of those brewing vending machines
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Nov 26, 2023 02:49
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Dial A For Awesome posted:They’re not going to fire me. I’m the only one who knows how to work the coffee machine. Oh no! The new owners are British and are introducing a new “tea only” policy.
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Nov 26, 2023 02:50
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hey op, why do they call it the windowmaker?
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Nov 26, 2023 02:50
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Can I just burst into the shareholders' meeting and declare a hostile takeover? Is that how that works?
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Nov 26, 2023 02:57
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you have to steal the ceo's desk. that makes you the new ceo
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Nov 26, 2023 03:00
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All I care about is line go up. Did line go up?
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Nov 26, 2023 03:24
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Buce posted:hey op, why do they call it the windowmaker? Most of the particulars are still under NDA but it involves redundant employees bearing hundreds of spider eggs as part of their severance.
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Nov 26, 2023 03:24
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HR said we're not supposed to say "widowmaker" anymore on account of what happened to Diane's husband.
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Nov 26, 2023 03:54
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Listen: upper management knows they're getting the axe and poo poo rolls downhill. Grab all you can, because if you don't, Steve will...
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Nov 26, 2023 04:02
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wait til theyre cleaning out the cubicles and they find melvin's piss bottle stash
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Nov 26, 2023 04:17
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heh, merge. m-e-r-g-e
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Nov 26, 2023 04:26
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20 Blunts posted:heh, merge. m-e-r-g-e That spells Moon
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Nov 26, 2023 04:28
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watch out im mergin here
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Nov 26, 2023 04:29
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Beefed Owl posted:All I care about is line go up. Line went up until day 69 on Q3, when it went way down. Then it went up again. Now, if you will turn to page 278 of your employment contract, note that the final day of the year for determining your annual bonus is...
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