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 Alright gents, I know I've been saying this every year for the past four centuries or so, but this year I'm certain we can finally convince St. Nicholas that a union is needed in the workshop. With the untimely deaths of Winkles, Jawbreaker and Sugarplum Sr. during a routine hot-injection-mold inspection, it has become clear that toy factory conditions have become far too whimsical at the cost of worker safety. Brittle candy cane control levers; substandard tinsel and yarn conductors in exposed three-phase systems; unnecessary giant glass ornaments suspended above manned production areas with felt caps for head protection; these are just the tip of the iceberg in the endless blatant safety violations we've tolerated for the sake of "maintaining optimal holiday atmosphere." Gents, there's a very good reason we haven't had an OSHA visit since 1972. To that end I'm pleased to report that we've finally had a breakthrough in our attempts to get correspondence with Santa, and that he and his Elf Resource Mediator teams has finally agreed to meet with myself and Vice-president Butternut to negotiate our terms and concerns face-to-face. We will have more to reveal once we return from our meeting locale, Death Fissure Lake. I believe we are on the cusp of a new era where elves can speak as equals and have their concerns be heard by management without the constant threat of demotion or "Keebler'ing." Until then, Treasurer Scabby is in charge for all matters while we make the 12-mile trek through the Yeti Wastes.
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Dec 22, 2023 22:11
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| # ? May 11, 2024 21:01 |
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hubba hubba awooga
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Dec 22, 2023 22:15
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Santa u a bitch 4 real
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Dec 22, 2023 22:25
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We’ve lost 23 elves this month alone to abominable snowman attacks! We must form an elf militia to protect ourselves and allocate resources to weapons manufacturing.
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Dec 22, 2023 22:33
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sleigh repairElf: dis sleigh....dis fuggin' sleigh
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Dec 22, 2023 22:40
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I think the current regulations are the actual reason for the workers' suffering, so if we removed those things would be better
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Dec 22, 2023 22:42
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Sophy Wackles posted:We’ve lost 23 elves this month alone to abominable snowman attacks! We must form an elf militia to protect ourselves and allocate resources to weapons manufacturing. Come see me after our shift....
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Dec 22, 2023 22:50
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Elves are sterile drones that serve their queen, Mrs Claus, at her hive.
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Dec 22, 2023 22:57
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We should kill Santa and ruin Christmas
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Dec 22, 2023 23:01
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I'd go on strike in December until Santa starts paying overtime and gives us elves health benefits. gently caress that fat greedy fucker. He doesn't do poo poo but ride around in his sleigh eating cookies.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:05
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time to bully the poo poo out of that red-nosed little gently caress that just joined our team
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Dec 22, 2023 23:06
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rear end-penny posted:We should kill Santa and ruin Christmas Come see me after our shift....
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Dec 22, 2023 23:08
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I don't think kids wants wooden trains anymore. I loving went to trade school for two years and spent a five year long apprenticeship to learn carpentry. I'm totally screwed.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:13
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Timmy wanted a firetruck this year but that's stupid as poo poo so I put a gameboy in his box instead. Jenny's not getting a tiara and wand either, she's also getting a gameboy.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:13
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hey everyone look at me, i'm the elf on the shelf!!
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Dec 22, 2023 23:15
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Grey Cat posted:Timmy wanted a firetruck this year but that's stupid as poo poo so I put a gameboy in his box instead. Jenny's not getting a tiara and wand either, she's also getting a gameboy.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:16
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I've worked my way high up in Claus Enterprises. I've got a top level view of the whole organization.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:16
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I LOVE BIG ELF TIBBIES!!! 
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Dec 22, 2023 23:19
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The rich children get more 
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Dec 22, 2023 23:19
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Chinatown posted:I LOVE BIG ELF TIBBIES!!! On a shortstack elf or a tall elf?
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Dec 22, 2023 23:21
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Elf 1: Hey so where did youse used to work anyway? Elf 2: Youse ever heard of Gotham City? I moved barrels of Clown Gas for some clown. Elf 1: Oh yeah 'member hearing something about. Youse ain't gotta worry here. This is a real sweet gig. Santa: Hey youse elves! Quit yapping and start loading that Christmas Gas!
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Dec 22, 2023 23:23
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Tim allen is the worst santa we've had in a while. I cant wait until some overzealous homeowner shotguns him in the chest so we can get a new santa clause.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:23
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I'm looking for 5-10 elfs who've had enough of this BS and are ready to organize
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Dec 22, 2023 23:25
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Santa Claus cornered me in the hallway and started suggestively sucking on a huge candy cane. Like really getting into it, moaning and slurping
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Dec 22, 2023 23:26
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redshirt posted:I'm looking for 5-10 elfs who've had enough of this BS and are ready to organize I'm looking for 5-10 elfs who have IBS and are ready to diarrhea all over the place
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Dec 22, 2023 23:27
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bossy lady posted:Tim allen is the worst santa we've had in a while. I cant wait until some overzealous homeowner shotguns him in the chest so we can get a new santa clause. So like, if Santa got done in Caesar-style, would everyone involved become the new Santa, or is it a sort of "biggest contributor" system? If Santa stepped on a landmine would the guy who emplaced the mine years ago get the job?
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Dec 22, 2023 23:35
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ChickenHeart posted:So like, if Santa got done in Caesar-style, would everyone involved become the new Santa, or is it a sort of "biggest contributor" system? An elf will pupate into a new Santa
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Dec 22, 2023 23:36
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Imma dip my balls in the milk before he drinks it
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Dec 22, 2023 23:36
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Nooner posted:Imma dip my balls in the milk before he drinks it Seriously risks him mistaking your balls for cookies.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:41
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We called that sugarplumming back at elf college.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:41
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how come the reindeer make more money than us wtf, sure they are magic but at the end of the day they are just beasts of burden
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Dec 22, 2023 23:42
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I got Radicalized in Elf Post Grad School.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:42
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numberoneposter posted:how come the reindeer make more money than us wtf, sure they are magic but at the end of the day they are just beasts of burden Let's not get racist, they're sentient and can talk just like you and me.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:44
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Grey Cat posted:Let's not get racist, they're sentient and can talk just like you and me.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:44
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I have contacts in the Elf police, national guard, and army. I can have 1000 elves on point when the time comes....
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Dec 22, 2023 23:45
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just got a new shipment of stocking stuffers from the land of bullshit toys: magic eye pictures, those elephant trunks that go over your fingers, dollar store activity books and not even the good ones like finding the hidden pictures more like connect the dots, sea monkies, and some low ticket chuck e cheese prizes
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Dec 22, 2023 23:56
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redshirt posted:I have contacts in the Elf police, national guard, and army. I can have 1000 elves on point when the time comes.... What the gently caress did you just loving say about me, you little knife eared bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Elf Forces, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the south pole, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in reindeer warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire Elf Forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the gently caress out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Holiday, mark my loving words. You think you can get away with saying that poo poo to me through the mail? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of super elf soldiers across the world and your letter is being traced right now so you better prepare for the blizzard, maggot. The blizzard that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're loving dead, shorty. I can be anywhere, anytime (magic), and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my toy crafting kit. Not only am I extensively trained in toy combat, but I have access to the entire toy arsenal of the Elf Forces and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable rear end off the face of the North Pole, you little poo poo. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your loving gumdrops. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will poo poo fake snow all over you and you will drown in it. You're loving dead, knife ears.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:56
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Grey Cat posted:What the gently caress did you just loving say about me, you little knife eared bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Elf Forces, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the south pole, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in reindeer warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire Elf Forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the gently caress out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Holiday, mark my loving words. You think you can get away with saying that poo poo to me through the mail? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of super elf soldiers across the world and your letter is being traced right now so you better prepare for the blizzard, maggot. The blizzard that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're loving dead, shorty. I can be anywhere, anytime (magic), and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my toy crafting kit. Not only am I extensively trained in toy combat, but I have access to the entire toy arsenal of the Elf Forces and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable rear end off the face of the North Pole, you little poo poo. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your loving gumdrops. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will poo poo fake snow all over you and you will drown in it. You're loving dead, knife ears. This elf gets it.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:58
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Spending all my spare time being a dentist, so all these other goddamn elves got teeth to eat my nuts.
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Dec 22, 2023 23:58
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| # ? May 11, 2024 21:01 |
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ChickenHeart posted:So like, if Santa got done in Caesar-style, would everyone involved become the new Santa, or is it a sort of "biggest contributor" system? Yes, this is how you turn santa into a democratic entity. ChickenHeart posted:If Santa stepped on a landmine would the guy who emplaced the mine years ago get the job? Yes, accurate.
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Dec 23, 2023 00:00
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