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All I know is I'm tired of having to draw the circuits on those tiny little Playstation computer chips. My wrist is killing me.
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Dec 23, 2023 00:26
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The girl elf won’t have sex with me so I’m coming to work with a sparkly ar-15
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Dec 23, 2023 00:31
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bossy lady posted:Yes, this is how you turn santa into a democratic entity. Alright, you heard the lady; at 3am we cut up the old man in his sleep and everyone gets a chunk I call dibs on his eyes
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Dec 23, 2023 00:31
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ChickenHeart posted:Alright, you heard the lady; at 3am we cut up the old man in his sleep and everyone gets a chunk People, people, shaun was a valued member of our community.
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Dec 23, 2023 00:33
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i think legolas is a pretty cool guy
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Dec 23, 2023 00:34
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If you fed him into a hand mincer and everyone got a turn of the handle, would it apply to everybody or only the one who gets the last turn where he dies?
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Dec 23, 2023 00:36
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*pulls out flask, takes a swig of elf hooch* (note to audience elf hooch is just vanilla extract)
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Dec 23, 2023 00:40
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Why are the railings all made out of candy cane?! Ignoring the lack of food hygiene standards, they just can't handle any sort of impact! So many elves have fallen to their deaths or just died of diabetes or somehow both at the same time. When I recommended steel painted to have candy cane stripes Santa put me in the Naughty Elf Box for three days
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Dec 23, 2023 00:41
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Santa's swapped all his reindeer out from the standard quadruped models to ridiculously sexy anthropomorphic ones and now nobody's getting any work done
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Dec 23, 2023 00:44
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Songbearer posted:Santa's swapped all his reindeer out from the standard quadruped models to ridiculously sexy anthropomorphic ones and now nobody's getting any work done 
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Dec 23, 2023 00:46
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We know the game, don't we Claus? Let's be clear: I let you operate here. You stay in your lane. You get out of line, we will crush you. Understood?
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Dec 23, 2023 00:46
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Santa Claus's full-self driving mode for his sleigh has killed 522,156 children since the announcement of its beta
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Dec 23, 2023 00:48
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Oh sweet sugartinkles a rift has formed between elves who are on Team Blitzen and those who are on Team Dasher and it's broke out into full on violence! There's syrup everywhere! They're... they're using each other's Life Sugar to grease up their favourite reindeers! Santa, why?!
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Dec 23, 2023 00:50
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alright REALLL tasteful, whoever drilled a gloryhole in the bathroom stall and hung mistletoe over it my shaft is so chafed and rashy 
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Dec 23, 2023 00:51
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man this place sure is a step up from my time at the dick sucking factory
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Dec 23, 2023 00:51
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Gonna take next year off and go party with the Icelandic Yule Lads. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icelandic_Christmas_folklore#Yule_Lads
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Dec 23, 2023 00:52
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Chinatown posted:man this place sure is a step up from my time at the dick sucking factory RavenousScoot posted:alright REALLL tasteful, whoever drilled a gloryhole in the bathroom stall and hung mistletoe over it Elf Rinkles "Chinatown" McSprinkles? My office, NOW. Lock... lock the door behind you.
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Dec 23, 2023 00:54
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We will burn down the old man's fortress with him inside it.
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Dec 23, 2023 01:20
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Popping over to Legal, looks like we just got another cease and desist from Nintendo for making bootleg Switches.
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Dec 23, 2023 01:27
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why do we have to wear these ridiculous boots???
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Dec 23, 2023 01:33
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"bu bu bu but I'm telling you mister" the elf pleaded though bloodshot eyes. "We're not that kind of elf. We make cookies! I swear!" Santa either can't hear, or doesn't care. In the dank dungeon, the elf faintly sees the fat man pull a gleaming pair of pliers from off the table. "You make etch-a-sketch now"
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Dec 23, 2023 01:34
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LaserPrinter69 posted:"bu bu bu but I'm telling you mister" the elf pleaded though bloodshot eyes. "We're not that kind of elf. We make cookies! I swear!" I will avenge my people. We were proud and independent, until he arrived.
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Dec 23, 2023 01:38
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Pfft, Santa's just gonna close down the entire workshop and move his operation off-shore if the union ever gets off the ground Freakin' Mars has no tax law or worker's rights to speak of; it's basically one big industrial haven for fat cats like St. Nick
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Dec 23, 2023 01:42
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breaking research shows all elves have hazardous levels of glitter in their bloodstream, even the ones not stationed within santa's workshop
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Dec 23, 2023 02:11
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I would but I'm probably pretty close to a promotion and a union would really complicate things for me when that happens.
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Dec 23, 2023 02:24
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I used ta woik fuh duh Jokuh. Nowz? I'm muscle fuh duh big red n' white guy. Feelz beddah, ya knowz, like morally.
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Dec 23, 2023 02:28
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Animal-Mother posted:I used ta woik fuh duh Jokuh. Nowz? I'm muscle fuh duh big red n' white guy. Feelz beddah, ya knowz, like morally. I know you're a trustworthy guy.
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Dec 23, 2023 02:29
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jokes posted:Santa Claus's full-self driving mode for his sleigh has killed 522,156 children since the announcement of its beta *High-fives each and every one of the guys and gals in the R&D department* That's 522,156 less presents to make this year.
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Dec 23, 2023 03:19
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I'm working in the body pillow department and I gotta say these kids are real hosed up these days
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Dec 23, 2023 07:13
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Songbearer posted:I'm working in the body pillow department and I gotta say these kids are real hosed up these days The gently caress is a femboy waifu dakimakura? And how the gently caress do you pronounce "uwu?"
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Dec 23, 2023 07:46
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Hey so you know how I was making those real assault rifles on third shift in the toy rifles section? Well one of the boxes of toy rifles is in the armory and one of the crates of real rifles is missing - do we uh, report this to someone?
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Dec 23, 2023 07:50
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jizzy sillage posted:Hey so you know how I was making those real assault rifles on third shift in the toy rifles section? Well one of the boxes of toy rifles is in the armory and one of the crates of real rifles is missing - do we uh, report this to someone? Nah, just make sure the batch gets sent to America.
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Dec 23, 2023 07:51
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Grey Cat posted:The gently caress is a femboy waifu dakimakura? Wow, that was fast! Santa just sent out a real comprehensive memo explaining all the terms and specifications. It's... it's maybe a little too specific, but hey, that's just Santa trying to do his best for the kids! Huh, y'know I don't think I've ever actually read a letter to Santa that's requested one of these things. Weird to have an entire wing dedicated to it, but that's why I don't wear the big red coat! Now I'd better print this... "Blitzen with the cake" pillowcase. Huh.
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Dec 23, 2023 08:00
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Why are we even making toys anymore? Let’s just get a computer to make pictures of toys, put them on the blockchain, give the kids these jpegs and tell them they’re just as good as the real thing!
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Dec 23, 2023 09:58
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I just want to eat a salad once in a while instead of this Pixie Stick Nerd Gruel we're force fed. Is that so wrong?
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Dec 23, 2023 09:59
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So sick of the courts continuing to deny the existence of santa. Of course he's real, fucker owes me 400 years of backpay. loving cynical small claims courts just have a bit of Christmas spirit and believe, and allow me to sue the cheap gently caress. Bah humbug.
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Dec 23, 2023 11:52
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Guys, I'm not an elf. I'm just a regular kid that got lost on the tour. I want to go home to my parents. Kids you still think elves are real? Get back on the line before he hears you!
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Dec 23, 2023 12:24
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Guys, I'm not an elf. I'm just a regular kid that got lost on the tour. I want to go home to my parents. Shaddup, we gotta a quota to hit
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Dec 23, 2023 14:01
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Truth time. We don't do anything but sit around on our phones all day. It has something to do with 'only true Christian children of good character' getting toys because Santa doesn't feel it's appropriate to shove our holiday onto folks who aren't actively practicing Christians. Something about a 'social contract' or something. We maybe make a few thousand toys a whole year. The irony of all this is most of these kids live in areas where their parents will shoot at trespassers so he can't legally deliver those toys, either. Also, we broke a LOT of copyright and patent laws by making pirate copies of video games and consoles to fulfill those orders we're sitting on. We have the FBI show up with a woodchipper each January to throw it all in and Santa has to pay the fine to Nintendo.
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Dec 23, 2023 15:45
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My rear end hurts. Can't poo poo straight
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Dec 23, 2023 15:52
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