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Carnival of Shrews
Mar 27, 2013

You're not David Attenborough
Isn't Event Horizon a cult favourite these days? There are people out there bemoaning the loss of the full footage and still dreaming of a Director's Cut.

Also, the dress v. shredder scene in Jumping Jack Flash is fantastic. One of Whoopi Goldberg's best roles IMO.

My pick: Shadow Run (1998) (available online, and Ebay UK usually has a few copies)

Michael Caine has been in some poor films, but Shadow Run tries to meld a gritty heist flick, and an unlikely friendship between an aging gangster and a bullied choirboy (no! not like that!), and the result is...different, in the same way a Stilton and Nutella sandwich is different. Here it is in Caine's own words:

‘It’s a small English thriller, very quirky and quite strange. It’s the kind of thing I pick up on and if I’m interested I do it. I play a Cockney again, a real London gangster, but there’s a lot more to it than that. I started to read the script, it intrigued me and I thought, I’ve never seen anything like this before.’

I'm pretty confident no-one has seen anything like this before. Some highlights:

* The schoolboy finds a heisted van in a Herefordshire lay-by, blood dripping from beneath its rear doors. He stares long and hard at this disturbing sight before Caine's character, Haskell, pops out in a mask and bungs him twenty quid, telling him he didn't see anything. Of course he tells all and sundry and no-one believes him...which is odd, because the murdervan is right where he last saw it. I'm not sure if we ever find out if West Mercia's finest bother to investigate. Perhaps the van's still there to this day.

* Haskell and his posh crook boss, Landon-Higgins (played by the usually-reliable James Fox) discuss how their heist is going outside a snooty fancy-dress party. Fox sports a Grand Vizier-style turban, and I've never seen an actor so clearly wish he was literally anywhere else.

* Haskell is knocking on a bit, but he's still a killer who throttles people to death with his belt. One murder takes place next to a field with a cow in it, and in my memory, the film cuts at least once between Caine and his thrashing victim, and the cow chewing its cud. Maybe twice. I might be imagining this, but I don't think so.

I don't think everyone hates this movie, but only because so few people know that it exists. But it has near-legendary status in my family, and my brother and I still say 'The van is a computer!' at each other far too often.

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