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beep-beep car is go posted:RECORD SCRATCH Tox
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Jan 24, 2024 00:41
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 00:53 |
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beep-beep car is go posted:RECORD SCRATCH Subbing early. 1098 words DAYCARE One two three four five six, the beetle in the grass has six legs. The beetle has six legs and because the beetle has six legs, it is an insect, and not a spider, because a spider has eight legs, and not six legs (like the beetle). I put my hand in the grass and let the beetle crawl up my arm. It feels good. There are other kids outside, and they're playing and they're yelling. I don't like how loud they're yelling because the loud hurts on my skin. They're playing cops and robbers and the cops are chasing the robbers, and they never ask me to come play and that's okay because I like it over here picking grass with my beetle, which is an insect because of the number of legs it has (six). Wanda calls us inside for lunch and the other kids run screaming towards the playroom door and I stay in the grass to whisper goodbye to my beetle because I don't want to get in line while everyone’s still loud, but then Wanda comes and grabs me because I'm dawdling and I start crying because I'm in trouble. Wanda drags me to the line with the other kids and I'm crying because I'm in trouble and I'm crying because the loud hurts, too. I won’t keep walking with the loud line, I won't!, so Wanda has to carry me through the playroom and the living room and past the staircase we’re never supposed to go down ever and into the kitchen. I'm crying too much to eat the tacos and by the time I'm done crying lunch is already over and Wanda throws away my tacos so I don't get to eat lunch today. I'm really, really hungry, so I start crying because of how hungry I am. After lunch it's Inside Playtime and I hate Inside Playtime because during Outside Playtime I can keep away from the other kids and their loud but during Inside Playtime there's nowhere to hide. The quietest place is the Book Nook which is on the other side of the room as the Duplos and I pick up my favorite book, Martian Mike Visits the Planets. I've read the book normal so many times that just reading it normal is boring so I pull apart the words by their letters and read it that way. Mm eh rih cuh uh rih yuh. For a little bit I'm not in the playroom for Inside Playtime anymore, I'm in outer space with Martian Mike and it's not loud because there is no sound in outer space. Then the mean kid Andy grabs the book out of my hands and it's loud again and the loud hurts so much! I want Andy to hurt too so I run after him and he climbs up over the gate and I climb over it too and I chase him through the living room and Andy’s going down the staircase we're never supposed to go down ever but I don't care because I want to hit him and hit him and hit him. He opens the door at the bottom of the stairs and I run inside after him. Inside the door there's another playroom. There are toys all over the carpet and there's even a TV with the Martian Mike cartoon show on it. There's a grown-up sitting in a big chair with a big beard and big teeth and big hands and messy hair. Then he gets up from the chair and makes a louder kind of loud than I've ever heard and he runs towards Andy and grabs his head and pulls really hard until Andy’s head pops off his neck and the big messy man tosses it into the corner of the room and I need to start screaming because I'm so scared and I'm in the car and Daddy is going to take me home. I look out the window and Andy’s mommy is here too and Andy's getting in her car and giving her a big hug. Daddy drives me home through the country and Daddy tries to play the Cow and Horse Pointing Game with me but I don't want to play a game right now. Dinner tonight is also tacos. “Did you do anything fun at daycare today, Colin?” says Mommy. “Yes, I met a beetle, which is an insect because it has six legs.” “Shouldn't you be playing with your friends, not with bugs?” says Mommy. I don't want to play with friends because friends are mean and loud. Someone is knocking at the door. “I wonder who that can be at this time of night,” says Daddy. He gets up and walks to the door, and he opens it and the big messy man walks in screaming and he pulls off Daddy’s head and starts running towards me and I get up and start running towards my bed. Daddy is reading me a bedtime story. “Daddy, I know you're not real. I know this is just one of the pictures that I see in my brain when I'm sleeping.” I think I know the word for this, but I don’t know if I know and I don’t want to say the word if I might be wrong. “Of course I'm real, Colin,” says Daddy. “If I was just a picture in your head, you wouldn’t be able to touch me, would you?” I reach out and touch his shirt and I can feel its soft, and I must be wrong. I lie down and I go to sleep and I have dreams. Mommy wakes me up. I go to breakfast, which is tacos. Mommy drives me to Wanda’s house. When I look back to blow a kiss to Mommy, I can see him behind her in the field across the street, and he's so far away but he's getting closer and closer. I scream to Mommy to run and get away but she just keeps smiling and waving. Wanda tells me she doesn't want any more tantrums today but I'm already doing a tantrum and the big messy man pulls off Mommy’s head and starts walking towards me and it's just one of the pictures I can see in my brain when I'm sleeping, it's just a dream and I need to wake up, I need to wake up I need to wake up I need to WAKE UP I NEED TO WAKE UP I NEED TO WAKE UP I NEED TO WAKE A BAD DREAM WHERE YOU’RE BACK AT SCHOOL
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Jan 25, 2024 19:53
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Mar 19, 2024 23:52
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Tina the Spider 720 words There was once a spider that lived in the forest. Actually, that’s a lie, because it was certainly more than once that a spider lived in the forest, and there are indeed hundreds of thousands of spiders living in the forest at any given time. This story, however, is about only one of them. This spider did not have a name, as spider mommies don’t tend to give their offspring names after they burst in hundreds from their sacs, but for the sake of clarity, let’s call this spider, I dunno, Tina. Tina made prettier webs than all the other spiders, in my opinion. Lots of other spiders thought that the best webs have lots of sticky threads everywhere, just really load up the whole space with silk. Tina recognized that less can often be more, aesthetically speaking, and that intricacy is not the same thing as complexity. However, it turned out her much prettier webs didn’t really do a great job at catching bugs and apparently that’s the main purpose of spider webs in the first place. Tina spent many nights hungry. One day a fly named Gary (and his name was indeed Gary, as fly mommies DO tend to name their children) landed on a leaf next to Tina’s latest minimalist masterpiece. “Hey, Miss Spider,” said Gary. “I’ve seen a bunch of webs in my time, and I don’t think I’ve seen a web as pretty as this one.” “Thanks, Mr. Fly,” said Tina. “Would you like to touch the web?” “Nice try,” said Gary. “I’m more of an ‘eat’ guy than a ‘get eaten’ guy. But I'll tell you what, I'll let a bunch of my fly friends know about your web and how hard it slaps. Maybe one of them is going to be willing to get caught in it.” So he buzzed off and told a bunch of his fly friends how dope Tina’s web was and like forty of them showed up the next evening. Tina had made some adjustments to the design to make it even more minimalist and elegant, and all the flies stared in awe. “Now then, who wants to get caught in the web?” said Tina. “Hoo boy,” said one of the flies. “I think that's gonna be a no go from us. We're down to look at really pretty webs, but getting caught in one means we get eaten, and die.” “Well that just won't do,” said Tina. “I can't be doing this for free. If I don't eat, I'll be the one who dies.” “Yeah,” that sucks, said Gary. “Tell you what, how about each of us grabs another bunch of fly buddies to come look at the web tomorrow. Surely with that many flies, one of us is going to get caught in the web.” And the next night, a truly gently caress-you number of flies showed up at Tina’s web. I'm not going to count them, if you wanna know how many there are you should count them yourself. My best guess is like a billion. And Tina had cut a few more threads from her web so it was now truly a masterpiece, a piece of art so transcendent that it becomes a life-defining experience for anyone lucky enough to witness it. “So who's ready to get caught up in such rapturous beauty?” said Tina. Crickets (actually, not crickets, that’s the wrong bug. They're flies). “Come on, what about Harold?” said Gary. “Doesn't he have a weird sex thing about getting caught in webs?” “Oh I totally do,” said Harold. “But this is so…dainty. It's beautiful, don't get wrong, but I don't think I'd be able to get off if I got caught in it.” “Come on guys!” shouted Tina. “If I don't eat one of you, I will die, and I won't be able to make any more beautiful webs!” “Oh man, that's super rough,” said Gary. “Well, sorry about that.” And that night Tina died of starvation, and the nameless spiders of the forest avoided her mistake and made regular, unstuffy webs that caught lots of flies, and the forest became a little less beautiful of a place. And the moral of the story is if you don't want spiders to be sad, you should kill yourself.
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Mar 25, 2024 01:25
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Yeah give me a card.
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Mar 26, 2024 04:50
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 00:53 |
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A small price to pay for friends 1782 words Four of shields It’s just warm enough outside that they’re making us go outside for recess instead of playing dodgeball in the gym. I am way, way too cold because I didn’t want to bring in a big ugly coat to school (because I would look ugly wearing it) and it’s actually a good thing that I’m so cold because I look so much more handsome today than all the other seventh-grade boys. I turn the corner behind the dumpsters. Harvey Vorwald, Cole Comer, and the rest are seated, playing Warp Matrix Warfare (the card game) on a spot of shoveled and salted asphalt. “Hey, can I play?” I say. Harvey makes an annoyed sigh. “Cole, did you bring your scrap deck?” “It's okay,” I say before Cole can answer. “I brought my own.” I have acquired a very good Warp Matrix Warfare deck. I have done all the research on what all the best cards are and I made my mom go out and buy enough booster packs to get most of those internet-approved best cards. The total price necessary to acquire such a good deck is sixty-three dollars and eighty-nine cents. My mom is not pleased to have spent this money, but she is wrong, and stupid. She is always complaining that I don’t have any friends at school, but now I’m going to have friends because I have a good Warp Matrix Warfare deck and now all of the kids who play Warp Matrix Warfare at recess are going to be so impressed by how frequently I win (because of the combination of my intelligence and the quality of my deck) that they will want to be friends with me, and in my opinion sixty-three dollars and eighty-nine cents is a very small price to pay for access to a social circle. “Neat,” says Cole. I don't know how sarcastic he’s being, but that's okay because after I beat him at Warp Matrix he's going to respect me and he won't be annoyed to hang out with me anymore. Cole pats the cold asphalt on the other side of the game map with his fingerless-gloved hand. I sit and start shuffling my deck. I don't have gloves, because if I had gloves I couldn't handle the cards. “Been meaning to try out my new Blood Wizards deck,” says Cole. I didn't know Warp Matrix had blood wizards. That seems like fantasy, and Warp Matrix mostly has a sci-fi theme (except with some magical elements, like the spacetime-manipulating Knights of Talamar, but even that has an in-universe sci-fi explanation). We draw our starting hands, and I'm going first. Let's see: I have a Talamari Light Cruiser. That’s pretty good. I want it to have at least one shield booster and one Warpedo, so I’ll need at least three Warp Energon Cubes and I have one of those and also a Warp Energon Cube Generation Facility. I play the Warp Energon Cube and use it to generate a shield around my rightmost Warp Matrix then play the Warp Energon Cube Generation Facility within the shield. I'll hold onto the Talamari Light Cruiser until next turn, after the Warp Energon Cube Generation Facility has generated the sufficient Warp Energon Cubes to properly arm it. I tap my deck, indicating the end of my turn. Cole places a card I haven't seen before onto his middle Warp Matrix. The picture on it looks like a gleaming red heart pulsating in the hand of a hairy arm. “Blood Wizards use Stolen Hearts, not Warp Energon Cubes,” Cole explains. “Let's see, let's play Aagh, the High Priest.” He plays a card with a picture of a naked man, smiling gleefully with a bloody axe in a room of dismembered corpses. One attack power, seven health (which is a lot), and the ability to let Cole draw two cards instead of one every turn it isn't dead. Then he plays a Tech Card (but it's called a Spell Card, I suppose to match the fantasy theming of the Blood Wizards cards): Unholy Pact. An ugly man, holding two beautiful women as hundreds of people are tortured in a thousand ways behind him. “If your opponent loses the War, you become the legal owner of your opponent’s deck,” reads Cole. That is indeed what it says on the card. That isn't good. It means if I lose then my mom will have spent those sixty-three dollars and eighty-nine cents on nothing. But it's okay, because I'm going to win easily, because I'm very smart and I have a very good deck. Cole taps his deck. I draw three Warp Energon Cubes from the Energon Pool (as I am allowed to do because of my Warp Energon Cube Generation Facility), then play the Talamari Light Cruiser. I charge the Talamari Light Cruiser with the Warp Energon Cubes. “I attack Aagh, the High Priest,” I say and the Light Cruiser does two damage so the High Priest has five health left. I tap my deck. Cole draws two cards. “Oh hell yeah,” he says. He plays another Stolen Heart and then: Blood Rite. A young girl is chained upside down on the picture. The man from the Aagh the High Priest card (presumably Aagh, the High Priest) is sinking a dagger into the girl’s hand as she sobs in pain. “Cut into your opponent’s hand. The cut may not be deeper than a quarter inch, or longer than two inches. For every drop of blood your opponent spills, you may draw a Stolen Heart and your opponent loses one hundred Life Points,” reads Cole. That can't be what the card says, and that's exactly what the card says. “Harvey, do you have your exacto-knife?” “Always do,” says Harvey, and tosses Cole the knife. “No,” I say, and I can start to feel myself freaking out a little. “I'm not going to let you cut me.” “It's what it says on the card, so you have to,” says Cole. “I guess you could forfeit, though. Hand me your deck.” What do I do what do I do what do I do…I can't forfeit or else my mom is going to get mad at me for losing the deck she spent so much money on. And really, it will just be a little cut, it probably won't even hurt that bad, and it's so cold I won't actually spill any blood because the blood will freeze before it can drip all the way down… I can feel a tear freeze on my cheek as I hold out my hand to Cole. He smiles boyishly as he drives the ice-cold exacto-knife into my palm. There is a harsh, pointed sting, and on the inside I am screaming. It will be okay. Once I beat Cole, Cole and Harvey will be my friends, and I will have people to hang out with, and I won't be alone. A few drops of blood, a few moments of pain, sixty-three dollars and eighty-nine cents: all small prices to pay for friendship. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mr. Dwinel, the Vice Principal, approaches just as Cole is pulling the blade out of my palm. “Cole, why are you cutting into Mr. Johnson’s hand with a knife?” says Mr. Dwinel. “I do hope you understand that knives, even those of the exacto variety, are prohibited on school grounds.” “It's okay, Mr. Dwinel, I need to have the knife as part of the game,” says Cole. He shows Mr. Dwinel the Blood Rite card. I kind of hope Mr. Dwinel decides that Cole is in trouble, so that I can end the game without giving Cole my deck. “Well, I suppose if the knife is required by the rules of Warp Matrix Warfare then I suppose it’s all above board,” says Mr. Dwinel. “Johnson, I have already spoken to you at length about inadequate winter weather preparation, and your coat is far too light. That will be a demerit. Carry on, children.” He walks idly away. Cole looks at me. “Okay, give me your deck. You lost.” “What are you talking about?” I say. “I didn't spill any blood.” I'm right. The blood has frozen around the wound on my palm, and none is on the ground. “Yeah you did. It spilled out of the inside of your hand, doesn't matter that it's not on the ground. You're out of Life Points. You lose.” “No!” I shout. “It means if the blood hits the ground, or else the card would just be a one-hit kill every time because it always makes you bleed.” “Oh, shut up,” says Harvey. “What would an annoying creep like you who’s never actually won a game know anything about the rules? Give Cole your loving deck.” “NO!” I scream again. “I'm not giving you my deck!” I pack up all my cards and put the whole deck in my pocket. “You're breaking the rules of the game,” says Cole. “You're a cheater!” He takes out the exacto-knife again, and draws its blade. “That's my deck, thief!” And I start to run, but Harvey grabs my arms and holds them behind my back. I start yelling, screaming, “MR. DWINEL! MR. DWINEL!” “What's going on here?” says Mr. Dwinel, sauntering over to the scene. “Harvey, is Johnson giving you trouble?” “Yeah,” says Cole. “He's stealing my deck.” He shows Mr. Dwinel the Unholy Pact card that supposedly legally transfers ownership of the deck to him. “Johnson!” says Mr. Dwinel, with his usual disdain. “Give Cole his deck.” And now I have to do it, or I'm going to be in even more trouble. I hand over the sixty-three dollars and eighty-nine cents worth of cards. “Thank you for your cooperation, Johnson,” says Mr. Dwinel. “Though you have earned a second demerit for your attempt at cheating.” And then he's gone again, to disrupt an illegal snowball fight. “Cool,” says Cole. “I guess I got a new scrap deck. If you want, you can borrow it if you play with me again.” Whistles blow from all over, signalling the end of recess. I walk towards the door, and out of the cold. My mom picks me up at the end of the school day. “How did it go?” says my mom as I climb into the car. “Did you make any new friends with your Warp Matrix deck?” Well, I'll be back tomorrow, I suppose, to play with Cole’s scrap deck. What else do I have to do at recess? Who else will let me hang out with them? “Yeah,” I say, making my face into a smile. “It went pretty well.”
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Mar 31, 2024 23:18
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