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I've always wanted to see the Big Bang.
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Jan 30, 2024 18:41
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redshirt posted:I've always wanted to see the Big Bang. Hurry and edit this before someone makes a your mom joke 
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Jan 30, 2024 18:45
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redshirt posted:I've always wanted to see the Big Bang. Thats just a theory. Bazinga!
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Jan 30, 2024 18:46
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lol this is dumb. time machines let you go to other days, they don't stop days from happening. 9/11 the day would happen no matter what actually happens on that day, you can't just erase days like that. I guess you could go back and change our calendar system to something else so technically there is no "9/11" because it's called like "4/10" now or whatever and it doesn't go that high. presto! still a shame about those people though.
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Jan 30, 2024 18:50
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Obvious solution here: Stand beside your time machine for a few minutes and then use it to back to when you are standing next to the time machine. Now there's two of you. Both of yourselves go back in time and get on each of the flights. Fight the terrorists, and you and your "twin" become national heroes. Stop Hunter Biden from ever buying a laptop so the Biden crime family doesn't ruin America. Bing bong simple.
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Jan 30, 2024 18:54
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I'm getting on United 93 and making sure it reaches the target. Maybe that's what's needed to restore the timeline.
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Jan 30, 2024 19:14
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cult_hero posted:I'm getting on United 93 and making sure it reaches the target. Maybe that's what's needed to restore the timeline. An actionable threat to assassinate the US president??  ????
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Jan 30, 2024 19:18
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Drone_Fragger posted:If you stopped 9/11, the new leader of al qaeda would just do a different terrorist attack that could be even worse. well if that's how this works then what you do is find the time traveler who killed Litler and stop him so only the microcaust happens and then work your way back to Litlest. do this with 9/11 so that we only have to deal with the mildly annoying paper plane attacks of 1/1.22
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Jan 30, 2024 19:20
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... and the big M. Night twist at the end was the Time Traveler was always one of the hijackers. Only realizing it as the second tower draws ever closer....
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Jan 30, 2024 19:23
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Find all the dickheads who insist it wouldn’t have happened on their watch, then buy all the tickets for the flights bar the terrorists and tell them they’ve won a paid trip to NYC. Let them work it out.
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Jan 30, 2024 19:33
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I had an idea for a Dr. Who episode where the inhabitants of an alien planet decide that the Doctor was obligated to stop some disaster of their own making. They then took that further and convicted him in abstentia of failing to stop every dead that had occurred in the History of their plane. Because he could have possibly saved any life in any part of time but had not saved all.
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Jan 30, 2024 19:34
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I'd push the button to the time machine and immediately suffocate in the vacuum of outer space as the machine delivers me to the precise point the Earth wasn't occupying 500 years ago due to universal expansion and the continuing orbit of celestial bodies around varying sources of gravity and all I wanted to do was kill and eat a dodo
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Jan 30, 2024 19:40
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numberoneposter posted:A time machine can't sink ships I think what you are talking about is called a battle ship. My time machine can just let off an atom of anti unmatter and blast a hole the size of the moon on any ship on the planet.
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Jan 30, 2024 19:59
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I'm just gonna go back and punch random poo poo until I butterfly effect a better future into existence I'm sorry ma'am but trust me your child will thank me when he's 40
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Jan 30, 2024 20:08
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I've got a spare time machine if anyone wants to give it a go, but I honestly don't know how this old pocket watch is supposed to help with anything.
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Jan 30, 2024 20:40
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im travelling forward thru time atm
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Jan 30, 2024 20:43
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credburn posted:But how? Kidnap Ralph Nader before he can do the election paperwork. Return him to the timestream after 9/11. If Bush doesn't win, he can't do 9/11.
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Jan 30, 2024 20:45
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Find a way to ensure the 1993 bombing succeeded.
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Jan 30, 2024 20:47
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Simply run for President yourself on an earlier timeline to prevent the atrocities that created the ill will in the first place. But when you consider how much of the timeline that would alter you may wonder if changing anything is worth it at all.
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Jan 30, 2024 20:48
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I'd put one Mark Wahlberg on each plane, two rows from the cockpit.
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Jan 30, 2024 20:53
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credburn posted:But how? Travel far enough back and convince the architects to build the towers pointing down.
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Jan 30, 2024 22:26
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Horace Kinch posted:Introduce hentai to cavemen. The moment they've got the technique for fire down, BOOM, hentai. oh yeah and stop hitler...for sure...right after the cave babes
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Jan 30, 2024 22:57
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I'd make insanely detailed posts about it all over the internet a week before it happens. Either it causes a govt agency to get their poo poo together or it causes hilarious chaos as people realize the "Bushdid911" guy was right
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Jan 30, 2024 23:14
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This reminds me of another version of the question: you wake up on say, September 2nd, 2001. You have all the knowledge of your life from now, in your body that existed on that day. Assumingly, whatever magic did this keeps you from having a heart attack or going insane from this. We will also assume you are an adult and not, say, a five year old child. What do you do? The thing I immediately realized was...really, not much. Because do you know, off the top of your head, the names of any of the terrorists? Exactly where they took off and when on that day? What they look like? Hell, do you even know the names of the flights except the one that got a movie, or even exactly when the planes hit the towers beyond 'sometime after 7 AM and before...9:00 AM?' No, you probably just know only the most barebone details: that the planes are going to hit the Twin Towers on the morning of that day. So what do you do? Can you even get to New York? If you did, what the hell do you do? Try and tell the police or any sort of agency that the buildings need to be evacuated on that day? Why the hell would anyone listen to you? I suppose you could call in a bomb threat, or come in at around 6 AM and shoot a gun around and make a big scene to get the police to evacuate the building (if you could even get one). But even if that worked 1) You'd likely get killed by the police, especially if you're not a white male, and 2) Even if you didn't, you'd likely get arrested. And then in come the planes, still hitting the buildings, and now people want to know how in the hell you knew that was going to happen. What are you going to tell them, you mentally time travelled back from the future? Even if they DO believe you (and I doubt they ever would), then that's a whole different can of worms. Imagine a United States that had a rough idea of what was going to happen for the next generation. I don't think the result would be good. MAYBE if you did the bomb threat you could get away, but once things started being parsed out, the government is really, really going to want to find the mystery caller who knew that planes were coming, and I doubt you have the resources Bin Laden did to hide. Now, maybe you DO know details that the average person doesn't. Maybe you've studied the attacks and could do more. But I'd wager you know about as much as I do. And I know only the basics. And really, that's not enough. I decided what I'd do is 1) Do something to get money, build a nest egg for a few years, 2) Make some large bets on the Red Sox World series win in 2004 (I bet you could get some good money from their 3-0 comeback to beat the Yankees in the semi finals), 3) Invest the hopefully much larger nest egg in Amazon, or Google, or Netflix, or Twitch or SOMETHING to make even more money, and 4) Donate mass amounts of that money to 9/11 charities and stuff like what Jon Stewart was trying to do for the first responders and places that help ex-soldiers and so on. It seems like the best and most moral option that the average person could do. Of course, with a TIME MACHINE, you have control over the return, so you could, you know, actually research all these details and go and nudge a thing or two to make the whole thing fall apart, because really, as has been analyzed now, a whole bunch of stuff had to go right for those assholes to actually take off in the planes and use them as they intended, and one thread yanked undoes it all. TD;DR: You probably wish you could go back in time and tell yourself not to read the stupid long dumb post. Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 00:13 on Jan 31, 2024 |
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Jan 31, 2024 00:08
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How has no one mentioned this CollegeHumor skit https://youtu.be/-TGj227OVKY?si=pHAK3dBhoj28VwIR
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Jan 31, 2024 00:19
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I'd go back with time and give Osama a Playstation 5 and some new animes. He'd be so busy with that he'd forget to coordinate everything.
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Jan 31, 2024 00:24
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Jose Oquendo posted:I'd go back with time and give Osama a Playstation 5 and some new animes. He'd be so busy with that he'd forget to coordinate everything. Would a Playstation 5 even work on 2001 TV's?
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Jan 31, 2024 00:52
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I’d seduce OP’s mom and as OP’s dad I would forbid them from making this thread.
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Jan 31, 2024 00:53
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sure okay posted:Imagine spending the rest of your life in ADX Florence just so Bush has to find a different reason to invade Iraq thats post-911 thinking Throwing a US citizen in jail forever for calling in a bomb threat was very much not a thing on September 11th, 2001. The PATRIOT act and the runaway of the IC would come much later Cornwind Evil posted:This reminds me of another version of the question: you wake up on say, September 2nd, 2001. You have all the knowledge of your life from now, in your body that existed on that day. Assumingly, whatever magic did this keeps you from having a heart attack or going insane from this. We will also assume you are an adult and not, say, a five year old child. What do you do?  I genuinely wasn't expecting a "let it happen and make money off it" approach in this shitpost thread may as well go back in time and help the FBI teach Ramzi Yousef how to build a car bomb correctly, and then set it off on a Sunday. Bin Laden can't blow up the towers if they're already blown up!* *this would probably start some weird butterfly effect thing with Clinton going to war with Iraq and Afghanistan
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Jan 31, 2024 01:01
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Cornwind Evil posted:TD;DR: You probably wish you could go back in time and tell yourself not to read the stupid long dumb post. I've thought about this and if you were in your own body with your regular knowledge, you wouldn't be able to prevent 9/11. However, you would be able to go online and post on every message board possible, with as much detail as you can, about the fact you're from the future and the attacks are happening. No one will believe you until after it happens, but you'll have reasonably proven that you do have knowledge of the future. From there, people might listen to you enough that you might be able to prevent something like the Iraq war from happening. Or you'll be able to warn people about how bad some natural disasters will be like hurricane Katrina (depending on if it still happens and is named that after the butterfly effect).
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Jan 31, 2024 01:11
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Everybody talks about killing baby Hitler or preventing 9/11, but I'd go back and prevent Steely Dan.
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Jan 31, 2024 01:24
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Mister Speaker posted:Everybody talks about killing baby Hitler or preventing 9/11, but I'd go back and prevent Steely Dan. Then I'd go back and stop you.
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Jan 31, 2024 01:45
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Imagine loving up your arithmetic and winding up in the North Tower at 8:45 a.m. that morning.
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Jan 31, 2024 02:09
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I would invest great time and money to warn everyone that the McDonald's Monopoly event is a huge scam.
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Jan 31, 2024 02:11
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time travel doesn't work that way if you travel to the past, that past becomes your future, and your former present becomes the past, which can't now be changed by your new future.
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Jan 31, 2024 02:18
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kiminewt posted:How has no one mentioned this CollegeHumor skit Oh wow I feel like a plagiarist!
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Jan 31, 2024 03:22
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You know, you wouldn't need a time machine if you just stopped insisting on experiencing time in a linear way.
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Jan 31, 2024 03:30
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It's crazy there aren't more murders where the killer admits they were sent back in time to stop a global catastrophe that the deceased enabled
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Jan 31, 2024 03:33
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redshirt posted:I've always wanted to see the Big Bang. Smugworth posted:Hurry and edit this before someone makes a your mom joke I feel like it’s been almost a whole page and no one chimed in. No worries I’m here. redshirt posted:I've always wanted to see the Big Bang. You don’t need a time machine. I’m over your mom’s house like twice a week.
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Jan 31, 2024 03:38
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Smugworth posted:It's crazy there aren't more murders where the killer admits they were sent back in time to stop a global catastrophe that the deceased enabled Imagine you’re the detective interviewing that suspect and you ask “Well, why didn’t you stop Hiroshima?” And they say “I would have gotten around to it… if you hadn’t stopped me.” And he’s really convincing so you’re left thinking daaaaaaaaaamn, good answer, but also, sorry Japan, I still gotta book this guy for strangling that (admittedly nefarious looking) baby.
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Jan 31, 2024 03:47
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