|
Also Dan Soder just dropped a new special. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Lik3hSyhrY And David Cross. Good weekend for comedy, gottdang. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnw65BBrlY4
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2024 21:03
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 5, 2024 04:37 |
|
|
for 6 dollers you can use my FDR joke (pay in advance plz)
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2024 21:10
|
|
|
dee eight posted:for 6 dollers you can use my FDR joke (pay in advance plz) can we work out a lend-lease deal? cash and carry aint on the table for me rn
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2024 21:23
|
|
|
Country folk drive like this (pantomimes slow motion driving) City folk drive like this (crazy person on speed!)!
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2024 21:27
|
|
|
Hey everyone, great to be here tonight! You know, I tried to catch some fog earlier... I mist. And folks, you ever notice how people who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders? Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week! Try the veal, tip your server!
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2024 21:27
|
|
|
And what's the deal with grape nuts anyway? Bought a box today, opened it up- no grapes, no nuts?!
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 00:28
|
|
|
I've always kind of wanted to do an open mic where I go up to the mic, try talking and freeze, and just start crying and having a breakdown about how it's all too hard and everyone is judging me and there's no point, and then right at the end going up to the mic and telling everyone thank you, they've been great. It's definitely more funny for me I think.
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 00:49
|
|
|
i do standup every morning at 9
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 00:56
|
|
|
So these two ethnic slurs walk into a bar, and homophobic comment ethnic slur sexually suggestive ableist slur The Aristocrats!
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 01:22
|
|
|
EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS JERRY SEINFELDS STAND-UP CONFIDENTIAL AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE PUNCHLINES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, JERRY SIENFELD. I DO EVERY PUNCHLINE AND I DO EVERY PUNCHLINE HARD. MAKIN HILARIOUS SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME OBSERVATIONS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP A PREMISE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS STAND-UP SPECIAL. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE JOKES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 58 MINUTES INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 01:26
|
|
|
Szyznyk posted:So these two ethnic slurs walk into a bar, and homophobic comment ethnic slur sexually suggestive ableist slur The Aristocrats! 
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 01:37
|
|
|
I came up with a Jeselnik-like mini-bit that I like. Use it if you want. "I was watching a true-crime documentary about this woman who put her boyfriend in a suitcase and he suffocated. Horrible, horrible stuff. I mean, can you imagine what that would be like? If my girlfriend did that to me, I would be SO pissed at her.... for like 8 minutes. Maybe 10 if I don't panic."
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 01:42
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 01:45
|
|
|
Szyznyk posted:So these two ethnic slurs walk into a bar, and homophobic comment ethnic slur sexually suggestive ableist slur The Aristocrats! I feel like if someone tried this it would be almost impossible to climb up from the nosedive of silence that would follow. Even being moderately edgy doesn’t really work too well for open mics.
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 17:43
|
|
|
Lol
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 18:03
|
|
|
Ask someone in the audience where they live and then talk about how much that place sucks. People love it.
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 18:04
|
|
|
Lenny Bruce was arrested for what he did onstage, and he’s a comedy hero today. Therefore I’m thinking you should commit a lot of criminal acts onstage, so you can be a famous hero too. Maybe humorously brandish an unregistered firearm, make some terroristic japes to the audience, and playfully batter the security guard. Alternately, take some adderall, I mean, it couldn’t hurt, right? I mean at least it’s better than drinking, and it fills you with unwarranted confidence that might be helpful in that situation.
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 18:04
|
|
|
ive started having “roast battles” show up on my youtube shorts algorithm and they seem to just be excuses to be bigoted??
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 19:30
|
|
|
SIDS Vicious posted:ive started having “roast battles” show up on my youtube shorts algorithm and they seem to just be excuses to be bigoted?? is it those goddamn australians
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 19:31
|
|
|
So I was at the airport the other day, what a clown show, am I right? Take my shoes off? Do you want to smell my socks? C'mon!
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 21:49
|
|
|
neato burrito posted:Hey speaking of stand up, Kyle Kinane's new special just dropped, here's some early access codes. Kyle Kinane is probably my favorite standup but why are you making me solve a puzzle
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 23:40
|
|
|
BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:Kyle Kinane is probably my favorite standup but why are you making me solve a puzzle so scrapers don’t steal them (:
|
|
#
?
Mar 2, 2024 23:48
|
|
|
create an AI running entirely off Dane Cook material
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 00:45
|
|
|
thunderspanks posted:EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS JERRY SEINFELDS STAND-UP CONFIDENTIAL AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE PUNCHLINES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, JERRY SIENFELD. I DO EVERY PUNCHLINE AND I DO EVERY PUNCHLINE HARD. MAKIN HILARIOUS SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME OBSERVATIONS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP A PREMISE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS STAND-UP SPECIAL. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE JOKES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 58 MINUTES INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng This reminds me of like 2011 or whenever twitter blew up and a contingent of the bad forums fancied that posting Mah Dad is a bug online would net them a spot in the comedy industry and like moved to LA and stuff thinking they would be hailed as geniuses and immediately hired on as sitcom writers.
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 01:14
|
|
|
Make some tasteless jokes about how you couldn't get a direct flight in to new york because the plane had to stop at the empire state building. Then make a bunch of
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 01:22
|
|
|
dee eight posted:for 6 dollers you can use my FDR joke (pay in advance plz) I'm sure you have lot of them since you were personal friends. 
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 01:47
|
|
|
I swear I had some really good trans jokes lined up. Stuff that even the cis could laugh at but I’d need to recall them.
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 01:47
|
|
|
Instead of jokes hyw don't you try makin social justice
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 01:55
|
|
|
Funny, what do you mean funny? Funny how, funny like a clown? 
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 01:56
|
|
|
I love standup comedy and respect the poo poo out off the comics but my ego is far too fragile to do something like that.
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 01:57
|
|
|
Pennywise the Frown posted:I love standup comedy and respect the poo poo out off the comics but my ego is far too fragile to do something like that. A fragile ego actually works pretty good for standup. It’s the ones with big egos that suck. They can’t comprehend how no one is laughing at their act and they decide it’s the audience that is poo poo instead of their material.
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 16:45
|
|
|
Come on you know why theres two pieces of bread it's to make it easier to handle with all those condiments on it like dude
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 16:55
|
|
|
Don't get me started on the "Continental Breakfast". What continent are you on buddy where a slice of melon is breakfast??
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 16:59
|
|
|
I told some nerd jokes at an Anime convention, first time went okay and I learned some stuff, second time went better so I decided to quit while I was ahead.
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 17:01
|
|
|
Im not afraid to go there. I say what other comics wont. Im taking the gloves off. Im raw and uncensored with no holds barred takes. Put the kids to bed and dont tell momma because this time im letting it all hang out with jokes that are too hot, too raunchy, and too jaw dropping for prime time. Youll poo poo your pants with your mouth open. Its anything but PC.
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 17:07
|
|
|
Jimbone Tallshanks posted:I told some nerd jokes at an Anime convention, first time went okay and I learned some stuff, second time went better so I decided to quit while I was ahead. Congrats! But don't give up the dream completely. Maybe one day....
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 17:09
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAi23EQbgx0 my favorite Kinane because it's too real
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 17:10
|
|
|
Whats the deal with this" "Have you ever thought how crazy this thing is" Dude you have the same acces to most all available information on all of this poo poo as we do this feels like learned helplessness tbh
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 17:12
|
|
|
I have a keen distaste for stand up comedy.
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 17:27
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 5, 2024 04:37 |
|
|
Literally A Person posted:I have a keen distaste for stand up comedy. 
|
|
#
?
Mar 3, 2024 17:31
|
|
