- Cavauro
- Jan 9, 2008
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Since the days World Championship Wrestling imploded and Vince McMahon bought them up, there was never a viable alternative to World Wrestling Entertainment. TNA/IMPACT constantly tripped over itself whenever it tried to take a step forward and shows like Lucha Underground were too niche for their own good.
Then in 2019, All Elite Wrestling stepped in. A wrestling promotion that wasn’t afraid to be about wrestling. A place where the tag team division could thrive. Where storylines could make sense and not be made out of a dozen rematches filled with disqualifications and no contests. A place where a large dinosaur man can chokeslam a ghoul in clown makeup. A place where awesome wrestlers can have awesome wrestling matches.
I’ve been releasing AEW primers every now and then, but as the last one was so outdated that Collision was just starting up and CM Punk was still on the roster, it’s probably time for a new one. Reading all this poo poo isn’t by any means necessary to one’s enjoyment of the product, but it makes for some good sports education.
Plus I’m just addicted to giant writing projects.
AEW’S SHOWS
AEW has three main shows. On Wednesday night, there’s Dynamite, the two-hour main show on TBS. Friday night gives us the 1-hour Rampage on TNT, which isn’t nearly as important, but usually has some fun matches thrown in. Collision, the newest one, is a two-hour show, which airs on TNT on Saturday night. It’s somewhere in-between the other two, usually solid, and has more emphasis on in-ring stuff. Expect to see a 30-40 minute FTR match as the main event.
Then there’s Ring of Honor, AEW’s sibling promotion, which streams on Honor Club on Thursday nights.
There’s also Being the Dark Order, formerly known as Being the Elite. Once a silly travel vlog from the Young Bucks, it has since become a weekly comedy show starring jobber stable the Dark Order and their friends. Also funny is Hey! (EW), a weekly interview show hosted by RJ City on AEW's YouTube channel.
In terms of PPVs, AEW had about five, but have since started releasing more and more. In 2023, they had Revolution (March), Double or Nothing (May), AEW x NJPW: Forbidden Door (June), All In (August), All Out (September), WrestleDream (October), Full Gear (November), and Worlds End (December). 2024 is introducing Dynasty in April. Hopefully some kind of streaming deal will help make this more economically viable for the fans.
AEW’S CHAMPIONSHIPS
(as of 3/10/24)
AEW World Champion: Samoa Joe
AEW International Champion: Roderick Strong
TNT Champion: Christian Cage
AEW Continental Champion: Eddie Kingston
The International and TNT championships are more comparable to WWE’s Intercontinental/United States championships. The Continental title is a triple crown that includes the Ring of Honor World Championship and NJPW’s Strong Openweight Championship. It’s meant to be a title to be defended across all three brands.
AEW Women’s World Champion: Toni Storm
TBS Champion: Julia Hart
The TBS Championship is the secondary title. Initially, it was a vehicle to put some shine on Jade Cargill while keeping her out of the AEW Women’s World Championship picture.
AEW Tag Team Champions: Vacant (previously Sting and Darby Allin)
AEW Trios Champions: The Acclaimed (Max Caster, Anthony Bowens, Billy Gunn)
There’s also the FTW Championship, held by Hook, though that is not an officially recognized title belt. It’s more of a vanity title that found a life of its own.
AEW SPECIALTY MATCHES
Lights Out: A fancy way to say that it’s a no-DQ match that will happen at the end of the show. In-storyline, the match is not sanctioned by AEW and the results do not officially count towards the wrestlers’ win-loss records.
Casino Battle Royal: A 21-person/tag team Royal Rumble. Everyone picks a playing card prior to the show. Every few minutes, a different set of wrestlers who drew certain suits would enter in clusters. Whoever drew the joker card would come in alone at #21.
Casino Ladder Match: A ladder match with staggered entries, like a Royal Rumble. While coming out later makes you fresher, it’s also possible that somebody else might win the match before you have a chance to enter.
Blood & Guts: Basically WarGames with a different name. Two teams of five will compete in a double ring with a roofed cage around it. Every few minutes a new entrant would go into the cage. Once everyone had entered, the match continues until somebody submits.
Stadium Stampede/Anarchy in the Arena: A team vs. team brawl through an entire football stadium and the adjacent parts of the building. Or just the arena in general. Goes on until somebody gets pinned. Usually gets really bizarre.
THE HISTORY OF AEW
Once upon a time, somebody on Twitter asked wrestling journalist Dave Meltzer if anyone non-WWE could ever sell out a 10,000 person arena. Meltzer said no, but Cody Rhodes of the Bullet Club offshoot team the Elite decided to take that bet. A big wrestling show collaboration happened between promotions like Ring of Honor, New Japan Pro Wrestling, National Wrestling Association, and so on. All In happened on September 1, 2018 and it was a major success.
WWE needed a creative shot in the arm and was very close to signing the Elite guys in response to All In, but there was another player out of nowhere. Tony Khan, the billionaire son of Jacksonville Jaguars owner Shahid Khan, wanted to start his own major wrestling promotion and saw All In as an avenue of making that happen. He talked the Elite and various others into signing with him (including huge get Chris Jericho!) and getting on the ground floor.
And so, on January 1, 2019, the Young Bucks’ goofball travel vlog Being the Elite did an episode that formally announced a new PPV event called Double or Nothing, as the logo appeared on all of their phones. Hangman Adam Page was confused, as his showed something different. It was the logo for All Elite Wrestling.
There was plenty of skepticism about the promotion early on, calling it nothing more than a glorified t-shirt company. As if it was going to be no different than Jeff Jarrett’s hilarious Global Force Wrestling venture. Hell, all they had to promote their first PPV was a bunch of YouTube updates, including episodes of BTE.
But shortly before Double or Nothing happened in May, it was announced that the promotion would start airing weekly on TNT in September. This was huge. Then Double or Nothing was a hit show with plenty of great word of mouth, ending with the surprise appearance of Jon Moxley, formerly WWE’s Dean Ambrose. While storylines were built up via YouTube content, AEW spent the next few months with two free-in-the-US PPVS (Fyter Fest and Fight for the Fallen, respectively) and a major PPV All Out.
AEW Dynamite started airing on Wednesdays on TNT. WWE moved their developmental show NXT from Tuesday to Wednesday to counter-program it, but ultimately lost the war and went back to Tuesdays. This would actually have huge ramifications for WWE in general, namely the relationship between Vince McMahon and Triple H, which in turn would affect AEW via osmosis.
Shortly after Dynamite started airing, they started a Tuesday YouTube show called AEW Dark that featured some lesser matches. While top stars would regularly appear on it, it was mostly a place for squash matches and throwaway stuff so named wrestlers could build up their win-loss records. Years later, a second version of this called AEW Dark Elevation would start airing on Mondays. It was all worth checking out purely for the hilarious commentary.
AEW had plenty of momentum, especially after AEW Revolution in February 2020. Unfortunately... COVID happened. The pandemic disrupted much of the company, but not completely. They still had a home arena in Jacksonville and spent much of the next couple years doing shows there. They started out with only a third of the roster available and had to figure themselves out from there. The audience was initially replaced with just wrestlers booing and cheering. Eventually, fans were allowed in, but had to be masked and separated.
AEW got by just fine, but the real news was what was going on at WWE. Despite huge profits, Vince McMahon and new right-hand man Nick Khan (no relation) started just firing people left and right. A RIDICULOUS amount of people were being let go due to very unnecessary budget cuts. AEW sucked up a lot of those names, but refused plenty of others. While morale was down in the gutter at WWE, AEW was becoming the safe haven for wrestlers who needed an alternative.
The problem was that AEW was starting to get a bit too full. They were overflowing with talent. Luckily, Turner really dug them and gave them a second show. On Friday nights, AEW Rampage would air. Making it such a big deal was that the second show was the site for CM Punk’s grand return to wrestling after leaving WWE seven years earlier. After Punk came big names like Adam Cole and Bryan Danielson.
Co-founder Cody Rhodes, meanwhile, skipped into the sunset and gambled on a well-paid WWE return.
In March 2022, Tony Khan announced that he bought Ring of Honor. The promotion, which represented the apex of in-ring excellence in North America, had its status usurped by AEW and was destroyed by the pandemic. Tony now had it as a sister promotion to AEW with its own PPVs. Unfortunately, this meant promoting ROH titles and talent on AEW TV, which was already overstuffed and the whole thing started to get out of hand.
Eventually, ROH would get its own weekly show on Honor Club, the online streaming service. Sadly, no TV for this promotion, but the lack of television formatting (ie. timing, commercials, ratings) has made it easier for Tony to book around.
Speaking of other promotions, one thing that set AEW apart from WWE was their ability to work alongside other wrestling companies. NWA and IMPACT were regularly involved in crossover storylines and matches. The real holy grail was NJPW, which was soured due to their previous working relationship with ROH and the rough bad blood between them and the Elite. Regardless, wounds were healed and when NJPW wrestler KENTA made a surprise appearance for a few AEW shows, people were shocked as “the forbidden door” had been cracked open.
The two companies would then collaborate on a joint PPV called Forbidden Door, which happened on June 22, 2022. Due to various AEW wrestler injuries and what seemed like disinterest from certain NJPW talent, the line-up was not as epic as hoped. Luckily, the show delivered and is considered one of the greatest AEW PPVs ever, giving way to an amazing 2023 follow-up.
The AEW train got derailed when it came time for All Out 2022. During the post-show press conference, CM Punk proceeded to badmouth various people on the roster due to perceived slights and it culminated in a backstage brawl involving him and the Elite. Everyone involved was suspended and since Punk suffered an injury in his PPV match, he was going to be gone for a while regardless. His status in the company was up in the air for a while.
This incident really screwed up a lot of plans and AEW fumbled around for several months, trying to get back on track. While the shows were still good, AEW lost plenty of momentum. This wasn't helped by WWE getting its audience back, quality be damned. But there was still definitely gas in the tank for AEW. Tony Khan announced that All In would finally return (the first show was technically ROH-owned, but since Tony bought ROH...) and that it would take place at Wembley Stadium. The tickets flew without a single match announced.
A new show was announced for Saturdays called AEW Collision. While Rampage lost its importance over time, Collision would be AEW’s other main show. It was also a place to showcase more of the overstuffed roster, including the return of CM Punk.
As part of this agreement, all the AEW non-PPVs must be under the Turner umbrella. That meant the cancellation of Dark and Dark Elevation.
All In and its follow up All Out (a week apart) were successes outside of a major backstage brawl between CM Punk and Jack Perry that got Punk fired. Since then, the product has continued on and while Collision continues to be a worthwhile show, it rarely feels quite as important as Dynamite.
With the combination of an all-timer show with Revolution 2024, some major signings, and a new coat of paint over the branding, it feels like AEW is hitting on all cylinders all over again. Well, at least as of early March.
HOW’S THE AEW VIDEO GAME?
Do you mean the casino app, the GM simulator, or that weird thing where everyone looks like a bored Seth MacFarlane character?
Oh, you mean AEW Fight Forever! The game is... a mixed bag. The intent of the game was to make a spiritual successor to WWF No Mercy, considered the best wrestling game ever. After years of development, it finally came out. The good news was that the gameplay is fantastic and really does feel like an updated No Mercy. Too bad about everything else.
The graphics are low-quality, which isn’t world-ending. The game just does not have much content in there, both in terms of match types and single player stuff. The create-a-wrestler is especially bad, giving you so few options that it feels utterly pointless.
Worst of all is the post-launch roster. At first, there were DLC packs for a couple wrestlers and some extra minigames. Then there was a free Stadium Stampede battle royale mode. Good start. Then they started coming out with fewer wrestlers while charging an excessive amount. The most damning is how they released Toni Storm by herself and she didn’t even have her current and popular gimmick. Hell, Samoa Joe isn’t in the game and he’s the loving champion!
It could have been a big deal with some better updates, but here we are. Now you can buy it on the cheap.
AEW TIMELINES
AEW has started putting together lengthy one-video collections of storylines and matches for the sake of hyping upcoming events. It’s like getting a DVD set and losing the last disc because these videos are supposed to lead to the endgame (ie. releasing a collection of all the Continental Classic matches to hype up the finals, meaning it features everything BUT the finals). There’s some great stuff in there.
AEW Dynamite Moments in 2019-2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MGz4iJsCUg
AEW Dynamite Moments in 2021
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cro01TDioR4
AEW Dynamite Moments in 2022
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4LX-jvYoik
AEW Dynamite Moments in 2023
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN1ImahWV34
How MJF and Adam Cole Became BFFs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukWjq30GTfo
Orange Cassidy’s International Championship Defenses
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAm22Y7mZso
Christian Cage’s Amazing Heel Promos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh1HaCni6vE
Eddie Kingston vs. Claudio Castagnoli
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOmSoypBXDA
The Relationship Between Chris Jericho and Sammy Guevara
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlw6wiDoOuo
Darby Allin vs. Christian Cage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEK-YaX7YNw
The Rift Between Ortiz and Santana
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAut9hYpzD4
MJF’s Title Run
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qId3gkvFcBo
Samoa Joe as ROH TV Champion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfnWtx1XjIk
Hangman Adam Page and Texas Death Matches
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtmF8EmydgE
The Birth of Timeless Toni Storm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-TEaNgy1jQ
MJF vs. Jay White
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RISdAdpKIn8
The Evolution of Julia Hart
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZg8HMK656U
Adam Copeland vs. Christian Cage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pap7Jhl7xZ8
The Continental Classic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EV-DRnjamZA
FTR vs. House of Black
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88BC1eIW23k
The Rise of Hook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ud-ufxYyw4
Top Flight vs. Young Bucks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH0FbUWkQY4
Sting in AEW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlfCMoj4YDM
Kazuchika Okada in AEW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78xj6IQ9lFo
AEW Women’s Champion Toni Storm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmWkeKEm2sE
A Collection of Violent Women's Matches
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IMU4xsp9jQ
THE MEN’S ROSTER
Samoa Joe: As of this writing, he’s the AEW World Champion and he’s what you’d want out of your company's champion. Dangerous, experienced, overly confident, and just well-rounded. A believable final boss if ever there was one. He's also a murder clown on Peacock!
MJF: Maxwell Jacob Friedman was once Cody Rhodes’ protégé, but everyone knew that it was only a matter of time before he stabbed Cody in the back. MJF is a slimy piece of poo poo who gradually moved up the ranks of AEW until becoming champion. Over time, it became more apparent that his terrible behavior was a coping mechanism and he gradually turned face while explaining that he was “our scumbag.” Unfortunately, the tail end of his title run wasn’t handled too well and the company is better now that he’s taking a break due to injury. He’s currently off the roster page due to his kayfabe tendency to claim that he was possibly leaving AEW for WWE once his contract expired.
   
The Blackpool Combat Club (Bryan Danielson, Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli, Wheeler Yuta): Put together by William Regal (who then slipped out of the company the moment Triple H was back in power in WWE), the idea was for Danielson and Moxley to work together to mold the future of wrestling. Then Claudio joined. So far, after all this time, they just have one student in Wheeler Yuta.
The team’s alignment changes by the minute, but the main thing to know is that Moxley is the ace of AEW and Danielson is on his way out of wrestling, using his last year to have as many dream matches as possible before he forces himself to hang it up.
  
The Elite (Matthew Jackson, Nicholas Jackson, Kazuchika Okada): The Young Bucks are considered maybe the best tag team in the world, but are also hated by quite a bit of online wrestling fans. Recently, they embraced their criticisms by playing themselves up as shithead manager types. They have since kicked out former friends Hangman Page and Kenny Omega from the group and replaced them with Okada, Japan’s biggest star who just signed with AEW.
Kenny Omega: Former leader of the Elite and “The Best Bout Machine.” A tremendous dork who is arguably the best wrestler in the world. Unfortunately, he’s out due to diverticulitis, but that gives him more time to play Street Fighter.
Hangman Adam Page: On-and-off-again member of the Elite and adorable cowboy man. Was, for a time, the protagonist of AEW. Now he’s crazy and has a mustache. Gets blamed for CM Punk going insane.
Chris Jericho: Old rocker who has been trying to make the best of his twilight years. Fun sing-along theme song. Has a tendency to feud with his opponents for excessively too long, killing everyone’s interest in said opponent. Is a shithead in real life, but the extremes to which are only speculated.
    
The Undisputed Kingdom (Adam Cole, Wardlow, Roderick Strong, Matt Taven, Mike Bennett): Revealed from the ashes of a story with MJF that was starting to hurt the product, Adam Cole is the evil leader of a team of guys who are going to...rule AEW? Get their titles? I don’t know. Cole is injured, Wardlow is a prime muscle man whose momentum has been screwed up a few times, and the other guys are talented, generic white dudes who maybe spent too long as a comedy act to be taken seriously. Cole and MJF are injured as of this writing, so the story and this faction are just kind of there.
    
Mogul Embassy (Swerve Strickland, Prince Nana, Brian Cage, Bishop Kaun, Toa Liona): Group of dudes managed by Prince Nana, who are vicious enough to complement Nana’s silly dancing. Brian Cage is a muscle golem who really embraces nerd poo poo like Wolverine and Max Thunder from Streets of Rage 2. The leader and current big deal is Swerve Strickland, who is kind of a sinister psychopath with a strange sense of honor, who is beloved by the fans despite being an unapologetic villain.
   
The Don Callis Family (Konosuke Takeshita, Will Ospreay, Powerhouse Hobbs, Kyle Fletcher): Don Callis was once Kenny Omega’s mentor. Now he runs his own group of top talent, usually hindered by being stuck in endless feuds with Omega and/or Chris Jericho. While all members have endless potential, Ospreay is considered to be one of AEW’s biggest signings in a while.
Darby Allin: Sting’s protégé and artistic daredevil who likes to skateboard and do high-flying stunts that will surely take years off his career.
Eddie Kingston: Down-to-earth “King of the Bums” who likes to test himself and get in brutal strike-fests with his opponents. Chaotically violent at times, which makes him his own worst enemy.
   
The Patriarchy (Christian Cage, Killswitch, Nick Wayne, Mother Wayne): Christian likes to make fun of his opponents if and when they have a dead father. Killswitch is a literal dinosaur and used to call himself Luchasaurus. Nick Wayne is a wrestling prodigy who looks up to Christian as a father figure. His mother is there just to get heat from the crowd because how dare they boo a mother!
Adam Copeland: Formerly Edge, he came to AEW to spend the final days of his wrestling career being involved with his real life BFF Christian Cage. Star of the film Money Plane.
  
Death Triangle (Pac, Penta El Zero M, Rey Fenix): Two lucha brothers called the Lucha Brothers and an angry, wet goblin man are a team, though it’s rare that they’re around long enough to do anything with it. Pac is always either injured or in England and Fenix has been hurt for a while. They all rule, though, and Penta really should be pushed more.
 
FTR (Cash Wheeler and Dax Harwood): Two guys who take tag team wrestling extremely seriously. They are very good at it. Dax likes talking about his daughter a lot when trying to make a spirited point.
  
The Acclaimed (Anthony Bowens, Max Caster, Billy Gunn): A rapper, his hype man, and their frenemies’ father have been one of AEW’s most popular acts for the past few years. Despite his age, Billy Gunn still looks chiseled and gigantic, but uses his tag partner role to limit his time in the ring.
   
Bullet Club Gold (Jay White, Juice Robinson, Austin Gunn, Colten Gunn): An offshoot of NJPW’s big nWo ripoff team, much like the Elite. A fun team of intense goofballs who probably should be higher on the card. Especially White.
  
Best Friends (Orange Cassidy, Chuck Taylor, Trent Beretta): Chuck and Trent are two guys who like to hug and are a staple of the tag division, even if they’re never very successful. Orange was their mascot who ended up becoming a breakout star due to being a trickster god combination of Droopy Dog and Drunken Master. Seems lazy, but he works his rear end off in the ring.
   
House of Black (Malakai Black, Brody King, Buddy Matthews, Julia Hart): Spooky death metal team. Malakai likes to spit black mist into people’s faces, which at times corrupts them. He’s possibly too into his own character’s lore. Brody is a tank, Julia is a witch, and Buddy is a great enough wrestler to offset the fact that a guy named “Buddy” is in a violent goth team.
Daniel Garcia: A serious wrestler at odds with his love for dancing like a sports entertainer. Is gradually figuring himself out.
Hook: “The Handsome Devil” is Taz’s stoic son. Man of few words, but he loves eating chips and choking people out.
   
La Faccion Ingobernable (Rush, Dralistico, Preston Vance, Jose the Assistant): A ruthless Mexican wrestler and his entourage, which includes his shockingly jacked assistant.
Jack Perry: The son of the late Luke Perry and formerly known as “Jungle Boy.” Was partially responsible for CM Punk getting fired from the company and they’ve since played it off like he quit AEW and is now doing stuff in NJPW, calling himself the Scapegoat.
Ricky Starks: Cocky and talented dude who feels like a smaller version of 1998 Rocky Maivia. Unfortunately, he’s rarely used to his full potential and it will probably lead to him going to WWE down the line.
Sammy Guevara: On one hand, Sammy Guevara is skilled and at times incredibly charismatic. He wrestled AEW’s first official match, wrestled the first match on Dynamite, and is considered one of the Four Pillars (along with MJF, Jack Perry, and Darby Allin). The problem with Sammy is that he’s eternally Chris Jericho’s sidekick, he changes alignment more than Big Show, and the guy keeps loving up in real life to the point that he’s constantly being suspended. Andrade El Idolo once tried getting himself fired by slapping Sammy backstage and it didn’t work.
Big Bill: Wrestled as Big Cass in WWE and once helped ruin relations between pre-Khan ROH and NJPW. Is now pretty loving awesome. His heigh still can’t be taught.
Keith Lee: If Beast from the X-Men was a very large, black man with gray hair. In a perfect world, he would be a top guy in the company due to his size, strength, and insane agility. Unfortunately, a lengthy bout with COVID fried him and between that and a knee injury, he’s constantly being derailed.
   
Dark Order (Evil Uno, John Silver, Alex Reynolds, Brodie Lee Jr.): A trio of cultists who once followed the late Brodie Lee. Now their leader is the adolescent Brodie Lee Jr. There used to be a ton of members and they also were buddies with Hangman. Now there’s just three and they’re basically lovable idiots who run their own weekly YouTube show.
Mark Briscoe: He and his brother Jay were one of the best tag teams ever, but unfortunately, Jay died in a car accident. Now Mark wrestles in AEW as an endearing and friendly psycho redneck who can wrestle a match like nobody’s business.
 
Top Flight (Dante Martin and Darius Martin): High-flying brother duo who tend to be injured a lot. Dante always looks like somebody ran over his dog.
Action Andretti: Flippy dude whose main claim to fame is getting an upset on Chris Jericho during his first televised appearance. Hangs out with Top Flight and drinks bottles of water instantly while crushing it in one motion.
Jay Lethal: Solid worker who is overshadowed by the talent in AEW, but makes the most of it.
Jeff Jarrett: A cancer to most promotions, he has somehow been used perfectly in AEW. Won a championship belt based around a Texas Chainsaw Massacre video game in a stupid, stupid match.
Katsuyori Shibata: Kickass Japanese wrestler whose health was in such jeopardy at one point that doctors had to remove his brain during surgery to save him. Somehow, his career has continued, though he’s on hiatus for now due to non-wrestling reasons.
Miro: WWE had a popular Bulgarian monster of a wrestler and ruined him with lots of jobbing and cuck storylines. He went to AEW, where he was a fantastic TNT Champion, then lost and has since been talking about killing God, being at odds with his wife CJ Perry, and being off TV way more than he should be. Presumably, it’s because he doesn’t like losing matches and disagrees with any storyline that doesn’t involve him winning all the time and having marriage issues. It’s reached the point where people are just kind of done with him.
Lance Archer: Managed by the legendary Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Archer is the guy you introduce to give someone a major threat for the sake of thwarting.
Jake Hager: Was the go-to muscle for whenever Chris Jericho ran a stable. Now he’s just a big dude who occasionally enjoys his hat. Is also an Aztec God, but that’s from another promotion.
Matt Menard: “Daddy Magic” is both a father figure to Daniel Garcia and a great commentator. Constantly asking the fans if they know what makes his nipples hard. Cannot blow up the moon, apparently.
Kota Ibushi: Kenny Omega’s best friend, he was once a legendary talent. Unfortunately, by the time AEW signed him, he’s gotten out of shape and tends to make foolish decisions that hurt him more and more.
Brandon Cutler: The Young Bucks’ stooge and camera man. Also the guy behind Being the Elite/Being the Dark Order.
Danhausen: Silly demon man with an obsession with money, teeth, blimps, and saying people's names weird.
Colt Cabana: Shares a bank account with his mother.
 
The Butcher and the Blade: They are the Butcher and the Blade.
THE WOMEN’S ROSTER
 
Toni Storm (with Luther): With a whole complicated mess involving Toni Storm being Women’s Champion, but kind of not really, but yes, Toni went from generic face to frustrated and joining Saraya as the Outcasts. She had an obsession with spraypainting opponents, including spraypainting her butt green and then slamming her butt into her enemy’s face. She became champ again, but upon losing, she went completely insane and turned into a 1930s starlet. Now she’s the champion again, but has doubled down on her reality-breaking insanity to the point that she at times appears in black and white.
Dr. Britt Baker DMD: For years, Britt was treated as the main character of AEW’s women’s division even though she’s very middle-of-the-road in the ring. She at least has the character down, using her real-life second job a dentist and incorporating it into her wrestling persona. Has been off TV for a while, self-aware of her overexposure.
Kris Statlander: Kris Statlander was an alien and a member of Best Friends. Then she injured her legs and suddenly wasn’t. Who knows. Regardless, the powerful Statlander is one of the most consistent talents on the roster and is someone you can trust to literally carry her opponent through a match.
Hikaru Shida: Looking like a crime boss who moonlights as a fashion model, Shida kicks so much rear end. She’s kind of like the Bret Hart of AEW in that she’s been able to carry the company through dark times, only to drop the title to whoever they want to push into the forefront.
Julia Hart: Julia started as a cheerleader, hanging out with the Varsity Blondes. Then Malakai Black spat black mist into her face and she started the most excruciatingly slow heel turn anyone has ever seen. Once she did finally turn on the Blondes, she joined the House of Black and really started to come into her own. She has since adopted the black mist, both in her matches and as interference for her stable.
 
Willow Nightingale: Willow is bubbly and cheerful to offset how she is basically a female Juggernaut, able to pounce you into the stratosphere. She is currently acting as Kris Statlander’s buddy, along with their hilarious manager Stokely Hathaway. Stokely constantly wants the two to cheat, but they’re reluctant. Will they change him or will he change one of them? Time will tell.
Saraya: Once known as Paige in WWE, Saraya was kind of a big deal. So much that Florence Pugh starred as her in a movie where she knew the Rock and did other stuff. Paige was a big part of why WWE started treating women wrestlers with more respect, but then messed up her neck so badly that the company would never let her wrestle again and just kept her as an occasional on-air character. She eventually left and joined AEW to much fanfare, but it’s become apparent that mainstream women's wrestling has caught up and surpassed her skill level. Now she’s no longer a big deal unless they're doing a show in England. She also got her brother (who also met the Rock!) a spot on the roster. I honestly can’t tell you what his name is.
Thunder Rosa: Thunder Rosa showed up in AEW as part of an NWA crossover, but soon snuck away onto the AEW roster. She ended up having a couple violent banger matches with Britt Baker, including the one where she won the Women’s Championship. Then things got stupid as there was talk of backstage turmoil that was even referenced on TV. Due to injury, Rosa had to drop the title, then spent like two years healing up. Now she’s back, but she hasn’t really done much yet.
Nyla Rose: Nyla Rose was the original final boss character of the women’s division, becoming its second champion after defeating Riho. Unfortunately, her title run was hurt by COVID, and she soon dropped it to Shida. Nyla has remained a recurring threat throughout the years and while she isn’t on TV much these days, she is an absolute force on Twitter.
Riho: The inaugural champion. Tiny, awesome, sometimes carries a metal pipe. Riho makes the world a better place.
Mariah May: Mariah is Toni Storm’s personal hanger-on. Despite being aligned with Toni for months, it wasn’t until recently that Toni has actually noticed her in any way. Part of this has to do with Mariah borrowing Toni’s old aesthetic as her own. At the moment, Mariah is psyched to be in her idol’s good graces, but Toni’s butler Luther (the death match legend) doesn’t like where this is going.
Ruby Soho: Formerly Ruby Riott in WWE, Ruby has personality, but she constantly sounds like she’s about to break down crying in her promos. The punk rock girl is currently in a romantic storyline with Cool Hand Ang with the two of them treating dating like when two rich people would mail each other chess moves.
Jamie Hayter: Hayter showed up as support for Britt Baker and helped her retain her title a bunch during Baker’s exhausting title reign. Down the line, she became Women’s Champion, which seemed on paper to be reason for Baker to turn on her and create a feud between the two. Instead, Baker was incredibly supportive and they turned face simply on the back of their rival Saraya being so unlikeable. Unfortunately, she had to drop the title to Toni Storm due to a severe injury and has not been seen since.
Skye Blue: Skye got a lot of time on TV due to being a regular jobber and one of Jade Cargill’s usual opponents. She has since gotten pretty popular and has found her niche as Julia Hart’s spooky sidekick.
Anna Jay: Anna has gone from being a magician to joining Dark Order to being one of Chris Jericho’s cronies to threatening to choke out random bystanders. Also likes talking about her rear end, which you would think lead to a Billy Gunn mentorship.
Deonna Purrazzo: A newcomer, Deonna is formerly a close friend to Toni Storm who is disturbed and disappointed in what she’s become. Deonna is from New Jersey, which is enough to base your personality around. I’m from Jersey myself, so I know what I’m talking about over here.
Serena Deeb: Serena is considered a major threat in the ring, but there just isn’t much to talk about with her. She does have an angry soccer mom energy to her and she’s a talented wrestler, but I got nothing else.
Abadon: A freaky zombie (or someone who thinks they’re a zombie) who has been around since early AEW, but sadly doesn’t get enough play. Usually gets a late October appearance to fall back on, but even that’s not a promise.
Athena: Possibly the best worker in the women’s division, Athena is unfortunately treated as DLC to get people to watch ROH. She’s been running the place as Women’s Champion there with PPV main events and the like, but hasn’t shown up in AEW proper in forever.
Emi Sakura: Emi is a veteran who once had a Freddie Mercury gimmick, so when AEW did All In in London, everyone was wishing she would start being on TV again. She wasn’t at All In, but they did put her on TV for a little bit after that. Then they stopped. Assholes.
Harley Cameron: Once an over-the-top member of the ill-fated QTV stable, Harley has since started hanging out with Saraya and being a goofball psycho. Is a pretty talented singer, even though it’s used to frame how much she actually sucks.
Marina Shafir: YOU DON’T KNOW HER!
no ty!
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Mar 12, 2024 11:43
