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Boy, this sure beats working at the dick-sucking factory, huh guys?
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Mar 24, 2024 20:31
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| # ? May 6, 2024 09:00 |
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speak for yourself i just got "infiltrate the dick-sucking factory" for my next mission
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Mar 24, 2024 20:45
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so the good news is i whacked the guy.... the bad news is i may have misunderstood the assignment
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Mar 24, 2024 20:49
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Mozi posted:so the good news is i whacked the guy.... the bad news is i may have misunderstood the assignment Hey, congrats on your first whack!
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Mar 24, 2024 20:51
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Mozi posted:so the good news is i whacked the guy.... the bad news is i may have misunderstood the assignment At least you have an assignment. I asked my boss for one and all he said was "go kill some time" with this weird grin
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Mar 24, 2024 21:01
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redshirt posted:Hey, congrats on your first whack! thanks... it was a lot messier than i imagined
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Mar 24, 2024 21:03
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redshirt posted:Hey, congrats on your first whack! After your first it's easy to just keep whacking and whacking. Keep whacking until you can't hold your piece any more. When that happens, find someone to give you a mercy whack.
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Mar 24, 2024 22:18
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heres me thinking bloodstains were going to be the occupational hazard
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Mar 24, 2024 22:21
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No, it's just a ketchup stain. I had Wendy's for lunch.
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Mar 24, 2024 22:24
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Why are we fermenting horse manure for a month to make tetanus darts? You can buy live strains from Amazon.
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Mar 24, 2024 22:31
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This job is impossible. The client says he wants to “send a message” but my boss hasn’t even told me the guy’s email address.
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Mar 24, 2024 22:35
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*kills first guy* ….. ….. ….. Maybe I shouldn’t have skipped Body Disposal 101 so many times. 😬
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Mar 24, 2024 23:57
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My Mom called me a hitman and I had to correct her. Assassin (in training) is a far classier and high end occupation.
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Mar 25, 2024 00:26
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BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:*kills first guy* Only common murderers and hitmen dispose of bodies. What third rate community college did you go to?
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Mar 25, 2024 00:55
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Only common murderers and hitmen dispose of bodies. now your thinking like a pro remember, its a message, not a mess
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Mar 25, 2024 00:59
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We're not simple thugs, Mom!
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Mar 25, 2024 01:00
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I need to get my own death cards. Do we just use Vistaprint for that?
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Mar 25, 2024 01:06
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kevin got caught chewing in class and was garrotted when he didnt have enough for everyone Mr Shaw is such a hardass
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Mar 25, 2024 01:06
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my CO told me i'm supposed to kill my next target "with kindness". is he loving with me, or that a real thing we do?
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Mar 25, 2024 01:41
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Bad Purchase posted:my CO told me i'm supposed to kill my next target "with kindness". is he loving with me, or that a real thing we do? Learned this the hard way, Ninjas don't use bleach on the uniforms no matter how bad they smell.
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Mar 25, 2024 03:18
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my boss is mad at me because i keep trying to do the classic "knock someone out and take their clothes as a disguise" thing but it takes too long to find someone in my size
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Mar 25, 2024 03:24
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Apparently "killing" a large pizza and a pan of brownies does not count towards my supervised hours.
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Mar 25, 2024 03:40
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When picking up the office Starbucks order it's important not to smear the names on the cups. One swap of beverages and everyone is like, "I didn't order a venti mochaccino with Digitalis, that was for Melvin, dumbass."
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Mar 25, 2024 03:52
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I don't get why they won't let us travel on the private planes until we've worked here for at least 1 year. I can't even get my equipment through TSA, I have to pick it up at one of those Amazon drop box things whenever I go anywhere? This seems like quite a hassle for everyone involved. Also I really wish they'd spring for first class seats, or at the very least I'm begging them to stop sending me on Southwest.
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Mar 25, 2024 04:12
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I think I'm gonna go with the Euro look. Slicked back hair, tortoise shell glasses, call me "Hans".
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Mar 25, 2024 04:17
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Hey, no big deal, but when I was putting the poison and the antidote into nondescript perfume bottles, I might have mixed them up. Somebody messaged me while I was doing it and it seemed important to respond right away. I'm pretty sure the one on the left that I put the little plus sign on is the antidote. I don't know why it really matters, the antidote will give you cancer anyway.
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Mar 25, 2024 04:17
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redshirt posted:I think I'm gonna go with the Euro look. Slicked back hair, tortoise shell glasses, call me "Hans". Ok "Hans" here's the coffee order and on the way I need you to pick up my dry cleaning. Make sure they got the stain out of my shirt. It's near the collar - you'll see if they haven't it's a big rear end red wine stain.
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Mar 25, 2024 04:25
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"Real assassins get polonium, you get whatever you can scrape out of this smoke detector."
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Mar 25, 2024 13:42
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My supervisor told me I’d look good in a tight skirt, and I don’t know if he’s training me how to seduce a target, or should if I should email HR.
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Mar 25, 2024 21:16
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emSparkly posted:My supervisor told me I’d look good in a tight skirt, and I don’t know if he’s training me how to seduce a target, or should if I should email HR. Killing him is an acceptable 3rd outcome.
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Mar 25, 2024 21:32
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emSparkly posted:My supervisor told me I’d look good in a tight skirt, and I don’t know if he’s training me how to seduce a target, or should if I should email HR. Whoa...like half your training schedule is how to break a guy's neck with your thighs or calves. Aren't all your highest entrance scores in small arms and explosives? You definitely need to talk to HR, that's not cool.
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Mar 25, 2024 21:50
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When do we get issued grappling hooks? I was told there would be grappling hooks.
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Mar 25, 2024 23:47
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I thought I would be putting bombs under cars by now, but the have me working at the Hertz Counter renting Tesla's in "Insurance Fraud" mode, whatever that is.
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Mar 26, 2024 00:52
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Yeah heads up, the break room coffee tastes like rat poison for a reason.
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Mar 26, 2024 23:46
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Is this a paid internship or am I supposed to loot the targets and whatever they have in their pockets is mine? Because the last guy only had a bunch of smashed twinkies on him
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Mar 26, 2024 23:55
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Can you sign my sheet? I was here Thursday and Friday but Becca told me Saturday was training day for the language arts program only, so I only stayed until Raj let us go, so... 3 hours here... 3 hours here too.... and then 2 hours Saturday. And your signature. March 26th. Thanks! I'll see you guys for the belladonna course Monday!
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Mar 27, 2024 00:35
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no offense but when you guys sign off on my college credits is it okay if you don’t call yourselves Murder For Hire LLC
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Mar 27, 2024 00:38
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im not saying i won’t do it but i really wasn’t expecting to have to complete a Workplace Harassment seminar when i took this job
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Mar 27, 2024 00:41
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Vegetable posted:im not saying i won’t do it but i really wasn’t expecting to have to complete a Workplace Harassment seminar when i took this job Seriously, switching the KY Jelly and Novichok isn't just funny, It's hilarious. Workplace pranks are fun, people.
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Mar 27, 2024 18:55
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The last “workplace prank” was a mustard gas grenade taped under Marco’s desk with a string tied between the pin and his chair.
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Mar 27, 2024 20:11
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