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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > 40K Lore Thread: More like Games Wokeshop
 
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TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

Eclipse12 posted:

:admech101:"In the imperium, we do not believe in heaven nor hell, not gods or devils, not magic nor superstition!"

:confused:"I see. So you risk your lives, knowing death is the final end?"

:admech101:"No! We do not believe in hell! However, you DO have a soul that carries on after you die."

:confused:"Oh... okay. What happens to it?"

:admech101:"After death, it travels to another dimension! A really scary one! There your soul suffers for eternity!"

:confused:"So hell?"

:admech101:"None of your superstitious nonsense, heretic! This is no hell. It is the warp, a dimension ruled by chaotic gods."

:confused:"I thought there weren't any gods?"

:admech101:"There aren't! And there are four of them. No demons either! But there are daemons."

:confused:"I'm so confused."

:admech101:"If you knew the Emperor's will, you would be illuminated and no longer lost in ignorance."

:confused:"This Emperor, is he powerful?"

:admech101:"Beyond compare! He is the one who led us away from superstition, religious dogma, and silly beliefs in fairy tales."

:confused:"Wow. Where is he now?"

:admech101:"He's dead!"

:confused:"Oh. Bummer."

:admech101:"Yes, dead and 40,000+ years old. And still large and in charge."

:confused:"Huh?"

:admech101:"His brain lives! Kind of!"

:confused:"But he was alive for tens of thousands of years? How is that possible? With science?"

:admech101:"No! He is a powerful psychic. His power is beyond compare. He can see the future, control time and space itself, and shoot fireballs and lightning probably."

:confused:"But I thought you said magic didn't..."

:admech101:"Speak not of magic! Such barbaric concepts Our emperor was born of a moment when ancient mystical shaman sacrificed themselves, their souls joining together into a Super Soul, and thus the Emperor came into being."

:confused:"It sure sounds like-"

:admech101:"It's not magic! It's all very scientific. You just don't understand."

:confused:"Well, I suppose you guys do have some impressive scientific abilities. So it can't be all... um... not-magic. How does it work?"

:admech101:"No clue!"

:confused:"Oh. Ok."

:admech101:"All thanks to the Machine Spirit and the Omnissiah it works!"

:confused:"But I thought you said-"

:admech101:"No gods! Only men. The Emperor is just a man. A powerful one, but a man no less. And he's the Machine God. Maybe. But not a god. But you must worship him. As a god."

:confused:"Just a man. A man who is thousands of years old and is immortal and psychic and is dead but not dead and also has fireballs?"

:admech101:"Yes. Now you understand."

:confused:"..."

:admech101:"Did I tell you about the time that the Emperor, in medieval Terra, defeated a literal dragon who was eating all the princesses? Took that dragon straight to Mars and locked it away, he did!"

:confused:"WTF"

:thejoke:

* # ¿ Mar 25, 2024 20:17
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# ¿ May 14, 2024 14:12
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TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

 jokes get real bad when nerds retell them 40,000 times. goons of all people should understand this

* # ¿ Mar 25, 2024 20:39
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TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

 this is the orklover thread. dorklover thread is over there —> https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=4055373

* # ¿ Mar 25, 2024 20:43
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TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

Eclipse12 posted:

I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please.

bet you haven’t even tried to strike up a conversation about ethics in gaming journalism

* # ¿ Mar 25, 2024 20:52
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TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

hot cocoa on the couch posted:

being fascist in space is the ultimate evolution of humanity. mad?

someone’s begging for a visit from the ASSMAGICIAN

* # ¿ Mar 25, 2024 22:28
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TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

Punkinhead posted:

Squats were the dwarves in 1st edition 40k, they were just as chaotic and cool and punk. They got rid of them in 2nd edition because they weren't "serious" enough and didn't "fit the setting"

They're back but they stopped smoking cigars and carving swear words into walls so I can't relate to them anymore

pretty much the entire problem with warhams

* # ¿ Mar 26, 2024 23:33
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TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

Literally A Person posted:

Okay, this has been driving me nuts. There's another table top game with little dudes but it's small unit (I think 7) and each unit is actually one thing not a group. Does anyone have any idea wtf I'm talking about?

warmaster?
* # ¿ Mar 28, 2024 03:34
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# ¿ May 14, 2024 14:12
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TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

LanceHunter posted:

If you want more details, youtube is here to deliver a report from the world's biggest nerd explaining the stats of the current meta:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLlL2ouaqn8

half hour video for a top ten list? :commissar:

* # ¿ Mar 28, 2024 17:43
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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > 40K Lore Thread: More like Games Wokeshop