r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

Yep. All she'll have to do is tell the new wife exactly what the dad has said to her.

That marriage will be over.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:17

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# ? May 21, 2024 19:38

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

FMguru posted:

Per comments, they have a seven year old (which makes an interesting addition to the timeline OP has laid out), so I doubt it's an infertility problem (although maybe they're angling for some free babysitting?).

Or someone needs a kidney.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:18

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Fatty posted:

Or someone needs a kidney.

That was literally OP's first thought when "dad" broke a years-long radio silence and reached out.

OP posted:

He does have a seven year old son. I didn't mention him since he was never brought up and he wasn't around for the meeting. I did briefly think that maybe he was dying of kidney failure or something when he first reached out.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:21

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

FMguru posted:

That was literally OP's first thought when "dad" broke a years-long radio silence and reached out.

If I'm reading it right it's not the sperm donor, it's the one who married her mom that's reaching out. There's no shared genetics with the kid.

AITA for giving my ex fiancee a fake engagement ring.

quote:

It was an honest to God marriage proposal. I very much wanted to marry her. She is just a klutz and I didn't trust her with the real thing.

I took her to Coachella for the second weekend and to propose. It was a great time and she got to see No Doubt who she loves because her dad used to listen with her when she was a baby.

Anyway I asked her to marry me and she said yes. She loved the ring. I had had it sized but it was the brass and moisonite copy I had made so she would not lose or damage the real one at the concert.

Which she promptly did. And then she pretended not to. She said it was too tight and that she had put it away until we got back to Phoenix.

When we got back she asked me where I got the ring. I told her and she tried to replace it. Until they told her how much it cost.

She came to my place crying to tell me she lost the ring and to beg my forgiveness. I told her right away that it was bo big deal because I had the real one with me and we could go get it sized perfectly so she wouldn't loose it.

My mistake because she effing lost it. She went off on me for making her not enjoy the weekend because she was worried sick that she had lost her ring.

If she had told me she lost it I would have told her the truth. That I didn't want to take any chances with her ring at that massive venue.

She screamed at me that I was a complete rear end in a top hat to make her worry like that. She said a lot of stuff that I guess had been building for a while and she said things she could not take back.

I told her to get out. She asked for her real ring.insaid nope. I am not marrying someone who thinks this is the way to behave towards me.

I told her she had to leave or I would get the security guys to get her out. She is only signed in as a guest so it is not a big deal for me to get her out.

I feel like I dodged a bullet but also kind of bad that I didn't tell her at the concert that it was fake so she wouldn't worry.

My parents are wondering why we broke up and I don't really know what to say.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:23

gvibes: Jan 18, 2010; Leading us to the promised land (i.e., one tournament win in five years)

mystes posted:

Yeah if he really felt bad he would be apologizing, not making demands

This smells like "current wife thought what I did was lovely so I am making a token effort to improve things"

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:23

mystes: May 31, 2006

Hughlander posted:

AITA for giving my ex fiancee a fake engagement ring.

Jesus christ how about actually just talking to her and saying "how about we get a copy so when you're going to a concert or something you can take the copy"

of course she's going to be pissed if OP did this without telling her and she was worrying for nothing

If they can't talk about stuff like this they shouldn't get married anyway though

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:29

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

mystes posted:

Jesus christ how about actually just talking to her and saying "how about we get a copy so when you're going to a concert or something you can take the copy"

of course she's going to be pissed if OP did this without telling her and she was worrying for nothing

If they can't talk about stuff like this they shouldn't get married anyway though

Depends on what she escalated to saying. Sounds like it was juicy!

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:33

mystes: May 31, 2006

I missed that she also lied and said that the ring didn't fit and that she wasn't bringing it to the concert

That makes me lean a little bit toward NTA but like at that point why even get engaged with her?

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:36

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Grumpy FIL gets more mugs than he can handle

quote:

This is a very unserious and low stakes petty revenge story.

Background: My (f32) FIL (67) is a stereotypical grumpy old man. My husband (33) says that his father wasn�t always like this, but the years have turned him sour. My FIL is always complaining about something, constantly going on right wing political tangents, always inserting his opinion even if he isn�t involved in the conversation, and constantly whining that my husband and I never make time for him despite having him over for dinner every other week. My husband tolerates but doesn�t entertain his grumpiness. I handle it like I would handle an incoherent toddler and just reply �wow, what an interesting thing to say� and then move along the conversation as if he weren�t there.

Recently, my husband and I completely reorganized our kitchen. As most people do, we had far too many coffee mugs. We decided to get rid of half of them (about 17) so we put them in a box and set them aside to be donated. That evening, FIL came over for dinner and noticed the box of mugs by the front door. When he asked about it, we just said we had too many and needed to get rid of some. He immediately started rambling on about how wasteful our generation is. How we use something for 30 seconds and then throw it away. How his generation would always use an item until it fell apart and then they would mend the item and keep on using it. He finished it off by saying someone his age would never consider discarding perfectly good items like that. I just responded with �okay� and continued on getting dinner ready without addressing it further.

Well, this last weekend we had our Christmas celebration with my husband�s family (we celebrated early due to multiple family members going out of state for Christmas). We enjoyed our evening despite a few grumblings from my FIL. Towards the end of the night we all exchanged gifts. That was when my FIL opened a big box of 17 used coffee mugs. He looked at my husband with a confused look on his face so my husband said �you were so vocal about how we shouldn�t get rid of perfectly good mugs, so we decided to gift them to you since you clearly wanted them�. My FIL started making excuses about how he didn�t need that many and how he already had mugs and doesn�t have the space to keep them. My husband just shrugged and said �I�m sure you�ll find something to do with them. Your generation is very resourceful�

It�s only been 2 days since he got his new mug collection but he�s called my husband and me 7 times trying to convince us to take back the mugs. All I�ve said was �It would be wasteful for us to take them back. Thank you so much for saving the perfectly good mugs!�

Why did they have so many mugs?

quote:

I mean, I completely agree that 17 is a ridiculous amount of cups to have in the first place, and that was only about half of what we had. I said in previous comments that my mother frequently gifts them to us. She is the type of person that latches onto some personality trait and makes it the subject for all her gift giving. For example, when I was 6 my favorite animal was horses. All my presents until the age of 15 were horse themed despite me telling her I was no longer obsessed with them. Now she knows that my husband and I drink coffee regularly and frequently treat ourselves by making our own lattes. So every birthday and Christmas there is always a coffee mug included in with the gift. She�s even given us multiple sets of mugs. So all of that, on top of the random ones we�ve gotten from work place gift exchanges, souvenirs when family travels, gifts from other family members, and the hand painted ones our kids made for us, we had quite the collection.

Update: Grumpy FIL gets more mugs than he can handle

quote:

Back in December, I (33f) posted about how my FIL berated my husband (34m) and me for being wasteful when he found out we were getting rid of an excessive amount of coffee mugs from our home. We originally planned on donating the mugs, but since FIL was greatly offended by us getting rid of them (he thought we were throwing them away even though we never even said that) we decided to gift him all 17 mugs for Christmas. He was not pleased.

It�s been about 4 months since this incident. Grumpy FIL eventually stopped trying to get us to take the mugs back and just accepted his new collection. My husband�s family is rather large and we�ve celebrated a few birthdays these past few months. FIL has decided to include a coffee mug in people�s presents. My husband and I each got one back on our birthdays, my little niece got one for her 4th birthday, and he even sent one to his ex wife (MIL) for her birthday. It�s become a running joke now that everyone will receive a mug and every mug will continue to be regifted. FIL�s birthday is in June, so all of us plan on wrapping up the mugs we�ve been regifted and giving them back to FIL.

FIL is still as grumpy as ever, but at least he turned this petty revenge into a funny family joke.

Hey! It's not an abuse story this time!

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:37

mystes: May 31, 2006

Mordiceius posted:

Grumpy FIL gets more mugs than he can handle

Why did they have so many mugs?

Update: Grumpy FIL gets more mugs than he can handle

Hey! It's not an abuse story this time!

are we really going to allow such a graphic story about mugging in this thread?!

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:40

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

A literal "mean mugging"!

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:42

Big Bowie Bonanza: Dec 30, 2007; please tell me where i can date this cute boy

If someone gave me a mug as a gift I�d flip out I have so many mugs

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:44

El Spamo: Aug 21, 2003; Fuss and misery

I love mugs tho

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:49

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my husband his gift for his son won't be received the way he wants it to be?

quote:

My husband Rich and I have been married for 15 years. We have two children together ages 13 and 11. Rich has two children from his marriage to his late wife, May. My stepkids are 24 and 23. My stepson is the oldest, stepdaughter is the youngest.

When Rich first found out he was going to be a father he started a scrapbook for his son that had photos and written memories and little mementos added in that he continued throughout the next 25 years. He did the same for his other three children as well. This book documents everything from fun memories to sweet and heartfelt ones to even some more heartbreaking ones, like the loss of May.

My husband has decided the scrapbook will be his gift to his son for his 25th birthday. He included all sorts of family photos and moments in this scrapbook including since we got married and had our kids. But both my stepkids have been pretty clear that they do not have a fondness for me or for their half siblings and they have no trace of us in their homes. When he moved out he left behind photos he was in that included me and my children (his half siblings). And when my husband mentioned he had forgotten some photos my stepson replied he had double and triple checked and had everything he wanted. My stepdaughter was a little more clear and she actually tossed any unwanted photos in the trash before she moved out.

On their social media they post family photos but funnily enough they never have me or their half siblings included. They never acknowledge us online at all.

My stepkids both also said they'd like it if their dad didn't bring us because if he's visiting they'd like to see him and only him. My husband brushed off that comment by saying he could stop by on his own too but they'd never see the rest of us if we didn't visit.

I'll say right here I was not an affair partner nor did I ever expect the kids to forget about their mom or replace her with me. Nor did I expect my husband to. I did not push myself on them. The kids never spoke out against us getting married or brought any issues to me or my husband about us. And we did talk to them. It really only became apparent after they became adults.

So when my husband brought up that he was going to gift the scrapbook to his son for his 25th birthday, I asked him if he was sure and he was like why not, his son would love it and he couldn't wait for us all to go through it together. I told him I wasn't so sure he'd love all of it given his refusal to have photos of me or the kids in his home. He told me it's not like he could remove them. I didn't comment. He asked me what I expected and then asked if I thought he'd rip those pages out or something. I said yes. He asked why I was being so negative and I told him that given the last several years I really didn't think the gift would be received the way he's expecting. My husband told me my negativity was too much and he was unhappy with me thinking of his kids like that.

AITA?

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:49

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

No one needs to explain why they have too many mugs. Mugs are cruft; they accumulate of their own accord.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:58

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

Captain Hygiene posted:

I've been noticing some possible red flags in her behavior, like not wanting to go out drinking until we throw up

He really buried that one didn't he? "Oh, yeah we go out to the bar and see live music" is pretty normal, but "Yeah, [at least] one of us is throwing up by the end of the night when we go out" is um... a bit much. I find this one funny because it's a less extreme version of my parents (my mother has more than three friends and my dad likes to go out but not 'drinking until throwing up'), and they've been happily married for fifty years. There's nothing wrong with parts of a couple having different hobbies, though BF's seems to move a bit past 'hobby' status.

mystes posted:

are we really going to allow such a graphic story about mugging in this thread?!

I scrolled up and saw this one before the mug story, so I thought you were talking about the "I need to get you single" woman who got robbed while drunk after declining the OP's offer of an uber. I was really confused at how that story could be graphic.

(Also the actual mugging is hilarious).

# ? Apr 30, 2024 18:58

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

He really buried that one didn't he? "Oh, yeah we go out to the bar and see live music" is pretty normal, but "Yeah, [at least] one of us is throwing up by the end of the night when we go out" is um... a bit much.

You city slickers just don't appreciate his small town values.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:01

CitizenKain: May 27, 2001; That was Gary Cooper, asshole.; Nap Ghost

the holy poopacy posted:

You city slickers just don't appreciate his small town values.

A person I worked with moved out of her small town because everyone drank so much up there that alcohol poisoning was constant.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:13

Big Bowie Bonanza: Dec 30, 2007; please tell me where i can date this cute boy

Halloween Jack posted:

No one needs to explain why they have too many mugs. Mugs are cruft; they accumulate of their own accord.

If anyone in your life is a teacher they WILL accumulate at a tribble-esque rate

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:17

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

AITA for getting my brother and SIL kicked out after she ruined my outfit and refused to pay me back for it?

quote:

Sorry if this is a little rough, I'm trying to process what happened and I'm confused.

I (17f) have an older brother Jacob (26m) and he's engaged to Amber (27f) who's pregnant.

They've been together for 9 years. My parents were letting them stay with us while they planned for the wedding, baby and looked for a bigger apartment.

I guess some context for this would be that Amber does not have a good relationship with her parents since they disapproved of her dating my brother for whatever reason, she's pretty close to my parents

My 18th birthday is coming up next weekend and my mom and dad have been pretty excited about planning for it with me.

I decided to get a new dress, corset belt, and flats so I could look nice for it since we're inviting some of my relatives over for lunch at Olive Garden and dinner at home.

I paid for it all since my parents were already paying for the lunch, dinner, cake, and gifts.

Ever since Amber found out what I was doing for my birthday, she had been making little remarks about how excessive it seemed for just one kid and how she didn't celebrate her 18th like I was going to.

It was a little weird to me, especially since Jacob got an entire room rented out at our local community center for his, but I brushed it off since my birthdays that Amber had been around for were much more low-key.

She also briefly gave me this weird look when she came into my room to ask about something and saw the dress hanging on my closet door.

Yesterday, I came home to see my mom and dad yelling at Amber in the living room.

I asked what was happening, and apparently, my mom caught Amber ripping out the soles of my new shoes.

That wasn't the only thing Amber did. She also went at my dress and belt with scissors, cutting the ribbons and lace.

I asked her why she would do that, but she didn't answer me, or my parents when they asked themselves.

We just stayed in the living room in an awkward silence until my brother came home an hour later.

my parents gave him the rundown of what happened, and he did seem shocked that Amber would do this.

My parents said point-blank that either he or Amber had to pay me back for what she destroyed, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

It was only until I said the combined cost of what I had brought, that Amber piped up and refused to pay.

She would have to take that money from their "baby fund", and it wasn't fair that my parents were doing all of this for me despite knowing what her home life and relationship with her parents were like.

It devolved into an argument between my parents and Jacob and Amber, where my brother was defending her, saying it was just pregnancy hormones getting to her and that we should just let it go.

Eventually, my dad had enough, and told them if neither of them were going to pay, then they had to get out and stay at a hotel or something in the meantime. My mom agreed with him.

My brother and Amber seemed to think my parents were bluffing until my mom handed them gas money. They left with their bags packed thirty minutes later in a huff.

Jacob has been texting me, begging for me to get our parents to let it go. He told me that I would be a lovely sister and aunt if I let my unborn niece be out on the streets over something I probably would only wear once.

Edit: The whole outfit costed $79 total.

Imagine being 27 years old and blowing up your free ride housing because you just had to destroy your SIL's 18th birthday outfit in a fit of jealousy.

Good spine on Mom and Dad's part. I'll bet they're pretty tired of their freeloading adult son and his useless girlfriend/babymama.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:19

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I can recall how I acquired pretty much everything I own except for the loving coffee mugs.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:21

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

that price tag

imagine getting mad that an 18-year-old was being too extravagant buying outfits from the nice section of Target

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:22

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Kurieg posted:

AITAH for skipping my dad's retirement party because my mom asked me not to bring my son.

So the wife had a child when she was 15 and then she was 20 when she met op who was 32? Luckily, it seems like they have a good relationship? That age difference still weirds me out though.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:23

mystes: May 31, 2006

FMguru posted:

AITA for getting my brother and SIL kicked out after she ruined my outfit and refused to pay me back for it?

Imagine being 27 years old and blowing up your free ride housing because you just had to destroy your SIL's 18th birthday outfit in a fit of jealousy.

Good spine on Mom and Dad's part. I'll bet they're pretty tired of their freeloading adult son and his useless girlfriend/babymama.

lmao at $79. I was expecting it was going to be ten times that amount (which would still be way cheaper than actually paying rent for their own place)

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:23

Tobermory: Mar 31, 2011

The Toronto Star is an utterly inane newspaper, and its advice column is essentially never worth posting. That said, whoever writes their headlines has a weird sense of humor:

quote:

I moved after my husband died and met a man and his young son. One day, we all watched a snail in my garden for 10 minutes. I think the man�s wife died. Should I ask him? Ask Lisi

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:25

RenegadeStyle1: Jun 7, 2005; Baby Come Back

Yeah when they were arguing over paying I was thinking this was gonna be in the 800-1000 range. $79 dollars isn't even a one day stay in a hotel.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:26

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

the holy poopacy posted:

that price tag

imagine getting mad that an 18-year-old was being too extravagant buying outfits from the nice section of Target

Maybe check that the extravagant birthday party that she spent all this money on buying a new outfit for new shoes for her milestone 18th birthday is the famed Ethnic restaurant... Olive Garden.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:32

mystes: May 31, 2006

Hughlander posted:

Maybe check that the extravagant birthday party that she spent all this money on buying a new outfit for new shoes for her milestone 18th birthday is the famed Ethnic restaurant... Olive Garden.

Not that it would excuse OP's brother's fiance's insane behavior if OP's parents were blowing $10k on OP's birthday or something but the fact that OP is 17 and spending her own money and it's $79 in clothing and olive garden just makes the whole thing even more pathetic

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:36

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

I caught her eating crackers again so I destroyed all the crackers with a pair of scissors

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:38

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

i mean if it was in bed thats somewhat justified

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:39

Harold Fjord: Jan 3, 2004

But she shouldn't have to pay for anything because the child is being spoiled with Olive Garden she has classist parents.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:41

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

the holy poopacy posted:

that price tag

imagine getting mad that an 18-year-old was being too extravagant buying outfits from the nice section of Target

lmao if you're two people in your late 20s and an extra $80 completely breaks your "baby fund," maybe consider not having children, jfc. Like you don't have fewer unexpected expenses once the baby comes along.

Also I was thinking holy poo poo SIL must be pretty loving strong to be able rip out the soles of shoes lol, but like yeah you can probably do it fairly easily on a $20 pair of flats from Walmart.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:42

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

i mean if it was in bed thats somewhat justified

Hold up a second, folks. Let's spend a few pages to make sure the new thread also has a solid record of everyone's stances on eating while in bed

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:46

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

diapers alone lol 80 bucks is nothing

Captain Hygiene posted:

Hold up a second, folks. Let's spend a few pages to make sure the new thread also has a solid record of everyone's stances on eating while in bed

i mean that does sound splendid....

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:49

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I'm not a fan of eating in bed but I'd prefer cracker crumbs to poop flakes.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:51

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Yeah but who would eat poop in bed?

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:52

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

im sure if you really were curious you could find out.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:53

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Shanghaied posted:

Yeah but who would eat poop in bed?

Oh look at you all fancy having your own poop table.

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:53

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

"Enrique? My poop spear."

"Of course, sir."

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:55

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# ? May 21, 2024 19:38

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

Mordiceius posted:

So the wife had a child when she was 15 and then she was 20 when she met op who was 32? Luckily, it seems like they have a good relationship? That age difference still weirds me out though.

They kept on reconnecting and it sounds like they didn't really pursue things romantically until she was 26 or 27 and they were industry peers rather than student/teacher

# ? Apr 30, 2024 19:56

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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