Hughlander posted:

Maybe check that the extravagant birthday party that she spent all this money on buying a new outfit for new shoes for her milestone 18th birthday is the famed Ethnic restaurant... Olive Garden.

coronatae posted:

I am allowed to eat in bed provided I don't spill anything on the sheets. I am not allowed to eat graham crackers in bed (crumbs) but I'm also not allowed to eat graham crackers in general since I once bit my own finger while eating one (I really really like graham crackers)

Shanghaied posted:

lmao if you're two people in your late 20s and an extra $80 completely breaks your "baby fund," maybe consider not having children, jfc. Like you don't have fewer unexpected expenses once the baby comes along.

effervescible posted:

Lunch at Olive Garden. Not even paying dinner menu prices.

limp_cheese posted:

Everyone is talking about the $79 dress but ignoring the fact she also destroyed a belt and shoes too. That could add another $40 to the cost!

Plus with tax that might be another $10! Bunch of bourgeois assholes in this thread.

FMguru posted:

Two able-bodied working-age people with zero housing costs (well, until now), and they're still crying poor over $79 worth of damage that they deliberately caused. Infuriating.

quote:

until my mom handed them gas money

boofhead posted:

OP could have thrifted that poo poo for $3.50 and the SIL would still be an absolute psycho

coronatae posted:

I am allowed to eat in bed provided I don't spill anything on the sheets. I am not allowed to eat graham crackers in bed (crumbs) but I'm also not allowed to eat graham crackers in general since I once bit my own finger while eating one (I really really like graham crackers)

Shanghaied posted:

I cannot emphasise enough how terrible an idea it is to have children in this situation. I guess the plan was just to leech onto mummy and daddy even harder once the baby comes along - "how can you make your grandchild homeless??!!!" In which case, maybe don't act like unhinged assholes?

StrangersInTheNight posted:

I honestly feel bad for the pregnant babymama - her brain is absolutely hosed up from neglect and she clearly needs years of therapy. it's hard to describe the level of jealousy one has seeing a kind, good family treat each other well when your own family has been a nightmare and you don't have a good support system. You are happy to see it in your friend's lives but also immensely hurt your life couldn't be that way. There is a small nasty part of you that wants to ruin everyone's fun just like you felt yours was ruined, but obviously you should not - doing that just makes you one step closer to the very people who made you that way.

The line about how the pregnant gf said she didn't get a party at 18 is what catches me. She knows that OP's family isn't 'wrong' to care - but if giving someone that much attention for their 18th is normal, it means admitting how very hosed up her own life has been and that the root of her jealousy is her sadness at her own familial dysfunction. So instead, it has to be abnormal, wrong, too much attention for an 18 yo, etc.

Danger posted:

Are you a parakeet?

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

i do get that and i sympathize to an extent and my wife and i just had an interesting talk about this post. TLDR, major trauma family background on my side very somewhat "normal" family on her side. occasionally i have to abstain or take a break because eh.. im not used to it.

the idea though that because you missed out on a normal healthy family relationship shouldnt make you want to pass that pain on. you definately shouldnt be raising a child ffs.

quote:

I bought my house 15 years ago. It was a fixer upper and needed a lot of work. The only thing I kept the house is it’s painted bright pink. The guy I bought it from said it was his deceased father’s house. He had painted it this way to piss off his neighbors. I decided I liked the color and kept it the way it was. When I married my wife a year later, she agreed. We now have 3 kids: a 13 year old boy, a 10 year old girl and a 8 year old girl.

We are doing some minor renovations to the house and have decided to touch up the paint as it’s been awhile. My son asked that we paint it a “normal color” because it’s “embarrassing” to live in a pink house. We declined and said we like the color. Ultimately, it’s our house and we’ll be living in it longer than him. When we die, he’s free to paint it what he wants.

My MIL feels we’re being unfair and that we should take into account how it’s embarrassing for a teen boy to live in a “Barbie house”. We asked my son if he’s being teased and he said no. But he hates it. Our daughters like it.

Are we wrong for not painting the house a “normal” color?

Mordiceius posted:

So the wife had a child when she was 15 and then she was 20 when she met op who was 32? Luckily, it seems like they have a good relationship? That age difference still weirds me out though.

quote:

My wife (30) and I (42) have two children (15M,2F). I met my wife when she was a student in a trades program I used to teach at.

quote:

A few months ago I posted for relationship advice on another sub. Basically my wife has decided unilaterally that we are done having sex. She found out that she cannot have kids due to a choice she made before we met. And kids, apparently, are the only reason she was willing to have sex.

I love my wife and I enjoy being intimate with her. But it was making our marriage untenable after two years of this. So I posted for advice. I got a lot of great support and suggestions about how to talk to my wife. I tried a lot of it. I started going for counseling for myself as well.

But no matter how I approached her about our situation she would not try and see it from my point of view. Every discussion would end with her crying and screaming in my face that I am trying to emotionally manipulate her. I then wrote her a letter outlining my feelings and asking her to come with me for counseling, to seek it for herself, perhaps to go see a doctor. I was kind and loving in the letter. The last thing I wanted to do was set her off. I worked on the wording with my counselor to make sure I wasn't saying anything aggressive that could be misinterpreted.

She read the letter. Then she scrawled across it with her red sharpie. "Go get it elsewhere because you are not getting it from me". Then she walked out. I sat there for about an hour doing nothing. Then I told myself that was what I was going to do.

We are both fairly successful in our jobs, I'm not super attractive but I'm fit and a good talker. It took a while but I met someone. We started out as just friends but it became physical. I made sure she knew I was married. She is not interested in a relationship so I guess I am a safe option for her.

My wife found out because I did not try and hide it. She was crying when I got home one night. When I came in she asked if I was going to leave her. I said no. She asked if I was cheating on her and I said I was getting sex elsewhere. She said that was cheating and I did not disagree. I asked her what she wanted to do. She said I had to stop. I asked her if we were going to start having sex. She said I was an irrational rear end in a top hat if I thought that she would have sex with me after I cheated. I went to my desk and pulled out a photocopy of the letter I wrote with her answer in it.

I went to have a shower and go to my room to sleep. When I woke up she was sitting on the couch waiting to talk.

She said that she reread the letter and that she realized she had not before. She assumed it was just a letter begging for sex. She said she would go for counseling alone and with me. All I had to do was stop having sex elsewhere.

I said I would be willing to pause my friendship until we saw a counselor. And that if I saw progress in our relationship I would break it off. She said she would not agree to counseling without me leaving the other woman.

It almost turned into a fight so I just went for my run. Before I left I asked her what would compel her to go to counseling if I stopped having sex elsewhere. When I got back she still did not have an answer. She couldn't even say that our relationship was worth saving.

I don't want a divorce. But I am willing to leave over this. I am 28 I am not going the rest of my life without sex. She refuses to see my side.

StrangersInTheNight posted:

adults who meet as adults but happen to have a large age gap are fine. not all sex has to be on the charmed circle, drat.

StrangersInTheNight posted:

FMguru posted:

There's garden-variety dead bedrooms, and then there's this:

AITAH for getting it elsewhere since my wife didn't want to have sex any more?

That age reveal whiplashed me hard.

There is literally not one thing in this relationship worth saving for OP. Just hand her the divorce papers and go live the rest of your life.

haveblue posted:

What can you do to yourself that is a) a conscious decision b) sterilizes you c) you don't realize B until much later? Horrifying levels of substance abuse?

FMguru posted:

Rare sighting of a spite house in an AITA story

AITA for not picking a new color for my house even though my son finds the one we have embarrassing?

Mordiceius posted:

While someone who is 20 and someone who is 32 are both adults, in many cases the 20 year old and 32 year old are at very different development stages. According to neuroscience, generally speaking, the brain is still "developing" until around 25.

If someone is 25 and another person is 40, I won't think much of it, but when people are under 25 (especially in the 18-21 range) are in large age gap relationships, I get a little skittish. A 20 year old is just a bigger child.

Mordiceius posted:

While someone who is 20 and someone who is 32 are both adults, in many cases the 20 year old and 32 year old are at very different development stages. According to neuroscience, generally speaking, the brain is still "developing" until around 25.

If someone is 25 and another person is 40, I won't think much of it, but when people are under 25 (especially in the 18-21 range) are in large age gap relationships, I get a little skittish. A 20 year old is just a bigger child.

FMguru posted:

There's garden-variety dead bedrooms, and then there's this:

AITAH for getting it elsewhere since my wife didn't want to have sex any more?

That age reveal whiplashed me hard.

There is literally not one thing in this relationship worth saving for OP. Just hand her the divorce papers and go live the rest of your life.

the holy poopacy posted:

Nothing happened between them while she was 20, she graduated a few years later and fell out of contact and then reconnected when she was ~26-27. Yeah, she was still young and impressionable when they originally met and I'm sure that influenced her later decisions but I think we all probably have more important places to direct outrage to.

mystes posted:

NTA for not being happy with a relationship without sex if OP wants a relationship with sex but YTA for having an affair. Do couples therapy or sex therapy or just divorce but don't stay in the relationship and have an affair and rub it in your wife's face.

Mordiceius posted:

While someone who is 20 and someone who is 32 are both adults, in many cases the 20 year old and 32 year old are at very different development stages. According to neuroscience, generally speaking, the brain is still "developing" until around 25.

If someone is 25 and another person is 40, I won't think much of it, but when people are under 25 (especially in the 18-21 range) are in large age gap relationships, I get a little skittish. A 20 year old is just a bigger child.

mystes posted:

NTA for not being happy with a relationship without sex if OP wants a relationship with sex but YTA for having an affair. Do couples therapy or sex therapy or just divorce but don't stay in the relationship and have an affair and rub it in your wife's face.

Halloween Jack posted:

He did what he told her to do and refused to sneak around acting ashamed of it. They're both assholes for not divorcing.

mystes posted:

NTA for not being happy with a relationship without sex if OP wants a relationship with sex but YTA for having an affair. Do couples therapy or sex therapy or just divorce but don't stay in the relationship and have an affair and rub it in your wife's face.

Lone Goat posted:

Do you ever read any of the posts you reply to?

The wife wrote "Go get it elsewhere because you are not getting it from me", and he did so. Sounds like explicit consent to me.

mystes posted:

(when we don't even really know what the letter said)