r/relationships: it sounds like I'm having sex with a parrot or malfunctioning robot

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: it sounds like I'm having sex with a parrot or malfunctioning robot

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DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

wheatpuppy posted:

My (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that we are cousins

UPDATE - My (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that we are cousins

lol!

Edit: lmao!

# ? Apr 3, 2024 01:32

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# ? May 17, 2024 15:27

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

wheatpuppy posted:

My (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that we are cousins

UPDATE - My (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that we are cousins

I got the genders mixed up the other way for once mostly because I wanted to make a Sailor Moon joke.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 01:32

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Call Your Grandma posted:

Yeah I think the best approach is to just let people do their thing and zap em when they act inappropriately.

Anyway here's some content:

I [23f] created a 1:1 scale puppet version of my boyfriend [22m] and showed it to him during foreplay as a joke. Now he hasn�t texted me in 12 hours and I�m starting to get worried. How do I get him to text me back?

you're two days late, we celebrated the resurrection of our lord and savior on Sunday

# ? Apr 3, 2024 01:49

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Nothin' in the rule book that says you can't commemorate Big John on a Tuesday

# ? Apr 3, 2024 01:51

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

AITA for telling anyone who asks why I don�t bake for our hall anymore?

quote:

Edit: I really appreciate the reassurance yall:) I�m currently working and a lot of comments to get through! I don�t hold anything against the kid. I�ll talk to the landlord to give a heads up as many of you have recommended

Hi. I really like baking as a hobby. I don�t believe in food waste but I don�t often want to eat all the stuff I make, the best way I can describe it is that I love to bake but when it comes to eating I�m just like meh. I�m not sure how to describe it.

Anyways I normally give my baked goods to friends and family. The tradition we have started when my brother said he couldn�t come over to pick up a coconut cupcake pan because he�s busy. I didn�t plan for space in my fridge to keep the cupcake and awkwardly left them in the apartment�s common room (with permission from the security guard of course). I left a note saying the cupcakes were free to whoever with my apartment number on it (the security guard said I had to)

That started this semi tradition of me putting whatever extra goods I have on a free table in the lobby area. Others started to do it a little too. It has worked well so far. I like the environment it has created.

Problem came one of the neighbors knocked on my door. She introduced herself, said she�s from another apartment floor and that she, in a visibly upset way, was very unhappy with me leaving unattended food out. One of her kids, allergic to peanuts, had some of my peanut butter brownies. I got very nervous hearing this and apologized. She said it was fine but wanted me to pay part of the cost of getting her child help. I asked if we could talk it out and she agreed. I agreed to pay for the cab she took back and forth to the hospital which I know if getting off easy for what happened. I apologized again and she said all was fine but to please be extra careful.

Since then I don�t leave any food out at all because that situation made me nervous. I know it wasn�t the worst that could�ve happened but still.

My hall neighbor, let�s call her Lily, asked if I was okay, noticing that it�s been a while since I put anything out. I just told her that after what happened with the peanut butter allergy issue I don�t feel comfortable doing that anymore in case something like that happened again.

Now, I didn�t know lily knew who I was talking about just based on saying the allergy issue. Specifically, they knew which kid I was talking about because they saw him take some. I guess lily spread the word around because I got a knock from the lady again and she asked why I told everyone to blame her.

I explained that I did not blame or tell anyone to blame her in anyway. One of our neighbors asked why the tradition died off and I only said because of the allergy incident but I never mentioned specifics like who it was/how they looked etc.

She�s mad and says I did that purposefully and will be speaking to the landlord to make a report. I apologized again and said I swear I did not mean for this to happen but she stormed off. I�m not exactly sure what to do know. I don�t hold anything against her or the kid and I�m pretty mad at lily for this poo poo rn. AITA?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:06

mystes: May 31, 2006

wheatpuppy posted:

My (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that we are cousins

UPDATE - My (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that we are cousins

The biggest thing that seems hard to understand about this to me is given the length of time and the fact that the OP said in another comment that the boyfriend was in his friend group with the not-girlfriend, even assuming zero ability to pick up on social cues or whatever, surely at some point the not-girlfriend would have ended up saying stuff that made it clear that the other guy was her boyfriend?

Like, I could see 6 months pretty easily, but in 6 years she never said "this is my boyfriend [person other than OP]" in the presence of the OP? She never told the OP "[boyfriend] proposed to me"? She never said "I had a date with [boyfriend]"?

I can imagine that since the OP had decided that they were going out, he was willing to ignore a bunch of times when the not-girlfriend said things that seemed to not quite make sense, but you still think that in 6 years there would be at least one time when there was something so clear it couldn't be ignored.

mystes fucked around with this message at 02:15 on Apr 3, 2024

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:11

The_Franz: Aug 8, 2003

wheatpuppy posted:

My (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that we are cousins

UPDATE - My (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that we are cousins

There are probably physicists interested in this story, because the op is denser than dark matter.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:14

AnoHito: May 8, 2014

I like to imagine that there were six full years worth of them both coincidentally wording things with just enough ambiguity to keep the whole charade going, and I refuse to let anyone take that magic from me.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:17

mystes: May 31, 2006

One other thing is, the OP had no issue presumably not being introduced as her boyfriend for six years. But then as soon as she introduced him as he cousin, he was immediately concerned.

So was she introducing him to other people as her "friend" for six years and he thought she just didn't feel like specifying boyfriend because it was none of their business? But now now that she was engaged she felt like it was better to say "cousin" than "friend" in case people might misunderstand and think they were going out?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:24

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Troublemaker posted:

AITA for telling anyone who asks why I don’t bake for our hall anymore?

I kind of wish this person would stop apologizing so much,

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:24

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

mystes posted:

One other thing is, the OP had no issue presumably not being introduced as her boyfriend for six years. But then as soon as she introduced him as he cousin, he was immediately concerned.

So was she introducing him to other people as her "friend" for six years and he thought she just didn't feel like specifying boyfriend because it was none of their business? But now now that she was engaged she felt like it was better to say "cousin" than "friend" in case people might misunderstand and think they were going out?

Well cousin implies they�re not together and she�s trying to cheat on him!

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:27

mystes: May 31, 2006

Hughlander posted:

Well cousin implies they�re not together and she�s trying to cheat on him!

Only if you use the "girl code" decoder ring that you get when you are initiated into the secrets of r/relationships

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:27

mystes: May 31, 2006

Troublemaker posted:

AITA for telling anyone who asks why I don�t bake for our hall anymore?

Maybe if your kids have food allergies you should tell them not to loving eat random food people leave out if they don't know what's in them.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:28

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

She's just trying to hint she'd like to roleplay.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:28

mystes: May 31, 2006

I will say I want to believe it's real and also regardless of whether it's real or not I really like the misinterpretation of the double date. (Conversely, if it's fake that is actually quite an ingenious idea to come up with.)

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:31

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

mystes posted:

One other thing is, the OP had no issue presumably not being introduced as her boyfriend for six years. But then as soon as she introduced him as he cousin, he was immediately concerned.

So was she introducing him to other people as her "friend" for six years and he thought she just didn't feel like specifying boyfriend because it was none of their business? But now now that she was engaged she felt like it was better to say "cousin" than "friend" in case people might misunderstand and think they were going out?

What about in the flipside of this situation? Does OP not have any friends or family he could have introduced his not-gf as his girlfriend? Or a facebook page saying he's in a relationship?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:32

mystes: May 31, 2006

DemoneeHo posted:

What about in the flipside of this situation? Does OP not have any friends or family he could have introduced his not-gf as his girlfriend? Or a facebook page saying he's in a relationship?

Based on all the stuff OP wrote, I am fairly willing to believe the possibility that, if it's true, he wouldn't have done any of those things, so I don't personally feel like that alters the probability of it being real.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:35

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

ApplesandOranges posted:

Ex-friend 34F asked me 35M about our relationship over 10 years ago. How to respond?

Update: Ex-friend 34F asked me 35M about our relationship over 10 years ago. How to respond?

Congratulations, ApplesandOranges! You found a post that finally hits incredibly uncomfortably close to home for me :toot:

This dude should not respond and in fact should probably just not talk to the ex's family at all, because she was, and they are continuing to, treat him as the backup plan. I know because I was in a very similar situation; my ex would go months, sometimes years without saying a word to me, and then suddenly come swanning in as if nothing had ever happened, stir things back up, get my hopes up (after making sure I was still single, of course). And then off they would gently caress again once the rough patch had passed, and I was left alone again.

No one deserves to be strung along as someone else's Plan B, because you will never be Plan A.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:35

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

Grey Cat posted:

Depends on your state, I didn't even have to talk to a judge, just 145 bucks and briught the papers to the courthouse and left.

i want to change my name for trans reasons but although my county puts a PDF of "fill in the blank" paperwork to fill out, none of the blanks are labeled, i have no idea what information they want, and i can't afford a lawyer to tell me what to write on these dozen blank lines so im stuck :/

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:36

mystes: May 31, 2006

InediblePenguin posted:

i want to change my name for trans reasons but although my county puts a PDF of "fill in the blank" paperwork to fill out, none of the blanks are labeled, i have no idea what information they want, and i can't afford a lawyer to tell me what to write on these dozen blank lines so im stuck :/

It's just a form with a bunch of blank lines and no explanation? Is this some sort of deliberate obstruction tactic?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:37

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

mystes posted:

Maybe if your kids have food allergies you should tell them not to loving eat random food people leave out if they don't know what's in them.

Agreed, but per the comments, it's even more than that:

OP posted:

I scribble down the ingredients on whatever sticky note I post onto the food.

Maybe she should teach her kids to read the ingredients list and "remember that time we had to rush to the hospital, that's why it's important to always check".

MagusofStars fucked around with this message at 02:50 on Apr 3, 2024

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:48

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

Troublemaker posted:

AITA for telling anyone who asks why I don’t bake for our hall anymore?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:48

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

I told my girlfriend I used an AI dating bot to chat with her. She blocked me. Next steps?

quote:

I'm a 27-year-old tech nerd living in the Bay Area, and dating here is challenging, especially for someone like me who struggles with talking to women.

A couple of months ago, I decided to try an AI dating bot, just to see what would happen. To my surprise, it worked! I matched with this amazing girl - she's beautiful, intelligent, and we have an incredible connection.

We've been seeing each other for a while now, and it's been great.But today, during our FaceTime call, I decided to come clean about how we met. I told her that when we first started chatting, I was using an AI bot and that it sent most of those early messages. This has been bothering me for weeks, and I thought she would appreciate my honesty.

I was wrong. She looked shocked and upset, then abruptly ended the call. When I tried to call back, she texted me saying she can't talk right now.

An hour later, I texted her again, and my heart sank when I saw my messages had gone from blue to green. She's always had read receipts on, but now it seems she's blocked my number. It's been five hours, and still no response.

What should I do? I really really like her

TL;DR: I thought I was doing the right thing by admitting to my girlfriend that I used an AI dating bot when we first matched. Now she's not talking to me, and I'm afraid I messed up badly.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:50

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

mystes posted:

I will say I want to believe it's real and also regardless of whether it's real or not I really like the misinterpretation of the double date. (Conversely, if it's fake that is actually quite an ingenious idea to come up with.)

Also makes me wonder how the logistics of that worked. Did she show up and leave with the OP and not the BF? Was there no hand-holding or other show of affection at all? What the hell kind of conversation did they have where no personal situations came up at all, like, "Oh, BF and I saw that movie ..." or whatever?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:51

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

DemoneeHo posted:

I told my girlfriend I used an AI dating bot to chat with her. She blocked me. Next steps?

Date the bot, I guess :shrug:

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:52

mystes: May 31, 2006

DemoneeHo posted:

I told my girlfriend I used an AI dating bot to chat with her. She blocked me. Next steps?

I had to read the second paragraph like three times because I was misunderstanding what "ai dating bot" meant and didn't realize there are apparently things designed specifically to do this?

Edit:

Captain Hygiene posted:

Date the bot, I guess

I was going to say that but that's not the kind of bot it is, it's even worse than that

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:52

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

MagusofStars posted:

Agreed, but per the comments, it's even more than that:

Maybe she should teach her kids to read the ingredients list and "remember that time we had to rush to the hospital, that's why it's important to always check".

No, it's anyone and everyone else's fault if my kid encounters an allergen! Certainly not mine or my child's for not paying the gently caress attention to what they were ham-fisting into their gob. What do you mean, I should parent my kid?!

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:53

AnoHito: May 8, 2014

mystes posted:

One other thing is, the OP had no issue presumably not being introduced as her boyfriend for six years. But then as soon as she introduced him as he cousin, he was immediately concerned.

So was she introducing him to other people as her "friend" for six years and he thought she just didn't feel like specifying boyfriend because it was none of their business? But now now that she was engaged she felt like it was better to say "cousin" than "friend" in case people might misunderstand and think they were going out?

Well you see, his primary hobby is cooking Polynesian cuisine, so she had been constantly introducing him as her "poi friend" all along

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:56

mystes: May 31, 2006

I think the ai dating bot must be something like this:

https://www.yourmove.ai/

I'm not surprised OP's girlfriend immediately dumped him when she found out because it means that the initial conversation she had where she felt like they had some sort of connection was actually with a bot

# ? Apr 3, 2024 02:56

Slo-Tek: Jun 8, 2001; WINDOWS 98 BEAT HIS FRIEND WITH A SHOVEL

I'm a little curious about the training data for an AI dating chatbot. 10 years of horny texts? Romance novels?

Somebody get seduced by predictive text and report back plz.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 03:03

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

Most specialized AI bots are instances of a generic AI bot like ChatGPT, given hidden instructions (usually in plain English like any other prompt) to essentially role-play as the sort of chatbot it�s supposed to be. It�s usually not that hard to get a bot to reveal these instructions

ChatGPT itself was trained on hundreds of gigabytes of text documents- fiction, classics, references, technical documentation, ccopyrighted news articles without permission, everything they could get their hands on. There was probably enough romance in there that it can act as a suitor if you ask nicely

# ? Apr 3, 2024 03:09

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

mystes posted:

I think the ai dating bot must be something like this:

https://www.yourmove.ai/

I'm not surprised OP's girlfriend immediately dumped him when she found out because it means that the initial conversation she had where she felt like they had some sort of connection was actually with a bot

She dumped him for the bot.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 03:12

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I'm still a bit hung up on 'having to give clear, concise requests for everyday tasks to my partner is emotional abuse to me'. Maybe because I'm reminded of my upbringing where being asked to do a chore often is about 1 part trying to actually do the chore to 4 parts standing there getting yelled at, especially for any attempt to actually do the chore

# ? Apr 3, 2024 03:21

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

My (34F) husband (30M) has been secretly donating sperm on Facebook. Is there any way back from this?

quote:

Hey guys, I�m gonna have to anonymize some details but I�ll try and keep this as close to what did happen as possible. Me (34F) and my husband (30M) have been together for almost a decade (dating 6 years, married 3). We�re both rational, generally risk averse people, and we love(d) each other madly.

I never would have expected there could be anything he would do to make me consider leaving the marriage. Until last week.

One piece of important context � my husband (I�ll call him Jeff) has a lesbian sister (I�ll call her Lisa). Lisa and Jeff are two years apart (Lisa is older) but they�re more like identical twins - super close, and I swear they can read each other�s minds. It�s freaky.

Four years ago, right before me and Jeff got engaged, Lisa and her wife (let�s call her Sara) decided to start their family. They had a ton of problems with sperm banks � too expensive, overly anonymous, and they were freaked out by that doctor who secretly impregnated his own patients. Bad stuff all around. So they ended up using a donor they found on a Facebook group. Jeff and I were fully along for the fertility journey, all the ups and downs, and Lisa and Sara ended up finding a great guy - kind of weird, but it worked for them, and now they have an incredible little goblin starting kindergarten next year.

Fast forward to now. I just found out my husband has been donating sperm on these Facebook groups for the past two years.I was so devastated (and furious) when he finally came clean � I basically felt like he�d been cheating on me, and it was obviously a huge trust violation. Even worse, We�ve been trying to have kids ourselves and so far, nothing has worked. Our own fertility struggles are a huge stress but I felt like we were going through it together. When he finally told me, I packed up my poo poo and left to stay at my mom�s.

A few caveats that make the situation more complicated: he only donates to LGBTQ+ couples. He only does artificial insemination (no sex/physical contact). He doesn�t keep in touch with the couple after and he�s not involved with the kid - it�s fully just the mother�s/couple�s. He asks not to be involved and at least claims that he doesn�t know if any of the donation attempts worked.

He says it�s just genetic material, and that ever since his niece was born he can�t imagine life without her. That�s the only part I can kind of understand... I love our niece too, and she only exists because some guy on Facebook decided to jizz in a cup.

I sympathize with LGBTQ+ people who can�t have kids without donors, but I absolutely can�t see myself being involved with someone who might have kids I don�t know about, even if that means there might be families who don�t conceive. He�s begged me every day to come back but I obviously can�t face him or work through it so soon.

I can accept that it�s not cheating exactly, but I don�t know if I see a way to get through this. The thought of leaving is unfathomable to me, but so is staying after what he did. He says the only reason he didn't tell me is because of my own struggle getting pregnant and he didn't want to add to the stress, but that the important thing is he came clean (I obviously don't see that as justification for lying). I built my life with him and I want to find some way through this. He says he�ll do anything, but what can he possibly do to build back my trust? I�m so lost.

TLDR: My (34F) husband (30M) has been secretly donating sperm on Facebook groups for the past two years as a way to help LGBTQ+ couples after the birth of our (donor conceived) niece.

Countdown to follow-up, "My husband has been sued for child support by 47 families for his off the book children."

# ? Apr 3, 2024 03:32

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

woo new thread. rip big john

# ? Apr 3, 2024 03:43

DreamingofRoses: Jun 27, 2013; Nap Ghost

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I'm still a bit hung up on 'having to give clear, concise requests for everyday tasks to my partner is emotional abuse to me'. Maybe because I'm reminded of my upbringing where being asked to do a chore often is about 1 part trying to actually do the chore to 4 parts standing there getting yelled at, especially for any attempt to actually do the chore

It was for stuff like �take me on a date�. It kind of sucks that he can�t be bothered to listen about her feelings and needs her to do the work of making a bulleted list because he can�t be assed to listen.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 04:23

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

Slo-Tek posted:

I'm a little curious about the training data for an AI dating chatbot. 10 years of horny texts? Romance novels?

Somebody get seduced by predictive text and report back plz.

I don't think it's that hard to get some people who you start chatting with interested enough to go on a date a date if you are not concerned with showing your real personality, don't mind lying, and study up on stuff that probably works. I'd also like to know what they use for training data, but it doesn't surprise me that an AI who has no real personality, no problem with lying, and a database of fairly flirty stuff that worked on some people can generate a few lines of text that pique someone's interest. I think most women on dating sites who will go on a date in a reasonable timeframe (as opposed to endlessly chatting or looking to collect messages for an ego boost) are really looking for 'sounds not boring and not red-flagged, I'll figure out the rest in person', so what an AI is good at generating should be good for that.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 04:44

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Hughlander posted:

My (34F) husband (30M) has been secretly donating sperm on Facebook. Is there any way back from this?

Countdown to follow-up, "My husband has been sued for child support by 47 families for his off the book children."

Are they doing literal turkey baster at-home insemination? Thus just seems like a terrible idea for so many, many reasons.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 04:50

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Yeah, what happens on Thanksgiving?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 04:51

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 17, 2024 15:27

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Yeah, what happens on Thanksgiving?

That's how you make country gravy.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 04:52

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: it sounds like I'm having sex with a parrot or malfunctioning robot

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