r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 01:47

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 16:34

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

How to break to my college-age daughters that I'm dating someone their age??!! Please help

quote:

I am a middle-aged divorced father of twins that are currently of college-age. I have decided to start dating again a few months ago after years of being single. The truth is, the woman I am in a relationship with is at the same age group � early 20�s. I obviously love my daughters to pieces but I am unsure how to break this news to them. I know that they want me to date for a long time since I divorced but I think there would be some awkwardness considering that I�m dating someone barely older than them.

I am dating this beautiful woman from Moscow, Russia and how I found her is pretty interesting. I communicated with her via this website called A Foreign Affair. I�m just seeking advice for how to tell my daughters that I�m dating again, but I feel the need to tell a bit of background just so you guys know where I�m coming from. I am a white man from Key West and I�ve been divorced for about 9 years and I�ve never had steady relationships since then. It would always end after a few months. There were some good moments and experiences but they were really BAD relationships that I feel grateful I got out of. Normally, I would go elsewhere to ease the loneliness, but I decided I want to chat with real women, and that�s how I found the website. I think they were the first on the search engine so I just clicked. I was chatting with multiple other women, but the woman I am dating now stood out the most.

I�m normally not attracted to women half my age but there�s just something special about her. We just clicked even though we barely had anything common. I was curious to know if I was experiencing the real deal so I phoned her. Unfortunately I don't speak Russian but we got along fine because she knows basic English . I knew I was falling in love and I hadn�t even met her yet! It�s weird. I decided I just really didn�t care but I do care about the opinions of my twin daughters. How do you think I should tell them? I know they want me to be happy but it doesn�t lessen my nervousness. Please help me. I need your opinions on how to deal with this. Thanks. -Roger

Paragraphs added.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 23:09

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Elviscat posted:

Lol, yes, very interesting.

Chances on this dude working for the DoD and his new "girlfriend" being very interested in his work?

It's from before Russia invaded Ukraine, so low albeit not zero. I've been looking for older stories lately.

# ¿ Apr 6, 2024 23:33

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

AITA Because I made my parents homeless for getting rid of my dog

quote:

I (F27) lived with my parents until last week.

I have a dog that I love. She has been my best friend since I graduated university. I am not very social, and I prefer her company to most people I know.

I have had boyfriends and even a short relationship that ended amicably. I am just not really interested in much beyond my work and my dog.

My parents think that this is a shortcoming, but I do not. My brother also lives with us. He is in high school and he doesn't pay rent.

I pay about 50% of everything in the house. Including groceries. It is about the same as rent would cost. And I get the basement suite.

It isn't a legal suite in the sense that it could be rented but it is fine for a family member. It is because of building codes and stuff. It would cost a bunch of money to make it suitable for a renter.

So my mom decided that the reason I am not actively looking for a husband is because my dog takes too much of my attention. My pup has some health problems but nothing I can't afford. And nothing that affects her quality of life.

So my mom gave her away. While I was at work. I came home and she was gone, along with all her stuff. Her toys her leash. Everything.

I lost it on my mom. I told her if she didn't tell me where my dog was I was calling the cops and saying that they had stolen my dog and having her charged.

I went to the place where my dog was and got my dog back.

I then went back to my parents house and packed all my stuff that was important to me and went to a friend's house.

My dad has been calling and texting me asking about money for October. I told him he should have thought about that when he allowed a crazy person to steal from me.

Since my dad lost his job because of the current world disease they cannot afford all the household bills without my help.

My dad says that they will be out of money in three months without me. I don't trust them anymore.

My family thinks I am an rear end in a top hat for caring more about my dog than I do about them.

To answer some questions I know will come up. Yes I am on the spectrum. I may also lean towards Ace even though I have enjoyed sex with men before.

AITA?

Poster included a pic of the dog.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2024 21:33

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

i (20/f) hooked up with another girl (18) 2 days ago and she is a neo-nazi.

quote:

hi, this is my first time posting something like this.

to start off, i want to give a little backstory about myself. im a 20 year old college student who has a room to myself and i tend to be a bit of a recluse. im very shy and i barely ever talk as im currently in my 3rd month of my transition (male -> female) and very embarassed and ashamed.

ive been very lonely so i decided to make an online dating profile and i ended up getting messaged by another mtf woman (2 years younger than me) and she ended up driving 2 hours to come see me.

we had some "intimate" time and it was my first experience letting someone get close to my body. afterwards, she sorta dropped some info i wasnt expecting and explained to me that she has aspergers and tourettes and she's a white supremacist/neo-nazi and that if they find out that she's trans then they will kill her.

i really didnt know what to say so i just kinda avoided asking any questions or confronting her. we've been together for 2 days and she says she loves me and that im beautiful and cute. im feeling really overwhelmed because shes kinda crazy and also acts immature sometimes and its getting on my nerves.
she's staying a third night and plans to stay as many as possible until i say no i guess. i feel like im being manipulated or used. i dont know.

i heard her crying in the bathroom and i knocked on the door and asked if shes ok but she got really defensive and said she's strong and she never cries. i told her its okay to cry and that she can talk to me about it but she just wanted to drop the subject.

i dont know what to do.. this is too crazy for me. i have enough anxiety and depression to deal with. i feel like im going to get trapped in a hosed up relationship. im really not ready for this.

tl;dr i (20/f) hooked up with a white supremacist neo-nazi transwoman with aspergers and tourettes and its sorta become a weird relationship. i have no idea what to do. i feel really uncomfortable and anxious.

# ¿ Apr 13, 2024 21:41

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

If we're posting faves from the old thread, here was a low-key heartwarmer that I enjoyed (that isn't just clueless lesbians):

How do I (17F) tell my mom (36F) that I know her 'best friend' (30s-40s?F) is her girlfriend?

quote:

Using a throwaway just in case.

My mom (36F) has raised me as a single mom since my piece of poo poo dad ran off to marry some chick he met on deployment. She has worked very hard and I love her to bits. She's never talked about remarrying and has never even dated to my knowledge.

Two years ago she met Kim at one of my swim meets and they became instant friends. I found it kind of annoying at first, but the last couple years she's been happier than I ever remember my mom being. They go out to dinner once a week, they talk and text a lot, etc.

Earlier this week I had to fix a software problem on my mom's computer and I opened her browser history and saw a page about having safe sex for two women. All of a sudden everything clicked. My mom working late hours at work a lot recently, my mom hiding her laundry from me, things like that.

I want to tell my mom that I'm really happy for her that she has a girlfriend and she doesn't have to hide it from me, but I feel like going 'Hey mom, I know you're munching Kim's rug' wouldn't be good.

Advice?

tl;dr: Pretty sure my mom's 'best friend' is her girlfriend, how do I tell her I know and she doesn't need to hide?

UPDATE How do I (17F) tell my mom (36F) that I know her 'best friend' (30s-40s?F) is her girlfriend?

quote:

There were way more replies than I could keep up with! For the day off today we decided to order dinner for takeout, and when my mom told me her order I asked her if I should put in an order for Kim as well. My mom asked why I thought Kim would be eating dinner with us, so I told her they hang out so much Kim is practically her girlfriend and I'm really happy for them both and they don't need to hide it from me.

Turns out I was right about my mom dating a woman but wrong about it being Kim. About the same time she met Kim, she also met Jin at a professional conference of hers, and they've been dating for a few months now. My mom invited Jin over to dinner and it turns out they kept all their mushy stuff on my mom's smartphone, I knew they were friends but turns out half the time my mom's 'gone out to dinner with a friend' lately it's been Jin.

My mom hadn't told me for a few reasons. She grew up in a super conservative area and was kinda forced to marry my dad right after high school. She's not sure if she's bi or gay or has an exception or what, she's still working through a lot of stuff about how she feels and what she wants to call herself.

She also didn't want to tell me until I turned 18 because she's pretty sure my grandparents and aunts and uncles will disown her when she comes out, and make me choose. My mom wanted to wait until I was legally an adult and could make my own decisions about my relationships with my family.

I hugged my mom and told her I don't give a poo poo what some hateful, miserable antediluvian cretins yammering from the primordial ooze say, she's my mom and she's awesome and I love her and Jin seems like a great woman. I told her that if the crabs in the bucket want to pull her back down, make crab cakes with rainbow sprinkles.

Jin laughed her head off but my mom asked me to please not say anything in public. She's working through personal poo poo and she'll come out in public when she's ready, so I promised I wouldn't say a word to anyone.

Except to you guys, there was so much awesome advice. Thank you, reddit!

tl;dr: right about my mom dating a woman, wrong about which woman, mom's working through personal stuff before she comes out publicly but knows I love and support her

# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 02:15

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

DH (28m) thinks my (33f) boobs (I cup) are too big. Is this a big deal?

quote:

Don't get me wrong, obviously I know they're big, obscenely big, but I never thought he cared one way or another. He isn't a tit man at all, he's an rear end man.

We are newlyweds, coming up on a year together. My boobs were never a source of comment either way, for or against, and he pays attention to them in bed for me. He does like to joke with his buddies that he got the biggest and best ones and they compare pics (I don't mind).

A few months ago, he commented that my nipples were getting bigger and that he liked it. This is the first positive thing he's had to say about them, and I was happy. Then we were teasing each other about exes one day and he mentioned that his ex had perfect, perky, sexy boobs. I was surprised by this comment because he says he doesn't like boobs and never has. I asked him, and he said he was just teasing me to get a rise out of me.

Fast forward to last night, we were talking about sex and I said I've always wanted to be with a woman, and that breast size wouldn't matter, I'd just be happy to have tits in my hands and mouth. He says "My ideal boobs on a woman are a D, maximum. Any bigger and they sag too much." This made me feel awful and self conscious about my boobs. I'm 4'9 with I cup breasts, there's no way perky is a descriptor.

He told me that when we are done having kids, I could get a reduction if I wanted. I've considered it before because of my back and shoulder pain, but at the same time I love my boobs. I have a really small waist and big hips and they balance it all out. But at the same time, they are inconvenient.

I'm just surprised and a little hurt that he never told me he felt this way. Now I feel like I must gross him out and look like a circus freak to him, and it's not like they're easy to ignore...I have limited insight into the male psyche, do you think this is something that's a big deal to him or is it probably a minor matter of preference that doesn't mean much in the long run?

TL;DR DH previously showed zero interest or preference in boobs. Now I find out he does and it's opposite of me and I feel awkward and unappealing. Is he thinking "ew" all the time or is it maybe not a big deal?

"I have giant boobs and am actively fantasizing about having sex with a woman."

"Your tits are disgusting and I think you're ugly."

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 12:29

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

youknowthatoneguy posted:

I don't have a story to add, just a comment because I see it in so many of these stories.

I loving hate the phrase "sexy times." Like nails on a chalkboard. I've had women I'm with say it, which drives me up the wall.

gently caress, have sex, enter the bone zone; any of these are acceptable, but let's stop with sexy times please.

Would you say it makes your youngman shrimpy?

# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 22:44

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

I [20 M] entered into a devil's threesome with my girlfriend [18 F] of over a year, royally hosed things up and I'm not sure what to do.

quote:

My girlfriend and I are extremely close, we love one another very much and have loved each other longer than we've been actually together. Sex is important to us, especially because I'm the one who took her virginity early on in the relationship, and we're always very open and talkative.

We had been talking about an open relationship, me really being the main proponent because I'm 20, stupid, and liked the idea of being able to sleep around, but one of us always had some sort of issue. Slowly I saw her start to come around to the idea, and I had a friend who had just moved into town that I knew she found really attractive. He was going to come hang out with us and play video games and drink. This is where I began to gently caress up.

I suggested to her that we try a threesome. He was down for it, she wanted it but was nervous, and I was drunk, so my sense of "the idea of you with another man makes my skin crawl" was inhibited, so at about 6 am, my friend and I started kissing her. He was very aggressive about the way he handled her, not violent, but assertive, which made it difficult for me to do anything. This was problem #1.

We were all finally naked, and I told her to start blowing him while I applied lube to myself and her, thinking I could gently caress her while she blew him. He decided instead that he was going to pull her on top of him and started loving her. I had told him that we were all going to share each other, that was established, and yet here he is essentially commandeering my girlfriend. I wanted to deck him - the alcohol was wearing off, I was upset and angry, but she looked liked she was genuinely enjoying herself........so I bit my tongue. That was my second gently caress up, not stopping it when I had the power to.

What was a supposed to be a threesome turned into 45 minutes of watching my friend plow my girlfriend while he pretty much barred me from doing anything. I got maybe 3 minutes of actual sex. My own girlfriend wasn't even attempting to include me, her attention was on him. I ordered him to leave.

She and I have had many conversations in the past 24 hours about this happening. The fact that she had sex with another man doesn't bother her, even though she has sworn this entire relationship up until this event that being with another man was out of the question for her. I no longer want an open relationship, I can't bring myself to be with another girl now, but now she actually wants an open relationship.

My anger subsided, she and I resolved to stay together because we love each other. We had sex last night and it was some of the best we ever had. She proceeded to break down crying, talking about how much she loved me and how much she cared about me and how sorry she was all of this happened.
It's my fault. It's my fault it happened. But I can't get it out of my head, the image of him loving her, the anger associated with that. I can't view us in the same light anymore, but I'm the only one bothered by it. So my choices are to get over it or leave.
What do I do? How can I get over what I've caused?

tl;dr: Had threesome with girlfriend and close friend (M) because I thought it would result in my having the freedom to sleep around, back fired, don't want an open relationship, pretty much watched my friend gently caress my girlfriend for 45 minutes, and now I can't think of our relationship without my skin crawling. Don't want to leave her, how do I get over this.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2024 12:42

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Kitfox88 posted:

mulan is a disney princess, right?

And she wears a dress at one point. Which is how she's depicted in 99% of Disney merch (I live not far from Orlando in Florida, that poo poo is everywhere).

Three guesses whether the sister would let her wear anything but the fancy Chinese dress.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 12:16

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

A friend (24M) of mine (23M) apparently lied and told someone we slept together. Now everyone is congratulating me for coming out of the closet, and they think I am just lying because I am ashamed when I tell them I am not gay. The guy who lied refuses to tell the truth.

quote:

This is a really strange situation. I hung out with a guy I sort of know at a bar for a while, and he asked to see my gaming PC so we went over my apartment. Jokingly, his friends were saying we were going up there to gently caress (I live above the bar). We did a tiny bit of coke while we were up there, hung out and played games and talked about the PC for like maybe an hour and a half or so, then he went back down and I stayed up there.

While he was down there, I dont know what got into him, but he must have told his friends some story that ended with us having sex. Or its possible one of his friends just thought that? I have no idea, he was really coked up when he left downstairs so I assume it was him who told the story.

the next day I awoke to a whole lot of people messaging me saying that they heard me and george (the guy) had sex and that they had no idea I was gay and they wanted to congratulate me and all that. I am not sure HOW this spread so fast, but 4 people hit me up. Apparently the rumor developed into not only did I have sex with him, but I also came out to him as gay?

Either way, I wrote a FB status right there and then seeking to end this tirade, saying it didnt happen, me and george didnt do anything, its just some weird lie or rumor. A person (a gay man specifically) wrote that he didnt think george would lie about that and that he is disappointed that I felt so embarrassed to come out as gay that I would deny it after, or to accuse a gay man of lying just to protect my masculinity. that comment got 6 likes, and a few people responded saying they agree, that it came off like I was denying it to protect my masculinity, and that they believe george over me. Another girl wrote as her status "when straight guys call a gay man a liar about them having sex just to protect his masculinity" and it was kind of obvious she was referring to me.

I dont even know what to say. For one, I hit up george, I called him, its been 4 days, zero response. I am not even sure if I have the right phone number. I am not even sure if its HIM spreading this rumor at all, it could have just been someone who saw him go up to my apartment. I've gotten a few more messages from people congratulating me for coming out, and that "they had no idea!" and stuff like that. I've told every single one, sorry, its just a rumor, some of them were like 'oh okay sorry' and some didnt even respond, presumably because they saw my status and that guy who commented on it.

I don't know what to do. I dont give a poo poo if I was gay, but I don't want to be known as gay when I am not. Its just a weird feeling because people have accused me now of homophobia over this and I just feel terrible because I have no bad feelings towards gay people, but I just want people to know, I am not gay. Like, this isn't true, at all. But now everytime I deny it it just looks worse. One of my friends hit me up and she said "look, I know you are denying it, but on the chance you are gay and just feel embarrassed thats okay too!" and it just made me realize I may never be able to shake this off

What the hell do I do? I barely even know this george guy, he might never respond!

Edit: In the title I said 'refuses to tell the truth', really its more like he isnt responding at all

tl;dr: Being accused of sleeping with a dude, I am not gay. Its spreading all over facebook.

Going theory is that the guy lied about them having sex to cover for the doing cocaine thing.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 13:04

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Me [27 F] with my ex fiance [29 M] of 5 years, he is the father, wants our relationship back but I don't know...

quote:

So, my ex who we will call Derek and I met at a work related meetup, we are both software engineers. We hung out, we clicked and after a couple of weeks we officially started dating. I was smitten. He was the first man I ever actually loved and really wanted to spent my future with. After three years together we got engaged. He proposed and I said yes. I thought I would get the fairy tale ending that I never even knew I wanted.

So we start planning the wedding, start looking at buying a house, daydream about our future family, 3 kids, a dog, warm apple pie, the whoooole 9 yard. And then, 2 months before the wedding I find out I am pregnant.

It wasn't planned, we always used condoms but to be honest, to me it seemed like fate. I know this sounds stupid, but we were already on our way to (my dream) marriage and this little accident seemed to me like it was just destiny... So, that day, I go home, pick up a little something on the way, make us dinner with candles, because honestly I thought this called for a little celebration. I really fully believed he would be excited.

So he comes home, sees the dinner, is happy at first, we sit down, eat and then I say "I got a surprise for you". He was all giddy, since it wasn't to unsual for me to get him something small now and then, just because, but then I put the little something I got on the table. They're baby socks. In gender neutral mint green... Anyway, he looks at them, and his face just kinda goes from thinking about the meaning of this to just shock, disbelief and then raaaaaaage. My god did he flip his poo poo. After pretty much what feels like hours of screaming at me, calling me a whore and every name in the book, asking me how I could do this to him, how I could cheat on him bla bla bla. I just sit there in tears not knowing what the eff is going on. So, long story short: When he was in his early 20s he apparently found out he was infertile. When did he plan on telling me this? I don't know. So he is convinced that I must've cheated and this child is from my (non-existent) lover. He got all condescending and told me that I must have had some excersise and probably cheated on all my previous partners too, since I was so good at hiding it that he never even noticed. I told him he never noticed because I never cheated. Anyway, he said some really nasty things, packed his stuff and went to his parents. He told me I had two weeks to move out, then he wanted his apartment back. So 9 months of torture began.

I knew I would not abort. I (personally) feel like abortion is not something you can justify without having some good reasons and I just didn't... THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINION FOR MY LIFE. I will never judge someone else by them and they are not up for discussion, I just feel I have to clarify for the sake of this post. Anyway, I had a stable job in a good career with benefits and where I live mothers are protected by the state, too.

So I went on with the pregnancy. The first 3 months I really desperately tried to get him to talk to me, to see reason. To tell him to get checked again by docs and that maybe his first diagnosis was wrong or inaccurate. He denied all my attempts and just kept calling me a cheater. Then he told all our friends and his parents "why we had broken up". That I got knocked up by another man and was an unfaithful whore. I lost a lot of people in that time that I would've called my friends. His parents who had never outright loved me jumped on that opportunity and gave me hell as well. So after a while I just gave up. I cried myself to sleep every night for a loooong time and had to go through all the pregnancy classes, checkups and all that good stuff alone. Then in the last couple of weeks before giving birth Derek contacted me. He said that he got checked by a different doctor and that apparently, though extremely slow, his swimmers weren't completely useless. That him conceiving a child naturally was super unlikely, but not impossible. So he asked for a paternity test. I was unwilling to get one during the pregnancy, since it had already been a little bit complicated and my doc didn't recommend it, but I said that as soon as baby was born I would sign the necessary documents and we could get it done.

So now baby is here. We had some sparse contact over the last couple of weeks before birth, but he wasn't there when I actually delivered my son and even though I put him on the birth certificate, for now I have full custody.

So he gets me the documents and I sign and after about two weeks the results come back... well, what do you think? He is the god drat father. That was 3 month ago. Ever since then he has begged and begged for me to take him back. He says he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he should've never doubted me, that he will do everything to make up for it and that he just wants to have a family with me. He went out of his way to make sure that all of the people he told about this got a corrected update of the whole situation, he has publicly apologised and made his parents apologise. He brought me flowers, baby toys, spent thousands on furniture for Baby's room and has all in all be wonderful and supportive.

And I want him back. I want it so badly. After all he has done I still love him. But I don't know if I can forgive him. He said horrible things, I lost so many friends, almost had to quit my job because of that and had to go through the pregnancy alone, even had to move because he threw me out of the apartment that we shared at the time and I just don't know if I can... Am I being selfish? I am denying my son the right to grow up in family with both parents and it feels like I should be able to get over the things in the past for him at least. I just still feel so humiliated... What do I do???

Edit: I am sorry if that didn't become clear in my post, I was never reluctant to do the paternity test, I just told him that I was going to do it after Baby was born which was only a short time to wait anymore anyway, from when he contacted me. I was 100% in favour of doing it, just not while Baby was still hatching.

Edit 2: Because a couple of people have brought it up: A prenatal PT is not legal in my country, except when ordered by court in case of crimes. So for me to get one I would have had to go to one of the neighbouring countries. Here is where the problem lies. That would've included some traveling. Planes were out of the question and my gyn highly recommend I do not take any trains or busses for several hours. Also, I would've not been covered by insurance and it would've been up to 2000 euros worth of money. I thought it was a little too much detail to put in the original, but people really seem to think this is a big deal. I still 100% agreed to let him get one AFTER Baby was there, which really wasn't a long wait anymore anyway...

TLDR: Fiance left when I was pregnant, suspected me of cheating. Child pops out, paternity test shows it's his, now he wants back together. What do I do?

# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 14:15

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

I don't think this thread has had a clueless lesbian post yet.

That is within my power to correct.

I [20/F] want to come out to my best friend [21/F] of 17 years and tell her I love her, but I�m afraid of losing our wonderful friendship.

quote:

Emily and I have known each other for 17 years. We started talking to each other in preschool; when both of us were 4 years old. I�ve been best friends with her since.

I�ve been through so much with Emily. I�m proud to call her my best friend. She was there for me when I lost my brother to cancer - she was the light at the end of the tunnel. She�s been a part of my whole conscious life. I�m extremely grateful for the beautiful relationship I have with her.

During high school I realized I had a preference for girls - I was embarrassed of this. I didn�t tell anyone, and I still haven�t. I fell in love with her after we graduated high school and were seperated for a few months.

I�ve had these feelings for her for 3 years. My heart races when we�re with each other. I get a sense of euphoria being with her. Her gentle touches on my skin send tingles down my back. I love playing with her hair. The smell of it brings me back to the times when we were kids, and had no care in the world.

Emily and I very close with each other, more so than most friends are. We kissed on the lips a year ago when both of us were drunk. She was the one that made the move on me and I gladly received her. I think back to that moment a lot. I yearn for it to happen again. We take showers together when we visit each other�s apartments. We have no issues showing physical affection for each other. Both of us are very touchy and we absolutely love cuddling with each other.

To be honest I don�t know what Emily�s sexuality is. It�s never come up. I know I shouldn't keep a secret this huge from her. If she was in my situation she would tell me the truth.

These past few days have been unbearable for me. I can�t be around Emily without thinking of her romantically. It�s been hard to keep my emotions in check. She�s noticed this and has asked me if anything is going on. I tell her it's nothing, it pains me to lie to her.

I'm conflicted. Should I tell her? Will it ruin our friendship forever? What I have with Emily is a once in a lifetime connection. I don�t want to risk that with her, but at the same time I wonder everyday if she reciprocates these feelings for me too.

tl;dr: I'm in love with my childhood best friend of 17 years. I want to come out to her and tell her I love her, but I'm afraid of ruining our beautiful friendship.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 23:28

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

CommissarMega posted:

Do you have a link to this? I want to read all the comments pointing out the obvious to her

Original was sadly suspended, I found it in a compilation of clueless lesbian relationships posts but the original thread seems to be gone.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 02:58

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

My [32F] husband [36M] found out that his ex wife [35F] DIDN�T cheat on him

quote:

My husband and I have been married for two years, together for four. He�s divorced and has (had?) an extremely hostile relationship with his ex. They don�t even speak. A nanny transports their son back and forth between them. They divorced because he had proof that she had cheated on him and she refused to admit it. He asked for a paternity test on their son and she filed for the divorce. The test was eventually done and his son was obviously proven to be his but the co-parenting relationship between them is damaged. They are (maybe were) very hostile to one another. I met my husband a couple of years after their breakup and learned all of this from him. His family also filled in the blanks and they refer to her as �That Whore� (not when his son is around of course). There is no love lost around either party and to my knowledge my husband and his ex didn�t even speak unless they had to. Everything was communicated through the nanny or by email.

A couple of months ago, my SIL and I were having a girls night and she got incredibly drunk. She stayed over at our place and as I was making sure that she was ok, she said that the family really loved me and she was happy because she liked hanging out with me so she wouldn�t have to get me out of the picture like That Whore. I wasn�t sure that I�d heard right so I asked what she meant. She said that she wasn�t good for him (my husband) and she had to work so hard to make him see. I was really scared/concerned at that point because I started adding up what she was saying but I couldn�t believer it. She passed out before I could ask more but the next day I clarified with her. Turns out she had lied to my husband about seeing his ex with some guy. She had concocted a whole story to ruin his marriage. She told me it didn�t matter now because I was with him and we were right for each other. I felt like my world had tilted. I sat my husband down and told him everything that she had told me. I�ve never seen my husband that livid. Obviously. His sister ruined his marriage because she hated his ex. His parents are upset and concerned and his sister is clearly a loving psycho because she isn�t even remorseful. She thinks that she did him a favor and it�s for the best. Needless to say we didn�t even celebrate Christmas with his family this year. We had his parents over but the big celebration was cancelled. No one is speaking with his sister.

The problem now is his ex. My husband loved his ex and when he thought that she had cheated it took a lot of therapy for him to get over what she had done to ruin them. It hurt him incredibly and now he has to grapple with the fact that his marriage was ruined because of a lie. He�s married to me, living in our home, sleeping next to me but the entire time he seems checked out. He�s been going to therapy as he works through this but I honestly don�t know what it means for our marriage. Recently he reached out to his ex and apologized for accusing her. She accepted his apology but I don�t think that she�s forgiven him because she�s been even more high conflict lately like she wants to punish him.

I feel like I�m waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to realize that he doesn�t want to be with me and go back to his ex if she ever forgives him. I know that I did the right thing in telling my husband but it feels like I may have ruined my marriage in doing so. I don�t what to do. I�m so confused and scared. I just need some words of comfort or advice or something.

tl;dr: My husband got divorced because his sister lied to him about his ex-wife cheating. We�re dealing with the fallout. How to navigate?

# ¿ May 4, 2024 14:34

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

My [33 M] fiance is drowning in overdue child support, and I [31F] am thinking of leaving him.

quote:

Okay, so first thing I want to say is that I LOVE my fiance. He's a great guy. Whip smart, kind, funny. A year and a half ago I would never imagined I'd be at this point.

We've been dating for 5 years, ever since we met. He works at a call center and I'm a postal worker. We make a moderate income, and the wedding is tentatively in April. (Small, courthouse wedding with a tasteful reception afterwards.)

(I apologize in advance for the legal gobbily-goop. He hasn't really kept me in the loop, and I'm a mail carrier, not a lawyer. I don't have a head for this.)

One year into our relationship he got a notice for paternity from the state he used to live in, for a 3 year old boy. So clearly this happened waaaay before I met him. He thought it was ridiculous, but took the ordered DNA test. Turns out, he IS the father. (Insert Maury audience cat-calling here.)

The mother was apparently mentally unwell, and it turned out the boy was in custody of the grandparents. They offered to adopt the boy if my fiance gave up all his paternal rights. He jumped at the offer -- they pulled some strings (I've heard it's supposed to be hard, but we literally flew down to his old state on the date they told him to, signed some papers in front of a judge, and that was that.)

I was personally... ambivalent about the thing. It seemed like he just gave up all rights to his son without a care. But in the end, it's his business, not mine. I told myself I would be supportive Step-Mother if the boy ever came to him for help/answers when he was older.

There was some messy legal business about arrears child support, because the mother apparently was on welfare for years, and the state wants repayment from Fiance. I don't know much about it, because he refuses to share. Only that it's around 20k. For three years. drat.

A couple years go by, I take Fiance to the DMV to renew his license because it's waaaaay past expired and he won't do it. Low and behold, it's suspended. Why? Past due child support judgement for ANOTHER child. A 12 year old girl.

30 thousand dollars.

Fiance is literally sick. (And I mean he threw up all night.) Worse, in order to get his license suspended he had to contact child support department in his old state and give them all his current contact info -- where he works, where he lives.

Soon enough, a notice comes through HR: He's going to be garnished 25% of his after-tax pay because of the child support judgement.

Reddit, he just shut down after that -- stonewalls any conversation regarding the issue at all. I took up more of the bills, but now we're both struggling. We have had to move into a smaller, crappier apartment using my credit alone because his has a big fat judgement on it. He had to refinance his almost paid off car because he couldn't afford the high payments.

There's... some kind of hearing coming up. I don't know what it's about because he flatly refuses to tell me. I think maybe it's to adjust the payments based on his current income (which has grown due a promotion). Either way, he hasn't bought plane tickets. (Or rather, hasn't asked me for the money because he can't afford them). I think he's not going. It'll be an automatic judgement against him.

Here's the thing: He could request a DNA test for the girl. He hasn't, though he's told me he's certain he's not the father. He could hire an attorney -- I've offered to front the cost -- but he has a thousand excuses: He'd have to get one in his other state, they'd gouge him because he wasn't there, he doesn't have the time, excuse, excuse, excuse.

The hearing is in three weeks. I don't know what's going on and he's so passive about it that I'm worried. So, I opened up an official looking notice he received a few months back, but never bothered to open.

There's a THIRD child. This one is a brother of the girl. Maybe the hearing is actually about him? God drat it. I just don't know. He has actually left the house for a long walk when I questioned him a few weeks back. I am not a nagging person. Asking him to deal with his bullshit is uncomfortable for me, too.

If I have to confront him with an ultimatum, we've reached the point of no return. But I'm almost there.

So here's the deal. I love my fiance. He's 50k (For the first boy and girl) in debt that will haunt him for the foreseeable future. He won't DO anything about it -- just sticks his head in the sand and hopes it goes away. Maybe he's depressed? He acts normal, as if none of this is happening. There might be more on the way, with the third child.

If I stay with him, I'll never be able to buy a house. I will have to make all major purchases on my credit alone -- we can never combine income.

He has abandoned three children. I don't know the full stories of the relationship between him and the mothers, other than it was painful and full of lies. One is his biological child for sure. The other two are a question, but they may as well be in the eyes of the state. He doesn't care about them, other than the bi-weekly garnishment on his paycheck. As far as I understand, he's never asked about them once.

I had a pregnancy scare last month. Well, actually I found out I had been pregnant via miscarriage. (No condolences needed, please.) I didn't tell him. It's done. But the first thought in my head after I realized... uh, what came out, was my child would have been fourth in line for any support if things went south. Who says he wouldn't abandon me, too? We do plan on having children eventually.

My heart loves this guy. My head says I'll be throwing away my financial future if I stick with him. What does Reddit say?

(Update) My [33 M] fiance is drowning in overdue child support, and I [31F] am thinking of leaving him.

quote:

Unfortunately, someone linked my previous post from another subreddit, so the post was locked and deleted.

The basic jist was my fiance had stuck his head in the sand and was ignoring child support notices and hearings to the tune of 50k, for children conceived way before our relationship started. After the second surprise child, he had completely shut me out on the subject. I opened up some of his forgotten mail and saw there was a notice for a THIRD child. To recap:

Baby 1: 3 year old boy -- he was able to give up his paternal rights in favor of the mother's grandparents because the mother had mental health issues. 20k child support in arrears. Baby 2: 12 year old girl. 30k on going child support. I don't know the story behind this one, and he isn't talking. Baby 3: Brother of 12 year old girl. The birthdate was on the paperwork, but he took that letter with him.

Thank you for all of the comments, PMs, and valuable feedback from my other post. The ones that told me I, too, was sticking my head in the sand really put it in place with me. As did the ones who gave professional insight that it was simply NOT possible for him to have been completely blindsided with all three children.

So I was in a mood when he got home tonight. I showed my fianc� (who I'm now calling Johnny Appleseed, thanks to a previous commenter) the letter I opened about the third child. Luckily, he didn't get all huffy about me opening his mail because I was not in the mood.

Johnny's face just fell and he said it was impossible for him to be the father of the third child. (He didn't know about it -- not having opened his child support mail over the last few months.) That the mother of the 12 year old had won child support judgment against him for the girl, and now was clearly looking for more.

I told him I thought that was BS and I wanted the truth now, that I'd been looking through his old state's law and the courts can't have ruled him the father of the 12 year old without evidence. He pulled his usual stonewall stuff, said it didn't matter, because there was a judgment against him he was screwed for life. He actually started to cry. I kept on him. Finally he told me the truth.

He and the Baby Momma were in love since they were teenagers, but it was a on and off relationship. She was drama. She got pregnant and he was there for her, but right before the baby was born she told him he wasn't the father. He was stubborn and proud, and still signed the birth certificate. But he left her soon after at her request, and didn't have any contact. Why didn't he get a DNA test? It was expensive and his heart was broken.

By the end of this, he was crying. I started crying too, and I told him I can't marry him right now with all this going on.

OMG did he go instantly from sorrowful to pissed. He kept asking me how I could do this, that I knew about the child support going in, that he'd always been honest with me. (Um, no, he'd said nothing, or insinuated she put his name on the birth certificate -- not the same as honesty). That he knew Baby Mamma was trying yet again to ruin his life. The judgment was already in, there was nothing he could do because the courts ALWAYS ruled in favor of the mother. There was no point in trying. This was all her fault for trying to ruin his life, and by taking her side over him I was letting her.

Reddit, I'd like to say I threw in some good zingers. The fact is, when things get heated my brain stalls out. I said some things about how he was handling the situation, keeping me locked out of what was going on with the upcoming hearing, that if this kept blowing this off he could go to jail, but my delivery sounded kinda lame even to me. It's never like how I practice in my head or can type out here, you know?

Then he started asking me if this was about a male coworker I had once given a ride home, like three months ago. If I had an affair with him. WTF? NO.

I took off the ring (his grandmother's) and told him to take it. That he needed to move out tonight, stay with someone else, and give me some space. The wedding was off, and I needed a few days to consider the rest of the relationship.

He kept asking me why, like he couldn't believe I was breaking off the wedding because of a little ol' thing like 50k in debt, three surprise children, and a complete shut-down of the subject. Then he called me shallow, that money means more to me than love.

It went on, but I'm already sick of reliving this. (He does swear there is no possibility of any more surprise children. Period.) He packed a duffle full of clothes and left, having convinced himself that I was either cheating on him or shallow and money hungry.

So I spent the evening rereading comments (I've done the right thing, right?) and browsing For Rent sites. The lease is in my name only because of the judgments on his credit report. (Ugh, this is what I've become -- lying to landlords because of my deadbeat fianc�.) He probably has some sort of resident rights anyway. Meh. At least he's out of the apartment for now.

I texted him a long message an hour ago: (Johnny) before we join our lives together, I need to know you can handle your responsibilities like an adult. Go to the hearing. I will help you with a lawyer, with a plane ticket. Whatever. If you treat me like a partner, maybe we can rebuild our relationship. I love you.

He hasn't answered. I hope he listens to reason once he cools down. He has so many good qualities -- I had to share the very worst in my post to you all. He would be an excellent father if he wanted visitation, and I am willing to put in the work to sort this out and move forward with these kids if he is. He's convinced himself he's screwed for life, and I think it's paralyzed him. It's a terrifying place to be.

I know... basically everyone wanted me to kick him to the curb, but I'm hoping this break is enough of a 'come to Jesus' moment for him to prove he's not a deadbeat. Basically, if he wants to fight for this relationship, he has to go to the hearing and handle his business. Get on a payment plan, and keep on it. Then relationship counseling. Lots and lots of relationship counseling. Then, we'll see? I still may break up permanently but at least he'll have sorted out a thing or two. Maybe I'm just holding onto hope.

So that's it. I really wish I had thought of something awesome to say during the argument, but life isn't a movie. Ball's in his court. Let's see if he mans up or not.

Anyone been through anything like this before? I did blindside him a little because I, too, had been waaaay too passive in letting this slide. How do I help him help himself?

tl;dr: Got (maybe) the truth about Baby Momma, called off the wedding, and hinged any hope of our relationship on him attending his child support hearing.

Update: He hasn't answered the text with the offer to help. I've called the landlord and requested a new lock for the door. He's not on the lease, and it's probably not legal, but as someone pointed out (and I agree) he's adverse to going to court.

Responses have been... passionate. I don't think I was clear. We're essentially done, I returned his grandmother's ring told him to give me space. If IF he accepts help and steps up to his obligations to his children with no backsliding, only then will I consider taking him back. Not for immediate marriage (JFC I'm not insane.). Not to get pregnant (as some lovely commentator suggested).

But considering it's morning and he still hasn't answered the text, it probably doesn't matter.

(Update 2) My [33 M] fiance is drowning in overdue child support, and I [31F] am thinking of leaving him.

quote:

The original post was locked and deleted because someone linked it from another subreddit. I've pasted the contents in the first comment.

Here's the link to the first update.

I don't even know where to start.

After I called off the wedding and returned his grandmother's engagement ring, he packed a duffle full of his clothes and left.

It's been about a month, and I haven't heard a peep from him. I changed the locks on the apartment, but he hasn't been back for his stuff anyway. He blocked me on facebook and when I gave in and tried to give him a call a week later, he'd changed his phone number too.

I heard he was staying at his Best Bro's house, courtesy of Bro's girlfriend.

Trust me, I went through all the stages of grief -- denial, anger, acceptance, etc -- and I finally accepted he wasn't coming back. I thought maybe he'd gone back to his home state to be with one of the baby mama's, but his car was parked in the parking lot at his work. (I may have... drove past once or twice.)

The hearing was scheduled for early this week. Finally, tonight, I plucked up my courage and went to the Best Bro's house to confront him. The least he could do is get his crap out of my apartment, right? I grabbed up his many many unopened child support notices, and a picture of boy #1 he left on his dresser. It's the only picture of the three kids that he has, and he left it behind.

Best Bro answered the door, and what followed was just about the most awkward conversation ever.

I can't remember the conversation verbatim but I asked where ex-Fianc� was, and Best Bro said he wasn't there. He was being all evasive, so I asked if he went to the hearing or not.

Best Bro looked confused. What hearing?

I told him the child support hearing for his three kids. Best Bro looked super confused, like I was crazy. Then he asked if I was seeing anyone else, other than ex-Fianc�.

Of course I wasn't. I gave Best Bro a very abbreviated version (kicked ex-Fianc� out bc he was ignoring his child support from his baby mamas, he had a hearing earlier this week.) I was getting loud because I'd been bottling this up and Best Bro's girlfriend came out to see what was going on.

She's the one who told me, her exact words: Your man lost his drat mind.

The weekend after I kicked him out, he went out to a bar with Best Bro for some good ol' girl bashing. He met up with some 22 year old bartender, and hooked up. Reddit, he MARRIED her last weekend. Drove up to Reno (we're a couple hours from the Nevada border) and did the whole chapel of love thing. Best Bro and his girlfriend were the witnesses.

They hadn't really supported his decision, but he had them convinced I was a cheating whore, and he was so heartbroken. Plus, Best Bro's girlfriend implied later that he'd overstayed his welcome by crashing at their house for most of a month.

I was shocked and pissed and wanted to cry because I sorta got the vibe that Best Bro still didn't believe I wasn't cheating. So I grabbed the court documents from my car and gave them to him to 'pass along' to my ex. I doubt they'll open them up, but the fact they're from his old state county's child support division should be good evidence.

I don't know why I should care about their opinion. Neither one of them called me during this. I thought I was their friend, too. But they believed him.

Now I'm back home, surrounded by his crap, and trying to sort out my feelings.

I feel like... I've just watched someone blow through all the 'bridge is out' warning signs and drive off a cliff. I told my ex I'd help him get a lawyer for the hearing, help him with the plane ticket. Instead of taking care of his business, he went and married some chick he'd known for... like two and a half weeks at most? (I think. I'm not in the mood to drag out a calendar. Let's be generous and call it three weeks.)

I should feel bad for the girl (HIS NEW WIFE WHAT THE gently caress) for what she's just gotten into, but she must either be a real piece of work herself or just an idiot. Who marries someone they've known for that short of time?

(And I know someone out there is thinking: 'You're an idiot. He had to have known her for longer. He was cheating before this.' Well, I'm certain he wasn't. He's a homebody by nature. There was never any missing time in our relationship, and Best Bro was pretty clear they'd met at the bar that night.)

So basically, instead of going to his child support hearing, he was moving in with his new wifey, and probably doing what newly married people do.

I hope they're happy together. (ahahaha. Of course I don't.)

I guess my next stop is the legal advice subreddit to figure out what to do with his stuff. He might have a contempt of court warrant out for him for skipping the hearing, so I doubt he'll sue me if I toss it all, but I do want to cover my butt.

I know I need to ask a question, so here it is? What in the world was he thinking? Out of all the options he had to him, he picked the very worst. What was SHE thinking? I love (loved) the man, but even I can admit he's not classically good looking. He had nothing to offer but a low paying job, and being practically homeless. And finally, what is wrong with me, that I feel terrible he's found some new way to gently caress up his life?

tl;dr: He found and married someone else within a couple weeks, and I'm all alone wondering why.

# ¿ May 5, 2024 02:12

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

AITA for telling a 5 year old that I am not her family?

quote:

My father has way too many children. As of this year, he's up to 11 children with 6 different mothers. Two kids with mom 1 (my older sisters), two kids with Mom 2 (myself and my younger sister), 1 kid with Mom 3, 2 kids with Mom 4, 1 kid with Mom 5, and 3 kids with Mom 6. Moms 1 and 2 decided to live together and raise their kids together, so I, my younger sister, and my two older sisters grew up together 100% of the time.

We decided a long time ago that we, meaning the four of us, were the only siblings we were going to have. No claiming any other children he may have as siblings or even acknowledging them if we could help it. I know it sounds bad, but on a practical level, we had to draw a line somewhere. We've made our stance clear. Our moms and our father are fine with it but the other moms aren't. Mom 5 REALLY isn't. Despite never having met her kid, she insists to everyone that will listen that we are her kid's siblings.

Her kid is now in kindergarten. Without us knowing, she put my oldest sister and I on the emergency contact list as her kid's siblings. Last week, the school called us to come get her because she was sick. We wanted to ignore it, but they demanded that we come in and made threats, so we decided to go to the school to make it clear that they needed to take us off the list. We went in to the office and...went off. That that child was not family and not our sibling, that we were not responsible for her in any way and that it was extremely irresponsible fot them to even WANT us to take her because we were strangers off the street who didn't know this kid at all. They had brought her into the office while we were talking, so she heard all of this.

The school let us go and hopefully took us off the list. Mom 5 called us later that night absolutely furious that we "did all that" to a little kid. She was adamant that she views us as family and that we broke her heart "in front of everyone". She wants us to apologize because what we did was "inappropriate".

We don't think so. We didn't know the kid was going to be there, but it had to be said anyway, and she was going to figure out the truth. It's not personal at all. The thing with her school was EXACTLY why we cut off who was going to be a sibling with the four of us. We didn't want unending obligations to an ever-growing list of people. Claiming to be a sibling means something. Mom 5 insists that we owe her daughter this because she is the only one who doesn't have a full sibling, and she "needs this" (Mom 3 is a long story).

Our family is divided. Our moms think that we should have made sure the kid wasn't in the room first but aren't sure if we should apologize or not because it might encourage her. Our father doesn't care that much, mostly because he has his sons now, but thinks we should apologize just to shut her up so none of us have to keep hearing about it. My sister doesn't want to say anything because she thinks Mom 5 AND the kid "need to learn" that "none of this **** is her problem". I'm torn. AITA?

# ¿ May 6, 2024 16:07

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

WIBTA if I refuse to burn away my notebook because my friends are creeped out by it?

quote:

I (23F) have hobbies like programming, drawing...etc but when it's about the time to finally sleep, I bring my notebook and start writing about my 2 friends whom I love so much and even more when they are together 🥰🥰 I basically document everything they do to each other and why they are so drat compatible or why they are so adorable together. Like, how loving could I not? He's a pretty cute twink (23M) and he's a daddy bear (25M) who are both in complete denial of being bisexual! Holy poo poo 😍😍 I have been doing it for 2 years now. They remind me so much of my favorite ship (Wiccan x Hulkling) 😍

So anyway, I was away in the kitchen making tea for my friend (the twink, 23M) and I forgot to put away my notebook. My friend started completely freaking out after reading it.

He threw a fit over it and in pure fury. He said that I'm such a creep to do this to them, he then tried to burn my notebook or throw it away, and I stopped him from doing that, he started crying but it's my private property and it would be a violation if he does that. I then had no choice but to kick him out because I felt very unsafe, he was completely freaking out.

He told the daddy, and they were both in pure anger and disgust. They texted me and called over and over and over again to burn the notebook now calling me names like "bitch", "jerk", "rear end in a top hat" and stuff. I refused to burn it and they said that I'm the most despicable friend ever. How? It's my private notebook, and true it's weird that it's a notebook about them, but I can't just burn it away. It doesn't hurt them, it is of no effect to them, it's just a notebook for my own personal satisfaction.

They threatened to tell all our friends and everybody on social media if I don't burn it and deeply apologize for what I have done, and I really don't want to. They are giving me a duration of a week but I don't want to, it's my private property. WIBTA?

edit "Calling BS" it's unusual, I admit that, but it's not fake at all. If it were not for my safety, I would have shared pictures of my notebook here already.

I'm just a hopeless romantic and whenever I fantasize about them, I just feel good tbh.

# ¿ May 6, 2024 19:22

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

I went looking for wedding drama, found something a bit odd.

Help with unusual employee request

quote:

Location: CT, USA

I manage a technical department of about 12 people, and I am about 6 month into my current position. In my previous position i managed the same number of people, but for a much larger company that had layers of management above me, so I am kind of new at being the boss.

One of my employees, call him Deepak, is a second generation Indian American. He is planning on getting married, it is an arranged marriage with a woman in India facilitated by both sets of parents. The parents of the bride are coming to the US from India as a final step. He has asked me to have a meeting with his future in-laws, basically as a character and professional reference. I am somewhat uncomfortable with the idea for several reasons. One is that potential for misunderstanding due to cultural differences seems high . Two, Deepak is competent, but does not really apply himself. A "class clown" if you will, coworkers find him either amusing or annoying (and on a personal level I am in the second group), his technical skills are above average, but he applies them with below average frequency. So his professional performance is satisfactory, but this is not a person I would recommend for promotion, or sing genuine accolades for.

On the other hand I want to support my team, and be an effective leader. This is very important to Deepak, so from leadership perspective I feel like I should take the meeting to show I have my peoples back. However my American business etiquette sensibilities are screaming that this is a disaster in the making.

Any advice is welcome.

# ¿ May 8, 2024 23:27

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

My longtime friend [63M] who is like a father to me asked to see me [30F] naked as his dying wish.

quote:

My friend Charles has long been like a father to me. We worked together at my first job and he helped me get through a really tough couple of years there. I have had a history of abuse from men, especially my own father, and this guy really became a positive male role model in my life. He never had children, and for the last thirteen years has called and thought of me as an adoptive daughter.

Long story short, he has been battling dire illness the last five years. He doesn�t have much time left. In the last three years I haven�t seen him as much because my own husband has been going through cancer and has been in three years of grueling treatment. I went to go visit him a few weeks ago now that my husband is doing a little better and it was a nice visit. A week later he called me and told me that he knew saying this might end our friendship, but that his dying wish was to see what I looked like naked. I was stunned and can�t believe I didn�t just hang up. He started going on about my dreamy skin and it�s color and said something else I didn�t understand when I just said I gotta go and hung up.

A few days later he called and left a voicemail that said it was all just a joke and he thought we would just laugh about it together, he said he was sorry and left a miserable sounding goodbye. I don�t even know what to think. I have a history of creepy men attempting this kind of thing, and am kind of sickened that it happened at my age. I always had an inkling he was somewhat attracted to me but that he would never act or talk about it since he was married and I was in no way interested in someone I looked up to like a father. I would like to write it off as dementia due to his medical problems, but it seemed more manipulative and thought out than that.

I feel sick because his wife is wonderful and takes care of him full time. I had a good relationship with her and she is an awesome person. I don;t think it would be worth telling her at this point since he probably won�t be with us much longer, but gently caress. I don�t really plan on doing anything or speaking to him anymore obviously. I�m frustrated because it is like one more poo poo human in the world who has disappointed me. Intimacy is already hard for me from all the past abuse and I feel like this blow is hitting pretty deep. Just wondering if anyone had thoughts on how to handle this. Thanks for reading.

tl;dr My friend who has been like a father to me asked to see photos of me naked as his dying wish. I feel sick and confused because I�m friends with his wife and have a husband myself.

# ¿ May 9, 2024 23:03

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

wizardofloneliness posted:

I might be thinking of a different story, but I swear this was posted before and a commenter or someone recognized the description of �Hannah� and said she was actually a very well-known and connected person in those circles, not some lowly IT worker that the OP seems to think she is. Also she was a consultant or something, hence her setting her own hours and working from home.

quote:

our IT person/web developer

She's the head of IT.

Critically important rule of any office job, you do not gently caress with the IT people and you let them get away with whatever they like.

# ¿ May 15, 2024 16:28

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# ¿ May 21, 2024 16:34

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

[38M] had an affair. I'm trying to find a resolution now with my wife [36F] and the other woman [19F]

quote:

I've been with my wife [36F] for 10 years, we have 2 young children together. I had an affair assuming she would never find out, I did not devote my resources or emotional attention to this other woman, it was purely sexual because I have needs (We are not in a dead bedroom situation but like most males I do crave some variety. It really means nothing).

Anyway the "other woman" has told me she's pregnant. Although my first thought is that it's not mine, there's still a good chance that it is, and she threatened to call my wife and tell her about it if I didn't agree to take care of the kid. And what's worse is that she actually wants me to TAKE CARE of the kid, not only supply child support (but already, even in the case of child support I would wind up in a really bad position and I don't want to have to do that)

All things considered, I know that dodging child support (if paternity turns out to be accurate) is not going to do me any favors. The best way to get around this is to be honest with my wife because she was bound to find out one way or the other. However, given that I am intelligent about marriage, we signed a pre-nup before we got married that said she wasn't entitled to anything I earn before OR during our marriage and she forfeited her right to alimony. She's a SAHM so she is aware that if she leaves, she will literally have nothing. So I'm not worried about our marriage ending per se- and I still really love her and want to be with her- but I don't want to be with her if she's going to be embittered for the rest of our lives.

I told her about the affair. Of course, she got very emotional about it. I explained that it was not a love thing, just sex, but that unfortunately there is now a child in the picture who is most likely mine. I told her that what I'd IDEALLY like to do is have the other woman and her child move in with us, for a few reasons. first of all, this other woman is financially struggling and she could live with us as a live-in nanny of sorts to our two children. It sounds weird, but she's already told me she's fine with this arrangement. In addition, if I could get my wife on board with a polyamory situation, I could continue sleeping with both women and have TWO happy marriages instead of one. My wife cried when I suggested this but as the days go on I think she might be coming around to it because the alternative is so much more unappealing. I told her she'd get more of my time, attention, and I'd spend way less time out of the house since this other woman would be living with us. We also would no longer have to spend money on high school aged babysitters we don't trust, rushing to find them in time for date night, etc. And since I want more sex than my wife does, this arrangement would mean less "annoying" propositions from me and more time for her to enjoy herself alone.

I know my wife has no choice but to "agree" to this idea but I don't want her to just agree, I want her to be happy about it or at least be willing to take part. I want us to all be able to do things as a family, and for our kids to grow up together.

Of course all of this is a moot point if the baby isn't mine, but only time will tell.

tl;dr: Suggested a polyamorous arrangement after getting another woman pregnant. My wife has "agreed" to it since she doesn't want a divorce but doesn't seem enthusiastic.

quote:

it was not officially done with a lawyer but at the time of signing my wife didn't speak English very well, so she is not aware of whether it's official or not.
...
It was not an official prenup but she thinks it is. At the time of signing she did not speak very good English and did not know much about US Law.
...
It is not masculine to give in to a woman when she did not even earn any of that money. She doesn't work and never have. It's ethically not hers.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ¿ May 18, 2024 01:32

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS